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Stuck in a Grudge: How to Forgive a Friend Who Hurt Me?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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I’ve been holding onto a grudge against a friend who hurt me years ago. While I’ve tried to move on, the memories keep coming back, and I feel like it’s stopping me from fully trusting others. How can I let go of this resentment and stop it from affecting my present relationships?

Ans: Letting go of resentment begins with understanding that it’s not about forgetting what happened or excusing the other person’s actions. It’s about freeing yourself from the grip that pain has on your emotions and your ability to trust. Start by creating space to process the hurt. Reflect on what exactly about the situation caused the deepest wound—was it a betrayal, unmet expectations, or feeling disregarded? Sometimes clarity about the source of the pain makes it easier to start releasing it.

You might also want to examine the story you’ve been telling yourself about this hurt. Often, we replay painful memories as if to protect ourselves from being hurt again, but in doing so, we allow the past to shape how we approach the present. Try reframing the narrative, focusing not on what you lost but on how you’ve grown. You’ve survived this hurt, and it’s a testament to your resilience.

Forgiveness can also play a key role, not necessarily as an act for the other person, but as a gift to yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t mean rekindling the friendship or even directly addressing the person—it’s a way of releasing the hold they have on your emotions. You can write a letter to your friend expressing all your feelings and then decide whether to send it or simply let it be a personal act of closure.

When it comes to trusting others, remind yourself that the actions of one person don’t define everyone. Trust grows in small, consistent steps. Start by recognizing the people in your life now who have shown care and consistency, and allow yourself to open up gradually.

Healing isn’t a straight path, and memories might still surface from time to time. When they do, instead of resisting them, acknowledge them and remind yourself that they no longer have power over you. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, lighter and more open to the connections that await you. You deserve the freedom to trust and to live fully in the present.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2023

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My girl was cheating me 2yrs back .. still we are in a relationship because I can't leave her but I don't forget that duration where she cheat me . Point is whenever I remind that I feel disturbed and become most negative person I'm .. Q. How to avoid that feeling?
Ans: It's understandable that the memory of your partner's infidelity still affects you, even after two years. It's important to recognize that these feelings are normal and valid, and it's okay to need time and space to heal.

One way to avoid these negative feelings is to focus on the present moment and the positive aspects of your relationship. Try to find ways to reconnect with your partner and build trust in your relationship. This may involve having open and honest conversations about your feelings and working together to establish clear boundaries and expectations for your relationship moving forward.

It's also important to take care of your mental health and well-being. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you work through your emotions and develop coping strategies. Additionally, practicing self-care, such as exercise, healthy eating, and relaxation techniques, can help improve your mood and overall well-being.

Ultimately, it's up to you to decide whether or not you can move past the infidelity and continue the relationship. It's important to remember that forgiveness is a process, and it may take time to fully heal and trust your partner again. Whatever decision you make, it's essential to prioritize your own emotional well-being and do what's best for you.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 12, 2024

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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How to overcome from past memories
Ans: Healing from painful past memories is an intimate and deeply emotional journey. It’s not just about forgetting what happened but learning to carry those experiences in a way that doesn’t weigh you down.

Start by honoring your feelings. These memories are a part of your story, and the emotions tied to them are valid. Allow yourself to sit with the pain, the sadness, or even the anger, without rushing to push it away. Sometimes, simply acknowledging the hurt can bring a sense of release.

Mindfulness can be a gentle companion in this process. When the past pulls you back, focus on the present moment. Notice the feel of your breath, the warmth of the sun, or the grounding sensation of your feet on the floor. These small acts remind you that you are here, now, safe and capable of healing.

Embrace self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would to a dear friend. Remind yourself that it’s okay to have scars and that healing takes time. You don’t have to be perfect or have it all figured out. It’s enough to take one step at a time.

Sometimes, letting go means forgiving—not just others, but yourself too. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning what happened. It’s about freeing yourself from the chains of resentment and allowing space for peace and growth.

