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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1769 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024
Relationship

Hii . My bf and me are very close and matured . But before getting emotionally much more opened with him and all i asked him a question that what does he feel about her sis in law . Like u know in south people get married to their cousins and close to them . I asked him a similar ques like what do u feel about her coz u guys are childhood besties and dont wanna come in between two individuals. He replied with that it's a very complicated ques . They have some chemistry, but they never spoke close but when they are together near by, some romantic vibe will there. What shall i do in this situation. Please help me

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Is it your imagination that they share a chemistry or is it true?
This is something you need to validate before over-processing his response to your question. In fact, I would suggest that you ask him again but this time let it not be to satisfy your insecurities if any but to know where his mind is. And then also be prepared to hear and accept the truth whatever that maybe.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hey, I am in a relationship with my cousin who is 14 years elder than me. In 2010 we met and it is 2024 we are talking regularly without any gap, we came into a relationship in 2015 I guess. He got married to a girl in 2018 because his parents was old-age and ask him to marry, he was not mentally prepared for the married but somehow he had to. Now he has a baby 3 years old. He does not have any emotional connection with his wife as we are still in a relationship from 2015. We are in love deeply and we cant leave without each other. We do fight we resolve every time. As we have age-gaps we have different opinions, nothing is same between us, but still we manage to live together. We have physical relations too. We meet almost every month. He has sacrificed lots of things for me, and he is always there with emotionally, financially and morally. He is short temper person he cant even see me talking with other boys. Now i feel so worried about him thinking how he will be alive if I will marry, because it is a tough life in my life, my parents are looking a boy for me. I dont know how things will go on.
Ans: Navigating your relationship with your cousin, given its complexities, requires careful thought about your future and well-being.

Reflect on your emotional needs and future aspirations. Your relationship has been a deep and supportive connection, but it's important to evaluate if it continues to fulfill you. Consider whether you see a long-term future with your cousin, despite the challenges.

Your cousin's marriage and role as a father complicate things. Even if he feels disconnected from his wife, his responsibilities to his child and spouse are significant. Consider how your relationship impacts his family and what it means for his child’s future.

Cultural and societal norms around cousin relationships and significant age gaps can add additional pressures. Reflect on how your relationship fits within your family’s expectations and societal views.

Open communication with your cousin is crucial. Discuss your feelings, the impact on his family, and potential paths forward. Seeking guidance from a professional counselor can provide support and perspective, helping you navigate these complexities.

As your parents seek a match for you, think about your desires and how they align with your relationship. If you consider moving on, plan how to manage this transition for both you and your cousin. If you continue your relationship, address his family responsibilities and societal perceptions.

