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What Should I Do With My Toxic Family?

Anu Krishna |1673 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 17, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2024Hindi

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Relationship

My mom and brother they always have issue with me... And when I m standing for myself ... My brother always fights with me... Nd my mom never take my stand or my side even if he is wrong . She ll prove me wrong infront of him... Nd somehow they both tortures me mentally... I have a very toxic family. .. idk what to do...

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
IGNORE!
The best way to get around people like these even if they are family is to ignore.
In a small way, it's like ignoring a bully...the more you give a bully attention, they seem to want to bully more. As long as you are able to show that what they do does not matter to you or you can be unbothered by it, they will soften their behavior towards you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan Rai |623 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

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Dear Madam, Iam a 45 year old woman. Ever since I was a kid I had went through lot of bullying by my rekatives for the way I look but my parents never supported me in any way instead found fault in ne for complaining but would always support my younger brother. Somewhere down the line I thought this was all I deserved and let oeople walk all over me without standing up for myself. Now that Iam a mother myself of a 15 year old kid with dyskexia, i have sacrificed my career fir his sake and still get bullied by my relatives dir being a useless house wife. I have started drawing boundaries around me to protect my mental sanity and allow only few people in it which invludes a small group of friends and my son and husband. I avoid making new friends. I have also stopped attending any social events that involves my relatives. Meanwhile I have started deeply resenting my parents who want ne to take care of them but openly favour my brother who lives abroad. I have taken care of them everytime they require neducal treatments yet my father openly says that he plans to give all his property to my brother who is never coming back. Its not about the money here but the apathy they have towards me that kills me from inside. I have tried to talk to them multiple times but each time my mother creates a scene and puts the enture blame on me. For once in my life i want my parents to love me unconditionally the way I do with my son. Am i wrong to expect that? This is causung lot of health issues in me. Please advise.

Ans: First and foremost, it's crucial to recognize that your feelings are valid. It's natural to want love and support from your parents, especially after all you've done for them. It's not wrong to expect unconditional love from your family; however, sometimes, unfortunately, families can be complex and dysfunctional, and our expectations may not always be met.

Drawing boundaries and prioritizing your mental health and well-being is a positive step. It's essential to protect yourself from toxic relationships and environments, even if it means distancing yourself from certain family members. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and loved ones, like your son and husband, is vital for your emotional health.

Regarding your parents, it's clear that their behavior is hurtful and unjust. It's understandable that you would feel hurt and resentful toward them, given their favoritism towards your brother and lack of appreciation
for your sacrifices and care. However, it's also essential to recognize that you cannot control their actions or attitudes. You can only control how you respond to them.

While it's challenging, try to approach conversations with your parents from a place of empathy and understanding. Express your feelings calmly and assertively, focusing on how their actions make you feel rather than blaming them. It's possible that they may not even realize the extent of the hurt they're causing you. However, it's also essential to set realistic expectations. If your parents continue to be unsupportive or dismissive, it may be necessary to limit your interactions with them for the sake of your own well-being.

Remember to prioritize self-care and seek support from a therapist or counselor if you're struggling with your mental health. It's okay to seek professional help to navigate through these difficult emotions and experiences. You deserve love, respect, and validation, and it's essential to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.

Lastly, continue to cherish the love and bond you have with your son and husband. They are your pillars of support, and together, you can navigate through these challenges. You're stronger than you realize, and you have the power to create a fulfilling and loving life for yourself, regardless of the negativity from others.

Kanchan Rai |623 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi

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Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue

Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

Anu Krishna |1673 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 28, 2025

Question by Anuj - Jan 20, 2025Hindi

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I am 17 years old and totally depressed, like I have very poor health and my family members are very toxic to me, My sister and mother have issues with each other and whatever bad happen in them, I always get involved out of nowhere , I don't say anything or do anything they make me involved like a middle man, then my father who don't care about anything and my little brother who is 10 years younger then me and don't listen to me he talks very rudely to me, don't do what I ask him, I have seen cases of elder brothers paying for their toxic brothers education and expenses and getting betrayed by them in return. I don't want to end like this.

