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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |179 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 04, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Saroj Question by Saroj on Dec 02, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi mam, I had discussed all this with my wife. She told me that she knows there problem. Brother in law wife already discussed all this with my wife briefly. I mean she knows it's before but not shared with me at all not a hint. And also taking help from me .my wife suggest her that she will approach to me . So I am in shock all this thing is running behind on with me. Even my wife did not even disagree with them. I mean she is agree with the intimacy of me with her for a baby. Now I am more confused. Whom to trust. What I will do.

Ans: Try to share your concern with your wife that how her behaviour ( knowing everything since beginning and not sharing with you) has effected you and your trust in the relation try to be more understanding rather then putting allegations on her and then explain her how this decision can impact life of you both including your child try to convenience your wife to talk to your brother in law and his wife about considering other options like surrogacy or adoption for harmony in the family. try talking to her on terms i mentioned above

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 13, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 12, 2023Hindi
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I have second marriage and staying 9 years. Now my age is 50 years, and my wife age is 40. I have one child years of years 6. I am in a managerial Position in a company. My wife is a Housewife and her behavior's, misconduct, lack of ownership towards me as well as home is always upset and irritate me. My child was born by IFV method due to her irregular period. She has got many opportunities to recover this problem and treatment also got an early-stage life. Due to lack of her understanding and knowledge, lack of own effort, irresponsible and liar nature, did not overcome her problem and therefore, we cannot go for second baby. Now me and my son also suffer from 2nd baby, though I have sufficient resource to look two children. I need to monitor all the things of my son’s health, extracurricular activity, education etc. She also neglects my mother. I feel she is very quality less and very dirty woman and talking valueless, not concern with health of own as well as other family member. Therefore, I and my wife staying in same home, but from last 4 years I have been separated from my wife and living in separate room. Sometimes I think to separate from my wife, but it may affect relation with my son as well as his mental condition. I am trying to adopt a second child also. I found she is not concern with quality, health, and economy. Therefore, I need to do home marketing, finance, monitoring home, health etc. which has already affected at my career also. Please advise me what to do? I feel my future is very dark with my wife. No emotions, no love and intimacy in the relation. I do regular walking & jogging and gardening is also my hobby.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When you seem to have decided that your wife is not going to change, no matter what happens, you will not be able to see that change. Everything about her will be irritating and annoying.
Now you say that she could have done something to avoid IVF, but why are you not thankful that you have a child now.
Having another child as well has to be the choice of both parents. Does your wife want another baby? Just by having money to support the child is not enough. You also need to have the mental and physical ability and willingness to raise another child. Also, do you think it is wise to have another child with the current relationship challenges with your wife?
There seems to be some assumptions that you have made about your wife which could have happened due to misunderstandings and arguments over years. It is definitely from both sides. But since, you are writing in...I can only address your concerns...Obviously her lack of interest in the family also suggests that she also seems to have her challenges.
So, before anything else...first work on having a better marriage and this is a suggestion for both of you! You can eat the fruit from a tree without first planting the seed for the tree to grow.

Seek the help of a professional if you can so that both of you can first learn how to communicate with each other and then settles your differences and then you can start planning a brighter future. Continue with your exercise and always try to look for what's positive in your life. It helps to tide over challenges and have a better outlook towards life!

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |179 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 30, 2023