Ultimately, your decision should prioritize the well-being of all involved, including yourself. Making a choice with clear consideration of these factors will help you find a path that aligns with your values and future goals.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 06, 2026Hindi
Relationship
I have a huge crush on my boyfriend's father. He is actually his stepfather and pretty young, 42. I am 26 and every time we meet I feel like there is an emotional and romantic connection. I used to casually flirt with him and tell him that he looks handsome. My BF also knows that I secretly like his company. I don't have a mother-in-law so there is no threat or pressure. She passed away 2 years ago and acc to my BF, she'd married her business colleague so he can take care of the business they built together. Now I am confused about my feelings. I don't want to dismiss my feelngs. I have never felt this way before with anyone else.
Ans: Let’s first look at this with clarity and kindness toward yourself. Attraction is not always about wanting a relationship. Sometimes it comes from admiration, feeling seen, feeling emotionally understood, or being drawn to someone’s confidence, maturity, or presence. In your case, this man is older, emotionally steady, has life experience, and may treat you with warmth and respect. Those qualities can feel very powerful, especially if they are missing or inconsistent elsewhere in your life.
But there are three realities you cannot ignore.
First, he is your boyfriend’s father figure. That creates a permanent emotional and ethical boundary. Crossing it — even emotionally — would cause deep harm, not just to your boyfriend, but to the entire family system. Even if nothing “physical” ever happens, emotional closeness or flirting in this context is already risky.
Second, you are currently in a relationship. If you are emotionally drawn to someone else, especially someone so close to your partner, it’s a sign that something inside you needs attention. Either you are craving more emotional connection, validation, excitement, or security than you’re getting — or you are going through a phase of self-discovery where your needs are shifting. This is not about blaming you; it’s about understanding yourself honestly.
Third, the fact that he has not crossed boundaries and seems to remain appropriate is important. It suggests he understands the responsibility of his role. That’s something to respect, not test.
Right now, the healthiest thing you can do is create emotional distance and clear boundaries. That doesn’t mean being rude. It means no flirting, no special emotional sharing, no seeking private moments. Keep interactions polite, warm, and public. This protects you, your boyfriend, and your future.
You also need to gently turn inward and ask yourself:
What am I really feeling here? Is it attraction, or is it admiration? Is it romance, or is it emotional safety? Is there something missing in my relationship that I’m unconsciously trying to fill?
If you find that your feelings for your boyfriend are weakening, that’s something you owe yourself and him to explore honestly. It doesn’t mean you must break up immediately. It means you need clarity before continuing.
Please understand this: acting on these feelings — even slightly — would almost certainly lead to regret, guilt, and broken trust. What feels exciting now would become very painful later.
You don’t need to “dismiss” your feelings. You need to understand them, respect their message, and then choose wisely what to do with them.
Strong people are not those who never feel tempted. They are those who know when not to act on temptation.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11045 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 27, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2026Hindi
Money
I am a corporate IT employee working as a senior development lead in an MNC with 17 years of experience. I am 40 years old with 6 years old son. My current portfolio includes the following. 1. PF balance is 26 lakhs 2. company shares worth 19lakhs. 3. mutual funds worth 1.4 crores. 4. I have life insurance policy worth 20 lakhs as asset 5. NPS corpus 14 lakhs 6. Home worth 1 crores I have a home loan outstanding of rupees 63 lakhs for 12 years and EMI of which is 68000 rupees with 8.5 percent ROI. My gross salary is 3.75 lakhs and in-hand salary is Rs 221000. I get a bonus of 15 percent of my gross salary and a annual raise of 7 percent. My basic salary is Rs. 128000. I do mutual fund SIP of 1 lakh a month. Other savings in each month includes or deducted are Pf 31k, NPS 17k and company share 16k. . I want to retire in 3/5 years. Also keep in mind that : 1. My current Monthly expenses of 50k is excluding loan emi. 2. I will keep SIP 1 lakhs and will not prepay home loan till I retire or suggest should I prepay or grow my Mutual fund instead. 3. The retirement expenses should rise as per inflation and a bit more for lifestyle upgrade. 4.Also I have a term insurance of 50lakhs which I will continue post retirement aswell. 5. I am planning to settle my home loan outstanding with my gratuity, company share and full and final settlement when I leave company. Assuming my monthly current expenses as 50k and can be increased with inflation and lifestyle upgrade and having own home, Suggest if I can retire in 3 or 5 years taking into consideration of my loan outstanding liability and 1 kid of 6 years old's future expenses like study and marriage and my retirement expenses ?
Ans: You have built a very strong financial base at 40. Your savings rate is excellent. Your discipline in SIP, PF, NPS and equity exposure shows maturity. Very few people at your age reach this level of corpus. That is a big positive.

Now let us evaluate this calmly and practically.

» Your Current Financial Position

– Mutual Funds: Rs 1.4 crore
– PF: Rs 26 lakhs
– NPS: Rs 14 lakhs
– Company Shares: Rs 19 lakhs
– Home Value: Rs 1 crore
– Outstanding Loan: Rs 63 lakhs
– Monthly Expense (excluding EMI): Rs 50,000
– EMI: Rs 68,000

Your total financial assets are strong. But retirement decision depends on cash flow sustainability, not just asset size.

» Retirement in 3 Years – Is It Practical?

