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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1563 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu, I regularly read your advise on various issues from the variety of people. One I came across about a 62 year divorced person with 2 daughters who have abandoned him even after providing good education & financial support. Is it not his daughters' duty to reciprocate with love & affection. A father does every thing in his capacity to provide everything to his family and wish for their well-being. In return he expects only love from the family. One can clap with two hands which both in tandem. Just expressed my feeling as a concerned father. Thank you

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I recall that letter/post and thank you for reading the column regularly. Greatly appreciated.
To summarize, one must perform/live their role and not focus on reciprocation. But as humans, we do have expectations that few times does not have boundaries. That's where the unhappiness begins. Expectations go haywire when there's disappointments from expectations not being met.
So, you are right...as a father, simply do what's needed for the children and not expect anything other than love. Well said! Again, thank you for adding your thoughts here.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1563 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 28, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I'm a 50 year old male married for 10 years. This is our second marriage for both of us. We live abroad. Since Day One my spouse was suspicious of me linking me with anyone on the street. She says I'm sighting girls. She suspected that I am interested in my elder sister-in-law since marriage. She never told me this for three years. Due to this we never had any relationship (and no child). Because of this constant fighting I lost my mother (I apologised to mother since I was not able to take care of her and I was unhappy. She died within a month of my apology.) I never told anyone either of our relatives about our problems. My father is 90 and alive. I don't want to cause any problem to him. During these 10 years her father never bothered to check if any problems. I hardly slept 1-2 days a week during these years.My spouse never changed a bit during these 10 years. Her position reached a stage where I had to admit her to hospital for psychosis. She got discharged in 2 months because her parents were adamant on discharge on the condition that she will travel to India. But once discharged, she refused to travel for nearly 10 months. Her father supported her. When her mother passed away in December 2020, due to Covid her return tickets got cancelled. In December 2021 she was again in hospital for 20 days in India for similar psychological issues. In April 2022 I visited her house in India and gave her father a 4-page document detailing her behaviour during these 10 years. He simply said she has done unknowingly. He is adamant on trying to send her back to me. While I am struggling to live, her father lives a happy life with his pension. As a father he never corrects his daughter and instead tries to push the problems to me.I have asked for a divorce but she is not willing to give and starts shouting hysterically. Please let me know how to proceed.
Ans:

Dear S,

If you have decided that divorce is the only option to consider, then yes, file for divorce legally by hiring a lawyer who has specialized in cases where the spouse is unwilling to let the divorce happen.

In short, if it’s not a mutual consent, it might drag on for years, so get a good skilled lawyer to take up your case.

On the emotional side of things, I urge you to be patient and empathetic towards your wife. With her mental health condition, she possibly has no control over her thoughts and subsequent actions are a result of an impulsive reaction.

Yes, it is unfortunate that the marriage went through a lot of low phases but do remember she is a human who is going through a challenge which is not easy to fathom by people who don’t have a mental illness.

I realise that this might be a little difficult to do, but in the long-term scheme of things, it will be a good ally as a sound and calm mind helps you through challenging times.

This point of view will help you through the divorce proceedings where you will be able to be fair and just to make sure that she is also taken care of.

All the best for a better journey ahead!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1563 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

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Relationship
Hello Ms Anu, I am 62 Divorced. My daughters 34 and 29 both have abandoned me cos my ex-wife. I have given them the best child hood, US education and properties ( all my savings of my entire tenure). It looks they are no more interested in me after I gave them. As a senior citizen when I filed at the tribunal to get back what I have gifted ( this is just a fraction of what I have given) , my daughters are filing a police complaint saying I am a dangerous man. Do you think daughters will realize their mistakes and will they come back to me? My ex is a criminal and she had multiple men in her life when we were not together. In spite of it I gave her everything. Anyway I don't expect anything from my ex-wife but I am concerned about my daughters. Apparently I also learn in spite of all those expensive education they are still unable to fins a respectable place in society as an independent human to sustain. It is a pity people call daughters as angels but for me they are the devils.
Ans: Dear P,
This is unfortunate that you have had to go through so much...
But how will you earn their love back with all that bitterness in your heart? I agree that it has hurt you a lot, but to put relationships back together, the first step is to soften down which means FORGIVENESS; very difficult BUT that's the only way for the ego to melt and anything positive to happen.
Are you willing to be the bigger person here and actually forgive your daughters and extend the hand of mending relationships? Think about it...
If they still exist as devils in your mind, nothing good will come out of it...but if you think of them as your daughters, a lot can change...But even after you make that effort, they are unwilling to change, then they are unfortunate...Let Go...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Relationship
Hello Doctor, I am 62 Divorced. My daughters 34 and 29 both have abandoned me cos my ex-wife. I have given them the best child hood, US education and properties ( all my savings of my entire tenure). It looks they are no more interested in me after I gave them. As a senior citizen when I filed at the tribunal to get back what I have gifted ( this is just a fraction of what I have given) , my daughters are filing a police complaint saying I am a dangerous man. Do you think daughters will realize their mistakes and will they come back to me? My ex is a criminal and she had multiple men in her life when we were not together. In spite of it I gave her everything. Anyway I don't expect anything from my ex-wife but I am concerned about my daughters. Apparently I also learn in spite of all those expensive education they are still unable to fins a respectable place in society as an independent human to sustain. It is a pity people call daughters as angels but for me they are the devils.
Ans: Dear Sir,

