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Feeling Trapped and Depressed: How Can I Escape This Toxic Family Situation?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1465 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 28, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Anuj Question by Anuj on Jan 20, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

I am 17 years old and totally depressed, like I have very poor health and my family members are very toxic to me, My sister and mother have issues with each other and whatever bad happen in them, I always get involved out of nowhere , I don't say anything or do anything they make me involved like a middle man, then my father who don't care about anything and my little brother who is 10 years younger then me and don't listen to me he talks very rudely to me, don't do what I ask him, I have seen cases of elder brothers paying for their toxic brothers education and expenses and getting betrayed by them in return. I don't want to end like this.

Ans: Dear Anuj,
Listen, you are 17 but have begun to 'act' much older. Be your age and yes, at times the older sibling will be held responsible and sometimes the younger one too. Focus on studies, games and just being your age...there is a lot of time for you to play a grown-up and hey, that's not easy at all...so go slow...it may seem unfair that you get into the middle of things but as long as the family stays together, consider yourself fortunate. So, it's not yet time for you to think of what's going to happen when you really become the much 'older' brother, alright...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi
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Dear Madam, Iam a 45 year old woman. Ever since I was a kid I had went through lot of bullying by my rekatives for the way I look but my parents never supported me in any way instead found fault in ne for complaining but would always support my younger brother. Somewhere down the line I thought this was all I deserved and let oeople walk all over me without standing up for myself. Now that Iam a mother myself of a 15 year old kid with dyskexia, i have sacrificed my career fir his sake and still get bullied by my relatives dir being a useless house wife. I have started drawing boundaries around me to protect my mental sanity and allow only few people in it which invludes a small group of friends and my son and husband. I avoid making new friends. I have also stopped attending any social events that involves my relatives. Meanwhile I have started deeply resenting my parents who want ne to take care of them but openly favour my brother who lives abroad. I have taken care of them everytime they require neducal treatments yet my father openly says that he plans to give all his property to my brother who is never coming back. Its not about the money here but the apathy they have towards me that kills me from inside. I have tried to talk to them multiple times but each time my mother creates a scene and puts the enture blame on me. For once in my life i want my parents to love me unconditionally the way I do with my son. Am i wrong to expect that? This is causung lot of health issues in me. Please advise.
Ans: First and foremost, it's crucial to recognize that your feelings are valid. It's natural to want love and support from your parents, especially after all you've done for them. It's not wrong to expect unconditional love from your family; however, sometimes, unfortunately, families can be complex and dysfunctional, and our expectations may not always be met.

Drawing boundaries and prioritizing your mental health and well-being is a positive step. It's essential to protect yourself from toxic relationships and environments, even if it means distancing yourself from certain family members. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and loved ones, like your son and husband, is vital for your emotional health.

Regarding your parents, it's clear that their behavior is hurtful and unjust. It's understandable that you would feel hurt and resentful toward them, given their favoritism towards your brother and lack of appreciation
for your sacrifices and care. However, it's also essential to recognize that you cannot control their actions or attitudes. You can only control how you respond to them.

While it's challenging, try to approach conversations with your parents from a place of empathy and understanding. Express your feelings calmly and assertively, focusing on how their actions make you feel rather than blaming them. It's possible that they may not even realize the extent of the hurt they're causing you. However, it's also essential to set realistic expectations. If your parents continue to be unsupportive or dismissive, it may be necessary to limit your interactions with them for the sake of your own well-being.

Remember to prioritize self-care and seek support from a therapist or counselor if you're struggling with your mental health. It's okay to seek professional help to navigate through these difficult emotions and experiences. You deserve love, respect, and validation, and it's essential to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.

