Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 04, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Saroj Question by Saroj on Dec 02, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hi mam, I had discussed all this with my wife. She told me that she knows there problem. Brother in law wife already discussed all this with my wife briefly. I mean she knows it's before but not shared with me at all not a hint. And also taking help from me .my wife suggest her that she will approach to me . So I am in shock all this thing is running behind on with me. Even my wife did not even disagree with them. I mean she is agree with the intimacy of me with her for a baby. Now I am more confused. Whom to trust. What I will do.

Ans: Try to share your concern with your wife that how her behaviour ( knowing everything since beginning and not sharing with you) has effected you and your trust in the relation try to be more understanding rather then putting allegations on her and then explain her how this decision can impact life of you both including your child try to convenience your wife to talk to your brother in law and his wife about considering other options like surrogacy or adoption for harmony in the family. try talking to her on terms i mentioned above

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 30, 2023

Listen
Relationship
Hi , I am married have a kid and staying happily. My brother-in-law married 3 year back .Now the problem is my brother-in-law and her wife does not have baby. They both consult doctor and the doctor told that my brother-in-law is not capable of produce child. They did not disclose this to any body. Recently I have visited my in law home .My brother-in-law wife's explain this to me. She told me that we need your help (In details she told me that she want to do sex with me for a baby ) then suddenly i got shocked. I did not expect this thing from her. She told me that she already discuss with my brother-in-law regarding doing sex with me for a baby.my brother-in-law agree on that and told her that you only discuss . They are very depressed now. By seeing this sometime i feel that i will help them but the other side i feel that indirectly i am cheating my kid and wife. I am very much love with my kid and wife. So need your suggestion what will be better for me.
Ans: Dear Saroj,
It's understandable that you are facing a challenging and sensitive situation. Have an open and honest conversation with your brother-in-law and his wife. Discuss your concerns and the potential impact on your own family. Make sure all parties involved fully understand the emotional and ethical complexities of such a decision. Reflect on your own values and beliefs. Consider how this decision may align with your principles and the impact it might have on your relationships with your wife and child Think about the potential long-term consequences for all parties involved. This includes the emotional impact on your own family, as well as the potential challenges and dynamics that may arise if a child is born as a result of this arrangement. Discuss the situation with your spouse. Open communication is crucial in a marriage. Share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns, and consider how your spouse feels about the proposal. Explore other options for your brother-in-law and his wife, such as adoption or alternative fertility treatments. These options may provide a way for them to achieve their goal without creating potential complications within your own family. Remember, it's essential to prioritize the well-being of your own family while also approaching the situation with empathy and understanding. Take the time to carefully weigh the potential outcomes and make a decision that aligns with your values and the best interests of everyone involved. If needed, seek professional guidance to navigate through this complex and sensitive situation.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 08, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Hello madam, I am 41 year old , married , my wife also same age have a daughter 4 year old. I lost my parent in the earlier age that i did not remember (when i was around 5 to 6 year old ) .After that i am grown up by my distance relative(which is now my in-law family).In my in law family only my mother in law and 2 daughter (One my wife and other my sister in law (un married , 35 year now ). So now i am staying in in law home only as i do not have any body apart from them. They are very loyal to me and take care very much as i told i am staying from childhood. I married around 10 year back and my wife first delivery is so complex one. Our doctor advice not to be proceed with any more pregnancy , it may harm her life. now mom-in-law, wife both telling me that get married to sister-in-law (just informally) I mean they want a baby by me and sister-in-law . because she is 35 year old now for make a family. sister-in-law she also agreed .frankly speaking i have physical relationship with my sister in law and the my wife knew that and she does not have any problem(she is not active in physical relation as her body is not supporting ). So need your advice in this case.
Ans: Dear Kumar,
What are you all a part of' a circus? So, if your wife might not be able to have a baby again, you are asked to marry your sister-in-law and have a baby with her? And oh, you have a physical relationship with her as well? What exactly is going on?

Marrying another person when your first marriage is still very much alive is not recognized by the Hindu Marriage Act. Informally marrying? What is this, some kind of a movie that you are all trying to enact? So, just because your wife is not physically active, you are trying to justify as to why you need to sleep with another woman just because your in-laws want it?

Please grow up all of you...move out of your in-laws house and make your own home and your family so that this intermingling does not disturb your marriage and especially your child. You DO NOT (if you are) need to feel obligated towards your in-laws because they raised you. This is not the way you need to repay them...Get a hold of your life!

