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34-Year-Old Married Man Seeking Advice on Troubled Relationship with Wife and Mother-in-Law

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1402 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2024Hindi
Relationship

Hi Anu, this is Rajkiran here, I am 34 years old I have been married 4 years back to a girl through the relatives reference. My wife is govt worker and she only has one independent parent which is her mother. The marriage happened in a very short time during corona period and we had healthy few chats of how we expect our life's to be and we were both in common understanding and when I asked what is her expectations then she said she had no expectations at all and go by how life takes on. I was happy that I got right match and I am person not into any relationships and nothing and this marriage relationship was so new and started loving her more and she was also the same. She had also no relationships and not interested in marriage but due to her mother's pressure she got married to me. She also started liking the relationship and valuing it After 6 months she was pregnant and she went to her mom's house to stay as she was feeling comfortable there and I aslo let her stay as she wishes. Child was born in 2022 April and problem started here We had to name the child and it's usually dad who names the child because its family tree and decendent. But my wife got in middle and said she wants name as suggested by her mother, the first fight started and later i compromised for child sake and I agreed to her on the naming of child. After the naming ceremony done her mother acted differently to me and she was looking for fight, my wife was also on the same route they were allowing me see my child once in a month and she also did not bother to spend time and let child because with me. I love to be with child but unfortunately I am not able to spend time with him. This made me feel suffocating inside and was feeling bad, one day we planned to bring child to my home along with my wife and she also agreed to stay for 3days and for some reason child was crying as it was new to adapt and new people. My wife used the situation to pull a fight with me and she said I want to go home saying child is crying and he will fall sick. I requested to wait for another few hours if he calms down and we will see but she didn't listen and got very pissed off and had cold war with her for week. She stopped talking and she stopped everything. I had no idea what was so wrong that I did and it so bad. I tired always to talk to her and she didn't give space to me and my feelings. From September 2022 we were not together till now. I December 2022 I approached marriage counselling for her and me to unite with her, she also had come for counseling as it was religious institution and she had no option to opt out. Counselling was done and she told that she will be coming my house in a Weeks time. After a week again same story she didnt turn back and she didnt even want to put one step to solve issue, adament nature and influence of her mother. I waited for a year and approached legally by filing petition on restitution of conjugal rights. I went through 2 hearings she is not turning back. I am left no where and for this sake why I should have married. I don't want another marriage or any i have great love for my child and even my wife whatso ever she does i just love her.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are a few individuals on Earth who sadly fail to see the larger picture; in your case your wife fails to see how marriage can bring stability to life and the child's growth.
Now why she wants to run back to her parents' place is something I don't understand BUT she surely has forgotten that making a marriage work means staying together and even if the two of you need to stay apart, it has to be due to work or other commitments that require that kind of an adjustment.
Do you know why she is so quick to run back to her family home? Even if she was pressured in marrying you, what's the point running away from what is obvious.
If you are sure about not wanting the marriage, kindly factor in that you have a child. Make an attempt to get back together, so that your child has a stable home. Request an elder member from your family to intervene and talk some sense into her mother who seems to be ignorant to the fact of ruining her daughter's life. Is her mother going to take on the responsibility of her daughter and her child? See where this line of action leads you to and then step in and appeal with your wife...This is all that you can do...Hope for the best thing to happen...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1402 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I married 1 year ago my wife told me she was forced to do a marriage against her concern and she didn't want the marriage life and wanted to live as strangers, also she refused to take wife responsibilities at home i have waited trusting she would change but she never changed. She is alone daughter to her parents borned after 16 years to their parents and she used to live outside around 17 year for her studies. After marriage whenever her parents come she used to ignore me, also she work in private sector and not share even single rupee to home. However all house hold work i do being boy, also she is not at all interested in intercource as well. After marriage 2 week she stayed in PG stating that my close friend will go to native allow me to spend time with her reast all i will be with you like. I agreed. Later 6 Month she used to give reasons for intercource i got periods, rashes, not feeling good, tiered, no mood, etc this happen till 6 month. After this we had 4 times in 2 month with protection that too just for 1 or 2 min as she mentioned lot of pain, after that she started avoiding, since i was not fulfilled by sex desire i started making extra marital affairs in facebook and turned to whatsapp only text, one fine day she saw all msgs i did with extra marital affair and she took photos of that and went to PG without informing any one. Later both families elder sat and asked she used to show the msgs that i did with extra marital affairs and she wanted seperate now from me. Though i accepted the extra marital affairs only interms of msgs and since you not willing to do sex i choose this way i mentioned. But she dont like to come back now. Her father took 2 month of time that he will change her mind set but i dont think she can. As her mother is also not good women, suporting her daughter and making such big issues and she also not interested in this marriage itself.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sometimes people are just not ready for marriage and here your wife certainly came along with a huge baggage of unresolved issues behind her.
Marriage requires both partners to be responsible not just towards one another but take an active interest in their roles. This calls for maturity from both partners here.
Now, this was never a possibility with your spouse as she felt the marriage was a forced one. That is enough to destroy any chances of the marriage falling in place. You are also in a soup now that she has found her 'proof' that gives her a ticket out of this marriage.
The question here is: Do you want this marriage? If YES, then you will have to start down the part of proving your innocence and what led to what and how and when...If NO, then since your spouse has found her ticket to freedom, the only thing you might have to do is clearly state and not explain anything as to how things went downhill right from the beginning. Her parents may believe you or not, but that's what your decision needs. They may try to malign you in the family, just stick to your version of what happened and move on.
So, you are at that point where you need to make a decision. What is it going to be?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |442 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 19, 2024Hindi
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I am going through some situations in relationship with wife and not able to distinguish as what step shall I take In short I may explain We have arranged marriage We married in 2019 We had a distance relationship as both are working Due to some misunderstanding we detached from each other since April 2021 till July 2024 with zero contact and conversation Now she again contact me in July 2024 And decided to again start a new venture She put some demand As I am here now and may be posted anywhere in India wherever my company may post me For this I contacted one of my friend who works in same institution and is my childhood friend He told me yes it is good to take promotion and if she will take promotion then forever she will keep roaming anywhere in India My friend told me ( actually he knew all our situation of relationship) that see looking at your situation you both are already not living like a couple so she should think for social life which she can while refraining promotion which is possible. My wife now asking me as she wants baby And told me as baby will remain with me and since my wife had no brother she also told me as she would keep her parents forever with her. I told her ok I just want a life where we all may enjoy together and if we may be blessed with any baby so he or she should get love of all ( you ,me and our parents). She denied and told me it isn't possible Now am suffering from lots of thoughts and stress with uneven mood swings as if I go for baby then how it will work She isn't underpaid or unemployed Earning almost more than lakh a month I told her am ok with ur promotion but I want all should get love and care of baby Now I am struck in between
Ans: First, it’s important to acknowledge how difficult this must be for both of you after such a long period of no contact. Rebuilding a relationship after being apart for over three years, especially with such different expectations, will take patience, understanding, and honest communication.

