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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Shalini,I am 42 year old male and have been separated from marital relationship and i don't have children,since 13 years and living alone where my father and mother had passed away few years ago.I was searching for brides profile from matrimony websites and found a widowed woman who is selfemployed. I called and talked her. she is equivalent of my age.She has one son aged of 24.I was willing to marry her but she does not want to marry anybody rather she expressed her interest and consent to live in a cohabitation(Living together relationship).(She said that her son is a grown up boy and preparing for competitive exams and she loves him a lot,She added that it is not possible to convince him for marrying another person.I accepted it and said ok. Later on we had date and moved on.Whenever she come for a date she asks me to spend and buy apparels,asking me to recharge mobile,asking me to buy provisions ,watches and to pay water taxes of her house.I did it without hesitation and she asks me for gold ring and ear-studs.She is not having contentment and i feel that she is greedy and she does not shows any form of courtesy towards me and further she did not spend even a single rupee for me .I am worried that she is exploiting me.I was wondered and shocked that during a little discussion with her she said that she could move away from me at any point of time if she finds any other person whom she likes her.I was dejected.I said that i am not your Money wallet to swindle me.I am not ready to spend money to a girl who informs me that she will be leaving from me.I scolded her. Even when have planned to marry at that time the woman asks me that whether i am a dominating person and asking about the details of my earlier marriage and testing about my genuinity. Now the relationship has broken between us and i am very much worried that whether i have taken a correct decision or not from stepping away from her because whenever i like to see her she ask me to make surprises for her.In turn no love and affection is being received from her. Kindly advice me that whether i have taken correct decision from quitting her relationship or i have hurried a lot by taken a wrong decision. Please advice and guide me and do the needful in this regard.

Ans: It's understandable that you're feeling confused and conflicted about your recent relationship. Based on what you've described, several points emerge:

Red flags in the relationship:

Financial demands: Her consistent requests for money and expensive gifts, without reciprocation, raise concerns about potential financial exploitation.
Lack of emotional connection: You mentioned not receiving love and affection, raising questions about her genuine interest in building a meaningful relationship.
Conditional presence: Her statement about leaving for someone else suggests instability and lack of commitment.
Focus on your past: Excessive questioning about your previous marriage could indicate insecurity or distrust.
Your decision to step away:

Given these red flags, your decision to end the relationship seems reasonable. Prioritizing your emotional and financial well-being is crucial.

Moving forward:

