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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1812 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
SN Question by SN on May 05, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu, I have been married for 3 years.
Everything is going well with my husband except there is one problem. If there is anything wrong done by his parents, he never takes a stand or protests.
My in-laws are not very friendly people.
After our marriage they have never tried to keep in touch with my parents or at least have the courtesy to invite once to their house.
My parents have frequently tried to invite them and also tried to keep contact but nothing is achieved if it's one-sided. I told my husband about all this but he never ever tried to explain or correct them of their wrong doings.

My mother-in-law had also insulted me few times raising questions on how I was brought up within the first year of our marriage. And later as well.
I work and sometimes due to prolong working hours I am not able to contribute to household work.
My mother-in-law started asking if at all I do any household work or whether I am always busy with my office work. She already knew that I would be working after marriage and was fine with it.

Because of the lockdown we are staying with them for a long period and I am embarrassed to tell this but every day is killing me. When I stay with them I have to be a totally different person. I have to live their lifestyle which is totally opposite to how I used to live with my husband alone.
Because of all the above circumstances, I am not keen on staying with them. I don't see a future where I can stay with them. I am ready to take care of them but can't stay under one roof. My husband is well aware of my feelings. But never does anything about it. Every time I tell him, he blames me that I don't want him to stay with his parents. Else he takes good care of me and is a good person. My parents also like him except this one complaint.
I am totally clueless now how to make him understand because we end up fighting rather than discussing.
In the long run I can't stay with my in-laws because our lifestyle doesn't match and of course the hurtful things they have done. They are not even ready to adjust rather would expect me to completely change for them. And that's what dreads me.

I can't live in this way for long. It is causing me a lot of mental stress.
Please provide your valuable suggestions.

Ans:

Dear SN,

Hasn’t the lockdown ended for a while now?

Why are you still with them?

What was the initial reason of moving in with them?

Does that reason still exist?

Being part of a joint/extended family system isn’t a cake walk; each person is unique and so are their thoughts and experiences and they will want the other person to live by their experiences and rules. But of course, an emotionally mature person would believe in giving space for another person grow and evolve and swim around the family dynamics. Well, it isn't the case here.

Why don’t you drop down a pros and cons list for When I move out and for When I stay here.

Weigh it down to its granular detail. Also, try and figure out why your husband is so against talking to them.

Sometimes, it maybe a minor adjustment that everyone needs to go through, but our movies and sitcoms have done enough damage to our minds where the drama looks never ending and where one party is to blame. Usually, the adjustment has to happen from both ends.

Bring this to a place where everyone gains, and everyone is happy. Maybe moving out is an option that you seek but will this go well with your husband and remember, he might do this for you, and in the long run in might end up blaming you for it. It’s complicated.

So, take time and work on the pros and cons, why your husband is against talking to them about this and also ask yourself: Have I done everything that I can to live joyfully under one roof?
You will have a path to your solution soon.

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1812 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2022

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Relationship
My partner and I have temporarily been in a long-distance marriage due to our love for work. When, I am with him in a nuclear set up, he is generally caring and cooperating giving me space to grow. But my in-laws expect me to stay with them for months or wish to stay with us for two to three months at a stretch. They function very differently and hold traditional views. I am providing few examples although there are many other incompatibilities. 1. Want me to eat rice three times a day and cook the same for my husband2. Refrain from wearing a few colours. Give remarks regarding length of my trouser. 3. Ask me to wear bangles all the time. 4. Tell me never to make my husband do my tasks like drying my clothes in the sun as this is against Indian culture. 5. My mother-in-law has strange rules like all food has to be thrown away if utensils touch the body accidentally.6. I am not allowed to serve myself food in fear of above rule. 7. Excessive number of rituals and poojas. I do not want to disrespect their culture or change them in their own life. I co-operate but I function extremely differently and my priorities are very different. I am not okay with them coming for two to three months at a stretch and I am freedom-deprived in my own home when I live with my husband.I have a job that demands from me mentally even when I am at home. I can adjust to their rules for few days but not for so long. Also, I fear they will pressurize me into going there/coming here for a long time after a baby and try to tell me how to take care etc. My husband is shy and often stays silent in front of his mother. He goes to his parents’ house for three months in a year and I am happy that he can be with his parents. Please help in drawing boundaries/guide me in achieving balance.
Ans:

Dear MM,

Be very forthcoming and expressing to them that there are a few things that you might be unable to comply not because you don’t respect them or their customs, but because it causes you more effort to do that.

