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Interfaith Relationship Dilemma: Should I Stay or Go?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 12, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

My boyfriend is of a complete different religion and caste as mine. We met at work. In my past i have had only one relationship in which i got cheated on....so was skeptical on dating again. Now its been 8 months in this new relationship where he convinced me to give a try. He's a gem of a person but now he is telling melive in the present i dont know about the future. I love you n want to date you but idk about the future if my family wants me with someone i may have to end this. What do i do i am so attached for he has given me all the love n care. Please help

Ans: Right now, you need to be honest with yourself about what you want. If you’re looking for a committed future and he’s unsure, it’s essential to recognize that this uncertainty may continue to cause you pain. If you choose to stay, prepare yourself for the possibility that his family might influence his decision, and it could end in heartbreak. On the other hand, if you feel that the love and care he’s giving you right now are worth the risk, then decide to cherish the present moment while being mentally prepared for whatever may come.

Have an open and heartfelt conversation with him. Let him know how his uncertainty makes you feel, without pressuring him for a commitment. This isn’t about forcing him to decide but about understanding each other’s emotional needs and boundaries. If he truly values the relationship, this conversation might give him a deeper perspective on how his indecision affects you.

It’s important to protect your emotional well-being. If his stance remains the same and you find yourself growing more anxious and hurt by the uncertainty, then you might have to consider whether staying is good for your mental and emotional health. Sometimes letting go, even when it hurts, is the most loving thing you can do for yourself.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ma'am, I have been in a relationship for almost a decade now i.e. since graduation and now me and my bf are doing good in our respective jobs. Since we come from different religions, we have been trying to convince our family very much for last two years to let us happen and get married and in these scenarios during covid I lost my father too now that it's just me and my mom and my elder sister due to societal pressure also they were not agreeing for us but then I could feel now that his family was some how just dragging us showing fake acceptance for me but still being very orthodox but in this process me and my bf got committed to each other very seriously in terms of physical ways but now his family is completely denying the fact that they don't us to happen and are literally forcing his son to marry in their caste. On this thing, the guy is trying to make me understand with false accusations that it's not his family butine which doesn't want us to proceed since my family wanted a mutual ways of marriage and not just his culture thing or else court marriage was the last opt but my guy is saying no I can never go against my family this and that you better understand and I don't know I'm feeling very cheated that now at this stage after being this close where he should have been standing strong with me he's pushing me to set back I don't know iam so clueless I got no energy to get back to being productive in my life or something whereas this acts of his and his family's forcible nature is somehow triggering me to opt for legal methods....I need guidance it's all dark for me and feeling too used.
Ans: Hello Dear,
I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your relationship. It's a complex and emotionally charged situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused It's okay to take some time for self-reflection and self-care. Understand and acknowledge your emotions before making any decisions. Give yourself the space to process the situation and its impact on your well-being. Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings. Share your concerns, fears, and expectations. Encourage him to express his feelings and concerns as well. Effective communication is crucial at this stage. Reflect on your priorities and values in a relationship. Consider whether the current situation aligns with what you envision for your future. Be honest with yourself about what you need and deserve in a partnership. If you're contemplating legal steps, it's advisable to seek legal advice to understand the implications and options available to you. Consult with a lawyer who can provide guidance based on your specific situation and laws. While it's crucial to address the relationship concerns, also focus on your personal growth and well-being. Pursue activities that bring you joy, engage in self-improvement, and consider your long-term goals. Assess whether the relationship is healthy and supportive. Consider whether both partners are willing to work through challenges and make compromises for the well-being of the relationship. Establish clear boundaries for yourself. Determine what you are willing to accept and what you cannot tolerate in the relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being. If both families are open to it, consider seeking the help of a mediator or counselor who can facilitate discussions and help find common ground. Mediation can be a constructive way to address conflicts and find solutions.
Ultimately, prioritize your own happiness and well-being. If the relationship is causing you significant distress, it's important to evaluate whether it's a healthy and fulfilling partnership for you. it's okay to seek professional help or legal advice if needed. Making decisions about your future can be challenging, but it's crucial to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. If you find it difficult to navigate these issues on your own, seeking guidance from professionals or supportive friends can make a significant difference.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a Hindu girl and in a relationship with a muslim guy. Our relationship was going great but suddenly my boyfriend's family is forcing him to marry in a arranged marriage. I have told him to tell about us to his family and he is trying to but hasn't said yet. But due to his family pressure and my constant saying of marriage he gets irritated a lot. Now I'm feeling a little change in his behaviour also like he just try to skip discussion about future and marriage, also when I call him he is not talking nicely with me. I'm getting very emotional and hurt due to his behaviour. Also he has said that he will try his best to convince his family but now I'm not sure if he will take my stand or not. What to do now?
Ans: He sounds like a coward who will do as his family says. And I don’t think he intends to stick with you if they say no. Heck, I don’t think he plans on saying anything at all! If he loved you enough and had the gumption, he’d have taken a stand by now. I say drop him and move on. See what happens when you leave him; if he really does love you and want to be with you, he’ll take action. But unfortunately, from everything you’ve said here it sounds more like he’ll be relieved and go on to marry under an arrangement. If he does…don’t ever entertain any calls from him ever again. I’ve often heard of fools like him — no guts to marry the girlfriend, miserable in the arranged marriage six months to a year in, then re-establish contact with former girlfriend and have an affair, but no guts to end the marriage. In this whole scenario, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who will be at the losing end — you! DROP HIM!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