It sounds like both of you have valid concerns. She wants to balance her career and family, and you want a life where the child is surrounded by love and stability. However, her desire to have her parents with her permanently and your concerns about how the baby will be raised need to be discussed thoroughly before making any decisions.

Your friend’s advice about considering how to balance personal and professional life is worth thinking about, but ultimately, this is about what you and your wife want from your relationship. A good starting point would be to sit down with her and have an honest, open discussion about your expectations. It's important to figure out whether both of you can compromise on certain issues. For example, can you find a middle ground where you both feel supported in your careers while also prioritizing the family dynamic you both envision?

Consider couples counseling, as it might help both of you communicate better and understand each other's perspectives more deeply. The key is to align your goals and see if you're both willing to make adjustments for the future you're trying to build together.

Lastly, take care of your emotional health. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it might help to talk to someone neutral or even a counselor to help you process your thoughts and make decisions with more clarity.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1402 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi , I am a professor mech engineer , after death of my wife and due to having 5 year girl baby I planned for 2 nd marriage as I live alone away from home town because my of job with my little baby . I accepted a widow having 2 child ,she was working in a govt job 250 km away , after ensuring and agreeing her possibility of transfer and job vacancy @govt office near my house and ensuring she agreed that she will come to live with me along with her 2 kids and my little baby as her trasfer was due in comming few months . We lived apart during her job at 250 km away.,while meeting on weekly offs 6 /7 time in 6 months , then she take 360 degree u turn and said she will not get job transfer to my place and get her trasfer in other dept. in same previous office. And started telling many reasons like she will loose her children's inheritance in her in-laws property ,she will loose promotion , kids Don't want trasfer , and said we will live apart forever . This was contradictory to earlier agreed things .and my my purpose to live in family with my baby not fulfilled , so after long ruckus ,I mutually got divorce from her , Then After divorce I decided to marry non working women having no child and don't expect child as I am @48 year old and tired of living alone and managing job ,girl , house chores . I married to a divorcee girl from Pune ,she was BA first year college drop out girl of 44 yr age after 6 months of long dating on week ends . During 6 months I tried to know her indepth but was don't used to talk much as I was trying to know her true nature, we visited many places ,movies . She seemed perfect as per my requirement of girl wanting no child , and she is house wife . after marriage she behave well for 1 st week ,then she started trouble to hate my baby ( became kaikai )on pety things , she want my baby to house chores at the cost of her important year of 10th std study . She don't liked me taking tution of girl , she didn't like if I help my girl any way . She don't like if I spent some money on my girl . She used to fight all night and don't let me sleep . Now she stated demanding that she want baby , though I was against and b4 marriage agreed to not have any more child due to old age ,cost ,and no personal time for self , then I agreed to have child but b4 that I got her and my fertility tested ,she had weak eggs and syst on her reproductive organs and doc warned to not go for pregnancy due to risk and probability of unhealthy baby birth , but she kept repeating That she want child we consulted 4 Drs. She used to fight and go to her mother's home for 2/4 months after living with me for 2/3 days only . Now she wants divorce , and asks me to keep my girl in hostel if I want her in my life . This Ramayan has left me baffled , What should I do ??? .....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The reason to marry for you mainly has been companionship, a mother for your daughter...
And marriage is not a transaction BUT a meeting of minds...when there is no compatibility, there is no space for agreeing on the same things or wanting to make things work which is possibly what has happened with your 2nd and 3rd marriage.
If you want this marriage to work, there has to be an equal commitment by both of you, so, start by emotionally bonding first. Slowly build on this by making goals for the marriage and the future...your only goal can't be mother for your child...not all women are going to readily accept this and some may even falter along the way. Allow the lady and your daughter to bond together for sometime so they develop a unique relationship...
Understand that transactional relationships do not last; so, invest enough time in building trust in that companionship for it to become something meaningful