Focus on self-care: Allow yourself time to process this experience and prioritize your emotional well-being. Explore activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Consider therapy: Talking to a therapist or counselor can help you gain clarity, understand your needs, and develop healthy relationship patterns.
Refine your approach: Reflect on what you seek in a relationship and adjust your boundaries and expectations when seeking future partners. Don't hesitate to say no to financial requests or behaviors that make you uncomfortable.
Be patient: Finding a genuine connection takes time and effort. Focus on personal growth and building healthy relationships before actively seeking a new partner.
Remember, prioritizing your self-worth and respecting your boundaries is essential for building healthy and fulfilling relationships. Don't feel pressured to rush into anything that doesn't feel right. Focus on building a life that brings you happiness and fulfillment, and the right connections will follow.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1350 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 14, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu,I am 42 year old male and have been separated from marital relationship and i don't have children,since 13 years and living alone where my father and mother had passed away few years ago.I was searching for brides profile from matrimony websites and found a widowed woman who is selfemployed. I called and talked her. she is equivalent of my age.She has one son aged of 24.I was willing to marry her but she does not want to marry anybody rather she expressed her interest and consent to live in a cohabitation(Living together relationship).(She said that her son is a grown up boy and preparing for competitive exams and she loves him a lot,She added that it is not possible to convince him for marrying another person.I accepted it and said ok. Later on we had date and moved on.Whenever she come for a date she asks me to spend and buy apparels,asking me to recharge mobile,asking me to buy provisions ,watches and to pay water taxes of her house.I did it without hesitation and she asks me for gold ring and ear-studs.She is not having contentment and i feel that she is greedy and she does not shows any form of courtesy towards me and further she did not spend even a single rupee for me .I am worried that she is exploiting me.I was wondered and shocked that during a little discussion with her she said that she could move away from me at any point of time if she finds any other person whom she likes her.I was dejected.I said that i am not your Money wallet to swindle me.I am not ready to spend money to a girl who informs me that she will be leaving from me.I scolded her. Even when have planned to marry at that time the woman asks me that whether i am a dominating person and asking about the details of my earlier marriage and testing about my genuinity. Now the relationship has broken between us and i am very much worried that whether i have taken a correct decision or not from stepping away from her because whenever i like to see her she ask me to make surprises for her.In turn no love and affection is being received from her. Kindly advice me that whether i have taken correct decision from quitting her relationship or i have hurried a lot by taken a wrong decision. Please advice and guide me and do the needful in this regard.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You have done yourself a huge favor by leaving her and the connection with her. When you started to have doubts about her being greedy was the time that you knew that she was just taking advantage of your kindness.
She was clearly never serious about this association from the beginning and spending your money and demanding more is a clear RED FLAG that she was never interested in anything long-term and that it was a convenient as long as you met her needs through money.
What more proof do you want? Are you now still worried about the fact whether you taken the right decision or not?
Kindly invest time and energy in people who nourish you and let you grow in all areas of your life. Be wise...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1350 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu,I am 42 year old male and have been separated from marital relationship and i don't have children,since 13 years and living alone where my father and mother had passed away few years ago.I was searching for brides profile from matrimony websites and found a widowed woman who is selfemployed. I called and talked her. she is equivalent of my age.She has one son aged of 24.I was willing to marry her but she does not want to marry anybody rather she expressed her interest and consent to live in a cohabitation(Living together relationship).(She said that her son is a grown up boy and preparing for competitive exams and she loves him a lot,She added that it is not possible to convince him for marrying another person.I accepted it and said ok. Later on we had date and moved on.Whenever she come for a date she asks me to spend and buy apparels,asking me to recharge mobile,asking me to buy provisions ,watches and to pay water taxes of her house.I did it without hesitation and she asks me for gold ring and ear-studs.She is not having contentment and i feel that she is greedy and she does not shows any form of courtesy towards me and further she did not spend even a single rupee for me .I am worried that she is exploiting me.I was wondered and shocked that during a little discussion with her she said that she could move away from me at any point of time if she finds any other person whom she likes her.I was dejected.I said that i am not your Money wallet to swindle me.I am not ready to spend money to a girl who informs me that she will be leaving from me.I scolded her. Even when have planned to marry at that time the woman asks me that whether i am a dominating person and asking about the details of my earlier marriage and testing about my genuinity. Now the relationship has broken between us and i am very much worried that whether i have taken a correct decision or not from stepping away from her because whenever i like to see her she ask me to make surprises for her.In turn no love and affection is being received from her. Kindly advice me that whether i have taken correct decision from quitting her relationship or i have hurried a lot by taken a wrong decision. Please advice and guide me and do the needful in this regard.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Please find your answer here:
https://gurus.rediff.com/question/qdtl/relationship/anu-42-male-separated-marital-relationship-don-children-13-living/5149283

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |423 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Kanchan,I am 42 year old male and have been separated from marital relationship and i don't have children,since 13 years and living alone where my father and mother had passed away few years ago.I was searching for brides profile from matrimony websites and found a widowed woman who is selfemployed. I called and talked her. she is equivalent of my age.She has one son aged of 24.I was willing to marry her but she does not want to marry anybody rather she expressed her interest and consent to live in a cohabitation(Living together relationship).(She said that her son is a grown up boy and preparing for competitive exams and she loves him a lot,She added that it is not possible to convince him for marrying another person.I accepted it and said ok. Later on we had date and moved on.Whenever she come for a date she asks me to spend and buy apparels,asking me to recharge mobile,asking me to buy provisions ,watches and to pay water taxes of her house.I did it without hesitation and she asks me for gold ring and ear-studs.She is not having contentment and i feel that she is greedy and she does not shows any form of courtesy towards me and further she did not spend even a single rupee for me .I am worried that she is exploiting me.I was wondered and shocked that during a little discussion with her she said that she could move away from me at any point of time if she finds any other person whom she likes her.I was dejected.I said that i am not your Money wallet to swindle me.I am not ready to spend money to a girl who informs me that she will be leaving from me.I scolded her. Even when have planned to marry at that time the woman asks me that whether i am a dominating person and asking about the details of my earlier marriage and testing about my genuinity. Now the relationship has broken between us and i am very much worried that whether i have taken a correct decision or not from stepping away from her because whenever i like to see her she ask me to make surprises for her.In turn no love and affection is being received from her. Kindly advice me that whether i have taken correct decision from quitting her relationship or i have hurried a lot by taken a wrong decision. Please advice and guide me and do the needful in this regard.
Ans: It sounds like you've been through a lot and have put a lot of thought into your relationship with this woman. From what you've described, it seems like her behavior, particularly asking for financial support without reciprocating affection or showing respect, was not healthy or sustainable for a fulfilling relationship.

