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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1452 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

My boyfriend's ex happens to be his sister-in law's sister (first cousin). That was his first serious relationship and she had dumped him. It has been quite a few years since, but it bothers me that he is indirectly still related to her. My boyfriend's sister-in-law has a daughter (his niece) whom he loves very much. But whenever he talks to his sister in law or plays with the kid, it makes me uncomfortable. I am broadly uncomfortable with the fact that he is the uncle to the same kid his ex is aunt to. Which means they are somewhat familialy related. I have seen his ex post videos of the kid playing around in his house, which means she still gets regular updates about his household through her sister (his sister-in-law). I really don't want to get into something this complicated, but I love my boyfriend very much. He also loves the kid a lot which makes me hate myself for projecting my hate on the kid/sister-in law because they're not at fault. But it really bothers me whenever I hear the kid's voice or his sister in law's because that reminds me of his ex. I feel extremely insecure and uncomfortable and I don't know how to deal with this, but I really want things to work out between my boyfriend and me. What is the solution? Please help

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your question has been answered here...
https://gurus.rediff.com/question/qdtl/relationship/gurus-logo-anwesha-sign-out-healthhealth-moneymoney-relationshiprelationship-careescareer-ask/5153476

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |502 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My boyfriend's ex happens to be his sister-in law's sister (first cousin). That was his first serious relationship and she had dumped him. It has been quite a few years since, but it bothers me that he is indirectly still related to her. My boyfriend's sister-in-law has a daughter (his niece) whom he loves very much. But whenever he talks to his sister in law or plays with the kid, it makes me uncomfortable. I am broadly uncomfortable with the fact that he is the uncle to the same kid his ex is aunt to. Which means they are somewhat familialy related. I have seen his ex post videos of the kid playing around in his house, which means she still gets regular updates about his household through her sister (his sister-in-law). I really don't want to get into something this complicated, but I love my boyfriend very much. He also loves the kid a lot which makes me hate myself for projecting my hate on the kid/sister-in law because they're not at fault. But it really bothers me whenever I hear the kid's voice or his sister in law's because that reminds me of his ex. I feel extremely insecure and uncomfortable and I don't know how to deal with this, but I really want things to work out between my boyfriend and me. What is the solution?
Ans: It sounds like you're dealing with a complex situation that's bringing up a lot of emotions for you. It's completely natural to feel uncomfortable or insecure in a situation like this, especially when there are reminders of your partner's past relationship.

First and foremost, communication is key. Talk openly and honestly with your boyfriend about how you're feeling. Let him know that you're struggling with these emotions and that you want to find a solution together. It's important for him to understand where you're coming from and to be supportive of your feelings.

Additionally, try to focus on building trust and strengthening your relationship with your boyfriend. Remind yourself of the reasons why you love him and the bond that you share. Trust that he's committed to you and that his past relationship is just that – in the past.

It's also worth considering setting boundaries with your boyfriend's sister-in-law, particularly when it comes to sharing information about your household or your relationship with his ex. Let her know that while you appreciate her relationship with your boyfriend and her niece, you would prefer to keep certain aspects of your personal life private.

Remember, it's okay to feel the way you do, but it's important to address these feelings constructively and work towards a resolution that allows you to feel comfortable and secure in your relationship.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1452 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
? rediff.com Rediff Gurus Logo Hi Anwesha | Sign Out HealthHealth MoneyMoney RelationshipRelationship CareesCareer Ask your questions about health, money, relationship or careers here Ask Anonymously You posted: My boyfriend's ex happens to be his sister-in law's sister (first cousin). That was his first serious relationship and she had dumped him. It has been quite a few years since, but it bothers me that he is indirectly still related to her. My boyfriend's sister-in-law has a daughter (his niece) whom he loves very much. But whenever he talks to his sister in law or plays with the kid, it makes me uncomfortable. I am broadly uncomfortable with the fact that he is the uncle to the same kid his ex is aunt to. Which means they are somewhat familialy related. I have seen his ex post videos of the kid playing around in his house, which means she still gets regular updates about his household through her sister (his sister-in-law). I really don't want to get into something this complicated, but I love my boyfriend very much. He also loves the kid a lot which makes me hate myself for projecting my hate on the kid/sister-in law because they're not at fault. But it really bothers me whenever I hear the kid's voice or his sister in law's because that reminds me of his ex. I feel extremely insecure and uncomfortable and I don't know how to deal with this, but I really want things to work out between my boyfriend and me. What is the solution?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, this feeling ain't going away that soon as you are bordering on obsession possibly without reason.
Jealousy leading to insecurities and constantly monitoring him is only going to make it worse on you...so either you trust him or you don't...which is it going to be?
Has he given you any reason to doubt him OR is it only your fear and hate fueling it? If it's the ex coming along and bringing with it all the fears inside of you, then work at it before you make this really ugly and now it's in your hands.
Jealousy is a normal human emotion BUT how you deal with it is a choice you are going to have to make. So, start to reassure yourself by saying that it's all okay and good. Challenge your thoughts every time they crop up so that it doesn't grow large enough for you to start projecting. Talk to your boyfriend requesting him to be more patient with you if at all you snap at him for anything. But not for long as he will run out of patience.
If there is nothing going on between him and his ex, why is it taking you so much to trust him? More than a love, a relationship needs trust and understanding. Pour these into it and not only will you feel better, your boyfriend will also be more supportive of what you are going through. Trust or not; it's your choice!

