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Single Man, 36, Struggles to Find Love: What Could Be the Reason?

Ravi

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 20, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 14, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I'm soon to be 36 M, unmarried and never had any relationship in all my years, I have registered myself with many matrimony sites and have been searching for a girl or maybe a woman now, for last 5 or 6 years. My problem is that most girls in matrimonial reject me out right for reason like looks, money/property, age, etc, now I have asked some of my friends discreetly about my looks and I'm very confident about myself, also I know I do earn good bucks, despite that I don't understand what could be possible reason to not even have a single conversation before they reject someone. I have even tried my hands on dating apps, but I have not had success there as well. Some time I feel worthless and have breakdowns because of this. I don't have anyone to share this with and I know no one cares about it anyway as everyone has their own problem and you will be the last thing in their mind. I know the answer I'm going to get here - "keep trying", "life is not fair" etc, but I feel this is total crap, why does no women want a man who would respect her and care for her, why cry later for justice, domestic violence and cheating. After all this, I'm losing hope that I'll find my or any love in this world.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I agree what's happening to you is not fair, and however you are feeling right now, it is valid. But having said that, you can't justify saying "why cry later for justice, domestic violence and cheating." These are entirely different and serious matters. Do not trivialize them. Rejecting a man who would've loved her does not automatically mean the woman deserves to find a man who should cheat, beat, or abuse her.

Now, coming to your issue, rejection comes for several reasons; it doesn't necessarily have to do anything with your appearance. Since you mentioned getting rejected even before a conversation, my first guess would be that the profile might not be standing out in the crowd of profiles out there. You can try adding hints of humor to your BIO to make it more attractive. Use the 70-30 method in your Bio, where 70% of it showcases you as a person and the remaining 30 subtly indicates your version of an ideal partner. Additionally, try optimizing your DP and select something that shows your fun side.

But I would like to remind you that not everyone's love story runs at the same pace; some take time to start. I know you think it's cliched but people say it because it has truth to it- keep going; I am sure you will find someone.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2023Hindi
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Hello Gurus! I am 40 yr divorced NRI man in the UK. I have a 10 yr old son and he lives with his mum in a different country. I have visitation rights and I meet him regularly. I have been divorced for 6 years now. I have been trying to date since last 5 years and it has been quite a frustrating experience. I do not want to jump to Matrimonial Sites as I would prefer to date someone to know them better before deciding to settle in a committed relationship. Also, there are many frauds on the Matrimonial Sites. My challenge is that most of the single women in the age range of 36 – 42 that I have met in last 5 yrs is that either they have unstable career and looking for someone to depend upon or if they have a career, they are arrogant and unruly. Though I look decent, I don’t have looks as a criteria. I worry sometimes if will I ever find love and affection in my life. Apart from the dating apps, where else do you suggest I could try to meet decent and normal woman?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I hear your concern but I don't think it has anything to do with the mode of dating. Online or IRL, rude people will continue to be rude everywhere. Also, not everyone with a stable career is arrogant and unruly, men and women alike.

Apart from dating apps, you can try finding love IRL. You can try going to clubs, cafes, or social gatherings to meet like-minded women. Or you can ask your friends to set you up with someone who matches your criteria. You can join some activity of your liking to find women who prefer the same things as you. Start with a HI and see where it goes.

You can find a decent human being even in a dating app. It is a matter of patience, a pinch of luck, and primarily a good amount of effort from your end. To get better results, try mentioning your intents in your bio; for instance, you want to date and then move on to marriage- mention the same in your bio to attract the right kind of people.


Best Wishes!

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Ravi

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

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hi, i am navin 33 years old never had a girl friend still date. let me tell you about my self. i am 5.45 ft 164 cm and with shoes close to 5.5 ft. i am obese will come to it later. i am a ba hons graduate in game design and hold two post graduate diplomas one in game programming and one in digital marketing. I have my own video game studio where i make video games. my mom owns two business one is a advertising agency in chennai and one is a imported teak furniture store in bangalore. my dad after his retirement working in an different advertising agency helps my mom in her furniture store. since i live with my parents i do investing and options trading as well. my mom is a malyali and dad is a telgu. even though obese and i am brown/fair compared to others in india. i am on matrimony and on dating, dating been there for a long time and matrimony from October 2021. still now i haven't gotten a single proper match when i send a request its a immediate reject for all the reasons above i can handle the rejection that doesn't bother me but there are times people immediately block me on what's app or my profile on matrimony or dating. it is frustrating and sad what should i do? how should i move on
Ans: Dear Navin,

I understand that it can be frustrating, but as you mentioned, do not take any of these rejections personally. The flaw is not in you, it's in their mindset. Now, what are the things that you can do? First thing, why don't you write about yourself in your bio just like the way you did here? It gives people a fair idea of who you are and also an amazing glimpse at the fact that you are transparent and genuine. You do not mean to mislead anyone. These traits are not easy to find in today's world.

