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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1664 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 17, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 12, 2024
Relationship

My daughter 26 years is diagnosed as BPD. She is depressed , over sensitive, very angry, resentful, abusive. She believes that every one in the family is treating her badly, belittle her, she and her brother are not treated equally. Specially,me, her mother, is not emotionally available to her , doesn't take her side and quarrel with all whoever she is angry with, never protects her if anyone compared or abused her verbally. According to her I love her younger brother 19 years more, and donot reprimand him for his mischief and don't banish him from home because she feels uncomfortable and threatened at his presence. Most of her complaints are either imaginary or exaggerated. She refused to get treated even after taking to 4 doctors on the ground that she is unwell due to treatment she received in the family and we must compensate her damage by fulfilling her wishes like cutting relationship with her brother and quarrelling with her extended family. She even physically and verbally abuse me every day Please guide me how to deal with her and help her as she is refusing treatment and at the same time keep the family intact.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry but she has to absolutely go in for expert therapy/counseling along with the prescribed medications. I would not recommend anything other than this as I only speak from my experiences. Her complaints may very well be exaggerated and at times 'illusionary' and that comes with how BPD is. Behaviors stemming from it can be very different from what you maybe used to or what you may call 'normal'. So, for her to manage this, she will need some form of therapy that will enable her to take care of herself and her highs and lows.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Love Guru

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Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2023Hindi
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My wife is extremely sensitive to even smallest of criticism either received directly or indirectly. She gets panic attacks and suffers from the situation for about 10 days. She is unable to leave any of the not so good/bad memories and thus keeps thinking of them all over time. She feels and talks hopeless and useless during this period, which also includes getting separated and ending her life. We have 2 childs of 14 and 9 years. She does not talks to anyone when her mood is off. I have been keeping extreme patience during all the time and always tried to console her and explain her that we also have good memories to remember. But seems she doesn't understands these things. We also consulted one psychiatrist, who gave her Ketamine treatment. She was fine for sometime only but after some time she said that she will not go to any doctor now, and let the situation prevail as it is until she is living. I am totally shattered and perplexed on this situation and could not focus on my job and any other thing in life. What to do, pl advise. I am not able to see her in this situation which is not so bad according to most of the people, but she is filled with so much of hate and negativity that she is not able to understand the things and value them.
Ans: She sounds clinically depressed and definitely needs help. If not a psychiatrist, she can at least start visiting a psychotherapist to help; she need not take medication if she doesn’t want to, but going without any help at all is dangerous.
You have your children to think of too…explain to her that she has to do this for their sake, if not hers. They deserve a well-adjusted, responsible mother and not someone who is too selfish to see to their needs.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1664 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Anu Ma'am. My wife is extremely sensitive to even smallest of criticism either received directly or indirectly. She gets panic attacks and suffers from the situation for about 10 days. She is unable to leave any of the not so good/bad memories and thus keeps thinking of them all over time. She feels and talks hopeless and useless during this period, which also includes getting separated and ending her life. We have 2 childs of 14 and 9 years. She does not talks to anyone when her mood is off. I have been keeping extreme patience during all the time and always tried to console her and explain her that we also have good memories to remember. But seems she doesn't understands these things. We also consulted one psychiatrist, who gave her Ketamine treatment. She was fine for sometime only but after some time she said that she will not go to any doctor now, and let the situation prevail as it is until she is living. I am totally shattered and perplexed on this situation and could not focus on my job and any other thing in life. What to do, pl advise. I am not able to see her in this situation which is not so bad according to most of the people, but she is filled with so much of hate and negativity that she is not able to understand the things and value them.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No one likes criticism and each of us react to it differently...
But it is also necessary to give people feedback and feedback which is not in their favor will be construed as criticism.
This is how they can retract into their shell and not change anything even if the change is beneficial to them.
So, if you want to send feedback to your wife, two things:
1. Convert statements of feedback into questions.
Eg: This way of doing things is going to make you lose more time...Instead say: Do you feel that if there was a better way according to you to do this, you might have more time for yourself and also tire less?
More words but conveys the same without an accusation or instruction

