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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024
Relationship

Hi Anu, I'm 36 year old working professional. I have two young kids they are 3 and 7. My husband always speak about other women like he wants to have sex with them. As of now he has not cheated on me. He had affairs before our marriage. His recent talks hurts me a lot. Please advise how I can overcome this. Whenever we go out in the road if he sees any woman he comments sexually. These things are bothering me. Apart from this he is a night drinker but I don't interact with him whenever he is drunk and I just got to sleep. Please help.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your husband needs a lesson or two on how to be respectful within the marriage and especially towards his spouse.
Maybe just to counter his actions, the next time you are out, comment on other men that you see on how handsome they are. It may seem foolish but at times 'taste of one's own medicine' can do the trick.
Also, it is necessary to tell him how you feel...his bachelor days are behind him but if he brings that wild behavior into a marriage, he is drawing a wedge between the two of you and this he needs to know...so do tell him!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 20, 2021

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I would like to discuss about a problem in my married life with you. Me and my husband had a love marriage 21 years ago. Before our marriage also my husband had many relationships and affairs but since he was very true about everything and he promised to change things, we married. Though, our family was a happy one and we have two grown up kids also, everything seems OK from outside. But actually, my husband has had many affairs after our marriage also. He has never left his habit of impressing females around him, it may be his colleagues or some common friends etc.. and I always come across some or the other female in his life. Some of the affairs have been so serious that they even went ahead and spent days and nights together. Every time, I discover some affair, he admits his mistake and tells me to move on, but he never believes in correcting his mistakes and either continues with the affair or finds a new partner. I have lost all trust in him but since I am not earning and have two grown up kids and also love him a lot, can't think of separation. I have tried confronting him though but he gets angry always and blames me for spoiling our family life and not moving on. Also, would like to accept that he is very supportive in family matters, loves his family a lot, is very dedicated to his work and to his kids, he is very empathetic towards people, helps everyone but needs his own space too. I am completely confused about what should I do. I am unable to trust him for anything and we keep arguing over smallest things. Hope you will reply to me. Thanks.
Ans: Dear TT, I can only imagine what you must be going through.

Since you want to continue in the marriage, that choice is something I presume that has emerged after a lot of thought and I respect it.

The way this marriage will work is communicate clearly to him that his philandering ways have to stop as it is affecting you and the marriage.

If this doesn’t work, he seriously needs help in dealing with this…sometimes people don’t realise that they are jeopardizing their marriages.

I am not defending him but simply stating that sometimes people get themselves into a trap of not so useful situations and quite don’t know how to get out of it.

Also, what he might gain from so many extra marital relationships is something that he needs to find in other ways rather than swaying outside of the marriage.

This requires him to work with an expert as he will most likely not yield to your requests like in the past. Mere talking will not be enough; he possibly needs intensive therapy.

This will help him reunite with his family that he loves so much and he can be around completely without having to seek pleasure outside eroding the foundation of marriage.

As he seems to get better, it’s time for you to live your life as well, right?

What is it that you haven’t done in years? What is it that you gave up after marriage or after having kids?

What excites you enough for you to step up for yourself and create your own happiness? Simply DO THAT.

This will help you get back on your feet; who knows you might discover something that actually may end up becoming a money generator as well!

I wish you the best!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 10, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
i had a love marriage 20 years back. we were in a relationship for 3years before that. but after marriage i realised the harsh reality. though we are in the same field, he prefers that i do all the househld work. we have two children 17 and 12 years old. he has also started neglecting his health. after work his only work is to sit on sofa , watch tv. he has gained a lot of weight, has started eating pan masala which i dislike. we also had no sex for the last four years. when confronted he always says that he is in no mood. last year i came in contact with his friend and once we had sex too. but the sad part is i dont really feel guilty about it. i have tried many times to talk to my husband about our sex life but he always ignores and put the blame on me that i have started growing old. however hard i try he is not able to have a erection, this frustrates me even more. he is very dominating at home too. what should i do ? everytime i try to think to move out of that marriage but am afraid of the society. since he is very caring in front of others. am worried about the kids too. please help what should i do? there is no use of talking to him, i have tried it many times. he is not ready to go to any councellor too.
Ans: It sounds like you are facing some serious challenges in your marriage and that you are feeling frustrated, unhappy, and trapped. It's important to remember that you are not alone and that many people find themselves in similar situations.

Here are some steps you can consider taking:

Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your situation. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can provide you with support and guidance.

Take care of yourself: Make time for self-care and engage in activities that bring you joy and peace. This can help you manage stress and cope with the challenges you're facing.