Another way to think is: it’s only a couple of months that they are around, can I simply work around it and sort this out amicably?

Truth be told: we focus on what we don’t like more than what you like and then what we don’t like starts to grow in the mind with situations and people associated with those become ‘villains’.

Now, I don’t say that you don’t have challenges, but to worry about a baby when there isn’t one as yet, seems like you have already decided how horrible things are and will be.

So, you will be fighting a battle with your partner and put him in a fix to fix things, Why don’t you do that yourself?

Draw boundaries by clearly stating what you can do and do that with a lot of love rather than as a favour.

Once they see and feel this, they are maybe willing to see things from your point of view as well and adapt to your way of thinking.

Give some, Take some.

I am sure this is something that you might surely be able to do considering that you are working hard to make things happen.

So, All the Best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1812 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2021

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Dear mam, I am married for 14 yrs. Love marriage. I used to work earlier but quit because my husband was earning well and he said he will take care of me and my son. We used to be a happy couple but during the lockdown my mother-in-law and sister-in-law decided to move in with us. Slowly they started creating issues between my husband and me often badmouthing my behaviour or complaining about me. I was unaware about it until recently when we had a big fight. That’s when I realised that they have been planning to drive me out of the house and get him married to someone else whom they can manipulate. It’s been over a year now that my husband is not even talking to me properly. I went and stayed with my parents for some time but even they feel I am a burden and should adjust and accommodate instead of giving them reasons to fight. They don’t understand that all this is politics. Now my husband is talking to some girl whom I don’t like. That is causing more problems and fights between us. Anything I say is used against me now. Please help me mam. What to do?
Ans: Dear R, why did they start to create issues between you and your husband?

What led to this? It rarely happens that people go after people with no reason.

Did you have any reservations about them coming and staying over?

Did you express it in some form to them? (Ask these to yourself so that you know that any act on your part did not lead to this situation. Of course, nothing justifies their plotting to get their son married behind your back).

If the answer to this is NO, then it's time to confront your husband, get a mediator and put things on the table.

What does he want? What do you want?

Do you both want to continue in this marriage?

What are his responsibilities towards your son?

These need to be addressed without anymore delay. Being in a limbo state is not fun as it keeps you guessing and the uncertainty can cause a lot of stress.

Also, kindly sensitise your parents towards what you are going through, so that support you in this time of need.

Act NOW and whatever you decide, put yourself first and take care of you emotional state of mind.

Best wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1812 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I've been married for 20 years and my in laws staying with us for over 14 years now. I'm ok with my mother in law but have a very stressful relationship with my father in law. 13 years back he tried to overstep his boundaries in FIL-DIL relationship and i created lots of noise about it and told everyone in no unclear terms that such overture are not acceptable. However due to their complete financial dependency on my husband, they have still continued to stay with us. My FIL tried a couple of time to apologize personally but after sometime he has started telling that he is the aggrieved party and misunderstood. I strictly avoid speaking with him unless totally necessary wrt some house issue or child related issue. He interferes in my decision related to my child, like taking him off the activity classes where i enrolled, allowing him to eat junk food when i have strictly told no because of IBS related problem etc. I've also told my husband in no unclear terms that i want a separate household, but unfortunately because of their old age and for fear of society norms he isn't doing it. The environment in my house is quite stressful because of this to me, everyone else is just continuing without bother. How to deal with this? I tried living in other city with my child as well but then felt my house is breaking without any fault in our relationship (husband- wife), and my child was feeling emotional so i returned. This situation and stress has given me health conditions and made me irritable as well. I just don't want to live like this but have no option but to continue it seems. I need suggestion how to handle this.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What society says is more important that actually safeguarding his wife from a predator father? Seriously?
Your husband needs a lesson or two in responsibilities in marriage and that also includes 'protecting' his wife...
Now, if he is worried that they are old and what will the society say, ask him what the same society will say when they know what his father is up to?

Your father-in-law is just trying to punish you for your refusal by interfering in how you should be raising your child...
Please do not put up with this kind of nonsense! Someone needs to drive sense into your husband and yes, you need to live separately from your in-laws. Your father-in-law is not a great influence at this point in time and your husband needs to move beyond his 'blind' love and sense of duty towards them.