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Relationship
Hi , I am married have a kid and staying happily. My brother-in-law married 3 year back .Now the problem is my brother-in-law and her wife does not have baby. They both consult doctor and the doctor told that my brother-in-law is not capable of produce child. They did not disclose this to any body. Recently I have visited my in law home .My brother-in-law wife's explain this to me. She told me that we need your help (In details she told me that she want to do sex with me for a baby ) then suddenly i got shocked. I did not expect this thing from her. She told me that she already discuss with my brother-in-law regarding doing sex with me for a baby.my brother-in-law agree on that and told her that you only discuss . They are very depressed now. By seeing this sometime i feel that i will help them but the other side i feel that indirectly i am cheating my kid and wife. I am very much love with my kid and wife. So need your suggestion what will be better for me.
Ans: Dear Saroj,
It's understandable that you are facing a challenging and sensitive situation. Have an open and honest conversation with your brother-in-law and his wife. Discuss your concerns and the potential impact on your own family. Make sure all parties involved fully understand the emotional and ethical complexities of such a decision. Reflect on your own values and beliefs. Consider how this decision may align with your principles and the impact it might have on your relationships with your wife and child Think about the potential long-term consequences for all parties involved. This includes the emotional impact on your own family, as well as the potential challenges and dynamics that may arise if a child is born as a result of this arrangement. Discuss the situation with your spouse. Open communication is crucial in a marriage. Share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns, and consider how your spouse feels about the proposal. Explore other options for your brother-in-law and his wife, such as adoption or alternative fertility treatments. These options may provide a way for them to achieve their goal without creating potential complications within your own family. Remember, it's essential to prioritize the well-being of your own family while also approaching the situation with empathy and understanding. Take the time to carefully weigh the potential outcomes and make a decision that aligns with your values and the best interests of everyone involved. If needed, seek professional guidance to navigate through this complex and sensitive situation.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 08, 2024

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Relationship
Hello madam, I am 41 year old , married , my wife also same age have a daughter 4 year old. I lost my parent in the earlier age that i did not remember (when i was around 5 to 6 year old ) .After that i am grown up by my distance relative(which is now my in-law family).In my in law family only my mother in law and 2 daughter (One my wife and other my sister in law (un married , 35 year now ). So now i am staying in in law home only as i do not have any body apart from them. They are very loyal to me and take care very much as i told i am staying from childhood. I married around 10 year back and my wife first delivery is so complex one. Our doctor advice not to be proceed with any more pregnancy , it may harm her life. now mom-in-law, wife both telling me that get married to sister-in-law (just informally) I mean they want a baby by me and sister-in-law . because she is 35 year old now for make a family. sister-in-law she also agreed .frankly speaking i have physical relationship with my sister in law and the my wife knew that and she does not have any problem(she is not active in physical relation as her body is not supporting ). So need your advice in this case.
Ans: Dear Kumar,
What are you all a part of' a circus? So, if your wife might not be able to have a baby again, you are asked to marry your sister-in-law and have a baby with her? And oh, you have a physical relationship with her as well? What exactly is going on?

Marrying another person when your first marriage is still very much alive is not recognized by the Hindu Marriage Act. Informally marrying? What is this, some kind of a movie that you are all trying to enact? So, just because your wife is not physically active, you are trying to justify as to why you need to sleep with another woman just because your in-laws want it?

Please grow up all of you...move out of your in-laws house and make your own home and your family so that this intermingling does not disturb your marriage and especially your child. You DO NOT (if you are) need to feel obligated towards your in-laws because they raised you. This is not the way you need to repay them...Get a hold of your life!

All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1374 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 04, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi I am 25 years old with monthly salary of 50000. I want to buy a home in 3 to 4 years and also want to create wealth. How and where to invest please suggest. As of now no savings.
Ans: It's great that you're thinking about your financial future at such a young age. Saving for a home and building wealth is wise.

Budgeting: Create a simple spreadsheet or use a budgeting app to track your income and expenses. This will help you understand where your money is going each month.

Emergency Fund: This fund acts as a safety net in case of unexpected expenses like medical emergencies or job loss. Aim to save enough to cover three to six months of your living expenses.

Investments for Wealth Creation: Mutual funds and Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) are popular options for long-term wealth creation. They pool money from multiple investors to invest in a diversified portfolio of stocks, bonds, or other securities.

Saving for a Home: Fixed deposits (FDs) or recurring deposits (RDs) are low-risk options for saving towards your home purchase. They offer guaranteed returns over a fixed period, making them suitable for short-term goals like a down payment.

