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Housewife Feels Overdependent on Partner After Leaving Job, Seeks Advice on Balancing Individuality and Relationships

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1437 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am a housewife and a mother of a 5 year old daughter. I left my job to take care of my family. I used to be a cheerful person before. I often find myself losing my individuality in relationships because I care too much about the other person’s needs. How can I strike a balance between being loving and staying true to myself? What can I do so I am not overly dependent on my partner?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is Balance? When there are two equal weights placed on either side of a weighing scale, they balance each other perfectly. So, in life, other than housework and taking care of others (one side), you have forgotten to place the same weight on the other side which is self-care.
Do what it takes to keep yourself happy, so that this happiness can fuel what you do on the other side for others. Makes sense?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1437 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 12, 2024

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Thank you for kind reply... I found the answers to your question... Suggest me the way to follow -What is it that I actually want? Happiness, Respect and Peace. - What is it that I am actually good at within the family? Shield - that what I can feel.. though I am not that strong now.. I was when I was young always ready to fight against the wrong. (My father is no more with us, he expired when I was 13). from that point on I take the role of being on guard - to protect- to be their strong façade. -What is it that I am uniquely different when it comes to relationships? Still finding. - What can I change to make a marriage/relationship work on a long-term basis? I will go with flow... wait for the right time and person to come. So right now I will put a pause on both the topic of marriage and kids. I will live happily with the peoples, relations and kid I have now. If in future to life can be added to my happy circle... i will welcome it with open arms, if not its okay. ( Somebody told me recently Okay to enough sometime you don't need more to be happy). so do you think I am going correct ?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am glad that you have managed to spend time on reflection which is where you will find all your answers to challenges in life.
When the time is right for marriage or a relationship, you will know it...until then, just do what makes you happy and keeps you happy and let this not be dependent on someone else or someone else validating you. Just be happy on your own and when you come across someone who you feel can be your life partner, then make a move on that...
Be in your own space and happily in it...

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |505 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024
Relationship
My Girlfriend says that I am very "Clingy". This is my First Relationship & I Love her with all my Heart. I shower a lot of Affection on her, all the time. But, I am also somewhat Insecure, perhaps, due to Childhood Trauma from Emotionally Unavailable & Abusive Parents. Sometimes, even I feel that I am being Overly Attached & Emotionally Dependent upon her. Initially, she used to like the way, I Loved her, intensely, but of late, she seems to be getting Suffocated & gradually distancing herself from me. Please guide me, how to work on & improve myself ? At any cost, I don't want to lose her & would like to maintain a Healthy Relationship with her. Please guide me on how to proceed further.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, it is great that you took her feedback so positively and are trying to make constructive changes. It is not easy to admit flaws and work on them. Now, I would suggest starting off by putting your attention a little more on yourself than your partner. Focus on being independent; just because two people are dating does not mean they have to be constantly co-dependent. Pursue new hobbies, connect with friends, explore new things alone and some time together, and in general, give more time to personal growth.

Everyone has different love languages and life events can shape the way we give and receive love. For you, being too attentive and attached can be a byproduct of the childhood trauma you mentioned. Similarly, your partner's way of receiving love can be different. The best way to understand each other's love language is to communicate clearly. Listen to her without getting defensive. I would hope she can do the same for you. I am sure a few open conversations can bring you both to that sweet spot where you both are comfortable with each other's style of showing love.

I would also suggest therapy to address the insecurity and unresolved issues from your past. It can do wonders for your emotional health. Also, remember that a healthy relationship needs some room to grow. Allow yours the space.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1437 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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I’m a 32-year-old guy working in a corporate job with crazy hours. My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years, but in the last one year, I feel like we’ve become more like roommates than partners. Our conversations have become short, our intimacy feels forced, and honestly, I think she’s getting tired of my work-first attitude. I don’t want to lose her, but I’m also struggling to find a balance between my career and my relationship. How do I balance the both?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sure work is bringing in more than just satisfaction at this point in time for you...But for your girlfriend, she misses your care, love and attention that she is used to from you.
How do you manage this gap?
Firstly, talk to her about work and why you seem to be giving that more time. At times, communicating this can give the other person an understanding of what you are going through and will be able to support you better.
Secondly, give her a time period until when you will be busy. Knowing this will give her an idea that this isn't about to go on and on.
Next, ask yourself: Am I using work to stay busy and run away from something?

