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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1391 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 08, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi. I am 41 year male married since last 15 years. I have a 8 year old daughter. My relationship with my wife isn't great as far as I am concerned. She was busy with her job and raising our daughter and while doing so could not focus much on our relationship. Our physical interaction almost stopped after our child birth and since last 5 years we never had intercourse. I engaged myself in casual relationship with few colleagues of mine and life was going on like that. But in 2021 , I engaged myself with another female colleague of mine and with her , I feel like what I have never ever felt with any other woman. I can't let her go. I long to meet her. I feel sad when she is away. And it's been 3 years. She loves me very much and I love her too. My wife got a wind of it and now she is trying hard to make up for the lost time and efforts. My wife loves me too. I don't want to separate from her because though she wasn't a great partner but she did manage our house and daughter diligently. Moreover, I don't want my daughter suffer too. She deserves both her parents. So, I discussed this with my wife and told her that , I believe we can't be a great couple but we can at least be good parents. Allow me to spend some time with my female colleague and let's continue as we have been doing since last decade. But she is not accepting this. And I can't let my colleague go. I do love her. She also loves me and is not inclined towards settling with me as she is married too and has 2 kids. Kindly suggest what to do.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is some sort of trend of stepping out of marriage when physical needs are not met within the marriage. It's the easiest way out!
Why is it so hard to figure out what is happening when one of the partners in the marriage is not interested in intimacy?
Why doesn't the other partner try to understand, accept and work with the partner who is struggling through something?
And this goes for the husband and wife and partners within a relationship.

It isn't something written in stone that sex 'MUST' be a part of marriage BUT it certainly is a pillar to creating a stronger relationship. So, why assume and go searching for it? Then you will have all reasons to justify why you did it and how your partner is responsible for it.
Now, you are in a soup with two women vying for your time and attention. And with children involved, things only get complicated. Yes, your wife feels that it his her right to be in your life and your question is: where was she all these years? My question is: why did you stop trying all these years to put things together?

My suggestion: As much as you want to be in the other lady's life, she is clear that she does not want to settle with you. You are also clear that you don't want to separate from your wife but you want her to accept the other lady. Doesn't it seem highly impractical to you?

Before you end up hurting someone or yourself, do what's right for everyone and especially the children. They don't deserve a set of parents that is confused. Good people who come into our lives can end up becoming good friends as well.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1391 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 47 year old. I have 2 kids one is in adolescent in age and other is 8 y.o. I and my wife are very much comfort and enjoy sex life since inception of our marriage. But, from last 7 years, i am in relation with a beautiful girl, whom i met as a sex worker, when she was 24. Her only source of income is her work (i.e., sex work). She is astonishingly beautiful. I went mad after since the day i met her. thought i could not do sex at first time, i did it in the next time and till now we mated just 7 times. She is epilepsy patient and she is very serious about her family. She has to look after her mother, a younger sister who is studying Law and two of her sister's kids ( her sister died ). She asks me for help whenever she falls short of money. She went to dubai in 2018, and continued her work there. I asked her to leave her job and assured a good income source and a respectful life. She hesitated to concur on my plan. The whole issue is known to my wife. She married an Indian residing in Dubai recently but for her bad luck, he is untraceable from 2 monhts in a war proned country. Now, she asked my help again after 8 months. we both were not in touch in these days. I lent her my helping hand again and expressed if she would have married me, i would have kept her happy. She loves me a lot, but since i am a married man, she does not want to create problem in my married life. I can convince my wife about her, but she (girlfriend) is not ready for it for the fear of my wife. I just can't imagine my life without her. that much i love her. I don't wish to destroy her married life either. If she gets her husband back, i will be happy, but i will be living in her memory forever, as i just cannot expect my life without her. I need your suggestion. whether to come out of her relation or continue if her hubby misses forever.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You do realize the mess that you are creating for yourself, your wife and this lady?
Do you really think it is possible to live in harmony with all these complications and then there's an absconding husband at the other end?
Be sane about the whole thing and focus on what's important to you...Your children need a stable family environment and you do not need to be told how crucial this is for them given their age...And just because your wife isn't complaining that does not mean, you just overlook what all this must be doing to her. Put your life back together and leave some things alone to sort themselves out...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |435 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am happily married man of age 51 years having daughter of 20 years .recently i got normal friendship with a female colleague we discuss usually our office, children and health .Recently she was under depression and i counseled her a lot and she got better. My wife got to know about this through my daughter who checked my phone , my wife got anxious thinking i am having affair with her ,as she being widow .My wife charcter assanated me when there is no such thing in between me and my colleague .i am depressed please advise
Ans: It’s understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated, especially since your intentions were pure and your wife’s reaction came from a place of misunderstanding. In situations like this, transparency and communication are key to mending the trust that’s been shaken.