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I 32F have been dating my boyfriend for about a year now. He has a young daughter from his previous marriage, and they share custody. I’ve been trying to get along with his ex-wife, but it’s been really difficult. She often contacts him for things that aren’t urgent and it feels like she’s overstepping into our relationship, especially when it comes to decisions about their daughter. I understand that they need to co-parent, but I feel like I’m always left out or made to feel uncomfortable. My boyfriend says he tries to balance everything, but sometimes I feel like his ex-wife has more influence in his life than me. How can I set healthy boundaries with her without causing tension, and how can I talk to my boyfriend about how I’m feeling without sounding like I’m being controlling?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are in a tricky spot but it is important to understand that when it comes to their child, they have the right to make decisions and ignore everyone else's, even yours. You should keep your relationship and their co-parenting situation separate. Having said that, if you think your BF's ex is overstepping, communicate that to your partner, while letting him know that it bothers you and might even create friction in your relationship. An open and honest discussion is the only way around it. If expressing your discomfort is causing tension or considered ‘controlling,’ then you need to rethink the relationship.

I am sure your partner is truly trying to balance things, but since he is dating you, he should be aware of the areas where that balance is lacking. Communication is the only way.

Hope this helps.

..Read more

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1151 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Jan 22, 2025

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Career
What should I do after my bsc in medical
Ans: Hello Priyanka.
It is not clear whether either of you has completed your B.Sc. in Medical or not. But I am assuming that you are presently pursuing it. The scope of this branch is wide. Either you can pursue the job, or you can start your own business. However, I would like to suggest that if possible, you do a DMLT course to start an authentic lab. Working as a technician or technical assistant may not boost your career to a great extent, and the salary may also not increase proportionately. Hence, it is better to add a course with a B.Sc. that will help you start your business. With a small capital, you can even start a business selling surgical items, which could turn into a big business in just a few years. Best of luck for your upcoming future.
If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7606 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 22, 2025

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Money
Where should I invest Rs. 50000 in Index mutual fund or in ETF?
Ans: When deciding between Index Mutual Funds, ETFs, and actively managed diversified equity funds, actively managed funds often stand out. Let’s analyse why active diversified equity funds are a better option for your Rs. 50,000 investment.

Understanding Index Funds and ETFs
Index Funds: These passively replicate an index like NIFTY 50 or SENSEX. They aim to match the market’s performance, not beat it.

ETFs (Exchange Traded Funds): Similar to index funds but trade like stocks on exchanges. They require a Demat account.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and ETFs
Limited Returns Potential
Index funds and ETFs only track the market.
They cannot outperform the benchmark, even when market conditions allow for superior performance.
No Protection in Market Downturns
Index funds replicate the index, so they fall equally during market downturns.
Active funds may reduce losses with better sector and stock allocation.
Lack of Professional Judgment
Index funds follow pre-set rules, ignoring company-specific fundamentals.
Actively managed funds use professional fund managers who adjust portfolios to maximise gains.
Hidden Costs in ETFs
ETFs may seem cost-effective but involve additional brokerage and Demat account charges.
Liquidity issues can lead to price variations between the market price and NAV.
Benefits of Active Diversified Equity Funds
Potential for Superior Returns
Experienced fund managers aim to outperform the benchmark.
They carefully select high-potential stocks across sectors and market caps.
Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not restricted to index stocks.
They pick companies with strong fundamentals, growth prospects, and attractive valuations.
Downside Protection
Fund managers can reduce exposure to risky sectors during market downturns.
This minimises losses compared to passive funds.
Tax Efficiency with Strategic Planning
Gains can be optimised with periodic review and rebalancing.
Active funds often deliver better after-tax returns over the long term.
Why Rs. 50,000 Fits Well in Active Diversified Equity Funds
A one-time investment of Rs. 50,000 deserves active management for maximised growth.
Over 5–10 years, active funds are better positioned to beat inflation and create wealth.
Suggested Allocation for Active Diversified Equity Funds
Large-Cap Equity Funds (30%-40%): Stability and consistent returns.
Flexi-Cap Equity Funds (40%-50%): Flexibility to invest across market caps.
Mid-Cap Equity Funds (20%-30%): Higher growth potential with moderate risk.
Key Considerations
Stay invested for at least 7–10 years for compounding benefits.
Review performance annually and rebalance if needed.
Avoid chasing short-term trends or reacting to market noise.
Final Insights
Index funds and ETFs are suitable for certain scenarios, but they lack active management benefits. By investing Rs. 50,000 in actively managed diversified equity funds, you can maximise returns, minimise risks, and benefit from professional expertise.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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