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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1330 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 01, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Mahendra Question by Mahendra on Feb 23, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi I am 41 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology.Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks

Ans: Dear Mahendra,
It is unfortunate that you had to go over marriage twice to understand what could have been avoided.
Now, whether your wife from the first marriage also shares the same feelings of love and affection towards you cannot be assumed. She might have moved on in her mind and heart, so to build up a fairy tale life with her and your daughter may cause you pain.
Maybe instead of building stories, why not have a frank discussion with them (your daughter is old enough to be a part of this). Kindly keep an open mind as they may not be willing to reunite. If they are also willing to, then take things slow...Don't suggest them moving in with you and try and create the same environment like the way it used to be when you were married.
Time changes a lot of things and this must be handled with a lot of care and caution. Your ex-wife, will also be very watchful about all the things that have hurt her previously. So, be very patient with her.

But if the answer is a firm NO from them, kindly respect it and let it be...2009 is a long time ago and much would have changed in them and you; cherish what you have with them...focus on building a good relationship with your daughter. After all, you can't assume that one letter of apology will change their hearts.

Bring up the topic with your ex-wife, but be prepared for an answer either way.

Best wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1330 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2023

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Hello Anu Ji, Thanks for giving Your valuable time and Precious advice & feedback on my Question. I have no words to express my feeling that after so long somebody tried to understand me & my POV and above all helping in raising my moral & recognizing my ability in this messy and confusing state of mind. In your response you ask me to introspect few questions and tell u honestly I did that in alone . In those answer few were as clear as Crystal. But few of them confused me. I will be mentioning what u asked me to asked myself ……and what I have answer for that Questions. 1. - how will I keep my relationship with my daughter after my marriage? Answer :As in my divorce settlement she will be staying with her mother and since Nov2016 I have not seen her and not knowing nothing about her But praying to the almighty for the wellbeing for here all the time. 2. - am I carrying any fear/anger from the previous marriage? Answer: Yes, it is. There is lot anger, frustration which I have buried in the grave yard of my Heart . but the soul is still alive. its really very easy in words to say “MOVE ON”, try to forget the past , Forgive the person …. Let the karma do its course. It’s not easy ,when a person’s life has change 360degree.Madam ,since 2010 to 2017, I had face so much , u can’t imagine and I wouldn’t be able to describe. Those 8 yrs. are hell for me and for my parents. U know the saddest Part of this separation is who suffer the most after me is my Daughter . She & myself is and will be missing each other as Father &Daughter. After my divorce in 2017 , I have moved on so long in my life but there is something which dragging me back. 3. am I completely ready to commit to a marriage? Answer : this is the question which is annoying me, I’m not able figure it out . About my commitment , yes I am very much clear about this , I was, am & will be committed , to my relationship. But I have Trust issue’s. Right now I can say this only . Getting Married is just settling down in life is the core issue presently in my life ,not pleasing someone. I am not in that state of mind to please anybody as I am already seeking help to be Happy and in the search of the happiness which I lost .U know Time is great healer…….. & heal the biggest of the biggest wounds………but in the end leave with scar on ur mind for rest of the life . In the end , I would say I have a lot to share , lot to discuss , but there are some constraints. Hoping that ……I may have able to give You my POV to understand my current state of mind . Thanks R@@J
Ans: Dear Raaj,
Thank you for reaching out again.
You seem to have done your bit to reflect deeper which is amazing. Yet, with my experience of working with people on relationships, I can tell you one thing...
Never get into a relationship till you find the heart to trust again as trust is the only thing that will keep any relationship strong and that will happen only after the ANGER eases into something more useful. Is this possible, YES! Kindly seek the help of a professional who will help with this inner work on releasing anger and building trust. This person will be able to fathom your POV and guide you aptly.
Remember, the next person who you are seeking to engage with, will expect a person who trusts and loves; so, that's why heal from one before you get into another relationship. I am sure you understand this well.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |407 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 29, 2024

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Relationship
Hi I am 44 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology.Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. I have never seen to my spouse after divorce but only mate to my daughter but still I love her. Also give Tips for how can I convince to my first spouse for reunite. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks
Ans: Hello Mahendra,
I can sense the depth of your emotions and the genuine desire to reconnect with your first spouse and daughter. It's clear that you’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on your past and understanding where things went wrong. This self-awareness is a crucial first step towards any meaningful reconciliation.

Rebuilding a relationship after many years is a delicate process. It involves not only rekindling the love and connection you once shared but also addressing and healing the past wounds. Given that you haven't seen your first spouse since the divorce, it’s essential to approach this situation with patience, empathy, and a deep respect for her feelings and boundaries.

Start by opening a line of communication. A heartfelt letter or message can be a good way to express your thoughts and feelings without overwhelming her. Share your reflections on the past, your realizations about your mistakes, and how you’ve grown as a person. Let her know how much you value the possibility of reconnecting, not just for yourself but for your daughter’s sake as well.

