I am 36 years old widow. My husband passed away 1.5 yrs back. I have a 5 yr old daughter who is autistic. Financially independent, I don't feel like marrying again but my parents are trying hard to convince me to get married again. My apprehensions are what if the next husband doesn't accept my daughter whole heartedly as she is a special kid. But at the same time, I also sometimes feel that she shouldn't be devoid of fatherly love.

Ans: Dear Mahendra,
It is unfortunate that you had to go over marriage twice to understand what could have been avoided.
Now, whether your wife from the first marriage also shares the same feelings of love and affection towards you cannot be assumed. She might have moved on in her mind and heart, so to build up a fairy tale life with her and your daughter may cause you pain.
Maybe instead of building stories, why not have a frank discussion with them (your daughter is old enough to be a part of this). Kindly keep an open mind as they may not be willing to reunite. If they are also willing to, then take things slow...Don't suggest them moving in with you and try and create the same environment like the way it used to be when you were married.
Time changes a lot of things and this must be handled with a lot of care and caution. Your ex-wife, will also be very watchful about all the things that have hurt her previously. So, be very patient with her.

But if the answer is a firm NO from them, kindly respect it and let it be...2009 is a long time ago and much would have changed in them and you; cherish what you have with them...focus on building a good relationship with your daughter. After all, you can't assume that one letter of apology will change their hearts.

Bring up the topic with your ex-wife, but be prepared for an answer either way.

Best wishes!

Ans: I am very sorry to hear about your wife’s passing. But getting remarried for your daughter’s sake is really not the answer; right now it’s way too soon and the child is still coming to terms with her tremendous loss. Trying to replace her mother will only add to her burdens. If you do marry later on in your life, it should be for both your sake and hers…and remember, the stepmother has to be a truly exceptional individual who can put your daughter’s needs first like a natural parent. Children are resilient and she will grow up well-adjusted and happy if you take the lead as her only parent right now. Don’t look at foisting that responsibility on someone else. Be open, loving and honest with her.

Ans: Reconnecting with your first spouse and daughter after such a long time is a deeply emotional journey, and it's understandable that you're feeling a mix of hope and anxiety about the future. Given the history you’ve shared, it’s clear that your intentions are sincere, and you’ve done a lot of reflecting on your past mistakes. Here’s how you might approach this situation as you seek to rebuild your relationship.

First, it's crucial to approach your first spouse with patience and understanding. It’s been many years since you were last together, and while your feelings of love have resurfaced strongly, her emotions may be more complex. She might need time to process your apology and the idea of reuniting. This process could take time, so it’s important not to rush her or pressure her into making a decision quickly. Rebuilding trust, especially after a long separation, is a gradual process.

Your relationship with your daughter is also central to this. Since you've made the effort to maintain a connection by visiting her on her birthdays, that’s a positive foundation. However, your daughter is now a teenager, and her feelings about you reuniting with her mother could be complicated. It might be helpful to have open and honest conversations with her, letting her know how much you care about her and her mother, but also respecting her feelings and concerns.

If your first spouse is open to the idea of reuniting, it will be important to acknowledge the mistakes you made in the past and show that you’ve grown from those experiences. Demonstrating your commitment to change and being a better partner and father will be key to winning back her trust. Actions will speak louder than words, so be consistent in showing her that you’re serious about making things work this time.

As for staying happy together if you do reunite, communication and mutual respect are essential. Be open about your feelings, listen to hers, and be willing to work through challenges together. Relationships require effort from both sides, and it's important to approach this with a mindset of partnership rather than trying to “fix” things alone.

Remember, it’s possible to rebuild and even strengthen relationships after hardship, but it requires time, patience, and a genuine commitment to making it work. Your desire to reunite with your first spouse and daughter is deeply meaningful, and with care and dedication, you have a chance to create a new chapter together.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
How exactly do you expect a special child to cope in a boarding school? I am sure that is something that has crossed your mind.
My questions for you:
Does it bother you that this man does not accept your life as is? If Yes, read on...
Does it bother you that you are the one who is making changes to accommodate this person? If Yes, read on...
Would you have liked it if he willingly had accepted your life as is? If Yes, read on...

Think about this a lot before you make a decision to be with him. There's a lot to think as a parent and he isn't one and may never get the point of how your life is. Take you time before you decide anything...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Hello mam
I must say that you are very brave that you are raising your kid single handedly. At this time you must be young and may be you don't feel the need of partner. But ultimately you have to understand that your kid needs a father's love also. And in the long run you will also miss a partner from whom you expect emotional support and companionship. So I think its not bad to think about re marriage. You can take some time to understand that person and can explain him about your situation. I understand you may have gone through some traumatic experience from previous marriage but for the secure future of you and your kid, you have to move on and lead a good and happy life.
Take care and do message me about your future plans.
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet