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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 31, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 29, 2023Hindi
Relationship

Hi Ma'am, I am 36 years old and got married in the year 2014. I wanted to be in a joint family but my wife does not like it from the starting days itself. My parents used to stay with me periodically but not continuously. We have 2 boy children now. During my 1st boy child naming ceremony, my wife's family created issues and threatened me and my mother with bad words and forced for a separate family which i never agreed. After that issue, my wife never returned to my matrimonial home. After lot of efforts from my relatives, we joined back again. But the personal vengeance of my wife on my parents still continued. She used to misbehave with them some times like not listening to my mother's words and she never used to help my mother on all the house hold activities. My mother used to take care of all the household works. In the mean time we are blessed with 2nd boy. She stayed in my house during her second pregnancy, her preganancy well assisted by my mother and me both financially and emotionally. But i used to tell my wife to do very small houshold activities to make her physically well fit for her normal delivery but she took that suggession in a wring way and considered it as a torcher. During her ninth month of her pregnancy she went to her parents house to write a competitive exam but never returned back instead she continued to stay there and returning back to my home. So it has been more than two years now that she left me. During this time, i visited for her birthday, her father died, me and my parents visited his funeral, i visited my sons birthday. So i almost did all my efforts to bring back her to my home but she refused all my chances. So I filed a divorce case since i dont have any hope in my marriage life anymore. But i wanted to live with her since we have two children. Any suggestions/advices please.

Ans: I understand the complex and challenging situation you're facing in your marriage. It's clear that there have been significant conflicts and misunderstandings between you and your wife, and you've made attempts to resolve them. Here are some thoughts and advice from a counseling perspective:

Open Communication: Effective and empathetic communication is crucial. Encourage both you and your wife to express your feelings and concerns in a safe and non-confrontational manner. A counselor can help facilitate these discussions and ensure that both parties have a chance to be heard.
Professional Counseling: Seeking the help of a qualified marriage counselor or therapist is highly recommended. A counselor can provide a neutral perspective, offer strategies for conflict resolution, and help you both explore the underlying issues in your relationship.
Child-Centered Approach: As you have children, it's vital to prioritize their well-being. Regardless of the outcome, work together on a co-parenting plan that focuses on their emotional and psychological needs. A counselor can assist in creating a plan that ensures your children's stability and happiness.
Understanding and Empathy: Try to understand each other's perspectives, feelings, and needs. There seems to be a lack of understanding between you and your wife, and it's important to build empathy and find common ground.
Legal Matters: Consult with a family lawyer to fully understand your rights, responsibilities, and potential outcomes regarding divorce, child custody, and financial matters. It's crucial to be well-informed about the legal implications of your decisions.
Reconciliation Efforts: If both you and your wife are open to the possibility of reconciliation, be prepared for a long and challenging process. It will require time, patience, and a willingness to address the root causes of your issues.
Understanding: Try to understand your wife's perspective and feelings, and encourage her to understand yours. Misunderstandings can often lead to conflicts, and gaining insight into each other's point of view can be a first step toward resolution.
Co-parenting: Regardless of the outcome of your marriage, your focus should be on the well-being of your children. It's essential to develop a co-parenting plan that prioritizes their needs and stability. Self-Care: Take care of your own well-being. Navigating these difficult circumstances can be emotionally and mentally taxing, so ensure you maintain your own emotional and mental health.
Reflect on Your Expectations: Take time to reflect on your expectations regarding family arrangements and what you're willing to compromise on. It may be necessary to find a middle ground between your desire for a joint family and your wife's preference for a separate one.