Ans: Dear Anuj,
Listen, you are 17 but have begun to 'act' much older. Be your age and yes, at times the older sibling will be held responsible and sometimes the younger one too. Focus on studies, games and just being your age...there is a lot of time for you to play a grown-up and hey, that's not easy at all...so go slow...it may seem unfair that you get into the middle of things but as long as the family stays together, consider yourself fortunate. So, it's not yet time for you to think of what's going to happen when you really become the much 'older' brother, alright...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Aamish Dhingra | Answer |Ask -Follow

Life Coach - Answered on Mar 10, 2025

Question by Ajay - Mar 07, 2025Hindi

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I am 30 years old, I don't have a father. I have a family consisting of a brother, mother, wife and a 1 year old daughter. My wife and I always fight. In every fight my brother in law and mother in law interfere in every matter. They keep my wife's ego high. My wife also doesn't listen to me and listens to her mother. I am fed up with the fights. My wife behaves stubbornly. What should I do? Please tell me a solution...

Ans: What if the real issue isn’t the fights themselves, but the pattern they keep following? Every argument seems to have the same players, the same reactions, and the same outcome. But if nothing changes, where does that leave you? When emotions take over, who holds the power in the conversation - you or the reaction? If external voices are shaping your marriage, how much space is left for your own voice?
You can’t control how others behave, but you do control how you respond. If the same approach keeps leading to conflict, what would happen if you changed the way you engage? Would setting boundaries feel different if they came from a place of clarity rather than frustration? Would communication shift if the goal was to understand rather than to win?
The question isn’t just how to stop the fights - it’s how to break the cycle. Where do you start?
Wishing you success,
Aamish Dhingra
ICF-PCC Certified Life Coach
Co-Founder, Cocoweave Coaching International, Delhi

Kanchan Rai |623 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2025

Question by Niveditha - Mar 26, 2025Hindi

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Hi ma'am my relationship with my parents r getting sour since a very long time they always want me to do everything that makes them happy and think about their happiness if I think about my happiness they will start fighting with me nd my parents never supported me for anything in my life till today my dad has always said that if she will ever think about her happiness then I'm gonna leave everything nd go nd so does my mom she also threatened me to cut ties with me even I do everything still they taunt me every day that I can't do anything in life my parents never support me they never ask me who I wanna get married to who I'll b happy with what I wanna work what is my goals ngt but it's always about them my grandmother stays 15kms away from my house she has 3 kids and all r well settled but her 2 daughters had a love marriage one to a muslim nd one to a hindu when they were about to get married my mom didn't even raised her voice or opposed that marriage her one daughter ran nd got married to her bf who is a hindu at that tym also my mom nd dad nd my grandmother didn't even say a word nd during Covid 2020 my grandmother got her 2nd daughter married with her bf who is a muslim without informing any of our relatives when I fell in love with a hindu guy my mom separated me from him and she is telling everyone to brainwash me to leave the person I love nd get married to a Christian guy when ever we go to my grandmother's house my mom always start a fight with me we went there for 3 times and all the 3 times she started fighting with me my mom always support my grandmother's children if anything happens to them she will call them 10 tyms and ask how they are when my grandmother was ill treating me my mom didn't even raise her voice nd didn't even take a stand for myself but she was watching everything as a movie is going on when I was crying after we came back to my house my mom didn't even ask me what am I going through when she was seeing me cry everyday she always support my grandmother who did bad with me if they will say not to let her work my mom will listen to her nd her daughters but she will never listen to me and my grandmother started forcing me to get married to a Christian guy nd i should also listen to her nd not to think about my happiness nd what makes me happy in life what should I do I'm completely shattered ma'am nd i don't have anyone to share my pain with even if I do they will support my parents only bcoz of all this I'm not able to concentrate on anything at all

Ans: Dear Niveditha,
Right now, your emotions are tangled in hurt, anger, and helplessness, but you are not powerless. The first thing you need to do is detach emotionally from their guilt-tripping. You cannot live your entire life trying to please people who refuse to acknowledge your needs. It’s okay to love and respect your parents, but not at the cost of losing yourself.