Surround yourself with warmth and support. Lean on those who uplift you, who remind you of your strength, and who offer you love without judgment. These connections can be a soothing balm for the soul.

Lastly, be patient with yourself. Healing is not linear, and it’s okay to have days when the past feels heavy again. Trust in your resilience and know that each day, you are growing stronger, finding new ways to hold your memories with tenderness rather than pain. You are worthy of peace, love, and joy in your present and future.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7837 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

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Get me some clearity on HDFC BALANCED ADVANTAGE FUND as from last few days my portfolio is going in negative
Ans: Understanding Balanced Advantage Funds

Balanced Advantage Funds invest in both equity and debt. They adjust their investments based on market conditions. This flexibility helps manage risk and aim for steady returns.

Recent Performance Insights

It's natural to feel concerned when your portfolio shows negative returns. Remember, short-term declines are common in investments. Balanced Advantage Funds aim to reduce risk by adjusting their investments. This strategy helps manage market ups and downs.

Factors Influencing Performance

Several elements can affect your fund's performance:

Market Volatility: Changes in the market can impact returns.

Asset Allocation: The mix of equity and debt plays a role.

Interest Rate Changes: Fluctuations can influence debt investments.

Economic Indicators: Factors like inflation and GDP growth are important.

Evaluating Fund Performance

To assess your fund's performance:

Compare with Benchmarks: See how it measures up against standard indices.

Review Historical Returns: Look at past performance over different periods.

Consider Risk-Adjusted Returns: Evaluate returns in relation to the risk taken.

Staying the Course

It's commendable to stay focused on your long-term goals. Short-term market changes shouldn't deter your investment strategy. Maintaining discipline is key to achieving financial objectives.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner

For personalized advice, consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner. They can provide guidance tailored to your financial situation.

Final Thoughts

Market fluctuations are a part of investing. Balanced Advantage Funds are designed to manage these ups and downs. Staying informed and patient can help you reach your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7837 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

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Hello, my mother is 62 year old pensioner. She has invested funds in government securities and postal schemes. Despite submitting 15H form and filing ITR (as a senior citizen person), her tax is getting deducted. Can you kindly explain why this is happening?
Ans: There are a few possible reasons why TDS (Tax Deducted at Source) is being deducted from your mother's investments, despite submitting Form 15H and filing ITR.

1. Incorrect or Late Submission of Form 15H
Form 15H must be submitted at the start of the financial year to all institutions where she has investments.
If submitted after TDS is deducted, it won’t apply retrospectively to recover the deducted tax.
Ensure the form is submitted separately to each bank, post office, or financial institution.
2. Exceeding the Basic Exemption Limit
For senior citizens (60+ years), income up to Rs. 3 lakhs is tax-free.
If her total taxable income (pension + interest from investments) exceeds Rs. 3 lakhs, TDS will still apply.
Even if TDS is deducted, she can claim a refund while filing her ITR if her total tax liability is zero.
3. Form 15H Validity Rules
Form 15H is only valid if total taxable income is below the exemption limit.
If her total income is more than Rs. 3 lakhs, banks and post offices will ignore Form 15H and deduct TDS.
4. Different TDS Thresholds for Investments
Banks deduct TDS on FD interest if it exceeds Rs. 50,000 per year for senior citizens.
Post Office schemes (like SCSS) deduct TDS if interest crosses Rs. 50,000 per year.
Government securities may also have TDS rules based on the issuing authority.
5. PAN Not Updated with the Bank/Post Office
If PAN is not linked to the investment accounts, higher TDS at 20% is deducted.
Ensure all investments have PAN updated to avoid excess TDS.
6. Errors in Tax Deduction System
Sometimes, banks deduct TDS even if Form 15H is submitted correctly.
In such cases, she can file an ITR and claim a refund from the Income Tax Department.
What to Do Now?
Check total taxable income to confirm if she qualifies for Form 15H.
Verify all Form 15H submissions with banks and post offices.
Ensure PAN is updated in all financial institutions.
If TDS is wrongly deducted, file an ITR and claim a refund.
Would you like help with checking if she is eligible for a refund?