You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued and respected. It's understandable that you would feel hurt and confused by her actions, especially her indication that she could leave if she finds someone else. Trust and mutual respect are important foundations for any relationship, and it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness.

It seems like you made a thoughtful decision to end the relationship, and it's okay to take time to reflect on that decision. Trust your instincts and prioritize your own needs and feelings. If you're unsure, you could consider seeking advice from a counselor or therapist who can provide support and guidance as you navigate this situation.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7194 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 42 year old, living with my family , my wife and 2 kids of 7 year and 1 year. Monthly salary around 80k..monthly exp 60k.but my job is not stable and safe..having a fund corpus of 70 lakh and I have no loan and EMI...PF bal is around 5 lakh.can we survive if I unemployed ?suddenly..what should I plan for future considering I m unemployed..
Ans: It’s commendable that you’ve built a significant corpus of Rs 70 lakh and have no loans. Let’s analyse your situation and provide a detailed strategy to address potential unemployment and secure your family’s future.

Current Financial Overview
Monthly Salary: Rs 80,000
Monthly Expenses: Rs 60,000
Fund Corpus: Rs 70 lakh
PF Balance: Rs 5 lakh
Family: Wife and 2 kids (aged 7 and 1)
Job Security: Unstable
Immediate Steps to Ensure Financial Security
Create an Emergency Fund
Set aside at least 24 months of living expenses (Rs 15 lakh) in a safe, liquid fund.
Invest in liquid mutual funds or high-yield savings accounts for easy access.
Review and Reduce Expenses
Identify non-essential expenses and reduce them to increase savings.
Prioritise education, healthcare, and basic living expenses for your family.
Health and Life Insurance
Ensure adequate health insurance coverage for the family. Aim for Rs 15–20 lakh of coverage.
Buy term insurance with coverage of at least 15–20 times your annual income.
Build a Contingency Plan
Identify alternative income sources like freelancing, part-time work, or consulting.
Update your skills to improve employability in case of job loss.
Strategies for Your Corpus
Secure Investments
Keep Rs 15–20 lakh in safe instruments like FDs, PPF, or short-term debt funds.
These provide stability and liquidity during uncertain times.
Long-term Growth
Allocate Rs 30 lakh to equity mutual funds for long-term growth.
Choose diversified funds like large-cap or balanced advantage funds.
Education Planning
Start SIPs in mutual funds for your children’s education.
Target a dedicated education corpus by aligning with your children’s future needs.
Retirement Planning
Consolidate and continue building your PF balance.
Invest in NPS or equity mutual funds to secure retirement.
Job Loss Scenario: Survival Plan
Use the emergency fund to manage living expenses.
Avoid withdrawing from long-term investments unless absolutely necessary.
Explore short-term gig opportunities or a part-time job to maintain cash flow.
Action Plan for the Future
Regularly monitor and rebalance your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner.
Build an additional income stream like tutoring, consulting, or passive investments.
Keep updating skills relevant to your industry to enhance job security.
Final Insights
With your current corpus and careful planning, you can survive a potential job loss. Focus on safeguarding your family’s future by building an emergency fund, securing insurance, and investing systematically. Regular reviews with a Certified Financial Planner will help align your goals and ensure financial stability.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |423 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 01, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
My and my wife separate since 1 year due to misunderstanding and now she is not in vontact with nor giving me divorce and she is living separately from her family and i am.worry about her i tried to contact her and her family but not getting answer. She was always blame for her mistake to me. Apart from this she has long trauma issue with her father which is unresolved. I am emotionaly drained as she is not coming back nor giving me divorce.
Ans: It’s also clear that her unresolved trauma with her father may have influenced the dynamics of your relationship, perhaps creating barriers to open communication or trust. While her past is something she ultimately has to face and heal from, it’s not something you can resolve for her, no matter how much you may wish to.