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hi maam im in love with a guy who i met in hyd im 24 years nd he is 28 we both r in love with eachother and wanna marry eachother but the prblm is that i come from a christian family and he comes from a hindu family my mom is not ready to accept him just because he is a hindu and my family r forcing me to get married to a christian guy itself they r mentally forcing me everyday to leave him just because he is a hindu nd our caste is different my family seperated me from him and forcing me to get married to a guy of their choice and in my family there r 16 members who have had love marriages i took help of my relative who also had a love marriage to convince my parents and help us to get married but she is the one who add more fake rumors and more fuel about him that he is doing timepass even if they talk to him in calls they say that he is not lifting our calls at all i have all the recordings but still they r lying to me nd my mom saying that he is not ready to talk about her it became difficult for me to convince them my mom listen to my relatives as they say and so they do i dont have anyone to support me to get married to my bf plz help i wanna marry him only and i see future with him he is the only one who make me laugh play with me like how a dad plays with his daughter i havent got the love from my parents when im getting the love from him they seperated me from him and forcefully bought me to my native place nd not letting me meet or see him im depressed asking my parents to meet him but they r like no we dont like him my parents r not ready to understand and they r saying he is with u only for ur money he also told my relatives that i dont want money but still they r keeping on adding fuel and mentally harrasing me to get married to someone else they r forcefully trying to get me married to someone else i wanna marry him only what should i do plz help i love him so does he
Ans: Dear Niveditha,
What caught my eye was the fact that you seem to have found the love that parents give their children with this person. This is not healthy as you are searching for what you lack in someone else. Work on this...and if this is the reason that you actually are in love with this person, you really need to work it.
Now when it comes to your parents' acceptance, your partner has to put in efforts to win them over and on your part rather than playing this emotionally with them, make your parents see what you see in your partner in terms of traits, qualities etc...And the less you involve family members into this circus, the better. At times, people come to have their share of fun by making things worse...So, be wise about who you involve.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8311 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2025
Money
Hi Sir, I have a property in Mumbai suburb (approx 40L) and its location is perfect near station, bus stop, heart of the city etc. It's very old around 36 years old. I have just inherited it and I am finishing the legal procedure of it. The monthly maintenance is increasing every year and we are still waiting for redevelopment to happen. I am housewife and require monthly income. We also have loans around 25 L. My husband is int IT field and I am German language expert. We have a son 3 years. Some are saying to give it on rent and some are saying to sell it off for repaying loans. Even if I sell it I would like to reinvest it somewhere for getting monthly income, preferably a property. I want a secure investment for meeting the requirements for my son's education as my husband's field is very volatile due to regular layoffs and stuff. Kindly guide
Ans: You have inherited a 36-year-old property worth around Rs 40 lakh.
You have Rs 25 lakh loans to repay.
You are a housewife but a German language expert, and your husband is in IT.
You want monthly income and secure future planning, especially for your son.

