Home > Relationship > Question

Sign In | Create an account

Language:

Now in हिन्दी too

Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Kanchan Rai |423 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Question by Mahendra on Apr 23, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I AM DIVORCED AND MARRIED TWICE BUT BOTH DIVORCED AND ALSO PLANNING TO REUNITE WITH FIRST SPOUSE WITH WHOM I HAVE DAUGHTER

Ans: Mahendra, you've had quite a journey in your relationships. Reuniting with your first spouse and considering your daughter's well-being is definitely a significant decision. Have you had the chance to reflect on what led to the previous divorces and what you envision for your future together? Open communication and understanding each other's perspectives can be key in rebuilding a strong foundation for your relationship.

RelationshipReply

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu Krishna |1350 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 01, 2023

Question by Mahendra - Feb 23, 2023Hindi

Relationship

Hi I am 41 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology.Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks

Ans: Dear Mahendra,
It is unfortunate that you had to go over marriage twice to understand what could have been avoided.
Now, whether your wife from the first marriage also shares the same feelings of love and affection towards you cannot be assumed. She might have moved on in her mind and heart, so to build up a fairy tale life with her and your daughter may cause you pain.
Maybe instead of building stories, why not have a frank discussion with them (your daughter is old enough to be a part of this). Kindly keep an open mind as they may not be willing to reunite. If they are also willing to, then take things slow...Don't suggest them moving in with you and try and create the same environment like the way it used to be when you were married.
Time changes a lot of things and this must be handled with a lot of care and caution. Your ex-wife, will also be very watchful about all the things that have hurt her previously. So, be very patient with her.

But if the answer is a firm NO from them, kindly respect it and let it be...2009 is a long time ago and much would have changed in them and you; cherish what you have with them...focus on building a good relationship with your daughter. After all, you can't assume that one letter of apology will change their hearts.

Bring up the topic with your ex-wife, but be prepared for an answer either way.

Best wishes!

Kanchan Rai |423 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 29, 2024

Question by Mahendra - Jun 29, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi I am 44 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology.Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. I have never seen to my spouse after divorce but only mate to my daughter but still I love her. Also give Tips for how can I convince to my first spouse for reunite. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks

Ans: Hello Mahendra,
I can sense the depth of your emotions and the genuine desire to reconnect with your first spouse and daughter. It's clear that you’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on your past and understanding where things went wrong. This self-awareness is a crucial first step towards any meaningful reconciliation.

Rebuilding a relationship after many years is a delicate process. It involves not only rekindling the love and connection you once shared but also addressing and healing the past wounds. Given that you haven't seen your first spouse since the divorce, it’s essential to approach this situation with patience, empathy, and a deep respect for her feelings and boundaries.

Start by opening a line of communication. A heartfelt letter or message can be a good way to express your thoughts and feelings without overwhelming her. Share your reflections on the past, your realizations about your mistakes, and how you’ve grown as a person. Let her know how much you value the possibility of reconnecting, not just for yourself but for your daughter’s sake as well.

When you write or speak to her, be prepared to listen as much as you talk. She may have her own perspectives and feelings about the past that need to be heard. Respect her space and her process; reconciliation is a journey that you both must navigate together, at a pace comfortable for both of you.

In your interactions with your daughter, continue to show her your love and commitment. Build on the moments you’ve shared and let her see the positive changes in you. Your consistent presence and genuine efforts will speak volumes.

If your spouse is open to it, consider suggesting professional support, like family counseling, to help navigate this complex process. It can provide a safe space to address old wounds and rebuild trust.

Remember, the path to reconciliation is rarely straightforward. It will require patience, understanding, and a willingness to work through the challenges together. By showing your commitment to change and your deep love for your family, you create the foundation for a potentially beautiful new chapter in your lives.

Kanchan Rai |423 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Question by Mahendra - Aug 15, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi I am 41 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology. Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks

Ans: Reconnecting with your first spouse and daughter after such a long time is a deeply emotional journey, and it's understandable that you're feeling a mix of hope and anxiety about the future. Given the history you’ve shared, it’s clear that your intentions are sincere, and you’ve done a lot of reflecting on your past mistakes. Here’s how you might approach this situation as you seek to rebuild your relationship.

First, it's crucial to approach your first spouse with patience and understanding. It’s been many years since you were last together, and while your feelings of love have resurfaced strongly, her emotions may be more complex. She might need time to process your apology and the idea of reuniting. This process could take time, so it’s important not to rush her or pressure her into making a decision quickly. Rebuilding trust, especially after a long separation, is a gradual process.

