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Seeking advice on juggling work, family and relocation: Mumbai vs Noida?

Kanchan Rai |552 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 23, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I have gone my job switch from Noida to Mumbai is banking industry. My wife works in IT firm Gurgaon require to go to office quarterly for 3 days. We have shifted to Mumbai and living in Kandivali east Lokhandwala township. I have daughter 2.5 yrs old we used to send her to playgroup in Noida which have live cctv camera access for parents. In mumbai, it is raining these days and playgroups don't have cctv access to parents. Also accomodation rent is high. Wife wanted to go to Noida and stay there with kid. They will hire maid also full time. My travelling time is also very high 2.30 hrs one side from office to home end to end. Struggling to adjust in mumbai. Because of small houses, playgroup quality, cultural issue , everything. We want advise whether we stay together in mumbai and how things are going or send family to Noida and i am shifting near by office in Lower Parel.

Ans: From a relationship perspective, it's crucial to balance the emotional and practical aspects of your decision. Staying together in Mumbai strengthens your bond and allows you to support each other daily. However, the high living costs, small spaces, and lack of quality playgroups with CCTV access can add stress, compounded by your long commute.

If your wife and daughter move to Noida, they would have a more comfortable environment and better childcare options. However, this means you'll miss daily interactions and could feel emotionally distant over time.

Consider moving closer to your workplace in Mumbai, like Lower Parel, to reduce your commute and spend more time with your family. Also, explore local playgroup options thoroughly, as you might find one that meets your security concerns.

Ultimately, prioritize what provides the most stability and happiness for your family. Open communication with your wife about your concerns and potential solutions is key. Whether you stay in Mumbai or consider temporary separation, ensure regular visits and communication to maintain your bond and stay involved in your daughter's upbringing.

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Anu Krishna |1545 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi, request you to give me some advise in a sticklish issue I am in.. i presently work in Gurgaon with a good stable job having good salary and perks / benefits.. I am married and have two kids (8 and 1 years old). My wife used to work initially but after the first kid had stopped working and used to freelance just to keep herself occupied and we never really relied on the money she used to make. Now she is getting together with some of her friends to start an business avenue in Bangalore for which she will have to be constantly at Bangalore . She keeps saying that she will keep travelling to n fro but sometimes she says let's just shift there. I am not averse to shifting but I work in a niche area for which there.is not much scope in southern India . At best. Mumbai is the next lucrative option.. my wife also says that she will take the younger one with her and also would prefer to take the elder one with her and get her admitted at Bangalore. Problem is i will be left alone. I want my wife to be happy and don't want to stop her though all the elders in the family like her parents are against it. I feel some how that stopping her forcefully is not going to keep her happy which will.only manifest into unhappiness for all of us . I hve tried talking to her about it but she keeps parroting that this is my dream and I want to do it come what may. So I feel like I am no longer a priority. Also I feel she spends more time on phone with her friends rather than with me though I also appreciate that a start up would need time and effort. Between i am 40 years and she is 3 years younger than me.. Please advise me what should I do and react. I am sometimes very lost these days. I have even had bouts of BP even though I am not a BP patient. I sometimes ask myself the question why did I ever get married. My life seemed fine before all these developments. I am really lost in this sea of issues. I used to feel that I have been blessed with a wonderful life by God , great family, job everything that this issue is loosing my sanity . kindly help and advise for heavens sake before I go into depression or something like that .

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's a lot of turmoil, I can agree...
Before making a decision, as a couple, here's a few brainstorming points:
- How are finances going to be impacted with two different establishments? (Mumbai and Bangalore are very expensive cities to live in)
- How is the baby going to be cared for while Mom is away working? (Start ups demand a lot of time and energy and the baby needs a lot of stimulation to have a steady growth; physically and emotionally)
- How will the older child cope with the shift, and live without having the Mom around? (Age 8 is too young to be able to fathom this separation and this can lead to anxiety related issues later in life)

Of course, you are being kind and being selfless wanting to support your wife's career, but separating the family at this juncture will have its side effects; not being cynical or judgemental BUT it's a fact that a family that stays together, prospers together.

The other option is: you shift to Bangalore OR she continues in Mumbai...Now, you will need to do the same exercise as above as couple factoring in how either decision will impact the other. But the huge gain is: The children will have their parents together at a tender age and focus on their childhood...

