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Stuck in a marriage rut: Help my wife pursue her dreams without sacrificing my career and family

Ashwini Dasgupta |99 Answers |Ask -Follow

Personality Development Expert, Career Coach - Answered on Aug 09, 2024

Ashwini Dasgupta is a personality development coach and a neuro-linguistic programming trainer.
She has 15 years of experience training corporate professionals and has worked at Amazon, JP Morgan, Nomura and Satyam among others.
As a career coach, Ashwini specialises in helping growth-minded IT corporate managers develop their self-worth and create the right mindset so that they can achieve their career goals.
Besides corporate training, she offers personal consultations as well.
Ashwini holds a master’s degree in human resources from the Narsee Monjee Institute of Management Studies, Mumbai, and is a certified NLP trainer from the National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA.
She has completed her soft skills training and image consultancy course from the Image Consulting Business Institute, Mumbai
Ashwini is also a PoSH trainer, certified by the Society for Human Resource Management.... more

Question by vigg on Aug 07, 2024Hindi

Hi, request you to give me some advise in a sticklish issue I am in.. i presently work in Gurgaon with a good stable job having good salary and perks / benefits.. I am married and have two kids (8 and 1 years old). My wife used to work initially but after the first kid had stopped working and used to freelance just to keep herself occupied and we never really relied on the money she used to make. Now she is getting together with some of her friends to start an business avenue in Bangalore for which she will have to be constantly at Bangalore . She keeps saying that she will keep travelling to n fro but sometimes she says let's just shift there. I am not averse to shifting but I work in a niche area for which there.is not much scope in southern India . At best. Mumbai is the next lucrative option.. my wife also says that she will take the younger one with her and also would prefer to take the elder one with her and get her admitted at Bangalore. Problem is i will be left alone. I want my wife to be happy and don't want to stop her though all the elders in the family like her parents are against it. I feel some how that stopping her forcefully is not going to keep her happy which will.only manifest into unhappiness for all of us . I hve tried talking to her about it but she keeps parroting that this is my dream and I want to do it come what may. So I feel like I am no longer a priority. Also I feel she spends more time on phone with her friends rather than with me though I also appreciate that a start up would need time and effort. Between i am 40 years and she is 3 years younger than me.. Please advise me what should I do and react. I am sometimes very lost these days. I have even had bouts of BP even though I am not a BP patient. I sometimes ask myself the question why did I ever get married. My life seemed fine before all these developments. I am really lost in this sea of issues. I used to feel that I have been blessed with a wonderful life by God , great family, job everything that this issue is loosing my sanity . kindly help and advise for heavens sake before I go into depression or something like that .

Ans: Dear Sir,
Few of the consideration you may look at-

Have an open and honest conversation laying down the facts. Ensure the conversation is calm and composed and not pointing out at each other. Express you concerns, fears and impact that it will have on the relationships and on your mental health.

Explore compromises at both the ends that would work for you. For example- can your wife manage the business remotely for part of the time or could you both agree on a trial period in bangalore? Discuss how can you support each other's goal while maintaining each other's stability.

Consider your career and well being- If relocating to Bangalore is not viable for you professionally, discuss alternative ways to support your wife’s business venture while staying in Gurgaon or finding a middle ground.

Seek professional guidance- You may wish to consider a counselor who can guide you both and help come with a midway

Focus on the bigger picture- Analyses a bit who to see how you both can help each other.

At any given point of time if you feel overwhelmed then dont hesitate to take the professional help. Emotional and metal health is of utmost important.

Thanks
Ashwini Dasgupta
www.ashwinidasguta.com
Author of Confidence Decoded. Is it a skill or attitude?

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