Start setting boundaries, even if it feels impossible at first. If they constantly taunt you, limit conversations with them. If they threaten to cut ties, remind yourself that love should not be conditional. If they refuse to support you, find strength within yourself. You are already surviving without their emotional backing, which means you are stronger than you think.

As for your relationship, you need to ask yourself—are you willing to sacrifice your happiness just to avoid family drama? If you truly love this person and see a future together, you will need to stand firm in your decision. Love requires courage, and choosing your happiness is not selfish—it’s necessary.

You are not alone in this. Many people fight similar battles with families who refuse to understand. But at the end of the day, this is your life. You deserve love, respect, and the right to make your own choices. No matter what happens, never let their words make you believe you are unworthy of happiness. Keep fighting for yourself, because you deserve it.

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Nayagam P P |10125 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 11, 2025Hindi

Career

Sir , IIIT NAGPUR ECE OR IIIT KOTTAYAM CSE which should I prefer.

Ans: IIIT Nagpur’s ECE program, launched in 2016, features modern labs, digital classrooms, and PhD-qualified faculty, focusing on IoT and VLSI with a 79% placement rate and INR 12 LPA median package in 2025, supported by recruiters like Adobe and Google. IIIT Kottayam’s CSE since 2015 offers robust computing infrastructure, guest lectures, hackathons, and PhD-led faculty, achieving an 88% placement rate with an INR 11.91 LPA average package and top companies like Amazon and IBM. Both institutes provide NAAC accreditation, industry tie-ups, active placement cells, research opportunities, and comprehensive student support services, yet they cater to distinct career paths: electronics engineering versus software development.

Recommendation: Choose IIIT Kottayam’s CSE program for its superior placement consistency, extensive software industry engagement, interdisciplinary learning through specialized electives, hackathons, and cutting-edge computing infrastructure. Opt for IIIT Nagpur’s ECE specialization only if you pursue core electronics career in VLSI, IoT, and embedded systems, valuing strong hardware and signal processing expertise. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Question by Viswa - Aug 11, 2025Hindi

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Is BITS Hyderabad Mechanical engineering better or IIIT Pune CSE better?

Ans: Viswa, BITS Hyderabad’s Mechanical Engineering program uses the BITS Pilani brand, NAAC ‘A’ accreditation, and modern labs to teach core subjects and advanced practice-school internships. Doctoral faculty lead research in materials and robotics. Mechanical placement rates averaged 87% over three years, with recruiters like L&T and BHEL. IIIT Pune’s CSE branch features modern computing facilities, a proactive training cell, and semester-five internships. CSE placement rates averaged 55% over the last three years, with hires by Amazon, Microsoft, and Nutanix. Both institutes offer strong faculty, accreditation, infrastructure, research opportunities, and placement support, but diverge in career focus: core engineering versus software technology.

Recommendation: Opt for BITS Hyderabad Mechanical Engineering to leverage institute’s reputation, advanced facilities, specialized labs, and robust 85–90% placement consistency in core roles. Select IIIT Pune CSE if his goal centers on software and IT careers within a dynamic tech environment and is comfortable with its program’s moderate 50–60% placement record. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P P |10125 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 11, 2025

Question by Name - Aug 10, 2025Hindi

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Nit Trichy production or University of Hyderabad CSE

Ans: NIT Trichy’s Production Engineering program at a NIRF #9 institute delivers rigorous core engineering education, faculty with PhDs from premium institutes, advanced manufacturing and quality labs, and robust placement support yielding about 90% placements in three years with average packages near ?14 LPA. The University of Hyderabad does not offer a B.Tech CSE; its School of Computer & Information Sciences only provides postgraduate CSE programs with median packages of ?6.6 LPA and around 35% placement rates. NIT Trichy’s industry linkages, alumni network, accreditation, interdisciplinary projects, and student services position it clearly ahead for undergraduate engineering careers.