First, it's important to have a calm, honest conversation with your wife. Explain the nature of your friendship with your colleague, emphasizing that it was based on helping her through a difficult time and nothing more. Be open about why you supported your colleague and reassure your wife that there is no romantic involvement. Acknowledge her feelings, as it’s clear she is reacting out of fear and concern for your relationship.

Your daughter’s involvement complicates the situation, but it can also be an opportunity to show both your wife and daughter that there’s nothing to hide. Let them see your messages if that reassures them, and express that your commitment to your family is unwavering.

Additionally, emphasize that you understand why your wife may have felt uneasy, especially since the colleague is a widow. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help ease her anxiety. Reassure her that your focus is on your family and that you’re willing to make any adjustments necessary to rebuild her trust.

If the situation continues to cause tension, consider seeking professional counseling as a couple. A therapist can help mediate the conversation and provide tools for rebuilding trust and communication in a healthy way. By showing your commitment to resolving the issue and prioritizing your family, you can work through this misunderstanding together.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7254 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

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Money
I have 20 lakhs in my account and a house in my name. At present I am not earning. I have taken SBI Life smart wealth builder with installment of 1Lakh, for 12 years and premium payment term of 7 years. Applicable tax rate is 18%. I also invested in MF and taken a health insurance. I am thinking if it would be wise to continue with the SBI life. If I close SBI life and invest that in MF will it be beneficial for me? I have taken a break from my career due to health issues, and planning to continue with my job soon with an expected income of 40-50k. I am 50 years old. I need to take care of my son's (18 years) higher studies and plan for my retirement.
Ans: You are in a transitional phase with important financial goals. Let’s assess your options to make informed decisions.

Assessing SBI Life Smart Wealth Builder Policy
High Cost of Policy: The policy includes administration charges, fund management fees, and taxes of 18%.

Limited Returns: ULIPs often provide lower returns compared to actively managed mutual funds.

Lock-in Period: Your policy locks funds, restricting liquidity for immediate goals.

Surrender Value: Check the surrender value. Early surrender might lead to penalties and reduced returns.

Potential Benefits of Investing in Mutual Funds
Higher Returns: Mutual funds, especially actively managed ones, often outperform ULIPs over time.

Flexibility: You can withdraw funds based on your needs, offering better liquidity.

Diversification: Mutual funds provide exposure to different asset classes, reducing risk.

Cost Efficiency: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner minimises hidden charges and optimises returns.

Managing Your Rs. 20 Lakh Corpus
Emergency Fund: Set aside Rs. 5-6 lakhs in liquid funds or fixed deposits for emergencies.

Education Planning: Allocate funds in short-term debt mutual funds or recurring deposits for your son’s higher studies.

Retirement Corpus: Invest the remaining amount in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds for long-term growth.

Health Insurance Adequacy: Review your existing health insurance to ensure sufficient coverage.

Planning Your Income Resumption
Once you resume work, save at least 20-30% of your income.

Prioritise retirement contributions alongside education planning.

Use surplus income to reduce financial dependency on investments.

Tax Efficiency
Mutual Funds: Equity mutual funds provide tax benefits but watch for LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh (taxed at 12.5%).

Surrendering ULIP: Check tax implications on surrender proceeds. ULIPs offer tax exemption if premiums don't exceed 10% of the sum assured.

Health Insurance: Claim Section 80D deductions for premiums paid.

Strategic Steps Forward
Review the policy surrender value. If penalties are high, consider continuing till break-even.

Consult with a Certified Financial Planner for a detailed portfolio review.

