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Housewife Feels Overdependent on Partner After Leaving Job, Seeks Advice on Balancing Individuality and Relationships

Anu Krishna |1437 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I am a housewife and a mother of a 5 year old daughter. I left my job to take care of my family. I used to be a cheerful person before. I often find myself losing my individuality in relationships because I care too much about the other person’s needs. How can I strike a balance between being loving and staying true to myself? What can I do so I am not overly dependent on my partner?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is Balance? When there are two equal weights placed on either side of a weighing scale, they balance each other perfectly. So, in life, other than housework and taking care of others (one side), you have forgotten to place the same weight on the other side which is self-care.
Do what it takes to keep yourself happy, so that this happiness can fuel what you do on the other side for others. Makes sense?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

RelationshipReply

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Anu Krishna |1437 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 12, 2024

Question by D - Jan 09, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Thank you for kind reply... I found the answers to your question... Suggest me the way to follow -What is it that I actually want? Happiness, Respect and Peace. - What is it that I am actually good at within the family? Shield - that what I can feel.. though I am not that strong now.. I was when I was young always ready to fight against the wrong. (My father is no more with us, he expired when I was 13). from that point on I take the role of being on guard - to protect- to be their strong façade. -What is it that I am uniquely different when it comes to relationships? Still finding. - What can I change to make a marriage/relationship work on a long-term basis? I will go with flow... wait for the right time and person to come. So right now I will put a pause on both the topic of marriage and kids. I will live happily with the peoples, relations and kid I have now. If in future to life can be added to my happy circle... i will welcome it with open arms, if not its okay. ( Somebody told me recently Okay to enough sometime you don't need more to be happy). so do you think I am going correct ?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am glad that you have managed to spend time on reflection which is where you will find all your answers to challenges in life.
When the time is right for marriage or a relationship, you will know it...until then, just do what makes you happy and keeps you happy and let this not be dependent on someone else or someone else validating you. Just be happy on your own and when you come across someone who you feel can be your life partner, then make a move on that...
Be in your own space and happily in it...

All the best!

Ravi Mittal |505 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024

Relationship

My Girlfriend says that I am very "Clingy". This is my First Relationship & I Love her with all my Heart. I shower a lot of Affection on her, all the time. But, I am also somewhat Insecure, perhaps, due to Childhood Trauma from Emotionally Unavailable & Abusive Parents. Sometimes, even I feel that I am being Overly Attached & Emotionally Dependent upon her. Initially, she used to like the way, I Loved her, intensely, but of late, she seems to be getting Suffocated & gradually distancing herself from me. Please guide me, how to work on & improve myself ? At any cost, I don't want to lose her & would like to maintain a Healthy Relationship with her. Please guide me on how to proceed further.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, it is great that you took her feedback so positively and are trying to make constructive changes. It is not easy to admit flaws and work on them. Now, I would suggest starting off by putting your attention a little more on yourself than your partner. Focus on being independent; just because two people are dating does not mean they have to be constantly co-dependent. Pursue new hobbies, connect with friends, explore new things alone and some time together, and in general, give more time to personal growth.

Everyone has different love languages and life events can shape the way we give and receive love. For you, being too attentive and attached can be a byproduct of the childhood trauma you mentioned. Similarly, your partner's way of receiving love can be different. The best way to understand each other's love language is to communicate clearly. Listen to her without getting defensive. I would hope she can do the same for you. I am sure a few open conversations can bring you both to that sweet spot where you both are comfortable with each other's style of showing love.

I would also suggest therapy to address the insecurity and unresolved issues from your past. It can do wonders for your emotional health. Also, remember that a healthy relationship needs some room to grow. Allow yours the space.

Best Wishes.

Anu Krishna |1437 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi

Relationship

I’m a 32-year-old guy working in a corporate job with crazy hours. My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years, but in the last one year, I feel like we’ve become more like roommates than partners. Our conversations have become short, our intimacy feels forced, and honestly, I think she’s getting tired of my work-first attitude. I don’t want to lose her, but I’m also struggling to find a balance between my career and my relationship. How do I balance the both?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sure work is bringing in more than just satisfaction at this point in time for you...But for your girlfriend, she misses your care, love and attention that she is used to from you.
How do you manage this gap?
Firstly, talk to her about work and why you seem to be giving that more time. At times, communicating this can give the other person an understanding of what you are going through and will be able to support you better.
Secondly, give her a time period until when you will be busy. Knowing this will give her an idea that this isn't about to go on and on.
Next, ask yourself: Am I using work to stay busy and run away from something?