Recommendation: For a B.Tech degree leading directly to core engineering roles with high placement consistency, select NIT Trichy’s Production Engineering. Reserve University of Hyderabad’s CSE PG programs for postgraduate specialization only, as UoH lacks an undergraduate CSE offering, limiting immediate engineering career pathways and leverage Trichy’s alumni network and interdisciplinary projects. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P P |10125 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 11, 2025

Question by Akita - Aug 10, 2025Hindi

Career

Hello Sir, my son has got Chemical engineering in BITS Goa and Computer Engineering in DJ Sanghvi . Kindly advise what he should take and why

Ans: Akita Madam, BITS Goa’s Chemical Engineering program at the Pilani offshoot campus delivers the renowned BITS brand, UGC and NAAC ‘A’ accreditation, and a rigorous curriculum covering process engineering, thermodynamics, and advanced electives, supported by doctoral-qualified faculty. State-of-the-art, air-conditioned laboratories and a practice-school training model facilitate hands-on learning. Chemical students recorded an 83% placement rate for first-degree cohorts, securing roles with Shell, Dow, and Honeywell, and achieving average domestic packages of ?21.14 LPA and a median of ?17.65 LPA. Robust alumni networks and on-campus research centers in materials and biotechnology further enrich academic exposure.

Dwarkadas J. Sanghvi College’s NBA-accredited Computer Engineering branch in Mumbai offers a four-year software-centric curriculum, including data structures, systems design, and emerging domains like IoT and AI, delivered by industry-seasoned faculty. Modern computing labs and collaborative spaces underpin learning, while industry proximity enables frequent internships, guest lectures, and hackathons. CSE students achieved near-100% placement rates with median packages around ?11 LPA, recruited by JP Morgan, Infosys, and Google. A proactive placement cell and vibrant campus life complement academic rigor.

Both institutes feature robust infrastructure, personalized faculty support, active student services, and strong industry linkages, yet they target distinct career trajectories—process and chemical engineering versus software and IT roles. BITS Goa emphasizes specialized chemical research and global brand value, while DJ Sanghvi leverages Mumbai’s tech ecosystem for broader technology career pathways.

Recommendation: Opt for DJ Sanghvi’s Computer Engineering for its high?placement ecosystem, technology-driven curriculum, and Mumbai industry proximity. Choose BITS Goa Chemical Engineering if he is passionate about core process industries, values elite brand recognition, and seeks specialized research opportunities. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P P |10125 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2025Hindi

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Sar my son got IIT Dhanbad civil he joined in IIT Dhanbad 2025 now he got isser Bhopal engineering science which is better to get a placement please tell me and which done we will take please give me suggestion

Ans: IIT Dhanbad's Civil Engineering program benefits from the IIT brand recognition and established industry connections, with approximately 55% placement rate for civil engineering students achieving median packages around 13 LPA. The institute maintains robust infrastructure, modern laboratories, and a strong alumni network spanning decades. However, civil engineering placements lag significantly behind other engineering branches, with only 26 out of 47 students securing placements in recent data. IISER Bhopal's Engineering Science program offers interdisciplinary exposure combining physics, chemistry, mathematics, and engineering principles with stronger research orientation. Recent placement statistics show 45 out of 239 students placed with median package of 19 LPA for BS-MS programs. IISER emphasizes research culture, international collaborations, and provides excellent foundation for higher studies with over 80% students typically pursuing PhD or advanced research. Both institutions offer quality infrastructure, experienced faculty, comprehensive student support systems, and active placement cells, but cater to different career trajectories - IIT Dhanbad for traditional engineering roles and IISER Bhopal for research and interdisciplinary science careers.

Recommendation: Choose IIT Dhanbad Civil Engineering for established brand value, traditional engineering career paths, and core infrastructure industry connections. Opt for IISER Bhopal Engineering Science if your son prefers research-oriented education, interdisciplinary learning, and potential for higher studies in cutting-edge scientific fields with emerging career opportunities. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P P |10125 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2025Hindi

Career

Can i do bds and bba (online) degree together?