First of all, I recognize how deeply hurt and betrayed you feel. The pain of strained relationships with one’s children, especially when you’ve invested so much love, effort, and resources in their upbringing, can be overwhelming. Your feelings are valid, and it’s essential to acknowledge them without judgment.

Understanding the Situation
Family conflicts often stem from layers of miscommunication, unspoken expectations, and past grievances. It seems your daughters’ actions have left you feeling not only abandoned but also disrespected. However, calling them "devils" might block any chance of understanding or reconciliation. Relationships, even the strained ones, can sometimes find a way to heal, but it requires introspection, patience, and a different approach.

Addressing Your Questions
Will your daughters realize their mistakes and come back to you?
While it’s impossible to predict others' actions, relationships can shift when emotions settle and communication improves. Right now, it seems both you and your daughters are acting out of pain, anger, and perhaps a sense of betrayal. It may take time, and possibly external help, for them to reconsider their stance. The key is to remain open to reconciliation while maintaining your dignity.

Why would they act this way despite all you’ve done for them?
Sometimes, the dynamics of parent-child relationships aren’t purely transactional. Children may not fully grasp or appreciate the sacrifices made by their parents, especially if they perceive emotional or relational conflicts as outweighing financial support. Additionally, your daughters may have been influenced by your history with their mother, shaping their perspective in ways that feel unfair to you.

How can you approach this situation differently?
Right now, the focus is on legal actions, complaints, and blame. While these steps may feel necessary to protect your rights, they can also deepen the emotional divide. Here’s a different way to approach it:

Reflect on Past Dynamics: Without judgment, consider whether there were patterns of communication or behavior in the past that may have contributed to this distance. This isn’t about blame but about gaining insight.
Extend an Olive Branch: Instead of expecting an apology, consider writing them a heartfelt letter. Focus on your feelings rather than accusations. For example, “I feel hurt and abandoned, but I miss the relationship we once had. I want us to find a way to reconnect.” This keeps the door open without escalating the conflict.
Seek Mediation: If direct communication fails, involving a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, can help facilitate dialogue in a safe space.
What about your legal actions?
Protecting your rights, especially as a senior citizen, is important. However, consider how this legal route might affect the emotional dynamics further. If there’s room to negotiate or find a middle ground, explore those options with an open heart and legal guidance.

Rebuilding Yourself
While you focus on mending relationships, it’s equally important to rebuild your inner strength and find peace within yourself:

Invest in Yourself: Engage in activities, hobbies, or social circles that bring you joy and a sense of purpose. This will help you focus less on what’s missing and more on what you can create.
Detach with Compassion: It’s okay to step back emotionally for your own well-being while keeping the door open for reconciliation.
Seek Support: Sharing your thoughts and feelings with a trusted confidant, counselor, or support group can provide new perspectives and emotional relief.
A Gentle Reminder
Your daughters, like all humans, are complex. Their actions may be influenced by pain, misunderstandings, or pressures you may not fully see. While you cannot control their behavior, you can control your response. Approach this journey with patience, dignity, and the hope for better days ahead.

I’m here if you wish to delve deeper into this or need guidance on taking these steps.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |560 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Please keep this anonymous Sir my husband is aged 65 yrs, and i am 60 ,both are retired and get pension My husband has a younger brother and sister.Both are married and well settled..We are settled and stable My inlaws are aged 91 and 86 respectively My father inlaw is bedridden since 15 years due to a stroke and is taken.care by my mother inlaw. They are financially stable with pension and house..My husband and his sister take turns in supporting them morally physically and help My husbands brother just comes occassionally for one day and visits and returns back..He never takes any responsibility of offering any type of physical and moral support.. My husband father has made a will of equally dividing his apartment worth around 65lakh and fds worth 30 lakh equally among the 3 children..I feel this to be unfair given the effort taken by my husband to take good care of them physically, morally Kindly advice anonymous
Ans: Navigating family dynamics and inheritance issues can be challenging, especially when there's a perceived imbalance in contributions. It's understandable to feel that your husband's significant efforts in caring for his parents should be more recognized in the will.