All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ashwini

Ashwini Dasgupta  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Personality Development Expert, Career Coach - Answered on May 16, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8459 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 16, 2025

Money
I have a Home Loan of Rs. 75 lakh outstanding and being a banker I get the Home Loan at concessional rate of 6% on simple interest basis. I have certain disposable income every month. Is it advisable to prepay the loans on monthly basis or utilize the disposable income towards other investment options?
Ans: You have a Rs. 75 lakh home loan.
You pay only 6% simple interest as a banker.
You also have disposable income each month.
Let’s now assess your situation from all angles.

Understanding the Advantage of Low Interest

Your loan is at just 6% simple interest.

This is a rare and low-cost loan benefit.

The interest amount does not compound yearly.

So your interest cost stays predictable and steady.

You already save more compared to normal borrowers.

Regular loans are at 9% to 11% with compound interest.

Let Your Money Work Harder Through Investing

Good mutual fund investments give 11% to 13% average return long term.

This return is higher than your 6% loan cost.

So your surplus funds can grow faster if invested.

This strategy builds your wealth efficiently over time.

Compounding in mutual funds works in your favour.

Reviewing Tax Savings from Loan Interest

Your loan interest gives you tax benefit under Section 24.

You can claim up to Rs. 2 lakh deduction yearly.

This lowers your income tax burden.

Prepaying the loan reduces future tax savings.

Investments like ELSS and PPF also save taxes separately.

Liquidity Is Key for Financial Confidence

Prepaying a loan reduces your cash flexibility.

But investments offer you liquidity when needed.

Financial emergencies need access to cash fast.

Mutual funds can be redeemed when required.

Don’t put all your surplus in loan prepayment.

Peace of Mind vs. Smart Wealth Building

Some people feel peace when loans are closed early.

It reduces psychological burden and improves sleep.

But low-interest loans are better kept and managed.

You can earn more on surplus money through investing.

Debt is not always bad when it’s manageable.

Balanced Strategy Is the Best Choice

Don’t choose only one route—balance is better.

Split your monthly surplus into two parts.

Use one part to invest in long-term growth plans.

Use the other part for partial prepayments once in a while.

This approach reduces debt and builds wealth together.

What You Should Do Now

Make sure you keep emergency savings of at least 6 months’ expenses.

Review your insurance and make sure your family is protected.

If you have LIC, ULIP or insurance-based investments, assess if they are worth holding.

If they underperform, consider surrendering and reinvesting into mutual funds.

Choose actively managed mutual funds via a Certified Financial Planner.

Avoid direct mutual funds if you are not monitoring regularly.

Regular mutual funds via a qualified CFP give you guidance and support.

Avoiding Common Mistakes

Don’t rush to become loan-free if loan is cheap.

Don’t ignore inflation and real return comparisons.

Don’t ignore wealth-building just to avoid loan.

Don’t stop investing for the sake of loan closure.

Don’t go for low-return instruments only for safety.

Other Pointers to Remember

Make sure your investments match your goals.

Consider children’s education and retirement goals.

Equity mutual funds are good for goals beyond 7 years.

Hybrid mutual funds suit medium-term goals like 3 to 5 years.

For short-term use, opt for liquid or ultra short-term funds.

Track your goals and adjust asset allocation regularly.

Taxation of Mutual Fund Gains

Long-term capital gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

For debt funds, both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your tax slab.

These taxes are payable only when you sell the units.

So your money grows without yearly tax deductions.

Avoid Index Funds and Direct Plans

Index funds don’t give alpha or outperformance.

They follow the market but don’t beat it.

In tough markets, they fall without support.

Active funds are managed by experienced fund managers.

Direct plans lack professional support and review.

With regular plans through a CFP, you get full handholding.

Finally

Your concessional loan is a blessing. Keep using it.

Use your disposable income to create long-term wealth.

A good plan includes both investment and prepayment.

Invest for your future. Don’t just avoid loans.

Stay liquid, stay insured, and invest smartly with professional help.

Review this plan every 6 to 12 months with a Certified Financial Planner.

Build a clear plan for family goals and retirement readiness.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8459 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2025
Money
Hi Sir, I am 47 year old with 3 kids aged 11 yr dayghter and twin sons aged 6 years. I have around. I want to retire in 3 years due to health issues. After retirement me and wife will work part time and around monthly 1 lakh combined. I have monthly expenses if around 2 lakhs now. Please advise what corpus i should have to able to retire in 3 years
Ans: You are 47 years old. You have a daughter aged 11 and twin sons aged 6. You plan to retire in 3 years due to health issues. After retirement, you and your wife will earn around Rs. 1 lakh per month from part-time work. Your current family monthly expense is around Rs. 2 lakhs.

