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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |536 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 06, 2024

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024
Relationship

I had sex with two people at the same time when i was drunk many years ago. Now i have a boyfriend and told him about this. He accepts this. But i can't get over it and i regret it so much. I think i dont deserve him and happiness in my life. What should i do, I can't stop thinking about this.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you don't feel good about the decision but that one incident does not define who you are. You were intoxicated and that can alter your senses. Learn to forgive yourself and move past it. It can take some time, but remember, it does not make you a bad person.

Hope this helps.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1527 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2022

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Relationship
Dear Anu,I request you to keep me anonymous. A few years ago (I was 18 years old) on a 4-hour flight, the man sitting next to me molested me. He used the excuse of being afraid of flying but constantly caressed my inner thighs and kept touching my vaginal area for the entire duration of the flight. I sat there frozen and petrified and never told anyone. I have felt guilty about it ever since. Last year I moved to the USA for a few months and in my last month there, a guy kissed me. It was at a bar and was consensual but since then I have been obsessing over it (it's been six months) and constantly feel dirty and guilty just like I felt on that flight. I feel like I let him use my body just like before even though the kiss was something I wanted. I feel like I won't ever be able to enjoy consensual sex or even just foreplay and I cannot understand how to get rid of that feeling of guilt. How do I stop feeling guilty and dirty and be able to enjoy.Please help meThank you.
Ans:

Dear J.A.R,

It must be shocking and what you displayed was Freeze response.

Creeps like these are lurking around every corner and till we call them out, they are going to commit more serious offenses that what you have experienced.

So, the next time, scream at the creep and make a scene if you have to.

At least, you will have moved on from the victim mode to someone who can take care of herself. Well, this is for what can be done the next time!

Now, let’s deal with what your mind is doing to you.

In what way are you dirty for a trick played on you by a dirty man?

Isn’t he the one who should be feeling dirty instead? Why are you playing his side of the role and keeping yourself from good relationships that are coming your way?

To change this story in your mind, I suggest that you imagine the dirty man seated next to you, him groping you and NOW change the way you want to respond to it.

This time ACT EMPOWERED. Like you are yelling at him, calling out to co-passengers, punching him or whatever that you wished you could have done.

Play this in your mind over and over again.

I do understand that replaying what he did to you can get in the way of this process; but do know that you cannot change the past, but you can surely empower your present and the future. So, do it and do this NOW!

This will give you a chance to rewrite the stories about the relationships that you are about to have.

Also, this will enable you to have a better grip over physical intimacy that is definitely a product of the way the mind processes the event. So, work at this and gift yourself the chance to live free!

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1527 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I had a relationship he cheated on me he took my virginity it's 7year relationship. Then I had a second relationship he also cheated me he need only sex . I trusted him that's why I'm okay to do that thing and he gave me promise that he only marry me i trusted his sweet words but he cheated me . Later I heard that he's a playboy. I feel like I'm useless. I truly loved them but their intentions was other stuffs. I'm a person who trust very easily but now I'm not . Will I get a future partner? If he knows my story will he leave me ? I'm not that bad person they cheated me I'm not like that . If I love someone I'll do anything for them .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Rather than just experimenting with your sexual life this way and attracting men who want just your body, why not focus on your strengths? When you base your self-esteem on how others treat you, you will always find yourself down and out and defeated.
Build character that hold you and your identity in a manner that you become a person that can overcome anything. For that, you need to stop throwing yourself at boys/men.
First discover yourself, build self-esteem that relies on your strengths and then venture into relationships so that heartbreaks are not so heavy but you understand it as part of growing up. Also, before indulging in sex, judge the situation and decide to go ahead only when you know that the person is safe for you and not someone who is using you. A real man will not USE you but will keep you safe and respect you as a woman.

All the best!

..Read more

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Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |792 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Feb 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 31, 2024Hindi
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Career
I've joined offline PW coaching this year and having no guidance at all i didn't knew the ground reality of coachings and stem subjects. I've already spent 1 lakh for 2 year course and now coaching is just draining and managing it with school where coaching is not helping at all even tho they're tied up with the school which is resulting in backlogs. I'm unable to manage self study time to actually focus because if my basics aren't clear then how am I supposed to do the advanced ones. I'm thinking to leave the coaching, there's also a lot of pressure and demotivation from parents as they think I'm the one causing the problems but if I had known about it then I wouldn't have chosen coaching at all, I don't have any issues with the subjects I chose for me as I do I want know and learn them but not this way with issues where even the teachers are not supportive
Ans: Assess the Value: Reflect on whether the coaching sessions are enhancing your understanding of subjects or if they're contributing to confusion and backlogs. If the latter is true, it may be worth reconsidering your enrollment.

Discuss with Stakeholders: Communicate your concerns with your parents and, if possible, the coaching administration. They might offer solutions such as adjusted schedules or additional support.

You can do self study with the help of online material. PW and khan academy have free online martials. In my opinion self study is the best way of learning. On an average you have study 8 to 10 hours per day.

...Read more

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