Lastly, continue to cherish the love and bond you have with your son and husband. They are your pillars of support, and together, you can navigate through these challenges. You're stronger than you realize, and you have the power to create a fulfilling and loving life for yourself, regardless of the negativity from others.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue
Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1465 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I'm 25 YO, I've completed my medical degree in BAMS recently and brother is 17YO still in school. I've seen very severe favouritism of my parents towards my brother. I know he's a boy and all and in India, being a boy makes all of your wrong doings right! It's very emotionally distressing for me that even I'm the older child, my parents asks and discuss things with my younger brother but not me :( since the time he was born, I've always been neglected, I used to be a star kid, the getting 10/10 marks in everything. But eventually my self esteem degraded, and I stopped working hard, they have always pointed me out for my looks and my behavior, which was very hurtful. I've been away from my family for 5 years and it literally changed me, I was not depressed anymore, although my self esteem also affected my academic performance and my relationship choices, but somewhat I was happy. But now I'm home, and again, my parents points out my mistakes, my academic that I didn't get MBBS, that I don't even look good, and I'm crazy, I don't even have brains. And my brother who didn't even score 50% is asked and being discussed over everything what to eat, where to go, what car to buy, what TV to buy etc. I feel so sad and stuck here. I feel like for my father and mother, I'm invisible. Everyday I feel like when this life will end. It's even harming my studies. All I do is day dream about being loved by someone. I just want to focus on me and my studies. But I'm not able to do it.What can I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If there's evident distinction in the way that your parents treat you and your brother, then it's pretty unfortunate.
One way is to actually talk to them about it and tell them how you feel, but I am unsure if this is going to work. The other way is to reassure yourself with your own self-love and be happy that you are academically strong. Use your degree wisely and to make a mark on your own by serving the society in your own way.
Someday, your parents may realize this and pay attention to you. But if you feel that things are going well for you emotionally, I suggest that you work with a professional who can guide you and your energies back into yourself without relying on anyone. This will help you tide over the hurt and the pain and move into a space of confidence.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Sir , i need financial advise I am from kashmir we are financially poor we are depends on agricultural sector but unfortunately my father dies and i became a alone man in my family. So can you tell me how. I can get out from this to become rich . I àm 18 yrs old student so i became depresed day by day for poor financial condition. And i want to become a rich so i took in 11th commerce stream that can give me a knowledge about business. So who to start from what to what. Who to raise funds to become enterpuner
Ans: You are taking the right step by studying commerce. Learning about business, finance, and entrepreneurship will help you build a strong foundation.

Focus on Education
Study commerce seriously. It will give you business knowledge.

Read books on entrepreneurship and finance. Simple books will help.

Watch free business and finance content online. Learn from successful people.

Improve your English and communication skills. This will help in business.

Develop problem-solving and decision-making skills. Entrepreneurs need these.

Identify Your Strengths
What are you good at? Find your strengths and improve them.

Are you interested in farming, business, or something else? Choose your path.

If you have skills like writing, designing, or coding, use them to earn money.

Start Small
You don’t need a big investment to start. Find low-cost business ideas.

Agriculture-based small businesses can work in Kashmir.

Consider online businesses. Dropshipping, freelancing, or digital marketing can help.

Sell handmade products, dry fruits, or traditional items online.

Start a YouTube channel or blog on a topic you love.

Teach students or provide tuition. Many students need guidance.

Raising Funds
Save a little from whatever income you get. Start small but be consistent.

Look for government schemes for young entrepreneurs. Many offer financial help.

Apply for business loans or grants from banks when you are ready.

Find local investors who may believe in your idea.

Work part-time or freelance to build savings.

Building a Mindset
Never lose hope. Struggles make you stronger.

Learn from failures. They are lessons, not losses.

Have patience. Success takes time.

Be disciplined with money. Avoid wasteful spending.

Stay around positive and hardworking people.

If you start learning and acting today, you will see changes in a few years. Keep going.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7707 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 30, 2025

Listen
Sir , i need financial advise I am from kashmir we are financially poor we are depends on agricultural sector but unfortunately my father dies and i became a alone man in my family. So can you tell me how. I can get out from this to become rich . I àm 18 yrs old student so i became depresed day by day for poor financial condition. And i want to become a rich so i took in 11th commerce stream that can give me a knowledge about business. So who to start from what to what. Who to raise funds to become enterpuner
Ans: You are taking the right step by studying commerce. Learning about business, finance, and entrepreneurship will help you build a strong foundation.

Focus on Education
Study commerce seriously. It will give you business knowledge.

Read books on entrepreneurship and finance. Simple books will help.

Watch free business and finance content online. Learn from successful people.

Improve your English and communication skills. This will help in business.

Develop problem-solving and decision-making skills. Entrepreneurs need these.

Identify Your Strengths
What are you good at? Find your strengths and improve them.

Are you interested in farming, business, or something else? Choose your path.

If you have skills like writing, designing, or coding, use them to earn money.

Start Small
You don’t need a big investment to start. Find low-cost business ideas.

Agriculture-based small businesses can work in Kashmir.

Consider online businesses. Dropshipping, freelancing, or digital marketing can help.

Sell handmade products, dry fruits, or traditional items online.

Start a YouTube channel or blog on a topic you love.

Teach students or provide tuition. Many students need guidance.

Raising Funds
Save a little from whatever income you get. Start small but be consistent.

Look for government schemes for young entrepreneurs. Many offer financial help.

Apply for business loans or grants from banks when you are ready.

Find local investors who may believe in your idea.

