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Seeking advice on juggling work, family and relocation: Mumbai vs Noida?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |358 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I have gone my job switch from Noida to Mumbai is banking industry. My wife works in IT firm Gurgaon require to go to office quarterly for 3 days. We have shifted to Mumbai and living in Kandivali east Lokhandwala township. I have daughter 2.5 yrs old we used to send her to playgroup in Noida which have live cctv camera access for parents. In mumbai, it is raining these days and playgroups don't have cctv access to parents. Also accomodation rent is high. Wife wanted to go to Noida and stay there with kid. They will hire maid also full time. My travelling time is also very high 2.30 hrs one side from office to home end to end. Struggling to adjust in mumbai. Because of small houses, playgroup quality, cultural issue , everything. We want advise whether we stay together in mumbai and how things are going or send family to Noida and i am shifting near by office in Lower Parel.

Ans: From a relationship perspective, it's crucial to balance the emotional and practical aspects of your decision. Staying together in Mumbai strengthens your bond and allows you to support each other daily. However, the high living costs, small spaces, and lack of quality playgroups with CCTV access can add stress, compounded by your long commute.

If your wife and daughter move to Noida, they would have a more comfortable environment and better childcare options. However, this means you'll miss daily interactions and could feel emotionally distant over time.

Consider moving closer to your workplace in Mumbai, like Lower Parel, to reduce your commute and spend more time with your family. Also, explore local playgroup options thoroughly, as you might find one that meets your security concerns.

Ultimately, prioritize what provides the most stability and happiness for your family. Open communication with your wife about your concerns and potential solutions is key. Whether you stay in Mumbai or consider temporary separation, ensure regular visits and communication to maintain your bond and stay involved in your daughter's upbringing.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi, request you to give me some advise in a sticklish issue I am in.. i presently work in Gurgaon with a good stable job having good salary and perks / benefits.. I am married and have two kids (8 and 1 years old). My wife used to work initially but after the first kid had stopped working and used to freelance just to keep herself occupied and we never really relied on the money she used to make. Now she is getting together with some of her friends to start an business avenue in Bangalore for which she will have to be constantly at Bangalore . She keeps saying that she will keep travelling to n fro but sometimes she says let's just shift there. I am not averse to shifting but I work in a niche area for which there.is not much scope in southern India . At best. Mumbai is the next lucrative option.. my wife also says that she will take the younger one with her and also would prefer to take the elder one with her and get her admitted at Bangalore. Problem is i will be left alone. I want my wife to be happy and don't want to stop her though all the elders in the family like her parents are against it. I feel some how that stopping her forcefully is not going to keep her happy which will.only manifest into unhappiness for all of us . I hve tried talking to her about it but she keeps parroting that this is my dream and I want to do it come what may. So I feel like I am no longer a priority. Also I feel she spends more time on phone with her friends rather than with me though I also appreciate that a start up would need time and effort. Between i am 40 years and she is 3 years younger than me.. Please advise me what should I do and react. I am sometimes very lost these days. I have even had bouts of BP even though I am not a BP patient. I sometimes ask myself the question why did I ever get married. My life seemed fine before all these developments. I am really lost in this sea of issues. I used to feel that I have been blessed with a wonderful life by God , great family, job everything that this issue is loosing my sanity . kindly help and advise for heavens sake before I go into depression or something like that .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's a lot of turmoil, I can agree...
Before making a decision, as a couple, here's a few brainstorming points:
- How are finances going to be impacted with two different establishments? (Mumbai and Bangalore are very expensive cities to live in)
- How is the baby going to be cared for while Mom is away working? (Start ups demand a lot of time and energy and the baby needs a lot of stimulation to have a steady growth; physically and emotionally)
- How will the older child cope with the shift, and live without having the Mom around? (Age 8 is too young to be able to fathom this separation and this can lead to anxiety related issues later in life)

Of course, you are being kind and being selfless wanting to support your wife's career, but separating the family at this juncture will have its side effects; not being cynical or judgemental BUT it's a fact that a family that stays together, prospers together.