The last question put onus on you to know what exactly is happening inside your mind and help you course correct. Also, you and girlfriend sit down and drop down your couple goals and larger life goals. You will both have clarity on whether you both are moving in different directions and that will help in discussing how to bring things back.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Milind Vadjikar |865 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 16, 2025

Question by Vipin - Jan 03, 2025Hindi

Money

I have a PF account pre-UAN and the transfer to the current account with UAN needs either the previous employer to approve or the current employer can approve. In my case the previous company closed its operations in India and have no one here, and I do not have a present employment too. So what's the remedy for me to claim my earlier PF?

Ans: Hello;

Your case is peculiar therefore I recommend you to personally visit the EPFO office where your old EPF account is held and talk to the officials about your situation.

They may offer you a solution for sure, else you may raise a grievance in EPFiGMS portal regarding your concern.

Best wishes;

Milind Vadjikar |865 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 16, 2025

Question by Rakesh - Jan 16, 2025Hindi

Money

What is the best plan for investing Rs 40 lakh for regular post retirement income.

Ans: Hello;

A mix of POMIS(15 L; jointly) and SCSS(25 L) would be good.

If quarterly interest payments of SCSS is an issue then an FD with a Govt bank or a very big private bank paying monthly interest is also okay.

Immediate annuity from a life insurance company could also be a decent option because it provides regular income for longer periods with option of joint(both husband and wife) annuity for life with return of purchase price to the nominee, after them.

Best wishes;

Milind Vadjikar |865 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 16, 2025Hindi

Money

Hello Advait, hope you are doing well. Can we invest now in relaxo at 577 level.

Ans: Hello;

Outlook for Relaxo in the short to medium term looks muted due to intense competition from the unorganised sector hence pressure on sales as well as margins.

Therefore my view would be to explore better options.

Alternatively you may also seek a advice on this stock from a sebi registered research analyst.

Happy Investing;

Ravi Mittal |505 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 16, 2025Hindi

Relationship

I am 31 years old and have been married for 6 years. My relatives keep pressuring me and scaring me, saying that I haven’t had a child yet and that I should have one now. However, we are not financially prepared at the moment. We have just bought a house, and the loans have recently started, which exhausted all our savings for the down payment. My husband’s family had a very weak financial background. They had nothing, and he struggled a lot, even living in someone else’s house to complete his education. Only he knows how hard it was. Now, his salary has improved, and I am also employed. Additionally, we are entirely responsible for my in-laws, as my husband’s elder brother neither got married nor provides any support for the parents. We are under a lot of pressure right now, but everyone just keeps asking us when we are going to have a child. I’ve seen how my husband struggled with limited finances when the family was financially weak, and I don’t want to show such hardships to our children. On top of that, I am overweight and focused on losing weight to ensure I can be healthy. I feel very stressed and confused, but my husband is fully supportive of me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I am really glad that you are being so responsible and practical, rather than making such life-changing decisions based on emotions alone. Second, don't worry about other's opinions; they might have your best interest at heart, but this should be solely your decision. You should have a child only when you are ready to have one- both mentally, physically, and financially. And no hard and fast rule says you should have a child within a certain year of your marriage. Two people in a marriage is a whole family too; a child can add to the joy if that is what you want. But if not, your family is still complete. Please remember that.

Take care of your health and your mind. If you are worried about your age, you can always go see a doctor and see how many years you can delay this. Rushing is never a good idea.

Best Wishes.

Milind Vadjikar |865 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 16, 2025

Question by Baldev - Jan 16, 2025Hindi

Money

Sir I have Jeeva saral policy which is about to nearing its maturity in July 2025. I paid it's premium regularly by quarterly mode of payment from last 16 years. How much benefit l will get.

Ans: Hello;

You may expect a XIRR of 5.5-6% or even lower on premiums invested in this policy.

If you get better then this it would be great.

Best wishes;

Samraat Jadhav |2170 Answers |Ask -Follow

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Jan 16, 2025

Question by Rajesh - Dec 19, 2024Hindi

Money

hi can i invest 5 lakhs in IRFC @ current price and leave it to grow for next 5 to 6 years. Will this fetch me atleast 5X retruns. is the stock fundamentally stable and potential?