Next, I am glad to see that you are not conscious about your obesity but it isn't really a healthy way to live. If there is no underlying disease causing the weight gain, you can start working on it. Don't do it to impress women and get a date; do it for yourself. Working on improving your health is a wonderful quality and many women appreciate that.

Lastly, look for people with the same personality type, similar likes and dislikes, shared values, and so on for a smoother interaction. Just keep trying. Finding love can take some time. It will happen for sure.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 32 year old male. I have contentment in all major aspects of life such as job, money, friends, family, fun etc. But everytime I try to bring a girl into my life everything just turns in to chaos. There is a lot of pressure from from family, friends and almost everyone that I know for me to get married. But I cannot accept just anyone in my life through matrimony sites or references. I am afraid that the hard work that I have put in all these years to make my life comfortable will be shaken up by marriage. I cannot choose people by their attributes but have to just develop a liking for them. Similarly I have no interest in how a girl looks, what job she does or any material aspects. I am happy with someone who choses me completely and is committed to me. Unfortunately I couldn't find anyone such and I am in the phase of saying no to marriage completely as life is good as it is. I had a girlfriend when I was 25 and she left me after 5 years of relationship because her parents did not accept which I respected. Could connect with anyone else until this year who also left me after an year because her parents will not agree as my parents are not rich enough. I cannot connect with anyone else physically or emotionally. I think it's injustice to the woman I marry if I marry her just for the sake of society. I am completely confused, could you please share your expertise on this. Thanks in advance!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It's amazing how you are putting other people's needs over yours. That's very selfless of you. If you don't feel you are ready to commit, there is no rush; no matter what people say. I understand that societal pressure can be very tough, but as you said, being in an incompatible relationship will be tougher on both you and the woman. All I can say here is wait. You are content with your life, and that is more than most people have. Focus on that. Make it even better. If and when the time is right, you will meet someone, and things will fall into place. It might sound cliche, but trust me, this is the best thing to do. Again, I repeat, do not give in to peer pressure. No good things can come out of it.

Best Wishes.

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 15, 2025

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My son is interested in electrical engineering. He may get ee at iit bhu. Iit gandhi nagar, indore. Patna ans bhubaneswar. Please advise me to choice filling at josaa sir
Ans: Meera Madam, on 12th evening itself you would have filled the right choices. However, for information, your son's choice filling strategy should prioritize institutions demonstrating superior placement consistency and career prospects while considering cutoff accessibility. IIT Indore leads with exceptional 96.88% electrical engineering placement rates, Rs 25.70 LPA average packages, superior infrastructure, and NIRF ranking #16, followed by IIT BHU offering 82.40% placement rates, Rs 22.56 LPA averages, and established industry connections at NIRF ranking #10. IIT Bhubaneswar provides solid 82% placement rates with Rs 19.4 LPA packages and growing reputation, while IIT Gandhinagar shows concerning 34.88% placement rates despite higher average packages, and IIT Patna demonstrates moderate 64.89% placement rates with lower compensation levels. The cutoff accessibility follows: IIT Gandhinagar (2282-3826), IIT Indore (2390-3673), IIT BHU (2343-3493), IIT Patna (data unavailable), and IIT Bhubaneswar (5585-7242), indicating varying admission difficulty levels. Recommendation: Prioritize IIT Indore electrical engineering for its exceptional 96.88% placement rate, superior infrastructure, and strong industry connections, followed by IIT BHU for established reputation and consistent 82.40% placement performance, then IIT Bhubaneswar for solid career prospects, while considering IIT Gandhinagar and IIT Patna as lower priorities due to placement challenges and moderate performance respectively. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 12, 2025
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Sir I have a chance to get Mathematics & computing in JIIT noida (main campus) and IT branch in JSS noida. I want to have a career in CS field(SDE), but I'm confused between these two as even though JIIT is a much better option, Mathematics and computing is started in 2024 only so there is no placement record. Sir please tell which is a better option for me?
Ans: Your choice between JIIT Noida Mathematics & Computing and JSS Noida IT presents distinct advantages, with JIIT offering superior institutional reputation, exceptional 107% placement rates, proven industry connections through 214 visiting companies including Microsoft, Amazon, and Google, comprehensive faculty expertise with 100+ experienced members, and specialized Mathematics & Computing curriculum providing strong SDE career preparation through algorithm design, computational mathematics, and programming foundations despite being newly launched in 2024. JSS Noida IT demonstrates solid 87-92% placement consistency, significant cost savings at INR 2.45 lakhs versus JIIT's INR 12.73 lakhs, established IT program track record, and decent industry connections with companies like TCS, Infosys, and Amazon, though with lower-tier recruitment compared to JIIT's premium placement ecosystem. Mathematics & Computing graduates typically receive equal opportunities as CSE/IT students for SDE roles across technology companies, while JIIT's centralized placement system and superior brand recognition provide better long-term career prospects despite the new program's lack of specific placement history. Recommendation: Choose JIIT Noida Mathematics & Computing for its superior placement infrastructure, proven industry partnerships, specialized curriculum aligned with SDE career goals, and institutional excellence that provides optimal career prospects despite higher costs and new program status, as the established placement ecosystem and premium recruiters offer better long-term career advantages compared to JSS Noida's cost-effective but limited placement opportunities. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 15, 2025

