Hi Anu, I would like to be anonymous.I got cheated by my boyfriend in my 20s and was in depression. My parents thought that it would be nice if I get married to someone who is elder to me and we'll settled.They got me a match who is 13 years elder than me. Joint family, one sister separated with her kid in the same house, one unmarried.I said yes but had the intuition that something is wrong. No one trusted me and I got married to the man. From Day 1, we were fighting. I tried to take help from my parents to get separated after a year but they didn't help me due to societal pressure. After my son born, he paid no attention towards my son and me for 7 months. But this time he told that he was busy at work. I returned to my in-laws.He tried to control everything –my friends, he restricted my social media accounts and also kept a screenshot of my conversation with my ex-boyfriend, threatening me to reveal it to my mom and dad. He also had the habit of not talking for 2-3 months in the same house. He did it for almost 10 years and pressurised me to have a second child. During my pregnancy, he yelled at me calling me mad and fought with me. He called my father and told him I am mad and sent me to my mom and dad again for delivery.Keeping my elder son for reference he tells to come back again. He doesn't provide any financial support and is threatening again with screenshots.He often checks my mobile without my permission affecting my BP. I don't know why? I lost my sleep at night for several months by now. I am not able to concentrate on anything. Negative thoughts occupy my mind. I have a kid of 1.5 years with me.Please help. I am mentally devastated. Thank you.
Ans: Dear K,
What advice will you give a close friend if she came to you with the same problem that you have stated? Will you ask her to reconcile or keep her sanity intact?
Controlling the spouse is a classic way of coping for insecurity related issues within a relationship.
Being years older to you and having a young wife possibly might have given him goosebumps of you being attractive to people your age.
Whatever the reason, being passive aggressive and registering his insecurity through not talking for months, stalking you, monitoring your social media accounts, threatening to blackmail you with screenshots from your previous affairs; does it all sound like he is a person who you want to spend your life with?
If you still feel there is small chance and you want to, seek the help of a professional who can work with him and then the two of you to create an element of trust that is absolutely missing.
Any relationship that lacks trust, just crumbles as the foundation is weak and every little act that questions the other person’s integrity drives a further wedge.
You have a child that is dependent on you; be strong and whichever way that you choose, drive it…Inaction is what is causing you health issues, so do something NOW.
All the best and Be Strong.