2. Go to a professional who can make a clear diagnosis; medicines have effect till they last and then it's back to the drawing board. Help your wife develop a sense of fulfilment from within. It could be that she is finding her routine very monotonous and dull which throws her emotions off balance. So, have her work with a person who can get to the bottom of her mood swings

These 2 suggestions in my opinion can make a huge difference to your marriage and home.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

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Hi, I have a divorcee daughter aged 45 whose unpleasant and quarrelsome behavior is a constant source of misery and headache for whole of the family. Her marriage could not go beyond 2 months as her in-laws turned out to be greedy, troublesome and also found involved in some fraudulent activities with a few police cases against them -- which forced us to seek divorce. I may add that my daughter ever since she was 13 or 14 yrs became a little self-willed and considered her to be always right in action and thought in front of parents or any one else. This has become very serious now. She is not at all open to any kind of reasoning or discussion. If you always act, think or do as per her wish, it is ok otherwise she will start fighting on any thing or every thing. Her attitude of selfishness and always finding faults with other family members including parents is spoiling the peaceful atmosphere of the house. Expecting any kind of adjustment from her is asking for the moon. Kindly advise.
Ans: Dear SN,

I can understand how challenging it must be to deal with your daughter's behavior. It's concerning that she's been displaying this attitude since she was young and that it's causing such turmoil within your family.

Consider seeking the help of a family therapist or counselor who specializes in dealing with family conflicts. A professional can provide an objective perspective and offer strategies for improving communication and resolving conflicts.It's important to establish clear boundaries with your daughter regarding her behavior. Let her know what behaviors are unacceptable and what consequences will follow if those boundaries are crossed.
Encourage Open Communication: Even though your daughter may be resistant to discussion, continue to encourage open communication within the family. Let her know that you're willing to listen to her perspective and work together to find solutions. Instead of solely focusing on her negative behavior, try to reinforce positive behaviors when you see them. Praise her when she acts respectfully or cooperatively, and try to reinforce those behaviors. Show your daughter how to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts peacefully by modeling those behaviors yourself. Avoid getting drawn into arguments or confrontations, and instead, try to remain calm and rational.If your daughter is open to it, encourage her to seek therapy on her own. A therapist can help her explore the underlying reasons for her behavior and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Encourage Self-Reflection: Encourage your daughter to reflect on her behavior and its impact on herself and others. Help her recognize the importance of empathy and understanding in maintaining healthy relationships.
It may take time and patience, but with consistent effort and support, there is hope for improvement. Remember to take care of yourselves and seek support from other family members or friends if needed.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1664 Answers  |Ask -

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Nayagam P P  |9738 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 31, 2025

Career
Iiit sricity cse or iiit nagpur cse which is best sir
Ans: Based on the following insights/information, please choose the more suitable option: IIIT Sri City and IIIT Nagpur are both centrally funded institutes offering B.Tech Computer Science & Engineering (CSE) programs, but they differ in academic maturity, placement outcomes, infrastructure, and industry integration. IIIT Sri City, located in Andhra Pradesh, boasts an impressive 93.6% placement rate for the 2025 batch, with an average CSE package of ?19.24LPA and top recruiters like Amazon, Google, Deloitte, TCS, and Infosys. Its curriculum, mentored by IIIT Hyderabad and IIT Hyderabad, emphasizes both foundational computing and research with active faculty engagement and industry interfacing. The 81-acre campus offers state-of-the-art labs, modern classrooms, sports complexes, and research centers, located within an integrated industrial city hosting over 180 multinational companies, which enhances exposure and internship opportunities. Faculty are PhD-qualified and the institute encourages undergraduate research and entrepreneurship, supported by ongoing national research projects and industry collaborations. IIIT Nagpur, in Maharashtra, is newer and recorded an 80.37% placement rate for the 2025 CSE batch, with an average package of ?14.2LPA and major recruiters such as Adobe, TCS, Google, EY, Cisco, and Accenture. The campus provides ample residential and academic facilities, including modern labs, well-equipped hostels, and sports amenities. Institute-industry collaborations, such as with Haldiram Foods International, aid in practical exposure, though the placement rate and recruiter diversity trail behind Sri City. Faculty credentials and research involvement are strong, but the campus is still growing in size and alumni network.

