Hi, my daughter got married in 2018. Her husband works in the US. Immediately after marriage she left with her husband to the US. My daughter is a single child and had a protected sort of life. At times immature and stubborn, she also has anger issues. She was not supposed to work, as my SIL wanted a housewife.
There was compatibility issues between them from the beginning. He is from a very conservative family which we were not aware of before marriage. She got depressed there as the climate did not suit her and had no one to talk to. Most of her neighbours were working. SIL was busy with his work. They used to go out for drives or visit nearby places.
We were not allowed to visit her. She finally came down to India homesick and in depression in 2020. Since then, he seems to be totally indifferent to her. She misses him terribly but he seems disinterested. He is only career driven and she has to message him always. He doesn't want to video chat or voice-call her. It’s nearly two years now. We tried talking to his parents but since they are financially dependent on him, they are not doing anything. What is to be done in this case? Please advise.
Ans: Dear MM,
I am not against getting daughters married to people who live abroad, but at the same time, there’s only little that you know of them.
Just because the boy lives in the US, does not mean that he is broad minded and progressive.
Sadly, your daughter has fallen into a family that does not value feminine charm and power and wants to cull it before it can spread its magic around.
How do you explain something like this to her?
As a woman and mother, will you tell your daughter to grin it and bear it?
Someone who doesn’t have the decency to initiate a call to talk to his wife, sitting on a throne waiting for her to call? (I am going by the details provided by you as I don’t know his side of the story here).
It might be worth the effort to talk to your daughter and find out, if she has also put in the necessary work into growing into the marriage; as living far away from the family might have made her homesick and not working might have made her feel lonely.
This might have also caused her to isolate herself from the marriage which in turn would have caused cracks in it.
Hear both sides, and then come to a wise decision! Ultimately, she’s your daughter and I do know that you want what’s best for her.
So, think and act in a manner that’s best for her; unbiased to begin with.
Best wishes!