Parents often aim for equality in their wills to avoid conflict. They might believe that dividing assets equally is fairest, even if contributions differ. Your in-laws may not fully understand the support disparity or have other reasons for their decision.

Having an open, respectful conversation with your in-laws might help them see your perspective. If that's difficult, consider a family meeting to discuss everyone's views. Consulting an estate lawyer can clarify the will's implications and explore options for change, though this could strain family relationships.

Emotionally, support your husband by acknowledging his efforts. Sometimes, the satisfaction of caregiving can outweigh financial concerns. Propose compromises like including compensation for his contributions while maintaining equal asset division. Sentimental items could also recognize his efforts.

If the situation causes stress, a therapist can help manage feelings of resentment and provide strategies for maintaining family harmony. Balancing fairness with family relationships and emotional well-being is key. Open communication, legal advice, and emotional support will help navigate this complex issue.

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Asked by Anonymous - Mar 20, 2025Hindi
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Money
Sir Namaskar. I need 10 lac. I can put around 15-20k every month. I am now at 57. Please suggest me the way out. Regards
Ans: You need Rs. 10 lakh.
You can invest Rs. 15K–20K per month.
You are 57 years old.
A structured approach will help you reach your goal efficiently. The right investment choices, tenure, and risk management will be key.

Assessing the Timeframe
If you need Rs. 10 lakh within 3 years, a low-risk strategy is better.
If you have 5+ years, you can take moderate risk for better returns.
Your risk appetite, income stability, and other financial commitments also matter.
Short-term and long-term plans need different strategies.

Choosing the Right Investment Strategy
Low-Risk Approach (For 3 Years or Less)
Bank recurring deposits (RDs) offer stable but low returns.
Short-term debt mutual funds give slightly better returns than RDs.
Fixed deposits (FDs) in small finance banks provide higher interest.
Corporate bonds of high-rated companies can offer fixed income.
These options are safe but may not beat inflation.

Moderate-Risk Approach (For 3–5 Years)
Conservative hybrid mutual funds balance equity and debt.
Dynamic bond funds adjust based on interest rate changes.
Post office savings schemes offer security but fixed returns.
Gold ETFs can act as a hedge against inflation.
Moderate risk gives better returns than FDs but needs periodic review.

Growth-Oriented Approach (For 5+ Years)
Actively managed flexicap mutual funds allow growth with risk control.
Large & midcap funds balance safety and higher returns.
SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) after 5+ years can give monthly income.
Sectoral funds (like pharma, IT) are riskier but can boost returns.
Long-term investing helps wealth grow faster than inflation.

Managing Liquidity and Emergency Needs
Always keep 6 months’ expenses in a savings account or liquid fund.
Avoid investing all your money in one asset class.
Keep some investments easy to withdraw in case of emergencies.
Liquidity management ensures financial stability while you invest.

Tax Efficiency in Investments
Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab.
Equity mutual funds have 12.5% LTCG tax after Rs. 1.25 lakh gains.
FDs have TDS if interest crosses Rs. 40K (Rs. 50K for senior citizens).
Choosing tax-efficient instruments will maximize net returns.
Tax planning helps in retaining more earnings.

Retirement Considerations While Investing
Since you are 57, your investment should not affect retirement savings.
If your pension or other income is fixed, don’t take excess risk.
If you have additional savings, you can afford a balanced approach.
Avoid investing everything in equity unless you have surplus funds.
Retirement safety should be a priority while planning for Rs. 10 lakh.

Practical Investment Plan Based on Timeframe
If Needed in 3 Years
50% in short-term debt funds.
30% in fixed deposits or post office schemes.
20% in high-rated corporate bonds.
Low risk with steady returns.

If Needed in 5 Years
50% in conservative hybrid funds.
30% in large & midcap equity funds.
20% in short-term debt funds.
Balanced risk with potential growth.

If Needed in 7+ Years
60% in actively managed equity funds.
20% in hybrid funds for stability.
20% in gold ETFs or debt funds.
Higher risk but better long-term gains.

Avoiding Common Investment Mistakes
Don't keep all savings in FDs, as they give low post-tax returns.
Avoid high-risk stocks or thematic funds if you need funds soon.
Never invest emergency funds in volatile assets.
Review investments annually to stay aligned with the goal.
A disciplined approach prevents financial stress.

Finally
Your Rs. 10 lakh goal is achievable with systematic investing.
Choose the right asset mix based on your timeframe and risk level.
Keep tax efficiency, liquidity, and retirement security in mind.
Regular review and professional guidance will optimize your returns.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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