You and your child are also his priority and when a wife feels unsafe, the husband has no option but to address it and make her feel safe again. Your husband is conveniently avoiding the confusion that will emerge from living separately and hence is taking the easy way out.
Talk to him and put your foot down. If he is still unwilling, please ask your family members to drive some sense in him. He can take care of them living a few blocks away, right?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1812 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am 38 years old. I have been living abroad since I was 21 years old. I have been focused on my career since then. I got married in 2021 in India and just after 4 months living in India, we again moved abroad. This country was new for me and my my wife, but my brother was already settled in this country with his family. As I was living away from my family for many years, me and my wife decided to live in a joint family with my brother’s family. However, I was quite busy adjusting to my new job, my wife couldn’t adjust well to my side of the family, my brother, his wife and my mother. After living together with everyone for a year, me and my wife decided to live separately from my side of the family. Now after 5 months my wife became pregnant and we both wanted to have a child. So even though my family was quite close and could have supported us during this time. I decided to sponsor my in laws on a visa so that my wife could feel supportive during this time. We had a girl child and I have avoided to communicate to my family during this one year so that my wife doesn’t get any stress or anything from my family. However as soon as we had a child, I have invited my mother and my brother family to visit my daughter. Now my in laws have started quarreling with me once in a while. And they convinced my wife to go to India with them. My wife has been living in India since last 6 months, they would never let me see my daughter over the phone call, and whenever I called them they would ask me for the money/gifts. Let me add to that when I went abroad, my wife was not working initially and I used to give her 30% of my salary and I used to bear all the expenses. When my in laws started living with us, I over heard them talking if I continued having relationship with my side of the family, she would buy her a home in India and take my daughter away from me. Now recently I came to India to get everything sorted, I do not think my wife would be willing to come with me without my in laws. How could I convince her to start over and repair our relationship for us and our beautiful daughter.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sure you see a pattern in your wife's actions. At the risk of sounding judgemental, I will say: She does like to get her way in most things.
How else do you explain that when she is stressed keep them away and when she needs, she wants them back?
How can you expect to have support from your side of the family when you two decided to alienate them?
How does it work when she decided to stay back with her family with absolutely no regard that you as father will want to be close to your daughter?
How do you explain that they secretly conspire to take your daughter away from you if you involve your family?

Do you not see the immaturity of how they have very systematically alienated you from your family and your daughter?

To be able to put things together, your wife really needs to get away from her parents. They seem to hold the strings and have no qualms about spoiling their daughter's life...Bring her out of that family and move to a location that is not easily accessible to them; as in maybe back abroad, so they are not in and out of your home. Start building your relationship with your wife by being a hands-on father and that may also give her an idea as to the person that you are. You must be appreciated for the person that you are...Give this a shot!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1812 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Whenever I have a fight with my in-laws, my husband always takes their side and not talks with me for a 15 days or a week, tells me that he is bearing me all this years and I should go back to my mothers house, anyway he is hardly talking with me, he just answers my question, he is always busy with his office work, and he shoe me away if I try to romance by saying our daughter (13yr old) will see us, will do it afterwards, that comes only ones in a month. He is really unhappy with me, they all want to send me to my mother house, I deeply love him ....this all things makes me anxious, what should I do??? Ours is arranged marriage 15yrs. gone. He feels like he is trapped with me and now I am also feeling unhappy in our marriage..what should I do please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Clearly none of them seem to be happy with you and seem to want to get you away from them.
What exactly are you holding onto? Evaluate what you are getting by staying in the marriage and what you can do to manage life without the marriage if you of course make that choice.
I would also suggest one last attempt at putting things together. Will your husband be willing to talk to a third person like a therapist or even a family member? Try to set things right and even after this, they seem to make your life miserable, you really need to create options for yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Nayagam P P  |12550 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Sep 04, 2026

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11454 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 03, 2026

Money
HI I am 47 years old with Monthly expenses of Rs 40000 , i would like to know how much retirement corpus would i require at age of 60 so that it lasts till age 85 also the opening Retirement corpus at 60 and closing Corpus at 85 should almost be same , as i would like to transfer it yo me daughter, i would like to know should i factor 8% food inflation as that will be major expense factor also factor 6% intrest on investment. Whats is the inflation rate should i assume , in which mutual fund should i invest for Rs 50000 monthly investment. How much money should i park for medical expenses or emergency
Ans: You have started this planning at a good age. With 13 years left, you have useful time to build the corpus.