Your relationship with your daughter is also central to this. Since you've made the effort to maintain a connection by visiting her on her birthdays, that’s a positive foundation. However, your daughter is now a teenager, and her feelings about you reuniting with her mother could be complicated. It might be helpful to have open and honest conversations with her, letting her know how much you care about her and her mother, but also respecting her feelings and concerns.

If your first spouse is open to the idea of reuniting, it will be important to acknowledge the mistakes you made in the past and show that you’ve grown from those experiences. Demonstrating your commitment to change and being a better partner and father will be key to winning back her trust. Actions will speak louder than words, so be consistent in showing her that you’re serious about making things work this time.

As for staying happy together if you do reunite, communication and mutual respect are essential. Be open about your feelings, listen to hers, and be willing to work through challenges together. Relationships require effort from both sides, and it's important to approach this with a mindset of partnership rather than trying to “fix” things alone.

Remember, it’s possible to rebuild and even strengthen relationships after hardship, but it requires time, patience, and a genuine commitment to making it work. Your desire to reunite with your first spouse and daughter is deeply meaningful, and with care and dedication, you have a chance to create a new chapter together.

Love Guru |204 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Question by MRUDULA - Sep 15, 2024Hindi

Relationship

My age is 39 with one male child, Im a divorcee , should I need remarriage in life.

Ans: Nobody “needs” a second marriage; either you want one, or you don’t. And you’re the best judge of that, not I! You can also have a relationship and see where it goes before discussing the ‘m’ word!

Latest Questions

Ravi Mittal |450 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 03, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hello, my wife is Ugandan and I’m of English national, 30 years old and she’s 26, we met nearly a year ago and got married in uk with some of her friends and small family. We haven’t done kuchala (not sure if that’s correct spelling) yet and I’m feeling anxious for when the time comes. She said her family will kneel when they greet me and being white this is already stinging my moral (due to history). I also talked about moving in together before the meet the parents happen however she says she’s rather move in after? Currently this could take two years before going to Uganda, how should I proceed without overstepping her cultural beliefs as after all we are married and by my culture we should already be living together

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is very nice of you to be so considerate and sensitive while handling these cultural nuances. Let's discuss the kneeling tradition. It's a sign of respect and it's deeply rooted in Ugandan culture. While I understand your point of view, you also have to remember that it can have significant meaning to her and her family. I suggest you politely express your feelings and let her know why it is uncomfortable for you to see her family kneel. When you explain, mention how much her culture means to you as well. I am sure both of you can communicate and come to a compromise that makes you both happy. Just in case, they persist in following the ritual, just look at it as a gesture of love and respect and not submission.

About the moving in together part, in certain parts of the world, couples living together before the traditional wedding is not considered respectful. But since you are already married, you can try explaining to your wife how the living situation does not go against her cultural expectations. But if it is a really big deal for her and her family, consider seeing it from her perspective.

Communication is everything here. Look at every problem as a team; it's not your problem vs her problem. It's both of you vs the problems.

I hope this helps

Ravi Mittal |450 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Question by jayesh - Nov 27, 2024

Relationship

Iam 42 yrs old and i have crush on a female which board my train and get down the same station. From that day she meet me for a day or so as we share one bus stop for office going. Then afterward she met me once a week or occasionally and iam getting feeling towards her. While on the bus stop if i see her i usually follow her and greet her(for couple of minutes). Today while i was talking i made eye contact with her and she too. And if she see me she allow me to touch her hair and body too Dont know what to do kindly guide me.

Ans: Dear Jayesh,
The best way to confirm if she shares the same feelings for you is to simply ask. Tell her how you feel and ask if she feels anything close to that for you. If she says yes, then you can ask her out on a date- maybe start slow with a cup of coffee and see where it goes. If she says no, then please do not take that as a sign to pursue her some more and convince her.

Hope this helps.

Ravi Mittal |450 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi

Relationship

How can i catch my cheating partner

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you know for sure your partner is cheating, the best thing to do is confront them. There's no point in collecting proof or catching them in the act- it will not make them more guilty than they already are. Ask them directly about what you know and try to rethink the relationship. Cheating should not be excused and I am sure you deserve a partner who remains loyal to you.

