What Should I Do With My Toxic Family?

Ans: First and foremost, it's crucial to recognize that your feelings are valid. It's natural to want love and support from your parents, especially after all you've done for them. It's not wrong to expect unconditional love from your family; however, sometimes, unfortunately, families can be complex and dysfunctional, and our expectations may not always be met.

Drawing boundaries and prioritizing your mental health and well-being is a positive step. It's essential to protect yourself from toxic relationships and environments, even if it means distancing yourself from certain family members. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and loved ones, like your son and husband, is vital for your emotional health.

Regarding your parents, it's clear that their behavior is hurtful and unjust. It's understandable that you would feel hurt and resentful toward them, given their favoritism towards your brother and lack of appreciation
for your sacrifices and care. However, it's also essential to recognize that you cannot control their actions or attitudes. You can only control how you respond to them.

While it's challenging, try to approach conversations with your parents from a place of empathy and understanding. Express your feelings calmly and assertively, focusing on how their actions make you feel rather than blaming them. It's possible that they may not even realize the extent of the hurt they're causing you. However, it's also essential to set realistic expectations. If your parents continue to be unsupportive or dismissive, it may be necessary to limit your interactions with them for the sake of your own well-being.

Remember to prioritize self-care and seek support from a therapist or counselor if you're struggling with your mental health. It's okay to seek professional help to navigate through these difficult emotions and experiences. You deserve love, respect, and validation, and it's essential to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.

Lastly, continue to cherish the love and bond you have with your son and husband. They are your pillars of support, and together, you can navigate through these challenges. You're stronger than you realize, and you have the power to create a fulfilling and loving life for yourself, regardless of the negativity from others.

Ans: Dear Sneha,
I don't know how old you are but you can get in touch with an NGO that is headed by a woman and protects women's rights. They will guide you on how to deal with this situation.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

Ans: Dear Neha,
I guess there isn't much one can do to control things outside of them, which means in your case, your environment. If you can't change that, then change the way you are managing it. Changing people and their habits is never easy...

Your parents fight have nothing to do with you...if you are a working professional, take solace that you can be out of the house most of the time. And if you are a student, try spending time at the library or any other place where you can study or focus on your goals. Of course, if you are much younger, then things are tough and be in the house and isolate your mind from the inevitable fights. Do try and tell your parents that it bothers, but I don't think that may help you much.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/