» Your retirement target

– You are currently 47 years old.

– Your present monthly expense is Rs.40,000.

– You plan to retire at age 60.

– You want the corpus to support you until age 85.

– You also want the corpus to remain almost intact.

– This is a higher target than normal retirement planning.

– Your aim is also to pass the corpus to your daughter.

» Inflation assumption

– I would not use 8% food inflation for the entire retirement budget.

– Food is only one part of your total expenses.

– Medical, housing, travel and other costs behave differently.

– For long-term planning, 6% overall inflation is a reasonable assumption.

– However, medical inflation can be higher than general inflation.

– So, keep a separate medical reserve.

» Your expense at age 60

– Your present Rs.40,000 monthly expense will rise substantially by age 60.

– At 6% inflation, it can become roughly Rs.85,000 monthly.

– This should be your starting retirement expense.

– You should review this estimate again around age 58.

» Retirement corpus required

– You have given an important condition.

– You want the corpus at 85 to remain almost equal.

– Therefore, a normal retirement corpus calculation is not enough.

– Assuming only 6% investment return creates a difficult situation.

– Your withdrawal also rises with inflation.

– If return and inflation are both around 6%, preservation becomes difficult.

– Under those assumptions, I would target around Rs.3.15 crore at age 60.

– This is an approximate planning figure.

– It is not a guaranteed required amount.

– A higher return assumption can reduce the required starting corpus.

– But I would not depend on high returns for retirement planning.

» Why Rs.3.15 crore is a safer target

– Your first retirement-year expense could be around Rs.85,000 monthly.

– Expenses would then rise every year.

– You also want money remaining at age 85.

– Therefore, the corpus must support withdrawals and continue growing.

– Rs.3.15 crore gives you a better starting target.

– Still, market returns will not come evenly every year.

– Hence, actual results can differ materially.

» Your Rs.50,000 monthly investment

– Rs.50,000 monthly is a good starting contribution.

– However, it may not be enough by itself for Rs.3.15 crore.

– You have 13 years before retirement.

– Therefore, annual increases in your investment are very important.

– Try increasing the monthly investment whenever your income rises.

– Even a gradual increase can make a major difference.

– Existing savings, PF, gratuity and other retirement benefits can also help.

» Mutual fund strategy

– Do not put the entire Rs.50,000 into one mutual fund.

– At your age, you still have a long investment period.

– A diversified actively managed equity portfolio can be considered.

– You can use large-cap oriented funds for the core portion.

– A flexi-cap oriented fund can provide wider diversification.

– A limited mid-cap allocation can add growth potential.

– Avoid excessive small-cap exposure for retirement money.

– Your portfolio should gradually become safer after age 55.

» Suggested structure for Rs.50,000 monthly

– Rs.20,000 in a diversified flexi-cap oriented fund.

– Rs.15,000 in a large-cap oriented actively managed fund.

– Rs.10,000 in a mid-cap oriented fund.

– Rs.5,000 in a balanced or equity-oriented hybrid fund.

– This is only a starting structure.

– Your existing investments should be checked before finalising this allocation.

» Why actively managed funds can help

– Active fund managers can change portfolios based on market conditions.

– They can reduce exposure to weaker companies.

– They can also identify changing business opportunities.

– This flexibility can be useful over a 13-year period.

– However, fund selection and monitoring remain important.

– Past performance alone should never decide fund selection.

» Emergency fund

– Keep at least 9 to 12 months of household expenses separately.

– For you, I would initially target around Rs.5 lakh.

– Keep this money in highly liquid and low-risk avenues.

– Do not count your equity mutual funds as emergency money.

– This reserve should not be used for routine investing.

» Medical reserve

– Medical expenses need separate planning.

– Do not depend only on your normal retirement corpus.

– Build a dedicated medical reserve before retirement.

– I would initially target Rs.10-15 lakh as a separate reserve.

– This should be reviewed closer to age 60.

– Your health insurance coverage should also be reviewed regularly.

– Medical inflation can be much higher than normal inflation.

» Protecting the corpus after age 60

– This is perhaps the most important part of your plan.

– Do not keep the entire retirement corpus in equity.

– Keep several years of expenses in safer investments.

– Keep the remaining portion invested for long-term growth.