Remember that the decision to reconcile or proceed with the divorce should be made with the well-being of both you and your wife, as well as your children, in mind. Professional counseling and mediation can provide the support and tools you need to navigate this challenging situation. Whether the ultimate goal is reconciliation or an amicable separation, the involvement of a qualified therapist can be instrumental in moving forward in a healthy and constructive way.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1471 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 39 Year Old Male and My wife is 37 years old, we are married for 12 years. We have 2 kids (A Son Aged 9 Years) and a daughter aged (2 years). We had good and bad both times during 12 years of our marriage. However it was my anger on petty issues which lead to multiple quarrels over the period. Last month again we had fight and my wife left home without my or my family knowladge along with both our kids to my in-laws. During this 1 month of seperation i realized my mistakes and are ready to amend it, but my wife lacks trust now. We are not in touch since she has left as she has blocked my number and send me court notice of maintenance also (Ofcourse notice has lot of lies also). No i have understood my family's values and unable to bear such distance from both wife and kids. What my wife is thinking i dont know. Financially i have always kept her happy but due to my quarrels things have gone bad now. Please advice what should be way forward for me and what should i do to bring my family back. PLEASE GUIDE!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Ego trips have divided the two of you considerably.
Seek the help of an elder member of a family who will act like a go-between and a mediator. He/She must be neutral and unbiased as well.
This helps in having a smooth flow in a conversation between you and your wife where both of you can our in your woes and also be clear on whether either of you want the marriage to continue or not. Also, take into account the children and their welfare as they are very young and any decision taken will impact them in one or many ways.
If this mediation fails, kindly seek the help of a marriage therapist/counselor even this means sharing 'stuff' with a total stranger. Most often that stranger will be the person to facilitate a smooth reconciliation if the couple also wants the same.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am married for 23 years .Both me & my wife are doing job.I have one son staying with me. After 17 years of marriage I inquired that my wife has sexual relationship with another man . This has hurt me a lot as she betrayed me . As a result she gave no attention to me , my son and my parents . When I got this information , my wife left my house taking hand loan from neighbors . I never lodged any complain with police or file divorce case , rather I took it challenging. I took proper care of my son .Due to hard work & logistic support from me , my son qualified in NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.As my son has grown up & knows the actual fact ,he dislikes his mother & has no contact with her since long.Gradually we have started forgetting her. After 6 years of staying outside , now my wife is trying to come back again forcefully which we do not want. Therefore I request that please advice me what to do.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenging situation you've been through. It's understandable that trust has been broken, and emotions must be complex. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and that of your son during this time. If you feel comfortable, have an open and honest conversation with your wife about the reasons for her return. It's crucial to express your feelings and concerns. It might be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, to facilitate the conversation. If she continues to pursue a return against your wishes, you may want to consult with a legal professional to understand your options and rights. Given the complexity of your situation, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities. A lawyer can help you explore options and provide guidance on how to proceed. Take into account the well-being and feelings of your son in any decision-making process. His opinion and comfort level should be considered, especially if he has chosen not to maintain contact with his mother. Decisions made under emotional stress might not be the best ones. Give yourself time to reflect, assess the situation, and decide what is in the best interest of you and your son Ultimately, the decision of whether to allow your wife back into your lives is a personal one. Consider what is in the best interests of you and your son, taking into account your own well-being and the well-being of your family.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |518 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 22, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I’m 36M, I met a girl in my office, who works in the same department. It was love at first site for me, but I was scared to tell her that. As time passed, I used to strike some casual conversations with her or her team to connect with her and there were some clear signs that she liked me, for example, she would call me or text me why I’m not talking to her if I didn’t message her for some time (a week) or she would ask me if I was coming to office as we were working Hybrid if not she would also not come to office. But she always refused to come out with me for a movie or date/meet saying she had a very strict family and cannot come out other than office. I used to think that this was a real thing. But all this went on until her birthday arrived. I got some gift to give her on her birthday only to know that she suddenly stopped talking to me, no replies to my messages, calls or anything. At first, I was bit concerned if there was any problem or if she was in any trouble. But little did I know it was not the case at this time. After few (many) attempts trying to reach her. I though maybe she could be busy or something and I understood may be if I did not disturb her, she might call back. Time went on I again met her after 4 or 5 months in Office with no contact. By this time, I had already realised there was something wrong and she had already lost interest in me. But still I felt like I wanted to have a closure on this and I went on and gave the gift and proposed her, that is when she told me that she was in a relationship with some other person for 4 years. This blew my mind to pieces, as I was thinking why would someone shows any sort of interest on someone when they are already in relationship with some other person. I tried to move away from her after this incident, but fate we still are working in the same department and that I have to see her more often than not. I still have strong feelings for her, but I cannot show this to her and worst act normal. Whenever I see her, I want to talk to her and If I talk to her, I fall for her again and again. But she is happy and casual about all this as if there was not casualty in whole of this thing. Even now she asks me if I’m coming to office so that she could meet me. So, through all this, I have some questions 1. Why does a women show any sort of Interest on someone else when she is already in a relationship, so she can use me as a options and throw away when done 2. How do I move on, as I did not love her for some superficial features, rather I really liked her character, and that is the worst as I feel like I’ll never be able to find anyone like her in my life. Feeling down for a long time now. I’m already 36, feels like all the doors have closed for me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are hurt and upset, and rightfully so. You thought she liked you but turns out, she is with someone else. It's a good enough ground to be upset. But I want you to understand one thing- you thought; she never gave you verbal confirmation. You assumed it all. So to answer your first question- all of her interest in you might have been friendly. It is difficult for me to say it with confidence because I have not seen any of this while it happened; I am only hearing your version of it. But my guess is that she thought of you as a friend or maybe, for a while there, she might have had feelings for you, but then realized that she was committed and pulled herself back. Again, all of these are my assumptions. We do not know the truth. Only she does. The next time, whenever you think someone likes you, get verbal confirmation before you act on it.

