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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1651 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 06, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Anu, is it okay to fight and not talk to your partner for a few days?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Usually I have found that it is better not to sleep over a fight as it can not only interfere with sleep but also, ot gives a way out to both the people involved to keep stretching and haggling over the same issue.

Make a RULE; that whatever difference of opinion is sorted by the end of the day. This will keep the couple not just alert but also find the strength to resolve their differences sooner than later. This of course requires practice and consistent effort just like any other relationship.

But of course, if the argument has escalated where both feel a lot of unpleasant feelings; it is okay to give each other some space and resolve it over the next couple of days BUT with a clear communication at the end of the day to each other that it's the situation that is being processed and not the other person and their behavior. So, utilize the time wisely to process, reflect and come up with an amicable solution.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii mam, since i year i am in relationship with him but nowadays fighting are increased in between both of us so what we should do and we both are responsible for the fight cause we both over react for small things
Ans: It’s common for fights to increase in a relationship when emotions are high and both partners overreact to small issues. This pattern often stems from unresolved emotions, stress, or a lack of effective communication. The good news is that recognizing this dynamic means you're already taking the first step toward improvement.

Start by reflecting on the triggers for your arguments. Think about what situations or topics usually lead to conflicts and whether they arise from unmet needs, miscommunications, or external stressors. Understanding the root causes can help you both address the real issues rather than reacting to the surface level.

When emotions run high, it’s easy to say or do things in the heat of the moment that you later regret. To prevent this, both of you can practice pausing during disagreements. Agree on a signal or phrase to use when things start to escalate, giving each other space to cool down before continuing the conversation. This approach allows you to respond calmly rather than reacting impulsively.

Another important step is to focus on improving how you communicate. Instead of placing blame or using accusatory language, express your feelings using "I" statements. For example, say, "I feel hurt when this happens" instead of "You always do this." This small shift can reduce defensiveness and encourage understanding.

It’s also crucial to nurture the positive aspects of your relationship. Make time for activities that you both enjoy and that bring you closer, whether it’s a shared hobby, a walk, or simply having an uninterrupted conversation. These moments of connection can help balance out the tension from disagreements.

Finally, remember that resolving conflicts takes patience and teamwork. It’s not about determining who’s right or wrong but about finding solutions that work for both of you. If you feel stuck or find that the fights are becoming overwhelming, consider seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist. A neutral third party can help you both understand your patterns and develop healthier ways to handle conflicts, ensuring the relationship grows stronger.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Whenever I argue with my partner, it quickly escalates into something bigger than it should be. I don't express how much I love them, but I feel like our communication is breaking down. How can I improve this situation?
Ans: It’s clear that you deeply care about your partner and the health of your relationship, but recurring arguments and a lack of expressed love are creating a disconnect. To nurture love and clarity in your communication, it’s essential to create an emotional space where both of you feel safe, valued, and understood—even during disagreements.

When arguments arise, they often escalate because emotions are heightened, and both people feel the need to defend their perspective. To shift this dynamic, start by focusing on emotional regulation in those moments. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re both on the same team, even if you see things differently. This small pause can prevent reactive words or actions that might escalate the conflict further.

Outside of conflicts, consider the daily emotional climate of your relationship. If love isn’t being expressed regularly, your partner may feel insecure or disconnected, which can intensify disagreements. Begin to nurture love by weaving simple but heartfelt expressions of care into your everyday interactions. This might be as simple as saying, “I appreciate you,” giving a warm hug, or acknowledging something they did, however small. These gestures build emotional reserves that make handling tough conversations easier because they remind both of you of the underlying bond.

When it comes to communication, try reframing the way you approach disagreements. Speak from your feelings rather than placing blame. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re not listening to me,” try, “I feel unheard, and it’s making me frustrated.” This subtle but powerful shift fosters understanding rather than defensiveness. Equally important is listening with an open mind. Practice reflecting back what your partner shares to show you’re truly hearing them. For example, “I hear that you’re upset because you feel I didn’t prioritize you—am I understanding that correctly?”

Love is nurtured in the moments between conflicts—through trust, small acts of kindness, and consistent emotional support. Reflect on what makes your partner feel loved and cherished, and intentionally incorporate those actions into your daily life. At the same time, share what you need emotionally so they understand how to nurture you too. This mutual exchange strengthens your connection and creates a deeper sense of partnership.

Finally, consider having a calm, heartfelt conversation about how you both want to handle conflicts and express love moving forward. Creating shared goals for your relationship can bring clarity and purpose, helping you both feel aligned. By approaching your relationship with patience, empathy, and intentional care, you can not only resolve current challenges but also nurture a love that feels steady, secure, and fulfilling.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I have a problem. Whenever we argue, I feel the need to talk it through immediately, but my partner shuts down completely and goes silent for hours, sometimes days. It leaves me feeling anxious and ignored. How do I deal with this without feeling like I am the only one trying?
Ans: Have a calm, non-conflict conversation about the issue outside of a fight. Explain to your partner how their silence affects you—not by blaming, but by expressing how it makes you feel. For example, “When we argue and you go silent, I feel anxious and alone. It makes me feel like I’m the only one trying, even though I know that might not be true.” Keep it about your feelings, not their faults.

Ask them what they feel in those moments—do they need space to think? Do they feel overwhelmed? Are they afraid things will escalate? Try to genuinely understand their side too.

Together, you can come up with a “pause plan”—a middle ground. Maybe your partner can say something like, “I need an hour to clear my head, but I promise we’ll talk after that.” That way, you get the reassurance that the issue won’t be ignored forever, and they get the breathing room they need.

Also, remind yourselves that you’re on the same team. The goal isn’t to win the argument—it’s to understand each other better and reconnect.

You’re not the only one trying—it just feels that way because your emotional needs are different. With communication, empathy, and small agreements about how to handle conflict, this doesn’t have to stay a painful pattern. You're already doing the brave thing by reflecting and wanting to improve this—see if you can invite your partner into that same space of honesty and growth.

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