If you retire at 43:

– Your son will be only 9 years old.
– You will have at least 40+ years of post-retirement life.
– Education costs will rise sharply after 5–10 years.
– Inflation will steadily increase your lifestyle expenses.

Today expense is Rs 50k. In 10–12 years it can easily double or more. Also lifestyle upgrade is expected, as you rightly mentioned.

Even if you clear the home loan using gratuity, shares and settlement:

– Your investible corpus will reduce.
– You will depend fully on investments for income.
– No salary cushion.
– Child education peak years not yet started.

Retiring in 3 years looks aggressive and financially tight.

» Retirement in 5 Years – More Realistic?

If you work till 45:

– Your MF corpus may grow significantly with continued Rs 1 lakh SIP.
– PF and NPS will also grow.
– Bonus and annual increment will add strength.
– You will reduce risk of sequence of return shock.

By 45, if your corpus grows meaningfully and loan is closed, early retirement becomes more realistic.

Even then, you must evaluate whether corpus can generate inflation-adjusted income for 40+ years without erosion.

» Home Loan – Prepay or Continue?

Current loan rate: 8.5%

You are investing heavily in equity mutual funds.

Long-term equity returns historically beat 8.5%. So from a pure mathematical view, continuing SIP instead of prepaying makes sense.

But retirement planning is not only maths. It is about risk comfort.

If your plan is to close loan using:

– Gratuity
– Company shares
– Final settlement

That is a reasonable strategy. It preserves compounding now and gives mental freedom at retirement.

I would not suggest aggressive prepayment now if retirement corpus growth is priority.

» Child Education & Marriage Planning

Your son is 6.

– Higher education likely in 12 years.
– Marriage maybe 20+ years later.

Education cost inflation is higher than normal inflation.

You must mentally earmark a separate corpus within your mutual funds for:

– Graduation
– Post graduation (if abroad, very high cost)

This amount should not be mixed with retirement corpus.

If this segregation is not done, early retirement becomes risky.

» Risk in Company Shares

You have Rs 19 lakhs in company shares.

– This is concentration risk.
– Your salary and wealth both depend on same company.

Before retirement, gradually reduce this exposure and diversify into professionally managed mutual funds.

» Term Insurance

You mentioned:

– Rs 50 lakh term cover
– Rs 20 lakh life policy (investment type)

At 40 with dependent child and non-working spouse, Rs 50 lakh term cover is on the lower side.

If you retire early, income stops. But responsibility remains.

You may need to review total risk cover adequacy before retirement decision.

» Retirement Income Sustainability

Today expense Rs 50k.

After loan closure and lifestyle upgrade, assume:

– Rs 70k–80k in near future
– With inflation, it may cross Rs 1.5–2 lakh per month in 20–25 years.

Retirement corpus must survive:

– Market volatility
– Inflation
– Child education withdrawal
– Medical inflation
– 40+ years longevity risk

Early retirement at 43 needs a very large cushion. At present, it appears borderline unless markets perform very strongly.

» What I Would Suggest

– Target retirement at 45 instead of 43.
– Continue Rs 1 lakh SIP strictly.
– Do not prepay loan now.
– Close loan fully at exit using settlement and shares.
– Reduce company stock concentration slowly.
– Separate child education corpus mentally and structurally.
– Review term cover adequacy.
– Keep 2 years expenses in safe instruments before retirement to manage market volatility.

» Important Behavioural Question

Ask yourself:

Do you want complete retirement?
Or financial independence with option to consult, freelance, part-time?

At 45, shifting to lower stress income option may be wiser than full retirement.

That reduces pressure on corpus.

» Final Insights

– You are financially disciplined and ahead of many peers.
– Retirement in 3 years looks risky.
– Retirement in 5 years can be possible if markets support and corpus grows strongly.
– Child education and longevity are the biggest risk factors.
– Loan closure at retirement is a good psychological move.
– Focus on building bigger margin of safety.