Consider couples therapy: Even if your husband is not willing to attend therapy, consider seeking therapy for yourself. A therapist can help you understand your feelings and emotions and provide you with strategies for coping with the situation.

Be honest with yourself: It's important to be honest with yourself about your feelings and needs. If you are unhappy in your marriage and feel that it's unlikely to improve, it's okay to consider leaving the relationship.

Make a plan: If you decide that leaving the marriage is the best option, make a plan for how you will do so in a safe and practical manner. Consider the impact on your children and plan for their care and well-being.

Seek legal advice: If you decide to leave the marriage, consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities.

Remember, leaving a long-term relationship is a big decision and can be a difficult process. It's important to take the time to consider your options and seek support from trusted friends, family members, and professionals.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35 year old female, married and having two kids. Our was a love marriage n some 8 years dating and married since 10 years. some days back while I was roaming in my bedroom I heard my husband discussing Thailad trip with his boy gang and the other person happens to comment "y we need to explore good properties as we just going to fuck around". this has made me feel super insecure, I went through severe depression , increased BP and all and had fights with my husband too n he was like it is their fantasy not mine. my question is then y u going to fulfill their wishes. I had super hard time with myself. now the point is when ever they are on call my husband doesn't talk near me or I happen to pass during their talks I just hear they discussing to run away n making plans to go aboard and chill. Point to note - he did not travel after all fights as his father too was not well and my baby too is small so I had to beg him to drop his plan. now his this despo friends just calls him n discusses these things. Also his friend toh went alone to complete his shit fantasies and I did not let my husband go because of this I am a bad wife in their eyes too. i m not sure if I m over thinking or How can I handle this or trust he will not go beyond his limits after drinking
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You either trust someone or you don't...There is no grey area in this...it's black or white!

Has your husband done or said anything earlier for you to actually not trust him? If YES, then your fears are justified...
OR is this a one-off episode where you overheard his talking to his friends? What if you had no heard the conversation, would you then have felt okay if he went along on the trip?
Your husband is not a child and does not need a mother to tell him right from wrong. If he really wants to 'fool around', he can do that in the same city too. And whenever you prevent anyone from doing something, invariably the mind is stuck on the very same thing. Instead, it's wiser to state your concerns to him and what exactly bothers you. what you overheard and how it will bother you if he is part of something like this.

So, a good place to start will be to ask:
Do I have a reason to not trust my husband OR is it my insecurities that are causing me these thoughts?

If it is the first statement, then you possibly are right from your point of view and you can assert your concerns powerfully and express your dissent about the trip BUT if it's the second statement, then simply express, trust and believe.

Trust is what relationships are made up of...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 28, 2024
Relationship
Hello , I am married for 12 years . Ours is a love marriage. My husband abuses very badly when he gets angry . He talks very dirty things about me links me up to any guy and talk . When we were in relationship he knew about my friends (boys) one of the guy happens to be my husbands friend also ...even when he was my boys friend he would talk dirty about me .. link up and talk but I thought he is possessive and love me a lot so he talks that way .. now we have two children now before them also he abuses me very badly and even hits in anger ... Bec he is in abroad it s rare for kids to see .. what should I do now how to handle .. I get very stressed.. he even ask sorry after fight and begs to talk with me
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your husband is possibly insecure and of course this does not mean that he can be verbally and physically abusive. His expression of anger has to be channelized into communicating and that's why Anger Management seems to be what he needs.

Now, for this to happen, he first must acknowledge that the manner of his behavior is not appropriate and that he would like to change. And for this to happen, you must draw boundaries. When he starts to raise his voice, you insist that he talk respectfully and if he starts to become physically violent, you hold him back, so he knows that you will not tolerate this kind of behavior anymore. I would suggest you do this having a family member around; so that you know that you are not alone. Maybe when your parents are visiting or friends are staying over...Do not be alone when you are pushing him back as there is no way to know how his anger will turn around. But draw these boundaries; his insecurities need to be addressed by him and not use you to lash out his insecurities.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2248 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 02, 2025Hindi
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Money
I have been investing in shares for several years and have seen good returns, but with increasing market volatility, I'm considering diversifying into international stocks or alternative assets. What are the potential benefits and risks of each approach?
Ans: Diversifying into international stocks and alternative assets can be a strategic move, especially given your experience in financial analysis and investment planning. Here’s a breakdown of the benefits and risks of each approach:
International Stocks
Benefits are as follows:
- Diversification – Investing globally reduces dependence on domestic market conditions and spreads risk
- Access to High-Growth Markets – Some international markets, particularly emerging economies, may offer higher growth potential.
- Currency Appreciation – If the foreign currency strengthens against the INR, your returns could increase.
- Exposure to Leading Industries – Developed markets like the U.S. provide access to top tech, healthcare, and finance companies.

