Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |420 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 19, 2023

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

I got married an year back, an arranged marriage and life was okay till now. I accidentally saw my wife's phone and realized that she had an affair before marriage including physical relationship. when I confronted her, she accepted that it is true and that they have parted ways later. I am unable to accept the fact and have been living in separate rooms now. Please advise as to what to do now as I feel cheated and unable to accept her...

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am guessing your wife's past relationship ended before you two got married. If so, you have no reason to be upset. It's all in the past and everyone has one. Be it a physical relationship or an emotional one, if it was before you came into her life, it should not matter one bit. It is not even remotely close to cheating. Focus on your marriage.

The best way to do so is to sit with her and have an open discussion. It's best you don't push her for details because it would neither be comfortable for her to speak of it with her husband nor will you like hearing it. In short, it won't do your marriage any good. And it's not at all important in the current scenario. You cannot demand someone to disclose everything that happened before you came into their lives. It's up to them to reveal in their own time and convenience.

What's in the past should be there. Don't drag it to the present and ruin your lives. And don't forget that you love your partner and kindness does not cost a dime.

Best Wishes!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1304 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I have been married from last 20 years. It's arrange marriage and before marriage told me let she had an affair with a har college friend dena hai asked that if any relation physical relation has been done she said no I trusted her and married her but after 4 years of marriage I am notice that she didn't paid any attention or don't love me I always thought that there are some mistakes from my side that's why she behave like this . From last 16 years I was suffering from the situation. Recently I come to know when I saw her mobile accidentally and I come to know that she has the same affair from last 16 years with the same guy when I ask about this she told me that it was by mistake I am sorry I won't do this again after some pressureise she also told me that she did a physical relation with him before marriage and after marriage too. I was shocked cause physically I am fit and capable to satisfy her with all the way still she cheated me. Now she confess me all the things and told me promise me that she won't do any mistake henceforth. But no problem is whenever I am trying to get physical or emotional with her some thoughts in my mind game that she did all the things with another guy and cheating me so I can't make any relation ship with her. How can I trust her again we have to kids 10 year each. Please tell me what to do I am frustrated
Ans: Dear Trade,
You need to decide if you wish to trust her or not. It is difficult obviously with what you have discovered. But if you have chosen to carry on within the marriage, the only way that the mind can be managed is to accept what has happened and work with how things are today.
Give your marriage another chance and only then you can work your work through otherwise you will spend time only thinking about her cheating and what she did with the other person which anyone is not working well for you.
So, are you ready to forgive and move on OR hold onto the past? No decision is right or wrong; it's just what you want and then when you make that decision, make everything else work in favor of that decision.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |420 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I am 39 years old. Married for 10 years. My wife had an extramarital affair with one boy when I was working away from her since we were both 10 years old. I found her red-handedly. She is asking for sorry. She made a mistake she will not do in the future like that she is telling me. I accepted her because of my son, but the problem is, I still can't forget because I blindly trusted her a lot and she betrayed me. I am unable to work despite living with her. Sometimes I feel depressed. Kindly guide me on what should I do.
Ans: Dear Eswar,

Your feelings are completely valid. Dealing with infidelity in a relationship is very difficult. Simply because you have forgiven your partner does not necessarily mean you have forgotten about it or have mentally dealt with it well. I suggest having an open conversation about your feelings with your wife. It is true that one mistake should not be the deciding factor, still, cheating is a pretty big mistake to forgive. If it is taking you some time to get over it, your wife has to help you get through it. When you do it together, it also helps the marriage grow. The best course of action would be to see a marriage counselor to get more structured guidance out of this.

Remember you do not have to rush yourself to feel all better. Infidelity is a traumatic experience for the one on the receiving end. Take all the time you need to get through it. And don't hold back from sharing with your wife how you are feeling. Open communication helps more than you know.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Archana

Archana Deshpande  |74 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
I am 21. I am a chronic overthinker. I am always thinking about what other people think about me or overanalysing situations and making things complicated. Is this a serious problem? What should I do?
Ans: Dear overthinker,

Thinking is a good trait to have, overthinking is not.

You literally have to STOP overthinking!!!

One way to overcome this is to stop thinking and become more action oriented. STOP analyzing everything in the head, put it on paper, there is something calming about putting thoughts on paper, writing them down with a pen and paper.
And then taking actions based on what you have written and no more thinking about it.

Indulge in physical activity, play a game which is more action oriented , this teaches you to be fully present in the moment, which helps you in being in the moment. Being fully present in the moment is what gets you out of overthinking.
Do meditate , I really can't enumerate all the benefits of meditation, what meditation does to people is beyond words.

There is a book called as, STOP OVERTHINKING by Nick Trenton, this book offers practical advice and exercises to help you break free from negative thoughts and worries. It provides evidence-based methods to combat overthinking and anxiety.

Another amazing book by Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of NOW", can help you.

There is no problem which can't be overcome, believe in yourself, you are more powerful than you think, the body and mind have to listen to you!!
What you think so you become, feed yourself the right thoughts and let the magic unfold.!!

All the best!!

...Read more

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |74 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
My manager is constantly manipulating his boss about me. Everyone in my team is aware that she is increasingly insecure about my success and feels threatened by me. She often gives incorrect and incomplete feedback due to which my manager feels that my manager is more efficient than I am. In the past, 4 people have quit or been foced to resign due to these politics. Should I also quit and move to another company or should I talk to the manager about this? Pls help
Ans: Hi!!

When I was working in the corporate world, the oft repeated quote was, "people don't leave the company ,they leave bad bosses".
Your manager's boss is your super boss, rt? Can't you go and speak to him directly and put your concerns across?
I am sure the HR must have noticed that people are quitting and might have explored the reasons why they are doing so too, do check with them.
I fail to understand why women should not cooperate with each other. You can also explore the option of talking directly to the manager and telling her if your actions in any way have caused some misunderstanding and if she says yes then you are willing to clear them. Also tell her that you are not eyeing her post and you are just trying to do your job well. I did the same with one of my bosses, it worked for me, we became the best of friends, we are still in touch. You need to think which is your best option and choose one from all the possible solutions I have mentioned. You can always quit, that's the last option I feel..

Hoping you choose wisely..All the very best!!

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x