Risk Management: Since your goal is to buy a home in 3 to 4 years, it's crucial to avoid high-risk investments like individual stocks or cryptocurrencies. These investments can be volatile and may not align with your short-term goals.

Diversification: Spread your investments across different asset classes to reduce risk. For example, you could invest in a combination of FDs, mutual funds, and SIPs to achieve a balanced portfolio.

Consultation: While these are general suggestions, it's essential to seek personalized advice from a Certified Financial Planner. They can assess your financial situation and provide tailored recommendations based on your goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.

By following these steps and staying disciplined in your savings and investment approach, you can work towards achieving your goals of homeownership and wealth creation.

...Read more

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |27 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir/Ma'am I'm facing problems regarding money and career related. However I'm working I'm earning but I not able set a goal, and day by day I'm becoming older, family responsibilities can't be handled because of salary issues. What to do, when I was in 12th standard my sister advised me to choose engineering line, she gave me wrong advise now I'm suffering and she is also working earning well n good she is getting high package but I'm. I think my problem is I'm not able to set a goal. Please suggest me, guide me.
Ans: Hi!!

Can I begin by saying, "stop blaming anyone for your circumstances". Your sister advised you for your own good. Engineering is a good degree to have. If you are not happy with doing technical work then see if you can add an MBA or some other skills to increase your chances of earning more. Life is all about taking decisions on a minute to minute basis. Take the right decisions now, let's leave the past behind, thinking about it has no meaning now.
... will you promise me not to indulge in the three c's- don't COMPLAIN, CRITICIZE and CONDEMN!!
Let's look forward now ...
I always believe in putting everything that overwhelms me on paper... then it starts looking doable and simpler!
So that's your first task, put everything on paper( make a goal book, write everything in it), your desires, your dreams, your goals and a everyday to-do list.
The goals should be in every aspect of your life....
1. Financial Goal
2. Career Goal- what other skills do you need to earn the money you need and move ahead in your career
3. Relationships Goal, the quality of your life is based on the quality of your relationships
4. The goal of your physical and mental well being, if you are mentally and physically fit then you can live life well
5. How to be happy without any reason, that's your primary goal.... ask yourself "what are the ways in which I can have fun where money is not involved" - looking at the sun, spending time in nature, listening to the birds singing, playing with small children( they just want you, not your money), helping someone in need, sipping coffee peacefully, make a list of all these and try doing at least two of them every day.

I don't know how good is your relationship with your sister, you say she is doing well, can you ask for her help, without blaming? Ask for help and learn from her. I am sure blood is always thicker and she will help you.

Life is never a straight line, there will always be an up and a down!

Keep up your spirits, everyday is a new day, don't blame yourself, don't blame others. be kind to yourself and be kind to others.

Everyday, take one step towards your goals, move forward... and as regards to ageing, believe me age is just a number, you are as young as you think!!

Here's wishing you a happy, healthy , wealthy life ahead!!

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1374 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 04, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir,Iam retiring this month I want to invest one core, so that I can getdecent return and also consider inflation.
Ans: As you prepare for retirement, it's crucial to invest your corpus wisely to ensure a steady income and protect against inflation. Here are some considerations and recommendations:

Risk Profile: Assess your risk tolerance and investment objectives. Since you're retiring, you may prefer a more conservative approach with lower-risk investments that offer stability and income.
Asset Allocation: Consider a diversified portfolio comprising a mix of asset classes such as equities, bonds, and fixed-income instruments. Allocate a portion of your corpus to equities for growth potential and the remainder to fixed-income securities for stability and income.
Fixed-Income Options: Explore fixed-income instruments such as government bonds, corporate bonds, and fixed deposits. These provide regular interest income and are relatively safer than equities. Consider laddering your fixed-income investments to manage interest rate risk.
Inflation Protection: To protect against inflation, consider inflation-linked bonds or mutual funds that invest in inflation-protected securities. These investments adjust their returns based on changes in inflation rates, helping to preserve purchasing power over time.
Dividend-Paying Stocks: Dividend-paying stocks of established companies can provide a steady income stream in retirement. Look for companies with a history of consistent dividends and strong fundamentals.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Instead of investing a lump sum, consider setting up an SWP from your investment portfolio. This allows you to withdraw a fixed amount periodically, providing a regular income stream while keeping your capital invested.
Consult a Financial Advisor: Given the importance of your retirement funds, consider consulting with a certified financial planner or investment advisor. They can assess your financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance, and recommend a tailored investment strategy to meet your needs.
Regular Review: Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your retirement goals and financial needs. Rebalance your portfolio as necessary to maintain the desired asset allocation and risk profile.
By carefully considering these factors and seeking professional advice, you can make informed investment decisions to secure a comfortable retirement and protect against inflation.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1374 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 04, 2024

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Money
I started sip with 500 per month 6 years ago and now I have been investigating 1,20,000per month and do have plan to increase this to 2lac per month (including me and my wife's portfolio) I do invest in direct stocks as well. What would be the advise for me , is it wise decision to invest 2lac per month in mutual funds (70%equity) ? My Target is to build 5 crore by 2030.
Ans: It's commendable that you've been consistently investing and increasing your SIP amount over the years. Here are some considerations and advice:

Diversification: Investing in mutual funds alongside direct stocks provides diversification, which can help mitigate risk. Given your target of building a substantial corpus by 2030, diversification is crucial for long-term wealth creation.
Risk Tolerance: Assess your risk tolerance carefully, especially since you mention investing 70% in equity. Equity investments can offer higher returns over the long term but come with greater volatility. Ensure that your risk appetite aligns with your investment strategy.
Review and Adjust: Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and market conditions. Consider rebalancing your portfolio periodically to maintain the desired asset allocation.
Financial Planning: Consider consulting with a certified financial planner to create a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. A professional can provide personalized advice and help optimize your investment strategy.
Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund set aside to cover unexpected expenses or financial setbacks. This can provide peace of mind and prevent the need to dip into your investment portfolio during times of need.
Tax Planning: Keep tax implications in mind, especially as your investment amount increases. Explore tax-efficient investment options and strategies to optimize your returns and minimize tax liabilities.
Stay Informed: Stay updated on market trends, economic developments, and changes in investment regulations. Continuous learning and staying informed can help you make informed investment decisions.
Ultimately, investing 2 lakh per month in mutual funds can be a wise decision if it aligns with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment strategy. Just ensure you have a well-thought-out plan in place and continue to monitor and adjust your investments as needed.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1374 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 04, 2024Hindi
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Money
Dear Sir, I am a 31 year old married man.I am in a huge debt trap of multiple loans plus credit card mounting around 9 lakhs. I work in MNC company earning 70k per month. Please advise or suggest if I can come out of this.
Ans: I understand your concern about being in a debt trap, but there are steps you can take to address the situation and work towards financial stability:

Assess Your Debt: Start by listing out all your debts, including the outstanding amounts, interest rates, and minimum monthly payments. This will give you a clear picture of your financial situation.
Create a Budget: Develop a detailed budget that outlines your monthly income and expenses. Identify areas where you can cut back on spending to free up more money to put towards debt repayment.
Prioritize Debt Repayment: Focus on paying off high-interest debt first, such as credit card debt. Consider using the debt avalanche or debt snowball method to systematically tackle your debts.
Negotiate with Creditors: Reach out to your creditors to discuss repayment options. They may be willing to negotiate lower interest rates, waive fees, or offer a repayment plan that fits your budget.
Explore Debt Consolidation: Consolidating your debts into a single loan with a lower interest rate can make it easier to manage and potentially reduce your overall interest costs. However, be cautious and carefully evaluate the terms and fees associated with any consolidation offer.
Increase Your Income: Look for opportunities to increase your income, such as taking on a part-time job, freelancing, or seeking a higher-paying position within your company.
Seek Professional Help: If you're feeling overwhelmed or unsure about how to proceed, consider seeking assistance from a financial counselor or debt relief agency. They can provide guidance and support tailored to your specific situation.
Avoid Taking on New Debt: While you're working to pay off your existing debt, avoid taking on any new debt if possible. Stick to your budget and focus on living within your means.
It may take time and discipline, but with a solid plan and commitment to debt repayment, you can overcome your debt challenges and regain control of your finances. Remember to be patient with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1374 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 04, 2024