The other option is: you shift to Bangalore OR she continues in Mumbai...Now, you will need to do the same exercise as above as couple factoring in how either decision will impact the other. But the huge gain is: The children will have their parents together at a tender age and focus on their childhood...

You win some, You lose some, right? Every decision will involve a fair amount of navigation to arrive at what's best!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Ashwini

Ashwini Dasgupta  |84 Answers  |Ask -

Personality Development Expert, Career Coach - Answered on Aug 09, 2024

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Career
Hi, request you to give me some advise in a sticklish issue I am in.. i presently work in Gurgaon with a good stable job having good salary and perks / benefits.. I am married and have two kids (8 and 1 years old). My wife used to work initially but after the first kid had stopped working and used to freelance just to keep herself occupied and we never really relied on the money she used to make. Now she is getting together with some of her friends to start an business avenue in Bangalore for which she will have to be constantly at Bangalore . She keeps saying that she will keep travelling to n fro but sometimes she says let's just shift there. I am not averse to shifting but I work in a niche area for which there.is not much scope in southern India . At best. Mumbai is the next lucrative option.. my wife also says that she will take the younger one with her and also would prefer to take the elder one with her and get her admitted at Bangalore. Problem is i will be left alone. I want my wife to be happy and don't want to stop her though all the elders in the family like her parents are against it. I feel some how that stopping her forcefully is not going to keep her happy which will.only manifest into unhappiness for all of us . I hve tried talking to her about it but she keeps parroting that this is my dream and I want to do it come what may. So I feel like I am no longer a priority. Also I feel she spends more time on phone with her friends rather than with me though I also appreciate that a start up would need time and effort. Between i am 40 years and she is 3 years younger than me.. Please advise me what should I do and react. I am sometimes very lost these days. I have even had bouts of BP even though I am not a BP patient. I sometimes ask myself the question why did I ever get married. My life seemed fine before all these developments. I am really lost in this sea of issues. I used to feel that I have been blessed with a wonderful life by God , great family, job everything that this issue is loosing my sanity . kindly help and advise for heavens sake before I go into depression or something like that .
Ans: Dear Sir,
Few of the consideration you may look at-

Have an open and honest conversation laying down the facts. Ensure the conversation is calm and composed and not pointing out at each other. Express you concerns, fears and impact that it will have on the relationships and on your mental health.

Explore compromises at both the ends that would work for you. For example- can your wife manage the business remotely for part of the time or could you both agree on a trial period in bangalore? Discuss how can you support each other's goal while maintaining each other's stability.

Consider your career and well being- If relocating to Bangalore is not viable for you professionally, discuss alternative ways to support your wife’s business venture while staying in Gurgaon or finding a middle ground.

Seek professional guidance- You may wish to consider a counselor who can guide you both and help come with a midway

Focus on the bigger picture- Analyses a bit who to see how you both can help each other.

At any given point of time if you feel overwhelmed then dont hesitate to take the professional help. Emotional and metal health is of utmost important.

Thanks
Ashwini Dasgupta
www.ashwinidasguta.com
Author of Confidence Decoded. Is it a skill or attitude?

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Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister looking after the baby.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your husband wants a family without responsibilities and that's why neither is he interested in the baby nor in paying the bills...This is not just insensitivity but lack of emotional immaturity and the unwillingness to take on responsibilities head on...Approach a senior male member within the family who is someone that has been a role model to others in terms executing family responsibilities and is also caring and affectionate. This person can appeal to your husband and talk some sense into him.

If there's no one that fits the bill, the only option is to go to a professional for Couples Therapy. There's a reason why your husband avoids his duties as a husband and father and that needs to be uncovered and sorted out. It will also help the two of bond and connect better. Make this attempt before jumping into divorce; separating is a whole different world that comes with its own set of challenges and with the baby now in the picture, work at the marriage and putting things together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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