Your situation is serious and needs careful planning. I appreciate that you are thinking well in advance. Let us look at your situation in full detail now.

Assessing Your Retirement Timeline
You want to retire at 50. That’s 3 years from now.

That gives limited time to build a full retirement corpus.

After that, you and your wife plan to earn Rs. 1 lakh per month together.

Your expenses are Rs. 2 lakh per month now. This will rise with inflation.

So, you need to fill the gap of at least Rs. 1 lakh per month post-retirement.

That gap will also grow each year due to inflation.

You also have three children. Their education and future needs must be planned.

With three young kids, your financial responsibility will last for the next 15 to 20 years.

Understanding the Expense Gap
Your expenses are Rs. 2 lakh monthly now. This is Rs. 24 lakh annually.

After retirement, part-time income will cover Rs. 1 lakh monthly.

You need Rs. 1 lakh more every month from your savings.

That’s Rs. 12 lakh per year. But this amount will grow with inflation.

In 10 years, this could easily be around Rs. 20 lakh a year or more.

In 20 years, it can be around Rs. 35 lakh or more annually.

So, your retirement corpus must be big enough to cover this rising gap.

It should also last at least 30 years, as both you and your wife may live till 80 or more.

What Should Be Your Retirement Corpus
To cover Rs. 1 lakh monthly shortfall, you need a strong investment base.

That base should grow and generate income for 30 years.

You also need to plan for children’s schooling, college, and marriage.

So, your total retirement corpus should be built with multiple goals in mind.

You may need at least Rs. 6 crore to Rs. 7 crore total corpus by age 50.

This will help you cover your lifestyle gap and also children’s future needs.

The final amount will depend on inflation, market returns, and disciplined investing.

Breaking Down Your Future Expenses
1. Lifestyle Needs

You need Rs. 2 lakh monthly today. This will rise.

After retirement, inflation will push this to Rs. 3.5 lakh to Rs. 4 lakh in 15 years.

That means higher withdrawals every year.

2. Children’s Education

Your daughter will go to college in 6 years.

Your twin sons will go to college in 11 to 12 years.

Education inflation is very high, around 8% to 10% yearly.

Private college and higher studies can cost Rs. 50 lakh to Rs. 1 crore in future.

3. Health and Medical Needs

Health issues are already a concern. Medical costs rise fast.

A single hospitalisation in the future can cost Rs. 15 lakh or more.

You must keep a separate medical emergency fund.

4. Travel, Leisure, and Emergencies

Retirement is not just about needs. It should also include wants.

You may want to travel or support family in emergencies.

Keep a buffer for these lifestyle goals.

Creating a 3-Bucket Investment Strategy
Bucket 1: Emergency and Medical Fund

Keep 12 to 18 months of expenses in this bucket.

That means Rs. 25 lakh to Rs. 30 lakh in liquid funds.

This bucket should not be touched for regular income.

Use it for medical, health, and sudden family needs.

Bucket 2: Income and Safety Bucket

This gives regular income after retirement.

Invest here in low-risk and balanced funds.

This bucket must cover 8 to 10 years of shortfall.

It must be reviewed every year and rebalanced.

Withdraw monthly through SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan).

Bucket 3: Growth Bucket

This is for long-term income.

It must stay invested for the next 10 to 15 years.

Use only actively managed equity mutual funds.

Don’t invest in index funds. They follow the market and offer no safety in a fall.

Actively managed funds are better for retirement. They reduce risk and give better return with guidance.

This bucket will support your income in the later years of retirement.

Additional Planning Tips for a Complete Strategy
1. Insurance Review

Check your health insurance. Buy a super top-up if possible.

If you have any traditional policies like LIC endowments or ULIPs, evaluate surrendering them.

Reinvest that money in mutual funds via Certified Financial Planner.

2. Avoid Index and Direct Funds

Index funds are unmanaged. They don’t protect you in a downturn.

Direct funds have no advisor support. You may exit at the wrong time.

Invest through regular mutual funds with Certified Financial Planner.

You get discipline, emotional support, and regular reviews.

3. Tax Planning

After retirement, plan all withdrawals smartly.

Equity mutual fund LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG is taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual fund gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan withdrawals in phases to manage tax.

Use SWP instead of lump sum withdrawal.

4. Estate Planning

Write a clear Will. Register it if possible.