RECOMMENDATION: Between IIIT Sri City CSE and IIIT Nagpur CSE, IIIT Sri City is the superior choice for its stronger placement metrics, higher average packages, advanced research centers, and greater industry integration through its unique location in a major industrial hub. Choose IIIT Sri City for a more mature academic environment, robust infrastructure, and wider professional opportunities; IIIT Nagpur remains a good alternative for those seeking a stable, supportive environment in central India. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10017 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2025Hindi
Money
Sir, I'm 51 years old. I'm currently working in private organisation with 30 LPA. I don't have children. My current financial position is as follows. PF - 65 lakhs A own house - loan cleared. I don't have any loans or commitments. A open plot worth 40 lakhs. 15 lakh bank balance. SIP - 5 lakhs Rental income of 30000 per month. Farm land 5 acres worth 6 crores. Please advice as I was planning to retire at the age of 60. My self and my wife are fully fit and have no health problems as of now.
Ans: You have built a solid base. Your discipline and clarity deserve sincere appreciation.

At 51, with no financial dependents and no liabilities, your position is strong. Your current income, assets, and investments indicate a clear path to retire comfortably at 60. Let’s evaluate and guide you from all possible angles.

? Income and Employment Overview

– You are earning Rs. 30 lakh per annum from your job.
– Rental income adds Rs. 30,000 per month.
– No loans or EMI burden is a big plus.
– You have 9 more working years before retirement.
– Health is stable for you and your wife. This is important.

Your focus should now shift towards capital protection, inflation-proof retirement income, and creating flexibility in future choices.

? Provident Fund Assessment

– Rs. 65 lakh PF corpus is already a great achievement.
– Continue monthly PF contributions until retirement.
– This corpus can grow significantly in 9 years.
– It will form the backbone of your retirement income.
– After retirement, you may use part of PF for SWP or annuity-type withdrawals, but not annuity products.

? Bank Balance Review

– You hold Rs. 15 lakh in bank balance.
– Maintain Rs. 5 to 7 lakh as emergency fund.
– Remaining balance should be parked in liquid or arbitrage funds.
– This helps earn better returns than regular savings.

Idle cash leads to value erosion due to inflation. Keep it optimised.

? SIP and Mutual Fund Investment Analysis

– Rs. 5 lakh corpus in mutual fund SIPs is modest.
– Continue investing every month in diversified equity funds.
– Target Rs. 50,000 to Rs. 70,000 per month SIP till retirement.
– Step up your SIP by 10% annually.
– Your MF portfolio should be mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap.
– Add conservative hybrid or dynamic funds after age 55.
– This builds stability and lowers volatility.

Stay invested via regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) and not direct plans.

Direct plans miss out on expert advice and portfolio review support.
Regular plans via CFP ensure handholding, rebalancing, and strategy alignment.

Also, avoid index funds.

Index funds mirror the market. They don’t beat it.
No flexibility in changing allocations based on market cycles.
Actively managed funds offer fund manager expertise and better risk control.

? Rental Income Role in Retirement

– Rs. 30,000/month rental is a good supplementary income.
– It adds Rs. 3.6 lakh yearly without risk.
– Even if post-retirement you stop working, this income continues.
– Use it as a buffer for medical expenses or lifestyle needs.

Ensure the property is well-maintained. Consider succession planning early.

