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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |295 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 19, 2023

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I got married an year back, an arranged marriage and life was okay till now. I accidentally saw my wife's phone and realized that she had an affair before marriage including physical relationship. when I confronted her, she accepted that it is true and that they have parted ways later. I am unable to accept the fact and have been living in separate rooms now. Please advise as to what to do now as I feel cheated and unable to accept her...

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am guessing your wife's past relationship ended before you two got married. If so, you have no reason to be upset. It's all in the past and everyone has one. Be it a physical relationship or an emotional one, if it was before you came into her life, it should not matter one bit. It is not even remotely close to cheating. Focus on your marriage.

The best way to do so is to sit with her and have an open discussion. It's best you don't push her for details because it would neither be comfortable for her to speak of it with her husband nor will you like hearing it. In short, it won't do your marriage any good. And it's not at all important in the current scenario. You cannot demand someone to disclose everything that happened before you came into their lives. It's up to them to reveal in their own time and convenience.

What's in the past should be there. Don't drag it to the present and ruin your lives. And don't forget that you love your partner and kindness does not cost a dime.

Best Wishes!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

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Relationship
Hi, I have been married since 2011 and have a son aged 9 yrs. My wife managed her professional career as well as home. I trusted her to the fullest and allowed her to go out of town alone for work purpose. However in 2017, my wife had an affair with her senior working in bank and it was physical relationship too. It lasted for almost 1.5 yr untill I caught her in August 2018. When confronted she did not had proper justification for doing such gross thing and tried too blame me. Since than she has no contact with that person and even she filed a complain in the office against that person for stalking. She is remorseful and shameful for her act, but i dont feel any attachment towards her. I am still continuing in marriage with mental trauma of affair. What should i do with marriage now?
Ans: Dear Saurav

Discovering that your wife has been unfaithful can be a traumatic experience, and it's understandable that you may be feeling hurt, angry, and betrayed. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and emotional health during this time.

Here are some steps that you can take to help you navigate this situation:

Seek support: Consider talking to a therapist, a trusted friend or family member, or a support group for individuals who have experienced infidelity. It's important to have someone to talk to who can provide a listening ear and a safe space for you to express your emotions.

Communicate: If you want to work on your relationship with your wife, it's important to communicate openly and honestly about your feelings. Let your wife know how her actions have affected you and what you need in order to move forward.

Set boundaries: It's important to set clear boundaries with your wife regarding what is and isn't acceptable behavior. If you choose to work on your relationship, make sure that your wife is willing to take responsibility for her actions and work towards rebuilding trust.

Consider counseling: If you and your wife want to work on your relationship, consider couples counseling. A trained therapist can help you and your wife communicate effectively and work through any underlying issues that may have contributed to the infidelity.

Take time to reflect: Consider what you want for your future and whether or not you are willing to work on your relationship. It's important to make a decision that feels right for you and your well-being.

Don't blame yourself: It's important to remember that your wife's infidelity is not your fault. While it's natural to feel responsible or to question what you could have done differently, ultimately the decision to cheat was your wife's alone.

It's important to acknowledge your own feelings and to take care of yourself during this time. With time and support, it's possible to heal and move forward from the trauma of infidelity. Ultimately, the decision about what to do with your marriage is up to you and your wife, and it's important to make a decision that feels right for both of you.

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