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I Pampered My Girlfriend But She Left Me, Now Can I Demand My Gifts Back?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 09, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I had Dated a Girl for many Years. I had pampered her with lots of Expensive Gifts (Jewellery, iPhone, Branded Clothes, Fancy Cosmetics) all bought with my Hard-Earned Money. But her Parents brought forward the Proposal of a Groom from Wealthy NRI Family, of their own Caste, hence she had to Break-up with me & get engaged to him, within a short span of time. I have been demanding her to Return the Expensive Gifts, but she's been Refusing to do so, without even Paying me an Amount equivalent to the value of the Expensive Gifts, I'd given her. I have all the Bills of the Expensive Gifts I'd purchased for her & also Photos/Videos of myself gifting them to her, on various occasions. I'm planning to contact her Fiance, somehow, show him all these Evidences & demand Monetary Compensation from him, for the total amount, I'd spent on those Gifts. Would this be a good approach, or would you suggest any alternative means, through which I can get back, all the Money, I'd wasted on her?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are not serious on getting the gifts back, are you?
Those were gifts given to someone when the two of you were in a relationship. What was the need to gift her such expensive things? Was it to make sure that she's with you or was it to impress her? That's when it's going to hit you hard and you would want them back!
Being on a revenge mode and exposing her is only going to make the entire episode cheap...you spent time on her, yeah? How are you going to get that back? How about all the mind space you spent thinking of her? How are you going to free up that space?

Be practical here and also a bit honest to yourself. Your reaction is one of being spurned and rejected and this is your way of justifying punishing her saying that it's expensive etc etc. Grow up here...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

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Hello Anu,Pls help. I am in a lot of mental trauma right now. I wrote to you earlier but my article was not published. I am a 36 years male married for the last 7 years with 2 kids. Last year when I was alone and my family was at my native place, I got close to one of my female school friends who is single. We came close and talked a lot. Gradually I fell in love and gifted her close to Rs 2 lakhs rupees to fulfil her shopping and household expenses. On realising that I am being trapped with no future in sight, I asked to return my money. This infuriated the girl and she abused me citing that I am making fun of her poverty and all. I understood the situation and told her to just return Rs 25k and stop. Thereafter we started talking again but obviously the intensity reduced. Over the last 8 months, my family is back and I cannot get over her. I constantly try to ping or call her but 90% of the time she doesn’t respond. I recently sent her Rs 15k for her birthday which she accepted after initial refusal. Now when I messaged her to know how her day was, she really got angry and blocked me on all social media platforms. I reached out to her sister to assuage her and apologize. She called and really abused me citing the constant family surveillance she is under. I promised I won’t text or call her for the next 2 months. Now I don’t know what to do. Should I ask her or her sister for the money to be returned if this escalates? Because she warned me that she would report to the police if I don’t stop messaging. She fears that family members know about me. She doesn’t have parents but is under constant family surveillance. Pls suggest the next course of action. Should I cut her off completely and risk losing the 2 lakhs and gain my mental peace or try to communicate intermittently? The day she abused me I really lost my mental peace. Pls advice.
Ans:

Dear MK,

What advice can I give you when the solution is right in front of you?

She wants to get your attention and fulfil her monetary needs; that’s all, Doesn’t that tell you anything? And when you try and contact her, she says that she is under surveillance.

How much of this has affected your marriage? What exactly was the need to step out of marriage for this attention?

Sometimes, we fancy things that are prohibited and this happens when we do not feel grateful with what we have and constantly chase what we don’t have. Time to work on your marriage?

Start first by loving yourself as this will tell you how much ignoring oneself can cause havoc in core relationships. Why should your wife bear the brunt of what’s going on? Your full commitment

is what she seeks and here you are mulling over a relationship that is based on selfishness and need-basis.

Can you please re-evaluate what your priorities are and put your life back in order?