The last question put onus on you to know what exactly is happening inside your mind and help you course correct. Also, you and girlfriend sit down and drop down your couple goals and larger life goals. You will both have clarity on whether you both are moving in different directions and that will help in discussing how to bring things back.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 17, 2025Hindi
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Then doctor asked her why she stopped and what I said, my wife said that he is asking for female staff and doctor said “I am a doctor and I am not having female staff and there is nothing male and female in doctor’s consultation” my wife got convinced and told me that we are continuing with this doctor and I also shaked my head as consent sign but not aware with the upcoming surprise and then she open her upper body part and doctor did the check up by pressing or whatever doctor does. And I was not ready for this So, I am still in trauma due to this, but I don’t want her to show her body to any male doctor. That picture comes again and again in my eyes. I don’t want to break my relation with wife, because we married 20 years before and we have 2 daughter and I love her too much. But she has disobeyed me and obeyed that doctor. I am in a trauma. What should I do to come out of this trauma. Please let me know.
Ans: To address your trauma, start by having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings. Express your emotions calmly, without blame, so she can understand the depth of your discomfort and help you work through it. It's also crucial to recognize that trust and mutual respect are fundamental in any relationship. Your wife’s decision was likely driven by her need for medical care, not a desire to hurt or disobey you.

Consider seeking professional help for yourself. A therapist or counselor can provide a safe space for you to explore these feelings, work through the trauma, and develop strategies to cope with intrusive thoughts. They can also help you understand the importance of medical privacy and the necessity of certain procedures, which may ease your discomfort over time.

Additionally, you might want to explore couples counseling. This can help both of you navigate this situation together, rebuild trust, and strengthen your relationship. Remember, your goal is to maintain a loving and supportive partnership, and professional guidance can be instrumental in achieving that.

Your love for your wife and your desire to keep the relationship strong is evident. By addressing these feelings head-on and seeking support, you can move towards healing and maintaining the bond you cherish.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7548 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 17, 2025Hindi
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I'm 35 years old. I want to invest INR 65000 for retirement at 50 years old. My current expenses 65000 per month. Please guide me.
Ans: Retiring at 50 with your current lifestyle requires a carefully crafted investment strategy. Here’s a detailed guide tailored to your goal.

Step 1: Define Retirement Corpus Requirement
Current Monthly Expenses: Rs. 65,000.
Inflation Adjustment: At 6% inflation, your expenses will increase significantly by 50.
Retirement Corpus: The corpus must sustain you for at least 30+ years post-retirement.
Lifestyle Goals: Include travel, medical emergencies, and aspirational expenses in calculations.
Step 2: Asset Allocation Strategy
A balanced mix of equity and debt instruments can help grow your wealth steadily while minimizing risks.

1. Equity Mutual Funds (70% Allocation)
Why Equity? High growth potential to beat inflation over the long term.
Recommended Categories: Flexi-cap, mid-cap, and large-cap funds.
SIP/Investable Amount: Invest Rs. 45,500 monthly in equity mutual funds.
2. Debt Instruments (30% Allocation)
Why Debt? Stability and regular income during volatile markets.
Recommended Options: PPF, short-term debt mutual funds, or NPS (Tier I).
SIP/Investable Amount: Allocate Rs. 19,500 monthly.
Step 3: Include Inflation Protection
Inflation reduces the value of money significantly over time.
Your retirement corpus should grow faster than the inflation rate.
Equity exposure helps overcome inflation impacts effectively.
Step 4: Ensure Tax Efficiency
1. Equity Mutual Funds
Tax Rules: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.
Action Plan: Use annual redemption to manage gains below taxable limits.
2. PPF and NPS
Tax Benefits: Both offer tax-saving benefits under Section 80C.
Lock-in Period: Ensure alignment with your retirement timeline.
Step 5: Emergency Fund Creation
Build an emergency fund equivalent to 12 months’ expenses (Rs. 7.8 lakh).
Park it in liquid funds or a high-yield savings account for quick access.
Step 6: Health and Risk Coverage
Health Insurance: Ensure adequate coverage to avoid depleting investments during medical emergencies.
Life Insurance: Use a term plan to secure your dependents until you achieve your retirement goal.
Step 7: Regular Portfolio Reviews
Review your portfolio every six months.
Rebalance based on performance, changing goals, and market conditions.
Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner for optimized asset allocation.
Step 8: Additional Recommendations
Avoid Real Estate: Illiquid and high transaction costs make it unsuitable for your timeline.
Avoid Direct Investments: Opt for regular plans via mutual fund distributors guided by a CFP.
Diversify Investments: Explore international mutual funds for added growth.
Step 9: Incremental Contributions
Increase your SIP amount annually by 10-15% to align with income growth.
This ensures your corpus grows significantly over time.
Finally
Achieving financial independence by 50 is ambitious but achievable. Consistency in investments, inflation-adjusted growth, and regular reviews are critical. Focus on disciplined execution of the outlined plan for a secure and fulfilling retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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