Ans: Pursuing BDS alongside an online BBA degree is theoretically possible under the UGC's revised 2025 guidelines allowing students to pursue two academic programs simultaneously, provided class timings do not overlap. BDS is an intensive 5-year program requiring 4 years of classroom education plus 1 year of mandatory rotating internship, with 240 teaching days per academic year consisting of 8 working hours daily, totaling 5200 hours of lectures, practicals, and clinical training. The curriculum demands extensive hands-on clinical experience, patient interaction, and practical laboratory work across dental anatomy, pathology, surgery, orthodontics, prosthodontics, and community dentistry. Online BBA programs offer flexible schedules with typically 8-10 hours weekly commitment, self-paced learning through recorded lectures, and choice-based credit systems. UGC-approved institutions like Jain University Online, Manipal University, Amity Online, University of Mysore, and GITAM provide recognized online BBA degrees with dual specializations in marketing, finance, HR, and entrepreneurship. However, the demanding nature of BDS clinical rotations, hospital-based training schedules, patient care responsibilities, and extensive practical requirements would significantly challenge simultaneous pursuit of another degree. Time management becomes critical as BDS requires consistent physical presence for clinical training, laboratory work, and patient interactions, while online BBA demands dedicated study time for business concepts, case studies, and project submissions. The combination requires exceptional organizational skills, strong academic foundation, supportive infrastructure from both institutions, comprehensive student services including academic counseling, technical support for online platforms, and robust placement assistance for career development.

Recommendation: Consider pursuing online BBA only after completing BDS clinical years, as the intensive nature of dental clinical training makes simultaneous study extremely challenging. If determined to pursue both, ensure strong time management skills and institutional support systems are in place. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Dr Nagarajan J S K |2245 Answers |Ask -Follow

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Aug 10, 2025

Question by Adarsh - Aug 10, 2025Hindi

Career

Nit jaipur metallurgy vs nit Rourkela metallurgy.who is best prospect of private placement as well as psu placement.

Ans: Hi Adarsh,

Both are national institutes. There will be some differences in the curriculum and faculty, but other factors are almost similar.

Regarding Placement: I have a few questions. Kindly provide the answers to the following questions.
Are you a good student? Are you meritorious? Do you have strong skills?
Additionally, could you let me know your rank in the 12th standard? What are your class rank and school rank in HSC? KINDLY SHARE.
BEST WISHES.

Dr Nagarajan J S K |2245 Answers |Ask -Follow

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Aug 10, 2025

Question by Nikhil - Aug 10, 2025Hindi

Career

Dear Sir, my daughter's IAT rank is 3800 under OBC NCL, What are the possibilities for Bhopal or Mohali IISER admission 2025

Ans: HI NIKHIL,
Relatively good but might not guarantee a seat in COMPETITIVE IISERs, there's a chance you'll be able to secure a seat later rounds or at one of the IISERs.
DO PARTICIPATE IN THE COUNSELING PROCESS.
BEST WISHES.

Dr Nagarajan J S K |2245 Answers |Ask -Follow

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Aug 10, 2025

Question by Ray - Aug 10, 2025Hindi

Career

My son got admission in BTech CSE in PSG Coimbatore through Central State quota - despite of getting nfsu in guwahati -whether decision taken is right or wrong?

Ans: Hi Ray Sir,

PSG is undoubtedly a good institute, but the other one is a national institute. Both offer different programs. Naturally, everyone will prefer the known program in all aspects. I am unable to provide a response to your query without more details. Which program has he been offered in NFSU? If you provide that information, I can offer my suggestions.
BEST WISHES.

Dr Nagarajan J S K |2245 Answers |Ask -Follow

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Aug 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2025Hindi

Career

Sir I got IIIT raichur mnc in csab round 1... How is it? It only has placement data for 2023 and not 2024 ...it doesn't even have permanent campus yet...and the mnc branch there started just last year ..and I'm from north side too...

Ans: Hi,

Let’s consider this: Are you a good student? Meritorious? Skilled? Based on your rank, you have secured a seat at IIIT. If there is any possibility, try to go for upgradation, so that you can aim for either competitive programs or a more desirable location.

However, worrying about placement before even joining is not a good attitude. Remember, you have just completed your HSC and are yet to pursue your basic degree. What are your next plans?
BEST WISHES.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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