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Money
Hi, I am 27 years old and and employees earning around 28k. I would like to create a corpse of approx 1 cr. Also I want to 30 lakhs save my parents for retirement. What should I do please advice?
Ans: To achieve your financial goals of building a corpus of 1 crore for yourself and saving 30 lakhs for your parents' retirement, here's a suggested plan:

Start Early and Save Consistently: Given your age, starting early and saving consistently will work in your favor. Allocate a portion of your income towards savings and investments each month.
Emergency Fund: Begin by building an emergency fund equivalent to at least 3-6 months' worth of living expenses. This fund will provide financial security in case of unexpected expenses or loss of income.
Investment in Mutual Funds: Consider investing in mutual funds through SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans). Choose a mix of equity and debt mutual funds based on your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial goals.
Equity Mutual Funds for Long-Term Growth: Allocate a significant portion of your investment towards equity mutual funds, which have the potential to deliver higher returns over the long term. Since you have a long investment horizon, you can afford to take higher risks for potentially higher rewards.
Debt Mutual Funds for Stability: Allocate a portion of your investment towards debt mutual funds for stability and capital preservation. Debt funds can provide steady returns while minimizing the overall portfolio risk.
Retirement Planning for Parents: For your parents' retirement savings, consider investing in a mix of fixed income instruments such as Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS), Pradhan Mantri Vaya Vandana Yojana (PMVVY), and debt mutual funds. These options provide regular income with capital protection.
Regular Review and Adjustments: Regularly review your investment portfolio and make adjustments as needed based on changes in your financial situation, market conditions, and investment goals.
Consult with a Financial Advisor: It's advisable to consult with a certified financial planner or investment advisor who can assess your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment options, and provide personalized recommendations tailored to your specific needs and circumstances.
By following these steps and investing wisely, you can work towards achieving your financial goals and securing a comfortable future for yourself and your parents.

...Read more

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |27 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on May 04, 2024

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Career
Hello Archana, hope you’re doing well. My name is Sundeep Prakash with 10 years of experience into Software development in Bangalore, I would like to understand how could improve my visibility with my Org level. Any to-do list to follow. Kindly advise. Thanks
Ans: Hello Sundeep!
Yes I am doing well and hope the same for you!!

I would love to help you on this.
Here's the to do list for you to increase your visibility in your organisation-
1. always dress up for the next level. Always wear ironed clothes. A collared shirt, formal trousers, polished shoes. Your socks need to match your trousers. A neat formal belt. Belt and shoes to match . Look the part
2. hone your communication skills. Communicate in a concise and precise manner, with the right tonality. Be an assertive communicator
3. develop leadership qualities
4. build on the three C's - Confidence, Capability and Credibility
5. be an enthusiastic team player
6. develop public speaking skills, just look at all the leaders, they all speak so well, it is a learnable skill
7. grab the opportunities that come your way and prove that you are ready for the next level
8. don't participate in office gossip
9. help your juniors, every leader does this. The benefits of this are immense, you become better when you teach, you develop leadership skills, you create positivity in the office, you develop communication skills and you become popular
10. work hard, work smart

I don't want to overwhelm you with more, just do these 10 pointers and see the difference it'll make to your image in the office.

And above all believe in yourself, you have 10 yrs of experience and believe that you are ready to scale upwards now!

At the end of the day...be happy and spread happiness too!!

All the very best and more power to you!!

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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