– This can reduce the need to sell equity during market falls.

– Rebalance the portfolio periodically.

» Your daughter and inheritance goal

– Your objective is very clear.

– You want to enjoy retirement and still leave money behind.

– This requires controlled withdrawals.

– Avoid treating the entire corpus as spending money.

– Maintain a separate inheritance mindset.

– Estate planning should also be completed before retirement.

– Nominees should be updated across investments and accounts.

– A proper Will can make the transfer much easier.

» One important improvement

– Do not wait until age 60 to reach the target.

– Start building the retirement corpus aggressively now.

– Increase your Rs.50,000 SIP every year.

– Any bonus or additional income can partly go towards retirement.

– At around age 55, reassess the entire retirement plan.

– At age 58, prepare the final retirement-income strategy.

» Final Insights

– Your Rs.3.15 crore target at age 60 is a useful planning benchmark.

– This assumes around 6% return and 6% inflation.

– It also considers your wish to retain the corpus at 85.

– I would not use 8% food inflation for all expenses.

– Use 6% general inflation for initial planning.

– Keep medical expenses separately because they can rise faster.

– Rs.50,000 monthly investing is a good beginning.

– Increasing this SIP every year is more important.

– Your investment strategy should become safer near retirement.

– The goal is not just Rs.3.15 crore.

– The real goal is sustainable income plus a meaningful inheritance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11454 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 03, 2026

Money
Ant thing we can purchase from market by knowing the rate even for safety pin. You can purchase from anywhere in indie online the noted prices for share. Why the MF units are not possible to buy by seeing the prize or why it should not be online varying price for day. Not showing the price, Asset management can cheat the customer. SEBI is ineffective for controlling this cheating
Ans: Your question is very practical. The difference comes from how shares and mutual funds are structured.

» Why share prices are visible instantly

– A share is traded directly between buyers and sellers on a stock exchange.

– The exchange matches buy and sell orders continuously.

– Therefore, you can see the latest traded price.

– You can place an order at that displayed market price.

– The price can change many times during the day.

» Why mutual funds work differently

– A mutual fund unit is not traded like an ordinary share.

– You buy or redeem units from the mutual fund.

– The fund collects money from many investors.

– It then invests that money in securities.

– The value of all those investments changes during the day.

– The fund calculates its Net Asset Value, called NAV.

– NAV represents the value of one mutual fund unit.

– NAV is normally calculated after the market closes.

– Therefore, there is no continuously traded MF unit price.

» This does not mean the price is hidden

– Mutual fund NAVs are publicly available.

– The NAV is disclosed for every business day.

– Your transaction also receives units based on applicable NAV rules.

– The applicable NAV depends on transaction timing and fund realisation rules.

– Therefore, the NAV is not controlled by an individual agent.

» Why you cannot buy at the displayed NAV

– Suppose today's NAV is Rs.100.

– You cannot simply place an order at Rs.100.

– The final applicable NAV depends on the transaction rules.

– The fund must also receive the required money.

– This prevents investors from knowing the exact NAV beforehand.

– It also ensures fair treatment among all investors.

» Can an AMC cheat by changing NAV?

– An AMC cannot simply choose an arbitrary NAV.

– NAV is based on the value of underlying investments.

– Listed securities generally use market-based prices for valuation.

– Other securities follow prescribed valuation methods.

– Fund accounting and valuation processes are subject to regulatory requirements.

– There are also audits, trustees and regulatory oversight.

– So, the system has several checks.

» Your concern about transparency is still important

– Investors should clearly see the NAV and transaction details.

– They should also receive confirmation of their units.

– You can independently check the NAV against official disclosures.

– Your account statement should show units, NAV and transaction dates.

– Any unexplained difference should be questioned immediately.

» Where investors sometimes get confused

– The NAV seen on an app is not always your transaction NAV.

– The displayed NAV may belong to the previous business day.

– Your purchase may receive the next applicable NAV.

– This depends on transaction timing and applicable rules.

– Bank realisation can also affect the applicable NAV.

– This can make the transaction appear different from your expectation.

» Why a share and MF cannot have identical pricing

– A share represents ownership in one company.

– An MF unit represents a proportionate interest in a portfolio.

– The portfolio may contain hundreds of securities.

– Its value must first be calculated.

– The unit NAV is then determined.

– Hence, MF pricing naturally works differently from stock exchange pricing.