You win some, You lose some, right? Every decision will involve a fair amount of navigation to arrive at what's best!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Question by vigg - Aug 07, 2024Hindi

Career

Hi, request you to give me some advise in a sticklish issue I am in.. i presently work in Gurgaon with a good stable job having good salary and perks / benefits.. I am married and have two kids (8 and 1 years old). My wife used to work initially but after the first kid had stopped working and used to freelance just to keep herself occupied and we never really relied on the money she used to make. Now she is getting together with some of her friends to start an business avenue in Bangalore for which she will have to be constantly at Bangalore . She keeps saying that she will keep travelling to n fro but sometimes she says let's just shift there. I am not averse to shifting but I work in a niche area for which there.is not much scope in southern India . At best. Mumbai is the next lucrative option.. my wife also says that she will take the younger one with her and also would prefer to take the elder one with her and get her admitted at Bangalore. Problem is i will be left alone. I want my wife to be happy and don't want to stop her though all the elders in the family like her parents are against it. I feel some how that stopping her forcefully is not going to keep her happy which will.only manifest into unhappiness for all of us . I hve tried talking to her about it but she keeps parroting that this is my dream and I want to do it come what may. So I feel like I am no longer a priority. Also I feel she spends more time on phone with her friends rather than with me though I also appreciate that a start up would need time and effort. Between i am 40 years and she is 3 years younger than me.. Please advise me what should I do and react. I am sometimes very lost these days. I have even had bouts of BP even though I am not a BP patient. I sometimes ask myself the question why did I ever get married. My life seemed fine before all these developments. I am really lost in this sea of issues. I used to feel that I have been blessed with a wonderful life by God , great family, job everything that this issue is loosing my sanity . kindly help and advise for heavens sake before I go into depression or something like that .

Ans: Dear Sir,
Few of the consideration you may look at-

Have an open and honest conversation laying down the facts. Ensure the conversation is calm and composed and not pointing out at each other. Express you concerns, fears and impact that it will have on the relationships and on your mental health.

Explore compromises at both the ends that would work for you. For example- can your wife manage the business remotely for part of the time or could you both agree on a trial period in bangalore? Discuss how can you support each other's goal while maintaining each other's stability.

Consider your career and well being- If relocating to Bangalore is not viable for you professionally, discuss alternative ways to support your wife’s business venture while staying in Gurgaon or finding a middle ground.

Seek professional guidance- You may wish to consider a counselor who can guide you both and help come with a midway

Focus on the bigger picture- Analyses a bit who to see how you both can help each other.

At any given point of time if you feel overwhelmed then dont hesitate to take the professional help. Emotional and metal health is of utmost important.

Thanks
Ashwini Dasgupta
www.ashwinidasguta.com
Author of Confidence Decoded. Is it a skill or attitude?

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I am a younger sibling and my older sister is out of India post marriage that is since 16 years after her wedding. But now as my luck had it in store, I need to move out of country with my spouse. This puts strain and constraint on how to manage the single living for my mother. She is 79, active but living alone is scary. Right now, we are managing it somehow since I am in the same city and can keep visiting. Also, I will have to quit my well set job and restart a career/studies rather late in life. We have no kids. To this situation, my sister is not reacting well. She is completely blaming me for taking this decision - and it seems judging me at every step. She keeps telling me how a woman needs to continue to earn, not to give up on life, career, money - but she does not understand my life and her life are completely different. She is healthy, wealthy, with kids - i have none of the above. I am tired of talking to her - she does not see any joy in this decision, and seems is also wary of being more responsible towards my mother. She mentions that mother will live with her now - but it is practically not going to happen, we all know that. I do not know what to do? I do respect her, and i know her intentions are honest - but judging me and degrading our decision is too much. I just need to let it be - i mean, even if this decision is failure, it is my failure.

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Dear sir, I have been NRI since 1996, every year saying outside India for averaging 190 to 250 days. Salaried employee working wirh resident visa in Qatar. Now I want to retire. This year my LTCG from sale of debt fund was 14,80,000. I nay have around 45,000 dividends in India from shares. So, will cross 15 lakh Indian income. I have two questions: first if I do more than 120 days in India then I will become RNOR this year and can use my exemption limit of 3 lakh to offset LTCG of 2 lakhs. Is it correct? Second Question is if I do less than 120 days in India, my status this year too will remain NRI. So, if I NRI for all 29 years, will it give me an extra year of RNOR status in India? How to determine whether I will be RNOR for 2 years or three. 3 years RNOR gives me advantage to keep my most of money in RFC accounts to get tax free interest. Most of my savings are in FCNR accounts only. Suggest will I get 3 years RNOR after retirement or not by keeping NRI status this year or make this year RNOR and no loss.

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3rd for FCNR account, please confirm with Bank

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I do class 12 in 2021 with 84 percentage marks but jee eligibility creteria is over i can do class 12 again from nios board in 2025 and give jee advance examin 2026

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A candidate can attempt JEE Advanced only twice in two consecutive years after passing Class 12. If you pass Class 12 from NIOS in 2025, you will be eligible for JEE Advanced in 2025 and 2026. But be sure to score min 75% in the NIOS board exam for JEE (Adv) eligibility. Best of luck to you for your upcoming examinations.

Follow me if you like a prompt reply. Else ask again.
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sir i have filled my jee mains session 2 form now can i change my category general to ews

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Actually while filling out the form and that too second time, one has to take immense care. Yet, you can change it. But wait for the "Correction Window" opened by NTA. Regularly visit the NTA-JEE web site for announcements.

Follow me if you like a prompt reply. Else ask again.
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