Add nominations to all financial accounts and investments.

Discuss with your wife about all assets and accounts.

Educate your children slowly about financial basics.

5. Spending Discipline

After retirement, control lifestyle inflation.

Avoid overspending in early years.

Keep budgets for kids' education, personal care, and travel.

Review expenses every quarter.

Talk to your wife and plan joint financial goals.

How to Reach Rs. 6–7 Crore in 3 Years
This is a very short time.

You must save aggressively now.

Cut all unwanted expenses.

Increase monthly investments to the maximum.

Invest only in actively managed equity mutual funds through regular route.

Don’t keep too much in savings or FDs.

Avoid real estate as it is illiquid and low-return.

Rebalance investments every year with the help of Certified Financial Planner.

Finally
You have only 3 years to build your corpus.

You also have a big responsibility of three children.

You will work part time after retirement, which gives some cash flow.

But you must plan very carefully and very thoroughly.

Create three investment buckets to manage needs properly.

Use only actively managed mutual funds, not index or direct funds.

Avoid risky shortcuts and always review plans every year.

With health concerns and young kids, long-term planning is critical.

Your retirement is not the end of income. It is the beginning of financial wisdom.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1236 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on May 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 15, 2025
Money
Sir , i am 29 year old male currently earning 1.4 lakh per month in hand salary and 60 thousands per month (side income which is temporary for few more years may be 2 years). I have 31.5 lakhs home loan with 9.5 % floating interest for 18 years. Personal loan of 1.4 lakh with 11% interest 7 months remaining. Gold loan of 2 lakh with due date in 10 months. Every month i am paying emis of 31000 home loan 21000 personal loan (7 more months) 23000 chit fund(6 more months) I have 4.5 lakh mutual/stocks investments. Gold worth 1 lakh and no Fixed deposits. I have Chit fund ( with friends ) which expires in 6 months with 5 lakhs amount. I have an Term policy of 1 crore for which i pay premium of 35k annually for 5 more years. I had planned a wedding in one year with 10 lakh expenditure. I have zero emergency fund like fd or any other savings Please guide me best option for better investment ,emergency fund and to have a comfortable corpus till i retire by the year 2040. Till now i have no savings in whatever form it is Iam unmarried
Ans: Hello;

You need to put aside amount worth 6-8 months regular expense coverage and keep it aside in a liquid fund or a savings account.

Do invest in NPS for your retirement planning. It is the best tool available from cost, returns, tax point of view.

Only thing to be borne in mind is NPS allows very restricted withdrawals over its entire span, subject to T&C, because it's a product meant for retirement.

Except home loan all your loans are getting settled in less than a year so it's okay but never ever use loan as source of funds for personal needs.

Also avoid investing in chit funds because they have a high risk and hence promise of higher returns.

Also start systematic investments in mutual funds through monthly sip's as per your goals and risk appetite.

The MF/stock holding and chit fund money return(5 L) will take care of your marital expenses.

Happy Investing;

...Read more

Ashwini

Ashwini Dasgupta  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Personality Development Expert, Career Coach - Answered on May 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2025
Career
Hi Ashwini, I am a 29 yr old marketing executive, and I tend to take negative feedback very personally, even when it's constructive. For example, last month, my manager said my presentation was all over the place and lacked clarity. Though she meant it to help me improve, I kept replaying it in my mind for days and started doubting my abilities.
Ans: Dear Sir/ Madam,

As humans we bound to overthink and question back and self-doubt. It's important to process the emotions then accumulating.

Try this the next time you feel negative-

Firstly, negativity or any feeling is just an emotion and every emotion is giving you feedback so that you can take can action. So, it works like a feedback mechanism.
Now, in the above situation where your manager said the presentation was all over the place or lacked clarity- it meant you should present the same from his perspective or from the audience’s perspective. As the person who is going to see the presentation should be able to understand and be in the same alignment as you are.

Have a discussion with your manager and ask where all did, he/she feels the presentation lacked clarity, ask what else you should have looked at to make it more valuable etc.

Once you get the feedback go back to the presentation and relook from his/ her perspective now then possibly that would make sense to you.

Idea is to process the information and see how you can make it better. Self-doubt is ok to have as it will help you relook but if you are sulking in that emotion, it will spiral down which is what happens most often. So, the next time when you get negative feedback look at from a perspective of working on yourself to be even better.

If you were not good then you wouldn't be in that job in first place. Remember that.

Thanks
Ashwini
Maverick Minds
www.ashwinidasgupta.com

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x