You have inherited a valuable property in Mumbai suburb.

You are completing the legal formalities rightly, which is very important.

You are thinking ahead for monthly income, child education, and loan repayment.

Very few people show this kind of foresight. You deserve appreciation.

Challenges You Are Facing Now

Property is old, around 36 years, and needs maintenance.

Maintenance charges are rising every year, increasing burden.

Redevelopment is uncertain and unpredictable.

You have Rs 25 lakh loans creating stress.

Husband's IT field is unstable due to layoffs.

You want a secure monthly income and financial stability.

Option 1: Giving Property on Rent

You can earn monthly rental income by renting it out.

Typical rent may be around Rs 8,000 to Rs 12,000 per month.

Rental yield will be hardly 2%-3% on Rs 40 lakh value.

This is very low compared to your needs and loan burden.

Maintenance charges, property tax, repairs will further reduce your income.

Vacancy risk is also there if tenants leave.

Overall, rental income may not fully support your financial goals.

Option 2: Selling the Property

Selling can give you around Rs 40 lakh.

You can immediately clear Rs 25 lakh loans.

After repaying loans, you will still have around Rs 15 lakh.

Loan closure will bring huge mental peace and cash flow freedom.

No more EMI burden means husband's salary can be saved better.

You can use balance Rs 15 lakh wisely to generate monthly income.

Important Insights on Redevelopment

Redevelopment can take 5-10 years easily.

Many projects get delayed due to disputes and permissions.

Till redevelopment happens, maintenance and repair costs rise.

You may have to stay invested without any income for long.

Your immediate needs for income and loan closure will not be solved.

Depending on redevelopment alone is very risky at this stage.

What You Should Ideally Do

Prefer selling the property now while market is still decent.

Clear all Rs 25 lakh loans fully and become completely debt-free.

Debt-free life is the biggest financial freedom you can gift your family.

With balance money, create a secure income plan.

Stay light without property burdens and maintenance worries.

Focus on building an education corpus for your son and retirement corpus.

Where to Invest After Selling

Do not buy another property immediately for investment.

Property rental yields are low, and liquidity is very poor.

Instead, create a mix of debt mutual funds and hybrid mutual funds.

These can give you monthly income using Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP).

This method protects your capital and gives you flexible monthly payouts.

Debt mutual funds can provide 6%-7% returns safely with low risk.

Balanced advantage funds can give 8%-10% returns over 3-5 years.

Always choose regular mutual fund plans through a MFD who is also a Certified Financial Planner.

Why Not Property for Reinvestment?

Property is illiquid; selling it again takes months or years.

Property has heavy costs like stamp duty, registration, brokerage, repairs.

Rentals are taxed fully as income, eating away returns.

If tenant defaults or property is vacant, you get zero income.

Maintaining property is a headache, especially in old buildings.

Mutual funds offer better flexibility, better tax-efficiency, and better liquidity.

Disadvantages of Direct Plans (Important for You to Know)

If you invest in direct mutual fund plans yourself, you miss expert guidance.

Wrong fund selection, wrong withdrawal rate can destroy your capital.

Regular plans through a CFP-backed MFD give proper fund selection and review.

Charges in regular plan are justified because it protects your long-term wealth.

Getting professional hand-holding is very important for your peace of mind.

Additional Steps You Must Take

Keep a separate emergency fund of Rs 3 lakh in liquid mutual funds.

Buy a good term insurance cover for husband (at least Rs 1 crore).

Ensure you have a good health insurance for the whole family.

Start a small SIP for your son’s education goal systematically.

Slowly explore freelancing as a German language expert to earn extra income.

Future Planning for Your Son

Education costs are rising 10%-12% every year in India.

