Hi, request you to give me some advise in a sticklish issue I am in.. i presently work in Gurgaon with a good stable job having good salary and perks / benefits.. I am married and have two kids (8 and 1 years old). My wife used to work initially but after the first kid had stopped working and used to freelance just to keep herself occupied and we never really relied on the money she used to make. Now she is getting together with some of her friends to start an business avenue in Bangalore for which she will have to be constantly at Bangalore . She keeps saying that she will keep travelling to n fro but sometimes she says let's just shift there. I am not averse to shifting but I work in a niche area for which there.is not much scope in southern India . At best. Mumbai is the next lucrative option.. my wife also says that she will take the younger one with her and also would prefer to take the elder one with her and get her admitted at Bangalore. Problem is i will be left alone. I want my wife to be happy and don't want to stop her though all the elders in the family like her parents are against it. I feel some how that stopping her forcefully is not going to keep her happy which will.only manifest into unhappiness for all of us . I hve tried talking to her about it but she keeps parroting that this is my dream and I want to do it come what may. So I feel like I am no longer a priority. Also I feel she spends more time on phone with her friends rather than with me though I also appreciate that a start up would need time and effort. Between i am 40 years and she is 3 years younger than me.. Please advise me what should I do and react. I am sometimes very lost these days. I have even had bouts of BP even though I am not a BP patient. I sometimes ask myself the question why did I ever get married. My life seemed fine before all these developments. I am really lost in this sea of issues. I used to feel that I have been blessed with a wonderful life by God , great family, job everything that this issue is loosing my sanity . kindly help and advise for heavens sake before I go into depression or something like that .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's a lot of turmoil, I can agree...
Before making a decision, as a couple, here's a few brainstorming points:
- How are finances going to be impacted with two different establishments? (Mumbai and Bangalore are very expensive cities to live in)
- How is the baby going to be cared for while Mom is away working? (Start ups demand a lot of time and energy and the baby needs a lot of stimulation to have a steady growth; physically and emotionally)
- How will the older child cope with the shift, and live without having the Mom around? (Age 8 is too young to be able to fathom this separation and this can lead to anxiety related issues later in life)
Of course, you are being kind and being selfless wanting to support your wife's career, but separating the family at this juncture will have its side effects; not being cynical or judgemental BUT it's a fact that a family that stays together, prospers together.
The other option is: you shift to Bangalore OR she continues in Mumbai...Now, you will need to do the same exercise as above as couple factoring in how either decision will impact the other. But the huge gain is: The children will have their parents together at a tender age and focus on their childhood...
You win some, You lose some, right? Every decision will involve a fair amount of navigation to arrive at what's best!
All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
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