Set realistic timelines for education and retirement goals.

Maintain separate funds for short-term needs and long-term growth.

Finally
Your proactive approach will create a strong financial foundation. By reallocating your resources wisely, you can secure your son’s education and your retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7254 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am going to retire soon with retirement fund of 2 Cr along with pension sufficient for me and my spouse. I have own builder flat in Delhi and health coverage. I have one married daughter who is well settled with 2 kids under 5 years. One flat in my building is on sale for 2 Cr. I need advice for investment for 2Cr retirement fund . Should I buy the flat in my building or should I invest 2 Cr in senior citizen saving scheme, post office MIS , fixed deposit in Bank. My spouse of same age is also earning equally.
Ans: Retirement is a significant phase of life, and your financial decisions now will shape your future security and lifestyle. Let’s analyse your situation and investment choices.

Assessing Your Current Position
You have a retirement fund of Rs. 2 crore, which is substantial.

Your pension adequately covers your and your spouse’s living expenses.

Your spouse’s earnings provide an additional safety net.

You own a flat in Delhi and have health insurance coverage.

You have no immediate financial dependency, as your daughter is well-settled.

Should You Invest in Real Estate?
Avoid investing Rs. 2 crore in another flat, even if it is in your building.

Real estate offers low liquidity, making it harder to access funds in emergencies.

Rental income might not justify the high capital investment, considering property management costs and potential downtime.

Real estate lacks diversification compared to other investments, increasing risk.

Alternative Investment Options
1. Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS)
SCSS is a secure option offering fixed returns for retirees.

Invest up to the permissible limit for predictable and regular income.

It is a low-risk investment backed by the government.

2. Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (MIS)
Post Office MIS provides guaranteed monthly income.

It is another safe choice for retirees with capital preservation as a priority.

Returns, though lower, are steady and reliable.

3. Bank Fixed Deposits
Fixed deposits (FDs) offer fixed returns and flexible tenures.

Senior citizen FDs provide slightly higher interest rates.

Split the funds across different banks for better safety and liquidity.

4. Balanced Investment in Mutual Funds
Invest in a mix of debt and equity mutual funds for moderate growth and stability.

Actively managed funds through an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner can optimise returns.

Debt mutual funds provide stable returns while equity offers growth potential.

Avoid direct funds due to their complexity and the need for constant monitoring.

5. Liquid Funds and Emergency Reserve
Allocate a portion to liquid funds for quick access in emergencies.

These funds are more effective than savings accounts for parking surplus money.

Maintain an emergency reserve for at least 24 months of expenses.

6. Inflation-Protected Investments
Some funds and bonds are designed to protect against inflation erosion.

These investments ensure your purchasing power remains intact over time.

Tax Considerations
Plan investments to minimise tax liabilities under your income bracket.

Be aware of the latest tax rules on mutual funds and fixed deposits.

Capital gains from equity investments over Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Fixed deposit interest is taxed as per your income slab. Plan withdrawals accordingly.

Succession Planning and Gifting
Consider creating a detailed estate plan to avoid future legal hassles.

Set up nominations and update wills to ensure smooth wealth transfer.

You may gift small amounts to your daughter or grandchildren under tax-free limits.

Final Insights
Investing your Rs. 2 crore retirement fund wisely ensures peace of mind and financial stability. Opt for a diversified approach balancing safety, liquidity, and moderate growth. Avoid locking all funds into real estate to keep your portfolio flexible. Thoughtful planning now will safeguard your golden years and your family’s financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |435 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Whenever I argue with my partner, it quickly escalates into something bigger than it should be. I don't express how much I love them, but I feel like our communication is breaking down. How can I improve this situation?
Ans: It’s clear that you deeply care about your partner and the health of your relationship, but recurring arguments and a lack of expressed love are creating a disconnect. To nurture love and clarity in your communication, it’s essential to create an emotional space where both of you feel safe, valued, and understood—even during disagreements.

When arguments arise, they often escalate because emotions are heightened, and both people feel the need to defend their perspective. To shift this dynamic, start by focusing on emotional regulation in those moments. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re both on the same team, even if you see things differently. This small pause can prevent reactive words or actions that might escalate the conflict further.