I understand that whether she showed friendly interest and you mistook it for romantic interest or she actually showed romantic interest and ghosted you, your pain remains the same because everything was real and romantic from your end. I suggest that you focus on yourself. It's unfortunate that you have to see her every day, but so be it. Take it one day at a time. Stick with your friends in your office. Find some hobby that makes you happy and when you are ready to move on, be open to finding love. I understand that this experience was bad, but it won't be the same way every time.

Best wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |518 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 25, 2025
Relationship
Hi..., I feel in love with a muslim girl. I wasn't planned, it just happened I love her exactly the way she is, unconditionally, deeply, endlessly. For the last six years, Six years of loving her without expecting anything in return, without asking for anything but the chance to admire her from a distance. Every smile, every word, every little thing about her has been etched into my heart like poetry. I never saw her religion or background—only her beautiful soul. My love for her has always been pure, unconditional, and endless. It’s not about possessing her, it’s about cherishing her, even if it means keeping my feelings hidden all this time. But six years is a long time, and my heart is heavy with this love that I’ve kept inside. Should I finally tell her what I feel? Should I risk everything to let her know how much she means to me, even if it changes everything? Love knows no boundaries, no religion, no rules—it just is. But society doesn’t think the same way. What would you do if you were in my place? After six years of love, how do you decide what’s right for the person you love?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It does not matter what anyone else would do in your place or what society thinks. All that matters is what you think and want to do. If you have genuine feelings for her, what's stopping you from expressing them to her? If you don't tell her, how would you know if everything is going to change for the good or bad? Do as your heart wants. After all, you are not harming anyone.

Best wishes.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7742 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I am a 36 years old man, father of 2 (5y & 2y), Our income is 40Lacs pa post tax addition to that we have a rental income of 50K pm, our monthly expense is around 40K which is taken care by rents. Doing a SIP of 2.5 lac with total investment of 28L , have a RD of 25 L, ULIP -10L, Gold- 50L, I want to be financially independent in next 10 years. No loan , no credit cards., Has a medical policy of 25L. Emergency fund of 10L. Please advice how i can achieve financial independence in next 10 years.
Ans: 1. Understanding Your Financial Position
You are 36 years old with a goal of financial independence in 10 years.

Your annual post-tax income is Rs 40 lakh, with an additional rental income of Rs 50,000 per month.

Your monthly expenses are Rs 40,000, which are fully covered by rental income.

Your current investments include:

Rs 2.5 lakh SIP per month
Rs 28 lakh in mutual funds
Rs 25 lakh in RD
Rs 10 lakh in ULIP
Rs 50 lakh in gold
Rs 10 lakh emergency fund
You have no loans or credit cards, which is a strong financial position.

Your health insurance is Rs 25 lakh, which is good but may need a review later.

2. Defining Financial Independence
Financial independence means having passive income that covers all expenses.

You need enough wealth to generate returns that sustain your lifestyle.

Your target should be to build a portfolio that provides stable income after 10 years.

3. Optimising Your Current Investments
Mutual Funds – Increase Allocation
Your Rs 2.5 lakh SIP is excellent, but it needs active management.

Actively managed funds provide better returns than index funds.

Direct mutual funds lack professional management. Investing through an MFD with CFP credential helps maximise returns.

Maintain a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds for stability and growth.

Recurring Deposit (RD) – Shift to Growth Assets
Rs 25 lakh in RD earns lower returns compared to equity.

Consider shifting RD funds gradually into mutual funds for better compounding.

Keep only a portion in fixed-income instruments for stability.

ULIP – Consider Surrendering
ULIPs mix insurance with investment, which reduces returns.

Surrendering and reinvesting in mutual funds can improve returns significantly.

Keep insurance separate from investments for better wealth creation.