Early retirement is possible for you. But it should be done with strength, not stress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1856 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Feb 26, 2026

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11045 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 26, 2026

Money
Hi Ramalingam Sir, Very fond of your guidance. I`ve invested in ICICI Prudential Guranteed Income Plan with PPT of 10 Years & Policy Term is 11 Years. The Yearly Premium is 5 lakhs with Guaranteed Early Income i.e which started from 2nd year onwards is 1.19 Lacs. After 11th year Guaranteed Yearly Income will be 6.38 Lacs. I started this Policy in 2022. Very soon I realized that this is not worth of investing my money. I decided to stop Premium after 2 years which made my Policy as Paid up status which means all benefits are reduced but Policy is Active. I changed myself as I did mistakes in Past (by taking this policy) and now I read each clause very carefully. Now in this case If i surrender, the Surrender value is calculated based on Guaranteed factor X Total premium paid - Income already Paid. Now currently Surrender value is 2.9 Lacs as GV factor is 50%. This factor will improve Gradually with time and by 9th year it will went to 90%. I want to Surrender but now will incur heavy loss (approx. 4.8 lacs) ( to me while in 9th year at least I`ll get 90% of my Premiums back. So pl. advice what is right approach as when should i think for Surrender. As of now by God grace I`m not in any financial emergency. Further is my understanding correct that SV will rise with time. Thanks in advance for your guidance.
Ans: It is very good that you have started reading your policy papers so closely now. Most people do not take the time to understand the fine print, but you have already taken a big step by identifying that this plan does not match your long-term goals. Your ability to stop the premium early shows you are now in control of your money.

» Understanding your paid-up policy and surrender value

Your understanding of how the Surrender Value (SV) works is mostly right. In these types of plans, the Guaranteed Surrender Value factor does go up as the years pass. However, there is a catch. While the percentage factor increases, the insurance company also deducts the income they have already paid out to you from the final amount. Even if you wait until the 9th year to get 90% of your premiums back, you are losing out on the "time value" of that money. Money sitting in a low-yield environment for nine years loses its buying power because of inflation.

» The math behind surrendering now versus later

If you surrender today, you take a big loss of Rs. 4.8 lakhs. This feels painful. But if you keep the money locked in just to avoid the loss, you are essentially letting the company hold your remaining Rs. 2.9 lakhs for several more years at a very low return. A 360-degree view suggests that if you take the money out now and put it into a productive asset like a diversified portfolio of actively managed mutual funds, that money can work much harder for you. Actively managed funds are great because a professional fund manager chooses the best stocks to beat the market, unlike other options that just follow a fixed list.

» Why regular funds and expert guidance matter

Since you mentioned you want to be careful now, it is better to invest through regular plans with the help of a Certified Financial Planner. Many people think direct funds are better because of lower fees, but they often end up making emotional mistakes or picking the wrong funds without a guide. A regular plan gives you access to professional advice and periodic reviews, which ensures you stay on track. This expert support is worth much more than the small cost difference, especially when you are trying to recover from a past investment mistake.

» Opportunity cost and your next steps

Since you do not have a financial emergency, you have a great chance to build wealth. Instead of waiting years just to get your original 5 lakhs back, you can take what is left and start a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP). Over the next seven to eight years, a well-managed equity fund could potentially grow that small amount into something much larger than what the insurance policy would ever pay. The loss you take today is the "fees" for a valuable lesson, but staying in the plan is a continuous cost.

» Tax rules to keep in mind

When you move your money to equity mutual funds, remember the tax rules. If you hold your investment for more than a year, it is called Long Term Capital Gain (LTCG). Any profit above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. If you sell before one year, the profit is taxed at 20%. This is still very efficient compared to many other products.

» Finally

The best approach is usually to exit such low-yield insurance-cum-investment plans as soon as possible. Since your policy is already paid-up, it is not eating new money, but it is wasting your old money. Surrendering now and moving the funds into actively managed mutual funds through a regular plan will likely put you in a much stronger position by the 11th year compared to waiting for the policy to mature.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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