It's important to acknowledge your own emotional wellbeing right now. It seems like you're carrying the weight of her pain as well as your own. This might be the time to step back and focus on finding some clarity and balance for yourself. Working with a counselor or therapist could help you process your feelings and better navigate the uncertainty of this situation. Emotional exhaustion can cloud decision-making and pull you into cycles of self-blame or frustration, and having professional support might give you the tools to handle these emotions in a healthier way.

You’ve made efforts to reconnect and seek closure, which shows your commitment. However, if she is unwilling or unable to engage right now, this could mean shifting your focus toward what you can control: your healing, your boundaries, and your future. Remember that it’s okay to give yourself permission to find peace, even if her choices leave things unresolved for now.

Finding closure within yourself might not come easily, but it is possible. Take it step by step, allowing yourself time to grieve the relationship and reflect on what you’ve learned about yourself. This isn’t just about moving on; it’s about rediscovering your sense of stability and strength, regardless of her decisions. You're navigating this with care, and that shows your integrity and depth of character. Keep reminding yourself that your wellbeing matters, too.

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1083 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
Hello Sir, My Son is in class 12th CBSE stream commerce without maths what options does he have after his board exams.
Ans: Hello dear.
Your son has a variety of career and higher education options to consider after completing his Class 12 CBSE commerce stream without mathematics. You may think of the following options:
(1) B.Com (Bachelor of Commerce)
(2) BBA (Bachelor of Business Administration)
(3) BMS (Bachelor of Management Studies)
(4) BA in Journalism and Mass Communication
(5) Bachelor of Hotel Management (BHM)
(6) Bachelor of Travel and Tourism Management (BTTM)
(7) BA in Economics (without heavy math focus)
(8) BA in Psychology, Sociology, or Political Science
(9) Chartered Accountancy (CA)
(10) Company Secretary (CS)
(11) CMA (Cost and Management Accounting)
(12) Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
(13) Bachelor of Fine Arts (BFA)
(14) Fashion Design/Interior Design
(15) Integrated Law Programs (BA LLB)
(16) Bachelor in Public Administration
(17) Digital Marketing
(18) Data Analytics or Business Analytics
(19) Event Management
(20) Banking and Finance
(21) Foreign Language Studies
And many more ..........
If he is unsure about his interests, career counseling and aptitude tests can provide additional guidance. Encourage him to explore his options and choose what he feels excited about for his future.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1083 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
My daughter will appear NIOS grade 10 exams this academic year in parts n next year the remaining subjects ie maths n science. She will pursue science stream in 11 n 12 th. What options are there in science stream in line with medical field without giving NEET exams and also she likes computer as a subject.
Ans: Hello.
Why your daughter is appearing in the NIOS 10th grade examination in two parts is not clear. It is suggested that try to clear 10th grade with the required subjects only in sitting i.e. in the same year if she wishes to pursue a science stream to avoid academic problems in some courses. But it seems that your daughter might be weak in mathematics, hence you might have decided to appear for 10th grade in parts. If she likes computers, then for a bright future in computer engineering one should be sound in mathematics. Without giving NEET, you have a lot of options in the medical field. It is highly suggested that instead of focusing on the available fields right now, it would be suggested that you explore the options in 2027 when your daughter will be in the 12th grade. According to her interest at that time, it will be more suitable to choose the options instead of thinking at this stage. Hence the options available are not suggested to you at this early stage. But to suggest, it is better to appear for NEET and get a mark memo (with any score) which will be very useful at the time of admission to many courses related to the medical field.
Best of luck to your daughter for the upcoming examinations and a bright future.
If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.
Radheshyam

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