Do this for yourself and your family…Your work, health and state of mind will start to improve. It’s time you took charge and I am sure you know how to do this.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu,I am 42 year old male and have been separated from marital relationship and i don't have children,since 13 years and living alone where my father and mother had passed away few years ago.I was searching for brides profile from matrimony websites and found a widowed woman who is selfemployed. I called and talked her. she is equivalent of my age.She has one son aged of 24.I was willing to marry her but she does not want to marry anybody rather she expressed her interest and consent to live in a cohabitation(Living together relationship).(She said that her son is a grown up boy and preparing for competitive exams and she loves him a lot,She added that it is not possible to convince him for marrying another person.I accepted it and said ok. Later on we had date and moved on.Whenever she come for a date she asks me to spend and buy apparels,asking me to recharge mobile,asking me to buy provisions ,watches and to pay water taxes of her house.I did it without hesitation and she asks me for gold ring and ear-studs.She is not having contentment and i feel that she is greedy and she does not shows any form of courtesy towards me and further she did not spend even a single rupee for me .I am worried that she is exploiting me.I was wondered and shocked that during a little discussion with her she said that she could move away from me at any point of time if she finds any other person whom she likes her.I was dejected.I said that i am not your Money wallet to swindle me.I am not ready to spend money to a girl who informs me that she will be leaving from me.I scolded her. Even when have planned to marry at that time the woman asks me that whether i am a dominating person and asking about the details of my earlier marriage and testing about my genuinity. Now the relationship has broken between us and i am very much worried that whether i have taken a correct decision or not from stepping away from her because whenever i like to see her she ask me to make surprises for her.In turn no love and affection is being received from her. Kindly advice me that whether i have taken correct decision from quitting her relationship or i have hurried a lot by taken a wrong decision. Please advice and guide me and do the needful in this regard.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You have done yourself a huge favor by leaving her and the connection with her. When you started to have doubts about her being greedy was the time that you knew that she was just taking advantage of your kindness.
She was clearly never serious about this association from the beginning and spending your money and demanding more is a clear RED FLAG that she was never interested in anything long-term and that it was a convenient as long as you met her needs through money.
What more proof do you want? Are you now still worried about the fact whether you taken the right decision or not?
Kindly invest time and energy in people who nourish you and let you grow in all areas of your life. Be wise...

All the best!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 14, 2024Hindi
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Hi Shalini,I am 42 year old male and have been separated from marital relationship and i don't have children,since 13 years and living alone where my father and mother had passed away few years ago.I was searching for brides profile from matrimony websites and found a widowed woman who is selfemployed. I called and talked her. she is equivalent of my age.She has one son aged of 24.I was willing to marry her but she does not want to marry anybody rather she expressed her interest and consent to live in a cohabitation(Living together relationship).(She said that her son is a grown up boy and preparing for competitive exams and she loves him a lot,She added that it is not possible to convince him for marrying another person.I accepted it and said ok. Later on we had date and moved on.Whenever she come for a date she asks me to spend and buy apparels,asking me to recharge mobile,asking me to buy provisions ,watches and to pay water taxes of her house.I did it without hesitation and she asks me for gold ring and ear-studs.She is not having contentment and i feel that she is greedy and she does not shows any form of courtesy towards me and further she did not spend even a single rupee for me .I am worried that she is exploiting me.I was wondered and shocked that during a little discussion with her she said that she could move away from me at any point of time if she finds any other person whom she likes her.I was dejected.I said that i am not your Money wallet to swindle me.I am not ready to spend money to a girl who informs me that she will be leaving from me.I scolded her. Even when have planned to marry at that time the woman asks me that whether i am a dominating person and asking about the details of my earlier marriage and testing about my genuinity. Now the relationship has broken between us and i am very much worried that whether i have taken a correct decision or not from stepping away from her because whenever i like to see her she ask me to make surprises for her.In turn no love and affection is being received from her. Kindly advice me that whether i have taken correct decision from quitting her relationship or i have hurried a lot by taken a wrong decision. Please advice and guide me and do the needful in this regard.
Ans: It's understandable that you're feeling confused and conflicted about your recent relationship. Based on what you've described, several points emerge:

Red flags in the relationship:

Financial demands: Her consistent requests for money and expensive gifts, without reciprocation, raise concerns about potential financial exploitation.
Lack of emotional connection: You mentioned not receiving love and affection, raising questions about her genuine interest in building a meaningful relationship.
Conditional presence: Her statement about leaving for someone else suggests instability and lack of commitment.
Focus on your past: Excessive questioning about your previous marriage could indicate insecurity or distrust.
Your decision to step away:

Given these red flags, your decision to end the relationship seems reasonable. Prioritizing your emotional and financial well-being is crucial.

Moving forward:

Focus on self-care: Allow yourself time to process this experience and prioritize your emotional well-being. Explore activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Consider therapy: Talking to a therapist or counselor can help you gain clarity, understand your needs, and develop healthy relationship patterns.
Refine your approach: Reflect on what you seek in a relationship and adjust your boundaries and expectations when seeking future partners. Don't hesitate to say no to financial requests or behaviors that make you uncomfortable.
Be patient: Finding a genuine connection takes time and effort. Focus on personal growth and building healthy relationships before actively seeking a new partner.
Remember, prioritizing your self-worth and respecting your boundaries is essential for building healthy and fulfilling relationships. Don't feel pressured to rush into anything that doesn't feel right. Focus on building a life that brings you happiness and fulfillment, and the right connections will follow.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
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Hi Kanchan,I am 42 year old male and have been separated from marital relationship and i don't have children,since 13 years and living alone where my father and mother had passed away few years ago.I was searching for brides profile from matrimony websites and found a widowed woman who is selfemployed. I called and talked her. she is equivalent of my age.She has one son aged of 24.I was willing to marry her but she does not want to marry anybody rather she expressed her interest and consent to live in a cohabitation(Living together relationship).(She said that her son is a grown up boy and preparing for competitive exams and she loves him a lot,She added that it is not possible to convince him for marrying another person.I accepted it and said ok. Later on we had date and moved on.Whenever she come for a date she asks me to spend and buy apparels,asking me to recharge mobile,asking me to buy provisions ,watches and to pay water taxes of her house.I did it without hesitation and she asks me for gold ring and ear-studs.She is not having contentment and i feel that she is greedy and she does not shows any form of courtesy towards me and further she did not spend even a single rupee for me .I am worried that she is exploiting me.I was wondered and shocked that during a little discussion with her she said that she could move away from me at any point of time if she finds any other person whom she likes her.I was dejected.I said that i am not your Money wallet to swindle me.I am not ready to spend money to a girl who informs me that she will be leaving from me.I scolded her. Even when have planned to marry at that time the woman asks me that whether i am a dominating person and asking about the details of my earlier marriage and testing about my genuinity. Now the relationship has broken between us and i am very much worried that whether i have taken a correct decision or not from stepping away from her because whenever i like to see her she ask me to make surprises for her.In turn no love and affection is being received from her. Kindly advice me that whether i have taken correct decision from quitting her relationship or i have hurried a lot by taken a wrong decision. Please advice and guide me and do the needful in this regard.
Ans: It sounds like you've been through a lot and have put a lot of thought into your relationship with this woman. From what you've described, it seems like her behavior, particularly asking for financial support without reciprocating affection or showing respect, was not healthy or sustainable for a fulfilling relationship.

You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued and respected. It's understandable that you would feel hurt and confused by her actions, especially her indication that she could leave if she finds someone else. Trust and mutual respect are important foundations for any relationship, and it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness.

It seems like you made a thoughtful decision to end the relationship, and it's okay to take time to reflect on that decision. Trust your instincts and prioritize your own needs and feelings. If you're unsure, you could consider seeking advice from a counselor or therapist who can provide support and guidance as you navigate this situation.

..Read more

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Hello Sir, this is Dhiraj DM, I am 48 year's old married with no kids, we have any flat worth 1. 5 cr given on rent around 50 lakhs of equity 20 lacs mutual funds we want to retire in next 3 years,please guide. We live in a metro no liability, we r into Gifting business now want to retire in next 3 years
Ans: Your retirement is just three years away. You have built a strong foundation with real estate, equity, and mutual funds. Now, the goal is to structure your investments for steady income, security, and long-term sustainability.

1. Assessing Your Current Financial Position
Flat Worth Rs. 1.5 Crore: This generates rental income, but liquidity is limited.
Equity Portfolio of Rs. 50 Lakh: Market-linked investments with potential for high returns but volatile.
Mutual Funds of Rs. 20 Lakh: Offers diversification and moderate risk exposure.
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Gifting Business: If planning to exit, ensure business-related finances are sorted before retirement.
2. Estimating Post-Retirement Income Needs
Calculate expected monthly expenses, including medical, travel, lifestyle, and emergency costs.
Factor in inflation, as expenses will rise over time.
Consider long-term costs such as medical care and home maintenance.
3. Structuring Retirement Income
Rental Income as a Fixed Source
Your flat generates rental income, which helps with stability.
Consider reinvesting this income for further growth.
Portfolio Rebalancing for Stability
Equity exposure is beneficial but risky close to retirement.
Shift some funds to low-risk instruments for safety.
Keep some allocation to equity to combat inflation.
Maintaining Liquidity for Emergencies
Create an emergency fund of at least 2 years' expenses in liquid assets.
Avoid relying solely on investments that require selling in volatile markets.
4. Health and Insurance Planning
Ensure comprehensive health insurance for both of you, at least Rs. 15-20 lakh coverage.
If you hold any old insurance policies with low returns, consider restructuring them.
Create a separate healthcare fund for long-term medical expenses.
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Structure withdrawals smartly to reduce tax burden on capital gains.
Use tax-free instruments where applicable.
Rental income is taxable, so deduct maintenance expenses to lower tax outgo.
6. Planning Investments for Retirement Income
Avoid complete reliance on fixed-income instruments, as they may not beat inflation.
A mix of mutual funds, debt instruments, and systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) will ensure steady cash flow.
Keep some investments growth-oriented to sustain wealth over decades.
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Prepare a clear will to ensure smooth asset transfer.
If you plan to donate or support causes, structure funds accordingly.
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Ensure liquidity and stability in your investments.
Reduce risk in equity but keep exposure for growth.
Maintain a dedicated healthcare fund and strong insurance coverage.
Structure investments to minimise taxes and ensure steady income.
Plan legacy and succession to avoid future complications.
Would you like a detailed plan on how to allocate your investments for steady retirement income?

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