Ans: 5x expectation is too much, please be reasonable. Its trading at high PE now and future growth could be impacted on lot of parameters. If you are expecting anything between 8-12% yearly, then its reasonable.

Radheshyam Zanwar |1144 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Jan 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 16, 2025Hindi

Career

I'm a bsc botany graduate and now got admission and doing msc. I'm in first year and just gave my 1st semester exam but somehow now i feel i can't do botany at all its not just in my interest. I can't continue further with it as i dont think there's much scope too. I have interest in fields like geography or law related subjects. I'll be attempting for upsc too this year and also had a second thought to go for Law. Should i drop the msc? ....I've cried a lot thinking about that and its affecting my mental health too.

Ans: Hello dear.
First I would like to suggest that, in any way, you first complete your M.Sc. (Botnay) either with interest or without interest. Who told you that there is less scope in Botany? There are a lot of career options after M.Sc. (Botany).It is good that you are interested in geography and are attempting UPSC this year. Dear, along with your M.Sc. you can easily appear for UPSC and do the study of Geography, after completing your M.Sc. you can take the admission to Law course. Many people do the law even after their retirement or in due course of their service. There is no need to cry about the things which happened to you.
Suggestions: (1) Completer M.Sc. (Botany) by any means (2) Space-time to read Geography and UPSC Syllabus (3) Develop your overall personality and try to engage in some extracurricular activities of your interest.
Best of luck for your upcoming bright future.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

Milind Vadjikar |865 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 16, 2025

Question by arpit - Jan 14, 2025Hindi

Money

Hi, I am a new investor 41 yrs old, so far10L invested in various MF categories. Here are list of investments through SIP’sand lumpsum: 20K in Nippon Large Cap, 15K in Quant Mid cap 15K in ICICI Pru multi asset 15K in Parag Parekh flexi cap 15K in Edleweiss small cap 1L lumpsum in Motilal Oswal mid small Healthcare index fund 2L lumpsum in ICICI Pru all season bond fund 12.5K/month in PPF Can I achieve my retirement goals, both child education (9 yrs old & 5 months old), marriage etc. and is there a need to balance my portfolio. Also is there any need me to consider in other investments options.

Ans: Hello;

Your current lumpsum and monthly investment into mutual funds may be adequate to meet the education and marriage requirement of your kids. (~2 Cr)

Apart from that it may provide a retirement corpus (~5 Cr).

If you have a female kid invest in SSY(12.5 K per month) since the interest is more then PPF and other benefits are similar only with different withdrawal stage.

Also you may supplement your retirement planning through NPS (~20 K per month).

Review performance of your funds annually with reference to the category average and benchmark.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

Milind Vadjikar |865 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi

Money

I am 48 , Income: Take home 2.5 L / pm , PPF amount 47 L , NPS - 20 L , FD- 37 L , Life Insurance - 80 L, Expenses 75 k /pm . Please advice me a plan for 2 L income / pm from 2036.

Ans: Hello;

You may need a corpus of 6 Cr to generate a post-tax monthly income of 2 L+. (Assuming 6% annuity rate and 30% tax)

Assuming your existing investment stay and continue till 2035(PPF, NPS, FD) it may grow into a cumulative corpus of 2.93 Cr.(12.5 K pm into PPF+47 L @ 6.9%, 20 K pm into NPS+20 L @ 8%, FD of 37 L @ 7.4%)

So you need to fill the gap of (6-2.93=3.07 Cr) through monthly sip.

You may begin with a monthly sip of 1 L into a combination of pure equity mutual funds and step it up each year by a minimum of 3% to reach your target in 11 years.

Here the assumption is that you have term life insurance of 80 L with no maturity value.

If it's an endowment policy then assuming maturity value of 80 L you may attain your target with a flat monthly sip of 83 K into a combination of pure equity mutual funds.

Make sure to move your gains from equity funds into liquid funds as you approach closer to your retirement to avoid it getting affected by market volatility.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay |298 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 16, 2025

Question by vikas - Jan 15, 2025Hindi

Career

Hello sir I am working in psb as an officer and want to switch but too confuse...

Ans: First tell me why you want to switch over to other organization? Then I can guide you. Best of luck. Just follow me. May God Bless You. Professor.....................................:)

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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