After my father's death, all the goals of my life got washed away in Gangaji, my question is? For whom should life be lived, and what will we get from it?

Hello Anu Ma'am, I don't know where to start. I don't know if there is anything wrong with me at all. It all started on 4th of July 2012. My father passed away that afternoon. I have been a single child raised by a single parent. My mother passed away during my birth due to a medical error. During my early childhood my father was distant and alcoholic. We barely bonded. I was a studious child turned rebellion for no particular reason. Getting into wrong circumstances and with wrong people. By the time I was in 10th standard, me and dad had a bond. He shared his feelings of loneliness and disappointments from life, friend circle, work, extended family, etc. It made me judgmental and opinionated towards everything and everyone. I never connected with my extended family and neither did any one of them. I moved to Bangalore in 2007 for a better career upon his insistence. I had goals, ambitions and desires and a place in life where I wanted to be. But after his death, life has been a mess for the last 9 years. The untimely death took me away from completing my engineering degree. I drifted back to hometown in a desperate effort to safeguard the home he built, where I grew up. If I quantify my 20 years with dad, it would sum up to barely 5 years of happy time. Rest of it is just marred by alcohol, abuse on his part and mine, distance, periods of no conversation or connection. I came up with ideas to keep the home and still pursue whatever was left of my dream. But it didn't work. For instance, the neighbors created problems for the tenants who I bought for that home. Some of my father's friends and my own had vested interests in that house and constantly created hurdles which damaged my efforts in my very first job. The lawyer I hired to transfer the property to my name played her own tricks to take the house. Lengthy government procedures, bribery, setbacks resulted in me losing my focus on the second job as well. As a last resort, in 2017, I sold the home and planned to settle down in Bangalore for good cutting all my ties with the place I called home. This also affected my relationship as my fiance's father questioned his faith on me and finally got her married to a guy in the States. Over the last 5 years, my career has marched forward aggressively. I travel to places cherishing the things I wanted to do -- travel, eat and gather new experiences. But when I come back home, there is a void. I don't feel happy about how far I have come and achieved despite everything. There is no one around to share my thoughts and feelings. There is no space to let out and let go. I am in a constant state of breakdown. I want to cry but I rarely do. Those moments of childhood, the experience of his demise the after effects still have a hold over me. I have become skeptical of trusting people and letting them in and trusting them. Then there is my own regret of not finishing my engineering and working towards the life I wanted and setting down for a normal degree and corporate life. I have started to indulge in excessive travel and bouts of poetic rant to let the hurt out but now I feel it ain't working. It's becoming difficult for me everyday. I don't feel suicidal because I know I won't take that step. But I feel very very lost and unable to find a way to move forward. I feel I am just there in the crowd without a purpose. What should I do?

Hi Anu, I am 50, male, working in PSU and hail from a village background. My children are grown up now without having affection with their village roots. For me, it is disappointing as I do not feel connected to the city I am living in. Also, I do not find motivation to settle in the polluted city. Despite all odds, I still have longing for my village but have strong fear that I will be alone at the fag end of life. Even my wife do not support my idea to go back and live at a place where there is not medical facility. I ponder this issue again and again and fill with dissatisfaction by the very purpose of moving ahead in the life.

I am 42 year old married woman. I was attached to my father very much. I lost him suddenly in 2021 by covid. He was fit and fine. I never thought he could left us like this. I feel very lonely , empty & completely of no desire for anything in life. I feel guilty and bad that the way my father struggled alone in ICU ward in his final days & we could not do anything for him. No one could met him & even saw him. I could not hugged him & even touched his body to say to goodbye in crematorium. Life got completely changed for me now. I am doing a job in which I working for very long time but not getting noticed or promoted so I feel sidelined by my seniors. I feel no use to work there or even anywhere now. I feel mentally I am tired to handle any pressure now. I am thinking to quit it to get some mental peace but not sure what I will do in free time. I have few marriage issues also & don't have any kids. I want to spend time alone & not even with my husband. Now I just want to live my life peacefully & happily without expecting anything from anyone. Tell me if I am correct or need to improve my way of thinking.

Life ke bare main....main Life mein hamesha Akela aur hara huya mehesus kar ta hu