Work part-time or freelance to build savings.

Building a Mindset
Never lose hope. Struggles make you stronger.

Learn from failures. They are lessons, not losses.

Have patience. Success takes time.

Be disciplined with money. Avoid wasteful spending.

Stay around positive and hardworking people.

If you start learning and acting today, you will see changes in a few years. Keep going.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7707 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 30, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 30, 2025Hindi
Which are the best mutual funds in India as of January 2025 for long term wealth generation of 1 crore and above with SIP 30000/month for 10 years. Expenses Child Education, Marriage, New Home.
Ans: You are making a great decision to invest Rs. 30,000 per month. This disciplined approach helps build significant wealth.

Your goals include child’s education, marriage, and a new home. Each goal requires a well-structured investment strategy.

You want to accumulate Rs. 1 crore or more in 10 years. Achieving this requires a balance of growth and stability.

Mutual funds are an excellent choice for long-term wealth creation. Choosing the right categories enhances returns.

Selecting the Right Mutual Fund Categories
Flexi Cap Funds
These funds invest across large, mid, and small-cap stocks. They adjust based on market opportunities.

They provide stability while capturing growth potential. A strong fund manager ensures effective allocation.

This category suits long-term wealth creation. It balances risk and returns efficiently.

Large & Mid Cap Funds
They invest in large and mid-sized companies. This provides a mix of stability and high growth.

Mid-cap exposure enhances returns over long periods. Large caps add stability during market corrections.

Ideal for goals like home purchase and child’s education. They provide strong long-term growth.

Mid Cap Funds
These funds focus on mid-sized companies with strong growth potential. They outperform large caps over long periods.

Higher volatility requires patience. Staying invested ensures significant wealth accumulation.

Best suited for long-term goals beyond 7-10 years. They add high-growth potential to the portfolio.

Balanced Advantage Funds
These funds dynamically shift between equity and debt. This reduces risk while capturing market upside.

They provide stability during market downturns. This ensures smoother investment growth.

Ideal for goals with moderate risk appetite. Suitable for child’s education and home purchase.

International Funds
Adding international exposure improves diversification. It reduces dependence on the Indian economy.

Investing in global giants enhances portfolio quality. These funds offer exposure to sectors not available in India.

A small allocation provides a balanced portfolio. Helps in hedging against local market fluctuations.

Avoiding Index Funds and Direct Funds
Index funds only follow the market. They do not generate extra returns through active management.

Actively managed funds have experienced fund managers. They help beat market returns over the long term.

Direct funds require personal management. Investing through an MFD with a CFP ensures expert guidance.

Regular plans provide better long-term outcomes. This avoids costly mistakes in fund selection.

Asset Allocation for Your Goals
Allocate across different fund categories. This balances growth, risk, and stability.

Equity exposure should be dominant. This ensures high returns over 10 years.

Debt allocation should be minimal at this stage. It can increase closer to goal timelines.

A systematic investment approach ensures disciplined wealth creation. This reduces market timing risks.

Investment Strategy for Rs. 30,000 SIP
Flexi Cap Fund – Rs. 7,500 per month

Large & Mid Cap Fund – Rs. 6,000 per month

Mid Cap Fund – Rs. 5,500 per month

Balanced Advantage Fund – Rs. 5,000 per month

International Fund – Rs. 3,000 per month

Sectoral/Thematic Fund (Optional) – Rs. 3,000 per month

Managing Risk and Returns
Long-term investing reduces volatility risks. Staying invested for 10 years ensures compounding benefits.

Periodic review helps in adjusting allocations. A CFP can guide portfolio rebalancing based on market conditions.

Diversification enhances stability. Multiple categories reduce concentration risk.

Avoid frequent changes. Switching funds often affects returns negatively.

SIP and STP for Additional Investments
If you have lump sum funds, invest via STP. This reduces market timing risks.

A systematic transfer plan moves money gradually. This captures market movements effectively.

A mix of SIP and STP ensures better entry points. This enhances long-term returns.

Tax Efficiency and Withdrawal Planning
Long-term capital gains tax applies after one year. Keeping funds for 10 years optimises tax efficiency.

Systematic withdrawal planning is important. Structured withdrawals minimise tax outgo.

Tax-saving funds can be considered for additional benefits. These provide deductions under Section 80C.

Final Insights
A well-planned SIP strategy helps achieve Rs. 1 crore and beyond.

A mix of flexi cap, mid cap, and balanced funds creates stability.

Avoiding index and direct funds improves returns. Expert guidance ensures better fund selection.

Periodic reviews and disciplined investing are key. Staying invested ensures wealth creation.