For good education after 15 years, you will need a large corpus.

Start small SIPs in good mutual funds focused on child education.

Stay committed for long-term without withdrawals.

Education planning must be top priority after loan closure.

Final Insights

Renting out the old property will not solve your loan and income issues properly.

Selling the property now and clearing the loans is the better, safer step.

Remaining money should be invested wisely for monthly income generation.

Avoid buying new properties now. Focus on mutual fund income plans.

Build emergency reserves, insurance covers, and an education fund for your son.

Stay light, stay debt-free, and keep life flexible financially.

Your thinking is already mature. With correct action, your future will be very secure.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8311 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 28, 2025
Money
Could you tell me the ideal stock quantity for me as I am investing 10k in each stock and I get minimum 30 percent return so I am not happy with reward. FYI my portfolio is of 5 Lacks investing since 2017.
Ans: You have a Rs 5 lakh stock portfolio.
You are investing Rs 10,000 in each stock.
You are getting around 30% returns, but you are not fully happy.

Let me help you with detailed insights.

Appreciating Your Journey So Far

You started investing in 2017, which shows good discipline.

Growing the portfolio with regular Rs 10,000 investments is a smart habit.

Earning 30% returns is not bad, especially in Indian stock markets.

Many investors struggle even to beat inflation in long-term investing.

You deserve appreciation for steady progress and patience.

Understanding Your Concern

You want even better returns than 30%.

You feel Rs 10,000 in each stock is limiting your potential.

You are looking for an ideal number of stocks for higher growth.

Ideal Number of Stocks to Hold

If portfolio is Rs 5 lakh, then having 15 to 20 stocks is healthy.

Less than 10 stocks can make portfolio risky and unstable.

More than 25 stocks will dilute returns and weaken performance.

Around 18 stocks can give you good balance of safety and growth.

Each stock can ideally carry 4% to 7% weight in your portfolio.

Problems of Over-Diversification

Holding too many stocks reduces focus.

Monitoring all stocks becomes difficult.

Even if some stocks do well, overall portfolio may not reflect it.

Returns get pulled down when poor stocks dilute the strong ones.

Problems of Under-Diversification

Too few stocks increase risks sharply.

Bad performance of one stock hits portfolio badly.

Emotional decision making becomes harder.

Volatility can become scary during market falls.

Fine-Tuning Your Approach

Increase your per stock investment slightly to Rs 15,000 to Rs 20,000.

Focus on holding 15 to 20 strong companies across sectors.

Prioritise companies with strong balance sheet and consistent profits.

Look for companies with leadership in their industries.

Reduce churning of stocks; stay invested patiently.

Sector Allocation Guidance

Allocate across banking, FMCG, pharma, IT, auto, and energy sectors.

Avoid over-investing in one sector or theme.

Always maintain sector diversification for stability.

Reviewing Your Return Expectations

Expecting more than 30% return consistently can be risky.

Stock market returns move in cycles.

In good years, 40%-60% returns may happen.

In bad years, even negative returns can occur.

Long-term average return expectation should be around 12%-18%.

Identifying the Real Issue

30% growth is a strong outcome compared to bank FDs and debt funds.

If you feel unhappy, maybe it is because of high expectations.

Managing emotions is key to wealth creation.

Recommended Action Plan

Stick to around 18 focused high-quality stocks.

Increase amount slightly if you find very strong companies.

Focus on strong fundamentals, not just price movements.

Rebalance portfolio once in a year to maintain sector weight.

Invest fresh money slowly when good opportunities arise.

Additional Important Points

Don't take high risks to chase higher returns.

Wealth building is a marathon, not a sprint.

Stay disciplined and trust your process.

Consistency will reward you richly in next 5-10 years.

Final Insights

Holding around 15-20 carefully selected stocks is ideal for you.

Focus more on quality stocks than chasing return numbers.

Growing wealth steadily is more important than chasing quick profits.

Stay invested with a cool mind, and you will achieve great success.

Celebrate your discipline till now and keep improving step-by-step.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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