» What would improve your confidence

– Always check the official NAV after the business day.

– Compare it with your transaction statement.

– Check the number of units allotted.

– Check the transaction date and applicable NAV date.

– Keep your account statements safely.

– Raise a written complaint if figures do not match.

– Escalate the matter if the AMC does not resolve it.

» Final Insights

– Your demand for better transparency is quite reasonable.

– However, absence of intraday MF pricing does not itself mean cheating.

– Shares and mutual funds have fundamentally different transaction mechanisms.

– Mutual fund NAV is calculated from the underlying portfolio value.

– The important point is whether the disclosed NAV is correctly calculated.

– If you find a specific mismatch, preserve the transaction evidence.

– Then the issue can be examined much more precisely.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11454 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 03, 2026

Money
Hi, I am presently working in CPSU and having 2.5 years remaining in my supperannuation. I have a in hand salary of Rs.1.3 Lac per month (after deduction of necessary contribution in PF, VPF and deduction of tentative monthly income tax). In addition to this, I had invested a sum of Rs.1.4 Cr in a HUDA property in Faridabad which is now around 6 Cr. I am alos getting a monthly pension ofRs. 21000/- (without D.A. component) per month from my parent department as I had submitted Technical Resignation from Govt. Service (MoR) and took permanent absorption in CPSU. I am also getting monthly rental income from a flat @Rs.20000/- per month. I have invested Rs. 60000 in mutual funds and Rs.5.5 Lacs in shares. My wife was also a Haryana Govt. Educationist (govt. job) and just superannuated from her job on 31.08.2026. She will be getting a monthly pension of Rs.75000/- per month in addition to her other retirement benefits. She also earns a monthly rental income from our parental house @8000/- per month. We both are covered under medical schemes of Haryana Govt. and me from MoR. My question is I want to purchase or built a house in GGN on around 200 sq. yd. (approx) plot and live there. Kindly guide me about our future on my email which is alredy provided please.
Ans: You have built a very strong financial base. Your retirement income also looks encouraging. The main decision is how much to spend on the Gurugram house.

» Your present financial position

– You have around 2.5 years of employment remaining.

– Your present take-home salary is around Rs.1.30 lakh monthly.

– You receive pension income of around Rs.21,000 monthly.

– You receive rental income of around Rs.20,000 monthly.

– Your wife has recently retired from Haryana Government service.

– Her expected pension is around Rs.75,000 monthly.

– She also receives rental income of around Rs.8,000 monthly.

– Your Faridabad property has appreciated substantially.

– Its present value is around Rs.6 crore.

– You also have mutual funds and shares.

– Your medical coverage through government schemes is another positive.

Overall, your retirement cash flow appears quite comfortable.

» The Gurugram house decision

– Buying or constructing your own house can be reasonable.

– This is different from buying property purely as an investment.

– You want to actually live there after retirement.

– Therefore, emotional and lifestyle factors are also important.

– Gurugram can provide good connectivity and healthcare facilities.

– However, avoid using the entire Rs.6 crore property value for construction.

– Your retirement security should remain the first priority.

» Set a maximum house budget

– Decide the total budget before selecting the plot.

– Include plot cost, construction cost and registration expenses.

– Also include interiors, furniture and other initial expenses.

– Keep a separate amount for future maintenance.

– I would avoid stretching the budget simply for a larger house.

– A comfortable house is enough for retirement years.

– Your retirement corpus should continue growing alongside the house purchase.

» How to fund the house

– Your employment income continues for another 2.5 years.

– Your wife's pension has already started.

– Your own pension also provides continuing cash flow.

– Rental income gives another stable monthly support.

– This reduces pressure on your investment portfolio.

– Ideally, use available surplus income for part of construction.

– Avoid selling the entire Faridabad property only for convenience.

– Also avoid taking a large loan close to retirement.

» What about the Faridabad property?

– This requires a separate strategic decision.

– You have created significant wealth through this property.

– However, it now represents a very large asset concentration.

– After retirement, this concentration deserves careful review.

– You may eventually consider monetising part of this asset.

– Any sale decision must consider capital gains and taxation.

– The money can then support retirement investments.

– Do not sell merely because Gurugram property prices look attractive.

» Retirement income planning

– Your combined monthly pension income should form the core income.

– Rental income provides an additional income stream.