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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I am 37 year old Commerce Graduate. I was in an unorganized business, which cannot be pursued any farther. Will it be wise to do CPA at this age without formal experience in Accounting, for a decent job? Is there any other course to pursue?
Ans: Amit Sir, A CPA (Certified Public Accountant) at the age of 37 can be a viable option for those without formal accounting experience. The CPA is a globally recognized certification that can open doors to various roles in accounting, auditing, and finance. It provides a solid foundation and increases credibility in the finance or accounting industry. However, there are challenges, such as the learning curve and experience requirements.

To overcome these, you could supplement with basic accounting courses and work experience. Alternative courses you can consider include Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA), Financial Risk Management (FRM), Certified Management Accountant (CMA), Post Graduate Diploma in Management (PGDM) or MBA, and Digital Marketing or E-Commerce.

CFA and FRM are globally recognized credentials that can lead to roles in finance, investment banking, or wealth management. CMA professionals are in high demand in banks, investment firms, and large corporations. MBAs can help transition into management or higher-level positions, while digital marketing or e-commerce can offer opportunities for entrepreneurship and business growth.

Age should not be a barrier for you in pursuing any course or certification. Leveraging prior experience, such as management, customer relations, and strategic thinking, can also benefit a corporate role. In conclusion, pursuing a CPA at the age of 37 is a viable option, but preparation and experience are essential.

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sir i am commerce gratuate prepared 2 years for CA coul'd not succeed what are the diff career op for me
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Despite not clearing the CA exams, there are numerous fulfilling career paths for commerce graduates. Some of these include the following, out of which you can choose the most suitable for you and you are interested in:

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Nayagam P

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My son is doing BBA( 1st year.) Which extra course help him future.
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Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 18, 2024

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My daughter studying bsc biotechnology 1st semester please suggest me about her future career
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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2024Hindi
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Confused about the future after doing bsc biotechnology. In which subject I should do msc ? Ok india or abroad? Which biotechnology sector have high paying jobs ?
Ans: Biotechnology is a promising field with numerous career paths. Choosing the right specialization and study destination depends on interests, career goals, and financial considerations. Some popular specializations include Biotechnology, Microbiology, Biochemistry, Bioinformatics, Food Technology, Environmental Biotechnology, Medical Biotechnology, Genetic Engineering, and Industrial Biotechnology. Studying in India offers affordable education, access to reputed institutions, and a growing biotech industry. Abroad offers exposure to advanced research and technologies, higher-paying jobs, and better industry connections. High-paying sectors in biotechnology include pharmaceuticals and biopharma, healthcare and diagnostics, bioinformatics, industrial biotechnology, agricultural biotechnology, and environmental biotechnology. High-paying countries for biotechnology careers include the USA, Germany, Canada, Singapore, and India.

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 18, 2024

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Sir Greetings! is it true that now UGC wont differentiate rather treats equally both regular and correspondence degree or PG. Even correspondence students are eligible and apply for both govt and private sector jobs. I heard even companies need to accept correspondence degree done in India. Sir please clarify without any ambiguity in this regard. This is Q has been bothering me for quite sometime
Ans: Anirvinna, The University Grants Commission (UGC) and other regulatory bodies in India have made significant efforts to ensure that distance education degrees are treated as equivalent to regular degrees. The UGC states that degrees obtained through distance or online education from recognized institutions are equivalent to regular degrees, applicable for both government and private sector jobs. The Distance Education Bureau (DEB) ensures the quality of distance education programs and oversees compliance. Distance education degrees are valid for all government jobs, professional courses, and private sector acceptance. However, some organizations may prioritize candidates with regular degrees for certain roles due to perceptions of classroom rigor or networking opportunities. The UGC has encouraged universities to offer quality online programs, reducing the stigma associated with correspondence education. To enhance career prospects, consider pursuing correspondence programs from well-reputed institutions with strong alumni networks and industry connections. All the BEST for your Prosperous Future.

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