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Ravi Mittal |541 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 04, 2025

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 03, 2025

Hi,i am a female,i have had a lot of sexual intercourse before, and now I'm dating a guy who is a virgin,i told him the truth and he accepted me and we are in our second year of dating, i still can't get rid of the guilt i have for not being able to give him my virginity,what hurts me the most is, when my exes see and know about my boyfriend and me,they will laugh at him for dating someone like me, someone they once fucked,what should i do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I get that it's tricky but you have to understand that it's all in your head. Your exes might not even care, or even if they do, it does not matter. Your present partner doesn't have an issue with your past, and neither should you. What you are concerned about is a mere social construct. So every time you feel this way, make yourself understand that there's nothing to be guilty about.
Best Wishes.

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Anu Krishna |1540 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2022

Question by J.A.R - Dec 07, 2022Hindi

Dear Anu,I request you to keep me anonymous. A few years ago (I was 18 years old) on a 4-hour flight, the man sitting next to me molested me. He used the excuse of being afraid of flying but constantly caressed my inner thighs and kept touching my vaginal area for the entire duration of the flight. I sat there frozen and petrified and never told anyone. I have felt guilty about it ever since. Last year I moved to the USA for a few months and in my last month there, a guy kissed me. It was at a bar and was consensual but since then I have been obsessing over it (it's been six months) and constantly feel dirty and guilty just like I felt on that flight. I feel like I let him use my body just like before even though the kiss was something I wanted. I feel like I won't ever be able to enjoy consensual sex or even just foreplay and I cannot understand how to get rid of that feeling of guilt. How do I stop feeling guilty and dirty and be able to enjoy.Please help meThank you.

Ans:

Dear J.A.R,

It must be shocking and what you displayed was Freeze response.

Creeps like these are lurking around every corner and till we call them out, they are going to commit more serious offenses that what you have experienced.

So, the next time, scream at the creep and make a scene if you have to.

At least, you will have moved on from the victim mode to someone who can take care of herself. Well, this is for what can be done the next time!

Now, let’s deal with what your mind is doing to you.

In what way are you dirty for a trick played on you by a dirty man?

Isn’t he the one who should be feeling dirty instead? Why are you playing his side of the role and keeping yourself from good relationships that are coming your way?

To change this story in your mind, I suggest that you imagine the dirty man seated next to you, him groping you and NOW change the way you want to respond to it.

This time ACT EMPOWERED. Like you are yelling at him, calling out to co-passengers, punching him or whatever that you wished you could have done.

Play this in your mind over and over again.

I do understand that replaying what he did to you can get in the way of this process; but do know that you cannot change the past, but you can surely empower your present and the future. So, do it and do this NOW!

This will give you a chance to rewrite the stories about the relationships that you are about to have.

Also, this will enable you to have a better grip over physical intimacy that is definitely a product of the way the mind processes the event. So, work at this and gift yourself the chance to live free!

Best wishes!

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Anu Krishna |1540 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 28, 2024