– Your retirement corpus should ideally remain partly invested for growth.

– Keep a separate reserve for several years of regular expenses.

– This avoids selling investments during a market correction.

– Your post-retirement portfolio should become more balanced.

– Equity exposure can continue, but should match your risk capacity.

» Your mutual funds and shares

– Your equity investments currently appear relatively small.

– This is not necessarily a problem.

– Your property exposure is already quite substantial.

– Therefore, future financial investments can improve diversification.

– Consider gradually building a diversified mutual fund portfolio.

– Prefer actively managed funds suitable for your risk profile.

– Avoid investing large amounts suddenly after retirement.

– Review the portfolio at least once every year.

» Medical and emergency planning

– Your government medical coverage is a major support.

– Still, maintain a separate medical emergency reserve.

– Government coverage may have certain rules and limitations.

– Keep adequate liquidity for expenses not covered by the schemes.

– Also review whether your existing medical benefits continue after retirement.

– This should be confirmed before your retirement date.

» Before buying the 200 sq. yard plot

– Check the title and ownership documents carefully.

– Verify the approved land use and building permissions.

– Check road width and access to the property.

– Verify electricity, water and sewerage availability.

– Check local development and construction restrictions.

– Take independent legal verification before paying a major amount.

– For construction, obtain a realistic detailed cost estimate.

» A better retirement structure

– Keep your retirement house budget within a comfortable limit.

– Keep sufficient financial assets outside the property.

– Maintain adequate emergency liquidity.

– Continue some equity exposure for long-term inflation protection.

– Maintain suitable fixed-income investments for near-term requirements.

– Keep your pension and rental income for regular expenses.

– Use investment withdrawals only when genuinely required.

» One important point

– Your property wealth is excellent, but it is not regular income.

– Retirement planning should therefore focus on cash-flow sustainability.

– The new house will also become an illiquid asset.

– Hence, avoid having most of your wealth in properties.

– You already have a strong starting position for retirement.

– The next 2.5 years can be used very effectively.

– This period should focus on strengthening liquidity and retirement investments.

» Final Insights

– Yes, purchasing a Gurugram house can be financially possible for you.

– I would not reject the idea merely because retirement is near.

– But the house should be planned around your retirement finances.

– Do not allow the house to consume your retirement security.

– Your pensions and rental income provide a strong recurring income base.

– Your Faridabad property provides substantial financial flexibility.

– Your next step should be a complete retirement cash-flow plan.

– That plan should decide the maximum safe house budget first.

– Then decide whether to buy the plot or construct the house.

– With proper planning, you can enjoy the new home without financial stress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11454 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 03, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 03, 2026
Money
From the Past 10 Years ,I am Holding the REGULAR MF -Frankline ELSS,ICICI Value Discovery Fund,HDFC Mid cap .Since this fund are perfoming well but my Concernt is my Return is Regulary Eaten away by the Commision by MF Agest since its a Regular.I feel in long term for next 10-15 years , I am Unnecassary Dimising my Return due to Commision. What can i Do Now to save the Commision, what best strategy can i use to Switch the Fund from R to Direct type.
Ans: » Your concern is valid

You have already held these investments for around 10 years.
Long-term discipline is a major strength in your portfolio.
Your concern about regular-plan costs is also reasonable.
However, switching blindly to direct plans may not improve your outcome.

» First, understand the commission

Regular plans include distribution expenses within their expense ratio.
This cost indirectly reduces the returns earned by investors.
The cost continues as long as you remain invested.
Direct plans have lower expenses because distribution costs are absent.
Therefore, direct plans can have a cost advantage over long periods.

» But regular plans provide useful services

A good MFD provides portfolio monitoring and transaction support.
They can help during market corrections and difficult periods.
They can also help maintain proper asset allocation.
Tax-related transaction planning can also be supported.
Behavioural mistakes can be reduced through proper guidance.
These services can be valuable during a 10-15 year journey.
So, the commission should be viewed against services received.

» Direct plan has some disadvantages

You must monitor the portfolio yourself.
You must decide when to rebalance your investments.
You must assess fund performance independently.
You must handle purchase, redemption and switch decisions.
Tax implications also need your attention.
Most importantly, you must avoid emotional decisions during market falls.
Lower cost alone does not guarantee better investor returns.