When you write or speak to her, be prepared to listen as much as you talk. She may have her own perspectives and feelings about the past that need to be heard. Respect her space and her process; reconciliation is a journey that you both must navigate together, at a pace comfortable for both of you.

In your interactions with your daughter, continue to show her your love and commitment. Build on the moments you’ve shared and let her see the positive changes in you. Your consistent presence and genuine efforts will speak volumes.

If your spouse is open to it, consider suggesting professional support, like family counseling, to help navigate this complex process. It can provide a safe space to address old wounds and rebuild trust.

Remember, the path to reconciliation is rarely straightforward. It will require patience, understanding, and a willingness to work through the challenges together. By showing your commitment to change and your deep love for your family, you create the foundation for a potentially beautiful new chapter in your lives.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |407 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi I am 41 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology. Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks
Ans: Reconnecting with your first spouse and daughter after such a long time is a deeply emotional journey, and it's understandable that you're feeling a mix of hope and anxiety about the future. Given the history you’ve shared, it’s clear that your intentions are sincere, and you’ve done a lot of reflecting on your past mistakes. Here’s how you might approach this situation as you seek to rebuild your relationship.

First, it's crucial to approach your first spouse with patience and understanding. It’s been many years since you were last together, and while your feelings of love have resurfaced strongly, her emotions may be more complex. She might need time to process your apology and the idea of reuniting. This process could take time, so it’s important not to rush her or pressure her into making a decision quickly. Rebuilding trust, especially after a long separation, is a gradual process.

Your relationship with your daughter is also central to this. Since you've made the effort to maintain a connection by visiting her on her birthdays, that’s a positive foundation. However, your daughter is now a teenager, and her feelings about you reuniting with her mother could be complicated. It might be helpful to have open and honest conversations with her, letting her know how much you care about her and her mother, but also respecting her feelings and concerns.

If your first spouse is open to the idea of reuniting, it will be important to acknowledge the mistakes you made in the past and show that you’ve grown from those experiences. Demonstrating your commitment to change and being a better partner and father will be key to winning back her trust. Actions will speak louder than words, so be consistent in showing her that you’re serious about making things work this time.

As for staying happy together if you do reunite, communication and mutual respect are essential. Be open about your feelings, listen to hers, and be willing to work through challenges together. Relationships require effort from both sides, and it's important to approach this with a mindset of partnership rather than trying to “fix” things alone.

Remember, it’s possible to rebuild and even strengthen relationships after hardship, but it requires time, patience, and a genuine commitment to making it work. Your desire to reunite with your first spouse and daughter is deeply meaningful, and with care and dedication, you have a chance to create a new chapter together.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1330 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |439 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ravi sir, I am 24 yrs old girl, currently pursuing MBA from a middle class family. I have a 5 yr relationship with my boyfriend. I love him very much. Don't want to loose him. Maybe he also love me. But the problem start few days ago when he suddenly confessed me that he visit red light area thrice at the first year of our relationship. From those initial days we are in a serious relationship and family involved in this. But we don't intimate but virtual intimacy was there. But this year in january we for first time got intimate and after 4 time of intimacy he confess me this that he physical one time and two time just visit their to see naked dance but failed due to some reason. Now He told me that he felt it will be cheating if he not told me this now. One side I am depressed and fear to loose him. He repetitively beg pardon from me and told that this was his peer pressure and now he mature enough to say no this.. Now he can't imagine his life without me. I don't want to loose him but can't forgive or forgot this. Now he repeatedly told me to marry him and proposed me romantically. He repeatedly want pardon from me . I love him very much that I want to forget all things and start from first again. But will it be right, if I easily forgive him than is he got much confidence to do this again?? I am depressed and confused. Pls help me . What will be right decision in this situation? Forgive him or not?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how conflicted you must be feeling right now, and I am sorry that you are going through this. I wish I could tell you what would be the right thing to do, but it has to be your decision and yours alone. All I can suggest is to take a beat and not rush into deciding anything.

Take everything into consideration-
On the one hand, infidelity is indeed unacceptable in a relationship. But on the other, it was in the initial stage. He might not have been as serious about the relationship as you during those days. Nevertheless, the timing does not make his action justifiable. I suggest you have an open conversation and ask him why he felt the need to do this. Ask him if he did not consider your feelings. What's concerning is that he did not stop after the first time; he went back twice more. I am not judging his choice of location but the fact that he was in a committed relationship puts him in the wrong. Also, blaming it on peer pressure is inexcusable; this isn't something funny or trivial he did because his friends dared him to. Ask him to take accountability and understand that actions have consequences.

Take it one day at a time. Whatever you decide is okay. And if at any point you want to pick yourself over the relationship, I want you to understand that it is completely alright. You will feel like it's a selfish decision, but it isn't. Remember that. Please do what you need to help you heal from this.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

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