Risks involved in international markets are as follows:
- Currency Fluctuations – Exchange rate volatility can impact returns.
- Political & Economic Risks – Foreign regulations, trade policies, and economic instability can affect investments.
- Higher Transaction Costs – International investing often involves additional fees and taxes.
- Limited Information Access – Researching foreign companies may be more challenging compared to domestic firms.

Alternative Assets (Real Estate, Commodities, Private Equity, etc.)
Following are the benefits:
- Low Correlation with Stock Markets – Alternative assets often move independently of traditional markets, helping mitigate volatility.
- Inflation Hedge – Real assets like gold and real estate tend to retain value during inflationary periods.
- Potential for High Returns – Private equity and hedge funds can offer substantial gains if managed well.
- Portfolio Customization – Some alternative investments allow direct control, such as real estate or private businesses.

Risks involved are as follows:
- Illiquidity – Many alternative assets, such as private equity and real estate, are not easily sold.
- Complexity – These investments often require specialized knowledge and due diligence.
- Higher Fees – Alternative investments may have higher management costs and entry barriers.
- Market Uncertainty – Some assets, like cryptocurrencies, can be highly volatile.

Given your methodical approach to financial planning, you might find international ETFs a convenient way to gain global exposure while managing risk. Similarly, REITs or commodity funds could be a structured way to enter alternative assets without direct ownership complexities.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8176 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2025

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Money
I'm now 68 years old. Living with my wife. I have 2 daughters. Both are well settled. I don't have any liability. I'm a pension holder. I'm getting Rs 75,000/- pension pm. I have invested Rs1,50,00,000 in FD. 7lakhs in Mutual funds, 6,50,000 in equity. 12 Lakhs in Sovereign Gold Bond, I'm getting Rs 35,000/- House rent pm. I have 25 lakhs Cash in hand. I want to deposit the above amount. How can I diversified the above amount to deposit?
Ans: Your financial position is strong. You have a steady pension and rental income. Your investments are diversified across FDs, mutual funds, equity, and gold bonds. Let’s allocate your Rs. 25L wisely.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Keep Rs. 5L in a high-interest savings account.

Use a liquid mutual fund for another Rs. 3L for easy access.

This ensures quick access to funds in case of unexpected expenses.

Debt Investment for Stability
Invest Rs. 7L in a mix of short-term and medium-term debt mutual funds.

These offer better post-tax returns than FDs.

Choose high-quality funds with stable performance.

Equity Investment for Growth
Allocate Rs. 5L to large-cap mutual funds via SIP.

This ensures gradual market participation and reduces risk.

Avoid direct stocks for this amount, as mutual funds offer better risk management.

Gold Investment for Inflation Hedge
You already have Rs. 12L in Sovereign Gold Bonds.

No additional gold investment is needed.

Regular Income Investment
Invest Rs. 5L in SWP-based mutual funds for periodic withdrawals.

This provides additional income while keeping capital appreciation intact.

Final Insights
Your current portfolio is well-structured. This allocation balances liquidity, stability, and growth. Your pension and rental income provide financial security. Diversifying your Rs. 25L ensures better returns while maintaining risk control.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8176 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2025

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Money
Sir kindly suggest some mf for steady return for 5 yr in SIP in large cap
Ans: Investing in large-cap mutual funds through SIP is a stable choice. These funds focus on established companies with strong financials. They offer consistent growth with lower risk compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds.

Let’s assess how to select the right fund.

Why Large-Cap Funds for Five Years?
Invest in top companies with proven stability.

Less volatile than mid-cap and small-cap funds.

Suitable for a five-year investment horizon.

Provide inflation-beating returns over time.

Ideal for steady compounding with SIP investments.

Actively Managed vs. Index Funds
Actively managed funds outperform index funds in varying market conditions.

Fund managers adjust portfolios based on market trends.

Index funds only replicate the market and cannot outperform it.

Actively managed funds provide better downside protection.

For five-year investments, active management ensures stable performance.

Choosing the Right Fund
Look for funds with a history of stable returns.

Ensure the fund has an experienced fund manager.

Avoid funds with frequent manager changes.

Select funds with lower expense ratios among actively managed ones.

Check the rolling returns of the fund, not just past performance.

Tax Considerations
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) taxed at 20%.

SIP investments held for over one year qualify for LTCG benefits.

Plan withdrawals strategically to reduce tax burden.

Final Insights
Large-cap mutual funds are suitable for stable returns over five years. They balance risk and reward effectively. Choose an actively managed fund with strong historical performance. Stay invested with SIPs for disciplined wealth creation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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