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My son has got computer science and bioscience at MUJ and CSE at vit ap.kindly advice
Ans: Ayandev Sir, Your son faces a strategic choice between MUJ Computer Science and Bioscience offering specialized interdisciplinary education with 93% placement rates, INR 9.50 LPA average packages, unique positioning in rapidly expanding bioinformatics sector, and career opportunities spanning biotechnology, healthcare, pharmaceuticals at total costs of INR 13.00 lakhs versus VIT AP CSE providing traditional computer science education with INR 14.43 LPA average packages, established VIT brand recognition, broader career flexibility across technology sectors, and significant cost advantages at INR 4.87-7.8 lakhs total investment . MUJ's Computer Science and Bioscience program addresses emerging market demands with bioinformatics professionals earning competitive packages and growing opportunities in genomics, drug discovery, and computational biology, while VIT AP CSE offers proven placement consistency and immediate technology sector access . The interdisciplinary approach at MUJ provides specialized expertise combining computer science with biological sciences, creating unique career pathways in biotechnology companies, pharmaceutical research, and healthcare IT sectors experiencing sustained growth . Recommendation: Choose VIT AP CSE for superior cost-effectiveness, proven placement performance, broader career flexibility in established technology sectors, and strong return on investment, unless your son demonstrates specific passion for interdisciplinary biological sciences and accepts the higher financial commitment for MUJ's specialized bioinformatics positioning in emerging biotechnology markets. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 15, 2025

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Good Morning sir. Pls,suggest the better mechanical engg option between SASTRA and IIITDM KANCHEEPURAM. Thanks.
Ans: Your choice between SASTRA mechanical engineering and IIITDM Kancheepuram presents distinct advantages, with SASTRA offering 90% overall placement rates, traditional mechanical curriculum, established industry connections with core companies like Ashok Leyland and TVS Motors, comprehensive laboratory facilities, and NIRF ranking #38 Engineering category, while IIITDM Kancheepuram provides 47% mechanical placement rates, innovative Smart Manufacturing specialization, government institution status, significantly lower fees, modern infrastructure, and focus on Industry 4.0 technologies. SASTRA demonstrates superior placement consistency with 1,621 BTech students placed from 1,823 eligible candidates maintaining 89% rates across 2022-2024, whereas IIITDM shows declining trends from 97% in 2022 to 40.10% in 2025. SASTRA's conventional curriculum suits traditional mechanical careers and GATE preparation, while IIITDM's design-oriented approach aligns with emerging manufacturing technologies and interdisciplinary engineering. Recommendation: Choose SASTRA University mechanical engineering for superior placement consistency, established industry partnerships, comprehensive core mechanical education, and proven track record with traditional mechanical recruiters, unless cost constraints are primary concern or you specifically prefer innovative Smart Manufacturing specialization and government institution benefits offered by IIITDM Kancheepuram. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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