Outside of conflicts, consider the daily emotional climate of your relationship. If love isn’t being expressed regularly, your partner may feel insecure or disconnected, which can intensify disagreements. Begin to nurture love by weaving simple but heartfelt expressions of care into your everyday interactions. This might be as simple as saying, “I appreciate you,” giving a warm hug, or acknowledging something they did, however small. These gestures build emotional reserves that make handling tough conversations easier because they remind both of you of the underlying bond.

When it comes to communication, try reframing the way you approach disagreements. Speak from your feelings rather than placing blame. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re not listening to me,” try, “I feel unheard, and it’s making me frustrated.” This subtle but powerful shift fosters understanding rather than defensiveness. Equally important is listening with an open mind. Practice reflecting back what your partner shares to show you’re truly hearing them. For example, “I hear that you’re upset because you feel I didn’t prioritize you—am I understanding that correctly?”

Love is nurtured in the moments between conflicts—through trust, small acts of kindness, and consistent emotional support. Reflect on what makes your partner feel loved and cherished, and intentionally incorporate those actions into your daily life. At the same time, share what you need emotionally so they understand how to nurture you too. This mutual exchange strengthens your connection and creates a deeper sense of partnership.

Finally, consider having a calm, heartfelt conversation about how you both want to handle conflicts and express love moving forward. Creating shared goals for your relationship can bring clarity and purpose, helping you both feel aligned. By approaching your relationship with patience, empathy, and intentional care, you can not only resolve current challenges but also nurture a love that feels steady, secure, and fulfilling.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7254 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, I am 33. A mom to a 5 months old. I have been working since I was 24 in education industry. I have accumulated a corpus of 1.4 cr ( solely mine) and a house registered jointly in my name and my husband's name. Now if I choose to be a stay at home mom for next 3 yrs. How much will my finances be affected? Could you please let me know.
Ans: Taking a career break for three years will have financial implications. Let us assess it from multiple perspectives to provide insights.

Income Loss Impact
Your current income will cease for three years, reducing your cash flow.

This pause might impact your future earning potential, depending on re-entry challenges in your industry.

Evaluate if your husband's income and your savings can sustain your family needs during this break.

Corpus Utilisation and Growth
A Rs. 1.4 crore corpus is commendable. Assess its current allocation for better optimisation.

If untouched, this corpus can grow significantly over three years through strategic investment.

Avoid dipping into the corpus unless absolutely necessary, as it can reduce future compounding benefits.

Household Budget Planning
Ensure your household expenses are managed within your husband’s income.

Create a detailed budget, listing mandatory expenses like EMIs, child needs, and lifestyle costs.

Plan for inflation while allocating funds for fixed expenses over the next three years.

Emergency Fund Importance
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to at least 12 months' expenses.

Use a combination of fixed deposits and liquid funds for this purpose.

Avoid using your primary corpus as an emergency reserve.

Investment Portfolio Review
Review the current allocation of your Rs. 1.4 crore. Balance between equity and debt based on your goals.

Equity allocation can grow your wealth but keep debt for stability.

Invest in actively managed funds through a Certified Financial Planner to optimise returns.

Impact on Long-term Goals
Pausing your career may delay achieving some financial goals.

Align your current investments to meet goals like child education or retirement.

Regularly monitor the performance of your investments and adjust as required.

Tax Implications
Check the tax efficiency of your investments during the break.

Consider tax-saving instruments to reduce liability on your husband’s income.

Be aware of the latest tax rules on mutual fund capital gains.

Insurance and Contingency Planning
Review health and term insurance for adequate coverage for your family.

Ensure your husband is adequately covered with term insurance since he will be the sole earner.

Plan for additional medical expenses associated with child care during this time.

Re-Entry Considerations
Stay updated with industry trends to ensure a smooth return to work after three years.

Enhance skills during the break, if possible, to make re-entry easier and impactful.

Consider part-time or freelance work during the break to keep connected with the profession.

Finally
Taking a break to focus on motherhood is a beautiful choice. Planning carefully will ensure your finances remain stable during this period. With a structured approach, you can balance your family needs and long-term financial goals seamlessly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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