Best wishes

Ravi Mittal |450 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Question by Aravinth - Dec 03, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi sir I married a other caste girl so my mother and sister not given my share and degree ,I got financial problem and not get any job without my degrees if I ask them they told me to leave the girl otherwise they kill me . what to do how to get my degrees and my share

Ans: Dear Aravinth,
I am so sorry to hear this. Can you try to go to your educational institute and ask for another copy of your degree? If not, I am sure there are legal steps that you can take to secure your degree; after all, you have earned it yourself. About the share, I would recommend consulting a lawyer; they can help you in this situation better. Moreover, if there is any threat to your or your partner’s life, you should consider taking it up with the authorities.

Best wishes.

Radheshyam Zanwar |1088 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Question by BIPRADAS - Dec 03, 2024Hindi

Career

I have received a job offer from Siecorp ,a Singapore based company though my posting would be at my hometown . They have asked me to submit all credentials related to education & job experiences which is quite normal but they have asked the following documents also which they said would help me to arrange through some agent by payment & the same would be reimbursed during first month of employment . Earlier also another overseas company asked for the same & I denied to make payment before having the job in hand . 1. Construction Health and Safety Technician (CHST) – Compulsory 2. OSHA Safety Certificate – Compulsory 3. Safety Trained Supervisor (STS) – Non-Compulsory Kindly advise whether these certificates are really required to be submitted to join any foreign company or any sort of cheating business regards,

Ans: Hello Bipradas.
From your query, it is clear that you have offered by job by a Singapore-based company and they are giving you a posting in your home town. You did not mention anything about the work culture of the company. It simply indicates that you are supposed to work from home which is always related to computers. I think there is no harm in producing the required documents through an agent if they are offering you a handsome salary. The requirement for documents differs from company to company. There is no harm in submitting the mentioned documents. If have fear in your mind, then please go through the profile of the company in detail before submitting the documents. There are many ways to check the authenticity of the company. There are some chances of cheating, but everybody is not indulged in the same category. But take the steps with utmost precaution.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar |1088 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Question by Zakir - Nov 26, 2024Hindi

Career

Dear sir My son is studying 2nd year chemical engineering in nitt. Suggest the additional online courses to enhance his career

Ans: Hello Zakir.
Here are some options for your son:
(1) Aspen Plus and Aspen HYSYS (Offered by Udemy or Coursera)
(2) MATLAB for Engineers
(3) Advanced Thermodynamics: Offered by universities like Stanford (Coursera, edX).
(4) Reaction Engineering: A course by the University of Minnesota (Coursera)
(5) Fluid Mechanics and Heat Transfer Fundamentals: NPTEL or Coursera.
(6) Data Science (Udemy and Linkedin learning)
(7) Machine Learning, Offered by universities like MIT (edX)
(8) Sustainable Energy Systems (offered by Coursera)
(9) Green Chemical Engineering: Offered by NPTEL.
(10) Python for Chemical Engineers
And many more.
It is suggested that you please visit the websites of Coursera, edX, Udemy, LinkedIn Learning, and NPTEL for more details.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar |1088 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi

Career

Hello Sir, I'm a student of B.Tech CSE 2nd year I'm confused what to choose please give some suggestion

Ans: Hello dear.
At present, you are in 2nd year and saying that you are confused about what to choose. You have already chosen CSE. Your question is incomplete and not possible to suggest to you what you want. Please ask again with more clarity.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar |1088 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Question by Munni - Nov 28, 2024Hindi

Career

Hlo sir, My child cracked JEE advance last year and got BS in Applied Geology in IIT Kharagpur. Kindly suggest the right path for placement. What is the scope of the branch mentioned above. Thank you ???? in advance

Ans: Hello Munni.
The right path for placement will be suggested by the placement division of IIT Kharagpur from time to time.. At this early stage, there is no need to take the tension. You have ample time in hand. Related to the score, a BS in Applied Geology from IIT Kharagpur offers a promising huge scope. The scope lies in Geology, resource management, energy, environmental planning, infrastructure development, Mining and Exploration, Hydrogeology, Energy, Environmental Geology, Disaster Risk Assessment, Academia and Research, Infrastructure Development, and many more sectors. A BS has strong career growth and opportunities for innovation and impact. Best of luck for his bright future.
If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar |1088 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 29, 2024Hindi

Career

I take maths as additional subject in class 12th . Am i eligible for jee advance as there is mention that maths has to be compulsory subject.