? Real Estate Asset Review

– You own a residential house (loan-free).
– You own a plot worth Rs. 40 lakh.
– You also own 5 acres of farm land valued at Rs. 6 crore.

Though these are valuable, do not rely on real estate for income generation or liquidity.
As a policy, real estate is not a recommended investment instrument.

Real estate has illiquidity, high maintenance, and poor transparency.
Retirement income needs steady and easy-to-access cash flows.

You may consider partial monetisation of either plot or farmland after age 58, only if needed.

Until then, let these remain wealth reservoirs, not income engines.

? Health Insurance Coverage

– You and your wife are currently healthy.
– But medical inflation is high.

You must have the following in place:

– One family floater health insurance policy of minimum Rs. 15–20 lakh.
– Top-up policy of Rs. 25 lakh if base policy is low.
– Critical illness cover for both spouses.
– Rs. 5–7 lakh health emergency fund.

Check existing cover from employer. Buy a standalone policy now.
After retirement, premiums shoot up. It’s harder to get approval too.

? Retirement Planning Strategy

Your target retirement age is 60. That gives 9 more years.

Key goals during this phase:

– Grow corpus steadily and safely.
– Build equity-debt balanced portfolio.
– Keep risk moderate.
– Ensure liquidity at all times.
– Avoid locking funds in long-term products.
– Never chase high returns with risky products.

Post retirement, build your income stream using:

– SWP from mutual funds.
– Partial withdrawals from EPF and PPF.
– Rental income.
– Farm income if managed well.
– Use debt mutual funds for parking money safely.

Make sure to avoid:

– Annuities
– ULIPs
– Endowment policies
– Real estate investments
– Index or direct plans

If you hold any LIC, ULIP or combo investment-insurance policies, you should surrender them and shift to mutual funds via a CFP.
They give poor returns, low transparency, and poor liquidity.

? Tax Planning and Capital Gains Strategy

– Post 2025, MF taxation has changed.
– Equity MF:

LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

STCG taxed at 20%.
– Debt MF:

LTCG and STCG both taxed as per your slab.

Plan redemptions accordingly after retirement.
Stagger withdrawals using SWP route to lower tax impact.

Continue tax-saving till retirement using:

– EPF, PPF, SIP in ELSS if needed.
– NPS if you want additional tax shield.
– Health insurance premium and standard deductions.

Avoid aggressive tax-saving schemes. Simplicity matters more now.

? Lifestyle Planning and Retirement Readiness

– Decide your expected lifestyle post-retirement.
– Estimate monthly expense today and inflate it by 6–7% yearly.
– Include travel, wellness, gifts, maintenance, contingencies.
– Don’t plan a frugal lifestyle. Keep some leisure fund.
– Try living on your estimated post-retirement income for 3–6 months.

This will help you validate your corpus needs and comfort zone.

? Estate Planning and Succession Clarity

– Since you have no children, plan succession early.
– Draft a registered Will for all properties and investments.
– Assign trusted nominee for all accounts and policies.
– Use joint ownerships to avoid legal issues.
– Keep your spouse aware of all investments, passwords, and financial contacts.

Nomination is not ownership. Will supersedes all. So don’t delay.

? Risk Management and Portfolio Review

– Avoid high-risk investments now.
– Don’t experiment with PMS, unregulated products, or fancy tax schemes.
– Stick to a well-diversified mutual fund portfolio.
– Maintain 60:40 ratio of equity and debt from age 55.
– Monitor the portfolio at least twice a year.

Involve a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for regular reviews.
This ensures asset allocation is aligned with age and goals.
They also help you rebalance and switch tactically.

? Final Insights

– Your foundation is strong and well-prepared.
– You have no debt and ample assets.
– Just focus on disciplined investing and avoiding risky decisions.
– Allocate savings wisely across mutual funds and fixed instruments.
– Protect health and legacy with insurance and a Will.
– Your goal to retire at 60 is 100% achievable with the current plan.

A few tweaks and regular reviews will secure your financial freedom.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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