» Do not switch immediately

Your existing funds have already created substantial long-term capital gains.
Moving from regular to direct is not always a simple switch.
A switch is generally treated as a redemption and fresh purchase.
This can create capital gains tax consequences.
Exit loads may also apply in some situations.
Therefore, first calculate the tax and transaction impact.
Then compare that cost with future expense savings.

» A better strategy for you

Keep the existing investments under review first.
Check the current value and purchase cost of each holding.
Check the unrealised capital gains before making any switch.
Review whether each fund still suits your financial goals.
Avoid changing a good fund merely because it is regular.
Fund quality should come before expense ratio.

» For future investments

You can consider direct plans if you can manage everything yourself.
But do this only after understanding the responsibilities involved.
Alternatively, continue with regular plans through a good MFD.
The right choice depends on the service you actually receive.
Do not select direct plans only because the expense is lower.

» A possible transition approach

Do not convert the entire portfolio in one transaction.
First identify funds where the future cost saving is meaningful.
Check the capital gains and applicable taxation.
Consider future investments separately from existing holdings.
Existing units can be reviewed based on tax efficiency.
New investments can follow your chosen investment structure.
This gives you flexibility without disturbing the entire portfolio.

» Important point about your three funds

Since you have held them for around 10 years, review is essential.
Do not judge them only by their past performance.
Check consistency across different market cycles.
Check portfolio concentration and investment style.
Check whether the funds still fit your goals.
Also review whether you have too much exposure to mid-cap stocks.
Your overall asset allocation matters more than one fund.

» Tax point while switching

Equity mutual fund taxation must be considered before switching.
LTCG above Rs.1.25 lakh is currently taxed at 12.5%.
STCG on equity mutual funds is currently taxed at 20%.
A switch can therefore trigger taxable capital gains.
The tax cost should be compared with future expense savings.
This is especially important after a 10-year holding period.

» My preferred approach

First, prepare a complete portfolio statement.
Include purchase dates, purchase values and present values.
Identify the capital gains in each holding.
Review the portfolio allocation and fund suitability.
Then compare regular and direct versions of suitable funds.
After that, decide which holdings need action.
Avoid making a blanket switch simply to save commission.

» Final Insights

Your concern about long-term costs is financially sensible.
But cost saving should not be the only decision factor.
A good regular-plan relationship can provide meaningful value.
Direct plans can work well for disciplined and knowledgeable investors.
The best choice depends on your ability to manage the portfolio.
With a 10-15 year horizon, proper portfolio review is more important.
A phased approach can reduce unnecessary tax and investment disruption.
Your existing 10-year discipline gives you a strong base for the future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |131 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Sep 02, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2026
Career
My mother-in-law is constantly creating misunderstandings between my husband and me. She often says or does things that lead to arguments, but then pretends to be innocent, making it difficult for my husband to see what is happening. She is emotionally manipulating my husband and son against me. This has started affecting our relationship and my peace of mind. How can I deal with this situation without creating more conflict in my marriage?
Ans: Hi!!

Being a wife and a daughter-in-law is not an easy job. Over and above that, having a difficult or manipulative mother-in-law can sometimes feel like too much to handle.

She is your husband’s mother, and therefore, she deserves your respect, regardless of how she behaves.

The relationship between a husband and wife is sacred. It has to be built on mutual love, respect and trust. If your relationship is built on these principles, whatever your mother-in-law may do to create misunderstandings between you and your husband, it will not be easy for her to break the bond you share. I am very sure of this.

But first, check yourself. Be truthful, honest, loving and respectful towards your husband and towards everyone around you. You really have to practise these qualities and believe in their strength. When you know that you have been genuine in your relationship, you will have the inner strength and confidence to deal with difficult situations.

Most importantly, value your happiness and peace at all costs. Learn to let go of the small things for the sake of the bigger picture. Not every situation needs a reaction. Choose your battles wisely and, in this situation, be the smarter one.

And most importantly, have a heart-to-heart conversation with your husband. Choose the right time—a time when both of you are calm, emotionally receptive and in the right frame of mind to discuss the situation as true partners.

Do not approach the conversation as “your mother versus me.” Approach it as “we are a team, and we need to protect our relationship.”

Remember, you and your husband are on the same team. When there is love, trust, respect and open communication between the two of you, outside influences have far less power over your marriage.

That, I believe, is the way forward—without creating more conflict, and while protecting both your marriage and your peace of mind.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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