Diversification across asset classes adds protection. International exposure provides additional benefits.

Your goals are achievable with proper planning. A structured approach ensures financial success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7707 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 30, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 30, 2025Hindi
Money
Which are the best mutual funds in India as of January 2025 for long term wealth generation of 1 crore and above with SIP 30000/month for 10 years. Expenses Child Education, Marriage, New Home.
Ans: You are making a great decision to invest Rs. 30,000 per month. This disciplined approach helps build significant wealth.

Your goals include child’s education, marriage, and a new home. Each goal requires a well-structured investment strategy.

You want to accumulate Rs. 1 crore or more in 10 years. Achieving this requires a balance of growth and stability.

Mutual funds are an excellent choice for long-term wealth creation. Choosing the right categories enhances returns.

Selecting the Right Mutual Fund Categories
Flexi Cap Funds
These funds invest across large, mid, and small-cap stocks. They adjust based on market opportunities.

They provide stability while capturing growth potential. A strong fund manager ensures effective allocation.

This category suits long-term wealth creation. It balances risk and returns efficiently.

Large & Mid Cap Funds
They invest in large and mid-sized companies. This provides a mix of stability and high growth.

Mid-cap exposure enhances returns over long periods. Large caps add stability during market corrections.

Ideal for goals like home purchase and child’s education. They provide strong long-term growth.

Mid Cap Funds
These funds focus on mid-sized companies with strong growth potential. They outperform large caps over long periods.

Higher volatility requires patience. Staying invested ensures significant wealth accumulation.

Best suited for long-term goals beyond 7-10 years. They add high-growth potential to the portfolio.

Balanced Advantage Funds
These funds dynamically shift between equity and debt. This reduces risk while capturing market upside.

They provide stability during market downturns. This ensures smoother investment growth.

Ideal for goals with moderate risk appetite. Suitable for child’s education and home purchase.

International Funds
Adding international exposure improves diversification. It reduces dependence on the Indian economy.

Investing in global giants enhances portfolio quality. These funds offer exposure to sectors not available in India.

A small allocation provides a balanced portfolio. Helps in hedging against local market fluctuations.

Avoiding Index Funds and Direct Funds
Index funds only follow the market. They do not generate extra returns through active management.

Actively managed funds have experienced fund managers. They help beat market returns over the long term.

Direct funds require personal management. Investing through an MFD with a CFP ensures expert guidance.

Regular plans provide better long-term outcomes. This avoids costly mistakes in fund selection.

Asset Allocation for Your Goals
Allocate across different fund categories. This balances growth, risk, and stability.

Equity exposure should be dominant. This ensures high returns over 10 years.

Debt allocation should be minimal at this stage. It can increase closer to goal timelines.

A systematic investment approach ensures disciplined wealth creation. This reduces market timing risks.

Investment Strategy for Rs. 30,000 SIP
Flexi Cap Fund – Rs. 7,500 per month

Large & Mid Cap Fund – Rs. 6,000 per month

Mid Cap Fund – Rs. 5,500 per month

Balanced Advantage Fund – Rs. 5,000 per month

International Fund – Rs. 3,000 per month

Sectoral/Thematic Fund (Optional) – Rs. 3,000 per month

Managing Risk and Returns
Long-term investing reduces volatility risks. Staying invested for 10 years ensures compounding benefits.

Periodic review helps in adjusting allocations. A CFP can guide portfolio rebalancing based on market conditions.

Diversification enhances stability. Multiple categories reduce concentration risk.

Avoid frequent changes. Switching funds often affects returns negatively.

SIP and STP for Additional Investments
If you have lump sum funds, invest via STP. This reduces market timing risks.

A systematic transfer plan moves money gradually. This captures market movements effectively.

A mix of SIP and STP ensures better entry points. This enhances long-term returns.

Tax Efficiency and Withdrawal Planning
Long-term capital gains tax applies after one year. Keeping funds for 10 years optimises tax efficiency.

Systematic withdrawal planning is important. Structured withdrawals minimise tax outgo.

Tax-saving funds can be considered for additional benefits. These provide deductions under Section 80C.

Final Insights
A well-planned SIP strategy helps achieve Rs. 1 crore and beyond.

A mix of flexi cap, mid cap, and balanced funds creates stability.

Avoiding index and direct funds improves returns. Expert guidance ensures better fund selection.

Periodic reviews and disciplined investing are key. Staying invested ensures wealth creation.

Diversification across asset classes adds protection. International exposure provides additional benefits.

Your goals are achievable with proper planning. A structured approach ensures financial success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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