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7837 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7837 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

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Money
My son is a Singapore citizen. He has a flat in his name in Co-op. Hous. Soc. in Navi Mumbai purchased in 2005. He wants to sell it. Will you please suggest ways to repatriate the proceeds with least tax implications?
Ans: Selling property in India as a non-resident involves several steps. It's important to follow these steps to ensure compliance with Indian laws and to minimize tax liabilities. Here's a detailed guide to assist your son:

1. Understanding Capital Gains Tax

Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG): Since the property was purchased in 2005 and is being sold now, it qualifies as a long-term asset. LTCG is taxed at 20% for non-resident Indians (NRIs).

Indexation Benefit: This benefit adjusts the purchase price for inflation, reducing taxable gains.

2. Tax Deducted at Source (TDS) Obligations

TDS Rate: The buyer must deduct TDS at 20% on LTCG for NRIs. Ensure the buyer complies with this requirement.

3. Repatriation of Sale Proceeds

NRO Account: Deposit the sale proceeds into a Non-Resident Ordinary (NRO) account.

Repatriation Limit: NRIs can repatriate up to USD 1 million per financial year from their NRO account, provided all taxes are paid.

4. Documentation for Repatriation

Tax Clearance: Obtain a certificate from a Chartered Accountant in Form 15CB.

Bank Procedures: Submit Form 15CA to the bank. These forms confirm that taxes have been paid.

5. Tax Exemptions to Reduce Liability

Section 54: Invest LTCG in another residential property in India within specified timelines to claim exemption.

Section 54EC: Invest in specified bonds within six months of sale to avail exemption. The maximum investment limit is Rs 50 lakhs.

6. Currency Exchange Considerations

Exchange Rate: The prevailing exchange rate at the time of repatriation will apply.

Bank Charges: Be aware of potential charges during the transfer process.

7. Professional Consultation

Certified Financial Planner: Consult a Certified Financial Planner to navigate the complexities of taxation and repatriation.

By following these steps, your son can efficiently manage the sale and repatriation process, ensuring compliance and minimizing tax liabilities.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 24, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I have been married for more than 3 weeks. And I don't like my husband. I didn't like him before the marriage and it was very clear to my family tht I didn't like him. But my parents forced me to get married to him and it was my fault tht I couldn't prioritise my feelings. I considered what would happen to them if I called off the engagement. And after being married I have been more than depressed. My parents keeps telling what I should do. I don't let him touch me since I don't like him I asked him for some time and on the 2nd day he made a huge issue in my family telling them that I don't let him touch me. I started to resent him after this. Everyone around me keeps on telling Me that he will go abroad in 2 weeks so I should do whatever a wife does. it's been 3 weeks and continuous arguments. I'm so sad. I'm scared of what would happen if I leave this marriage. I can't stay in my own family because they would treat me so bad. I would have to stay alone. Thinking about the uncertain future and consequences am not able to do anything. Am stuck in this miserable situation.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
For sure, it's difficult to be physically intimate with someone that you do not fancy and he is being silly in making this public. Rather than winning you over, he's making it a public issue to gain sympathy which his highly immature.
Now, I am going to give you an example that you may not like.
Eg: You have to live in Japan for 2 years and you do not like that cuisine. But eventually you realize that 2 years is a long time and then you actually start enjoying the food by looking at what's nice in it; healthy, light, good on the heart etc.

It's the same here. You may have gotten forced into the marriage. But it's just 3 weeks. Give it time...NO, you do not have to engage in any physical intimacy with him right away; but at least try to get to know him...maybe someday you might start to appreciate his good qualities, yeah? See, if this is possible in the short time that you have...it's just about having an open mind. Marriages are easy to break, think hard on this one.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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