Gold – Maintain a Balanced Allocation
Rs 50 lakh in gold is a significant portion of your portfolio.

Gold is good for diversification but does not generate passive income.

Consider reducing gold exposure and reallocating to growth-oriented assets.

4. Asset Allocation for Financial Independence
A well-diversified portfolio ensures long-term stability and wealth growth.

Your asset allocation can be:

60% in equity mutual funds
20% in debt funds and bonds
10% in gold and other assets
10% in liquid funds for short-term needs
Adjust allocation every year based on market performance.

5. Passive Income Strategy
Your goal is to generate passive income through investments.

SIPs will build a strong equity base over the next 10 years.

A mix of mutual funds and debt instruments will provide steady cash flow.

Rental income already covers monthly expenses, which is an advantage.

After 10 years, your investments should generate returns covering all financial needs.

6. Emergency Fund and Insurance Review
Emergency Fund
Your Rs 10 lakh emergency fund is good.

Keep this amount in liquid funds or fixed deposits for easy access.

Maintain at least six months of expenses as a backup.

Health Insurance
Your Rs 25 lakh health cover is decent, but medical costs rise over time.

Consider increasing coverage to Rs 50 lakh if affordable.

Ensure it covers critical illness and long-term care needs.

7. Retirement and Children’s Education Planning
Retirement Planning
Financial independence should include a secure retirement plan.

Your investments will continue growing even after achieving independence.

Keep investing to ensure financial security beyond the next 10 years.

Children’s Education
Education costs will rise significantly over time.

Start a dedicated investment plan for your children’s higher education.

Equity mutual funds with a long-term horizon will help meet this goal.

8. Tax Efficiency and Wealth Preservation
Efficient tax planning ensures you maximise post-tax returns.

Long-term capital gains tax is lower on equity investments.


Regularly review your tax liability to optimise investment returns.

9. Monitoring and Adjusting the Plan
Review your portfolio every six months.

Rebalance investments if market conditions change.

Keep track of financial independence progress based on wealth accumulation.

10. Final Insights
Your financial position is strong, and your goal is achievable.

Shifting from low-return assets to equity will help in long-term wealth creation.

Active management of investments will ensure better returns and financial security.

Keep insurance separate from investments to avoid lower returns.

A disciplined approach to investing and spending will lead to financial independence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Harsh

Harsh Bharwani  |73 Answers  |Ask -

Entrepreneurship Expert - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

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Career
Hi what business can I start with 20000rs?
Ans: Hello Mr. Anuj,
Starting a business in India with a budget of ?20,000 is entirely possible with strategic planning, local market research, and minimal infrastructure. Whether you prefer a home-based model, freelancing, or product-based business, several viable options can generate steady income. Here’s a detailed guide to ten promising business ideas tailored for the Indian market.

Online Reselling via Dropshipping
Dropshipping allows you to sell products without holding inventory. Popular categories include eco-friendly products, ethnic jewellery, and mobile accessories. Profit margins range from 30–50%, but success depends on social media marketing and supplier reliability.

Freelancing Services
If you have skills in content writing, graphic design, or video editing, freelancing can be a lucrative option. A laptop and internet connection are the only real requirements. Building a strong online presence on LinkedIn or Fiverr can help secure consistent clients.

Home Tutoring/Coaching
With increasing competition in academics, home tutoring is a stable business. Charging ?1,000–2,000 per student per month ensures recurring income. The demand peaks during exam seasons, making it a great long-term option.

Event Decoration
Event decoration, especially in Tier-2 and Tier-3 cities, is a creative and profitable business. Specializing in birthday parties, anniversaries, and wedding decor can help build a niche. However, the business is seasonal.

Customized Printing
Selling custom-printed T-shirts, mugs, and gifts online is a trendy business. With social media marketing, you can attract college students and young professionals who love personalized products. However, printer maintenance costs should be considered.

Key Tips for Success
Legal Compliance: Register as a sole proprietorship for hassle-free operations.
Smart Marketing: Use WhatsApp Business, Instagram Reels, and Google My Business for cost-effective promotions.
Cost Control: Rent equipment (e.g., cloud kitchens) instead of buying to minimize overheads.
Customer Feedback: Focus on refining offerings based on customer preferences.
Start Small, Scale Later: Test your business model before making large investments.
With careful planning, minimal investment, and the right strategy, starting a business with ?20,000 in India is not only possible but also profitable. Choose a business aligned with your skills and local market demand, and take the first step toward entrepreneurship today!

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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