Ans: Hello dear.
Yes, you are eligible for JEE Advanced if you take mathematics as an additional subject in Class 12th, provided you fulfill the other eligibility criteria for the exam. For JEE (Adv), you must qualify for mains with the required cut-off and pass the 12th-grade exam with PCM subjects with language as an additional subject or an equivalent examination. Make sure to check the detailed brochure or eligibility criteria for the specific year of JEE Advanced.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7201 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 29, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi , I am 46 year old and trying to see if i can take an early retirement in next 2 years. Below is my financial condition; - Mutual fund 40Lakh - FD 30 Lakhs - 2 rental yielding flat with total rent of 55000 per month - Own house with no loan. - PF 80 Lakhs - NPS 10 Lakhs - PPF 20 Lakhs - Term insurance 50Lakhs

Ans: Your financial position shows good planning and discipline.

Assets Summary:

Mutual Funds: Rs 40 lakh
Fixed Deposits: Rs 30 lakh
Rental Income: Rs 55,000 per month from two flats
Own House: Fully paid, no loan liabilities
Provident Fund (PF): Rs 80 lakh
National Pension System (NPS): Rs 10 lakh
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 20 lakh
Term Insurance: Rs 50 lakh
You have built a diversified portfolio across multiple asset classes.

Assessing Early Retirement Feasibility
Early retirement in two years can be achieved with strategic planning.

Key Factors to Evaluate:

Monthly Expenses: Calculate post-retirement expenses, including inflation.
Income Sources: Ensure rental income, investments, and withdrawals meet your needs.
Wealth Growth: Balance corpus growth with income stability.
Monthly Expense Coverage
Assume your future monthly expense is Rs 1.25 lakh.

Existing Income Streams:

Rental Income: Rs 55,000 monthly provides 44% of estimated expenses.
Corpus Withdrawals: Use investments to cover remaining expenses.
Adjust for Inflation:

Plan for a 6% inflation rate to protect purchasing power.
Investment Strategy
Align your portfolio for growth, stability, and liquidity.

Mutual Funds:

Continue investing in equity-oriented funds for long-term growth.
Opt for actively managed funds through Certified Financial Planners.
Avoid index funds; they limit opportunities for alpha generation.
Fixed Deposits:

Reallocate a portion to debt mutual funds for better post-tax returns.
Retain some FDs for emergencies and short-term needs.
NPS and PPF:

Maximise NPS contributions for additional tax savings.
Allow PPF to mature for risk-free, tax-exempt growth.
Corpus Withdrawal Plan
A systematic withdrawal strategy ensures steady income.

Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) in mutual funds for monthly cash flow.
Keep withdrawal rates below 4% annually to sustain the corpus.
Children’s Education Planning
Your son’s education may require significant funds.

Steps to Plan for Education Costs:

Use PPF maturity or mutual fund proceeds for higher education.
Avoid using retirement corpus for educational expenses.
Risk Management
Protecting your family is as critical as building wealth.

Term Insurance Coverage:

Rs 50 lakh is adequate for income replacement.
Ensure policies are active and nominees updated.
Health Insurance:

Opt for a comprehensive family floater policy with Rs 20–25 lakh coverage.
Keep health-related emergency funds for additional expenses.
Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning maximises post-retirement income.

Mutual Fund Taxation:

Equity fund LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
Short-term gains are taxed at 20%. Plan withdrawals carefully.
Fixed Deposit Interest:

FD interest is taxable as per your slab. Consider this in income planning.
Real Estate Considerations
Your rental flats provide steady income.

Points to Consider:

Avoid further real estate investments for better liquidity.
Keep properties well-maintained to ensure uninterrupted rental income.
Healthcare and Emergency Funds
Unplanned medical costs can affect your finances.

Steps to Safeguard:

Maintain Rs 10–15 lakh in liquid assets for emergencies.
Regularly review health insurance coverage to meet rising costs.
Assessing Early Retirement Timing
Your early retirement is achievable by 48 years with careful execution.

Why This is Feasible:

Rental income and portfolio can meet monthly needs.
A diversified asset base ensures sustainable returns.
Finally
Early retirement is within your reach with disciplined planning.

Review your financial plan annually and adjust for changes in needs or markets.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

See more questions »

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Video Reply
Audio Reply

WhatsApp
Facebook
Twitter
Copy link

Delete

Close

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus

Sign up

email

uname

mobile no

Country Code

Mobile number

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

LOGIN

x