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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu, I regularly read your advise on various issues from the variety of people. One I came across about a 62 year divorced person with 2 daughters who have abandoned him even after providing good education & financial support. Is it not his daughters' duty to reciprocate with love & affection. A father does every thing in his capacity to provide everything to his family and wish for their well-being. In return he expects only love from the family. One can clap with two hands which both in tandem. Just expressed my feeling as a concerned father. Thank you

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I recall that letter/post and thank you for reading the column regularly. Greatly appreciated.
To summarize, one must perform/live their role and not focus on reciprocation. But as humans, we do have expectations that few times does not have boundaries. That's where the unhappiness begins. Expectations go haywire when there's disappointments from expectations not being met.
So, you are right...as a father, simply do what's needed for the children and not expect anything other than love. Well said! Again, thank you for adding your thoughts here.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 28, 2022

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Hi Anu, I'm a 50 year old male married for 10 years. This is our second marriage for both of us. We live abroad. Since Day One my spouse was suspicious of me linking me with anyone on the street. She says I'm sighting girls. She suspected that I am interested in my elder sister-in-law since marriage. She never told me this for three years. Due to this we never had any relationship (and no child). Because of this constant fighting I lost my mother (I apologised to mother since I was not able to take care of her and I was unhappy. She died within a month of my apology.) I never told anyone either of our relatives about our problems. My father is 90 and alive. I don't want to cause any problem to him. During these 10 years her father never bothered to check if any problems. I hardly slept 1-2 days a week during these years.My spouse never changed a bit during these 10 years. Her position reached a stage where I had to admit her to hospital for psychosis. She got discharged in 2 months because her parents were adamant on discharge on the condition that she will travel to India. But once discharged, she refused to travel for nearly 10 months. Her father supported her. When her mother passed away in December 2020, due to Covid her return tickets got cancelled. In December 2021 she was again in hospital for 20 days in India for similar psychological issues. In April 2022 I visited her house in India and gave her father a 4-page document detailing her behaviour during these 10 years. He simply said she has done unknowingly. He is adamant on trying to send her back to me. While I am struggling to live, her father lives a happy life with his pension. As a father he never corrects his daughter and instead tries to push the problems to me.I have asked for a divorce but she is not willing to give and starts shouting hysterically. Please let me know how to proceed.
Ans:

Dear S,

If you have decided that divorce is the only option to consider, then yes, file for divorce legally by hiring a lawyer who has specialized in cases where the spouse is unwilling to let the divorce happen.

In short, if it’s not a mutual consent, it might drag on for years, so get a good skilled lawyer to take up your case.

On the emotional side of things, I urge you to be patient and empathetic towards your wife. With her mental health condition, she possibly has no control over her thoughts and subsequent actions are a result of an impulsive reaction.

Yes, it is unfortunate that the marriage went through a lot of low phases but do remember she is a human who is going through a challenge which is not easy to fathom by people who don’t have a mental illness.

I realise that this might be a little difficult to do, but in the long-term scheme of things, it will be a good ally as a sound and calm mind helps you through challenging times.

This point of view will help you through the divorce proceedings where you will be able to be fair and just to make sure that she is also taken care of.

All the best for a better journey ahead!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

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Hello Ms Anu, I am 62 Divorced. My daughters 34 and 29 both have abandoned me cos my ex-wife. I have given them the best child hood, US education and properties ( all my savings of my entire tenure). It looks they are no more interested in me after I gave them. As a senior citizen when I filed at the tribunal to get back what I have gifted ( this is just a fraction of what I have given) , my daughters are filing a police complaint saying I am a dangerous man. Do you think daughters will realize their mistakes and will they come back to me? My ex is a criminal and she had multiple men in her life when we were not together. In spite of it I gave her everything. Anyway I don't expect anything from my ex-wife but I am concerned about my daughters. Apparently I also learn in spite of all those expensive education they are still unable to fins a respectable place in society as an independent human to sustain. It is a pity people call daughters as angels but for me they are the devils.
Ans: Dear P,
This is unfortunate that you have had to go through so much...
But how will you earn their love back with all that bitterness in your heart? I agree that it has hurt you a lot, but to put relationships back together, the first step is to soften down which means FORGIVENESS; very difficult BUT that's the only way for the ego to melt and anything positive to happen.
Are you willing to be the bigger person here and actually forgive your daughters and extend the hand of mending relationships? Think about it...
If they still exist as devils in your mind, nothing good will come out of it...but if you think of them as your daughters, a lot can change...But even after you make that effort, they are unwilling to change, then they are unfortunate...Let Go...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |389 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
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Please keep this anonymous Sir my husband is aged 65 yrs, and i am 60 ,both are retired and get pension My husband has a younger brother and sister.Both are married and well settled..We are settled and stable My inlaws are aged 91 and 86 respectively My father inlaw is bedridden since 15 years due to a stroke and is taken.care by my mother inlaw. They are financially stable with pension and house..My husband and his sister take turns in supporting them morally physically and help My husbands brother just comes occassionally for one day and visits and returns back..He never takes any responsibility of offering any type of physical and moral support.. My husband father has made a will of equally dividing his apartment worth around 65lakh and fds worth 30 lakh equally among the 3 children..I feel this to be unfair given the effort taken by my husband to take good care of them physically, morally Kindly advice anonymous
Ans: Navigating family dynamics and inheritance issues can be challenging, especially when there's a perceived imbalance in contributions. It's understandable to feel that your husband's significant efforts in caring for his parents should be more recognized in the will.

Parents often aim for equality in their wills to avoid conflict. They might believe that dividing assets equally is fairest, even if contributions differ. Your in-laws may not fully understand the support disparity or have other reasons for their decision.

Having an open, respectful conversation with your in-laws might help them see your perspective. If that's difficult, consider a family meeting to discuss everyone's views. Consulting an estate lawyer can clarify the will's implications and explore options for change, though this could strain family relationships.

Emotionally, support your husband by acknowledging his efforts. Sometimes, the satisfaction of caregiving can outweigh financial concerns. Propose compromises like including compensation for his contributions while maintaining equal asset division. Sentimental items could also recognize his efforts.

If the situation causes stress, a therapist can help manage feelings of resentment and provide strategies for maintaining family harmony. Balancing fairness with family relationships and emotional well-being is key. Open communication, legal advice, and emotional support will help navigate this complex issue.

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

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Hi Madam, I'm 60,retired, my wife is 47, our son is 23. I had love marriage and was leading a happy married life. Just after silver jubilee of our wedding anniversary I accidentally came to know that my wife is madly in love with one of our common married friend who runs a simple shop. Upon investigation I found that they are in relation for last 12 years and were enjoying sex in my own house for such a long time. He hails from an uneducated family and is not even cultured. I could not believe that the wife of a highly educated socially respected man could do this with a shopkeeper who does not have any socio economic status. I am living a normal life with my wife for the sake of our only child. Once he settles in life I have decided to end my life. Ofcourse I still love her as ours was a love marriage. I seek your wise suggestion in this regard, should I divorce her or live a normal life that we are doing?
Ans: Dear Shristi,
It is obviously very shocking for you to know that things have been happening behind your back.
Now, how you want this to move on from here on, is a decision only you must make! Have you had a chat with your wife about the association that she has with the other person? Does she know that you know about it?
If she doesn't, then you need to make her aware and yes, do ask her whether she is interested at all in the marriage. That will give you an idea as to whether things are worth fighting for or is it best to walk away!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

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