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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 12, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I've been married for 20 years and my in laws staying with us for over 14 years now. I'm ok with my mother in law but have a very stressful relationship with my father in law. 13 years back he tried to overstep his boundaries in FIL-DIL relationship and i created lots of noise about it and told everyone in no unclear terms that such overture are not acceptable. However due to their complete financial dependency on my husband, they have still continued to stay with us. My FIL tried a couple of time to apologize personally but after sometime he has started telling that he is the aggrieved party and misunderstood. I strictly avoid speaking with him unless totally necessary wrt some house issue or child related issue. He interferes in my decision related to my child, like taking him off the activity classes where i enrolled, allowing him to eat junk food when i have strictly told no because of IBS related problem etc. I've also told my husband in no unclear terms that i want a separate household, but unfortunately because of their old age and for fear of society norms he isn't doing it. The environment in my house is quite stressful because of this to me, everyone else is just continuing without bother. How to deal with this? I tried living in other city with my child as well but then felt my house is breaking without any fault in our relationship (husband- wife), and my child was feeling emotional so i returned. This situation and stress has given me health conditions and made me irritable as well. I just don't want to live like this but have no option but to continue it seems. I need suggestion how to handle this.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What society says is more important that actually safeguarding his wife from a predator father? Seriously?
Your husband needs a lesson or two in responsibilities in marriage and that also includes 'protecting' his wife...
Now, if he is worried that they are old and what will the society say, ask him what the same society will say when they know what his father is up to?

Your father-in-law is just trying to punish you for your refusal by interfering in how you should be raising your child...
Please do not put up with this kind of nonsense! Someone needs to drive sense into your husband and yes, you need to live separately from your in-laws. Your father-in-law is not a great influence at this point in time and your husband needs to move beyond his 'blind' love and sense of duty towards them.

You and your child are also his priority and when a wife feels unsafe, the husband has no option but to address it and make her feel safe again. Your husband is conveniently avoiding the confusion that will emerge from living separately and hence is taking the easy way out.
Talk to him and put your foot down. If he is still unwilling, please ask your family members to drive some sense in him. He can take care of them living a few blocks away, right?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2022

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Dear Anu, I have been married for 3 years. Everything is going well with my husband except there is one problem. If there is anything wrong done by his parents, he never takes a stand or protests.My in-laws are not very friendly people.After our marriage they have never tried to keep in touch with my parents or at least have the courtesy to invite once to their house. My parents have frequently tried to invite them and also tried to keep contact but nothing is achieved if it's one-sided. I told my husband about all this but he never ever tried to explain or correct them of their wrong doings.My mother-in-law had also insulted me few times raising questions on how I was brought up within the first year of our marriage. And later as well. I work and sometimes due to prolong working hours I am not able to contribute to household work. My mother-in-law started asking if at all I do any household work or whether I am always busy with my office work. She already knew that I would be working after marriage and was fine with it.Because of the lockdown we are staying with them for a long period and I am embarrassed to tell this but every day is killing me. When I stay with them I have to be a totally different person. I have to live their lifestyle which is totally opposite to how I used to live with my husband alone.Because of all the above circumstances, I am not keen on staying with them. I don't see a future where I can stay with them. I am ready to take care of them but can't stay under one roof. My husband is well aware of my feelings. But never does anything about it. Every time I tell him, he blames me that I don't want him to stay with his parents. Else he takes good care of me and is a good person. My parents also like him except this one complaint.I am totally clueless now how to make him understand because we end up fighting rather than discussing. In the long run I can't stay with my in-laws because our lifestyle doesn't match and of course the hurtful things they have done. They are not even ready to adjust rather would expect me to completely change for them. And that's what dreads me.I can't live in this way for long. It is causing me a lot of mental stress.Please provide your valuable suggestions.
Ans:

Dear SN,

Hasn’t the lockdown ended for a while now?

Why are you still with them?

What was the initial reason of moving in with them?

Does that reason still exist?

Being part of a joint/extended family system isn’t a cake walk; each person is unique and so are their thoughts and experiences and they will want the other person to live by their experiences and rules. But of course, an emotionally mature person would believe in giving space for another person grow and evolve and swim around the family dynamics. Well, it isn't the case here.

Why don’t you drop down a pros and cons list for When I move out and for When I stay here.

Weigh it down to its granular detail. Also, try and figure out why your husband is so against talking to them.

Sometimes, it maybe a minor adjustment that everyone needs to go through, but our movies and sitcoms have done enough damage to our minds where the drama looks never ending and where one party is to blame. Usually, the adjustment has to happen from both ends.

Bring this to a place where everyone gains, and everyone is happy. Maybe moving out is an option that you seek but will this go well with your husband and remember, he might do this for you, and in the long run in might end up blaming you for it. It’s complicated.

So, take time and work on the pros and cons, why your husband is against talking to them about this and also ask yourself: Have I done everything that I can to live joyfully under one roof?
You will have a path to your solution soon.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi! I am married for last 12 years. I am living with my wife, child and in laws at a house allotted to her by the company where she works. When the child was 1 year old I had to ask for help from my in laws. Since then they have stayed with us. (Inlaws have a flat nearby which they have rented as they have some health issues and are not willing to move out ). My relationship with my wife and in laws is in a difficult situation. Wife manages a number of household issues in consultation with her parents. This has often irked me forcing a late return from work and not conversing much with the inlaws. The child also seems to be getting hold of the situation and often ignores me. Recently there was an altercation between me and my wife when she asked me to stay away from them. (She says it whenever we fight over any family matter). Now, I am staying away at a secluded place for the past few days and have not receiveda single call from anyone. I don't know how to deal with all this. Kindly guide.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Overstaying can lead to this. But how can you ask them to leave, right? They are you in-laws and they have been kind enough to help your wife when she needed it.
But, hey it was for a brief time and sadly neither your wife nor your in-laws have understood and they have begun to like to overstaying.
I think you and your wife need to talk this over where you express that its time the two of you took charge and managed the situation at home. As for your in-laws you can always thank them immensely and respectfully ask them to visit soon after a few months. It's a very strategic way of doing this as there are people involved with real raw emotions which in this case can become a huge mess.
But for this to happen, you and your wife need to be in perfect agreement otherwise, the whole thing could be turned against you where you will be looked upon as a villain. So, please express your concerns with your wife and make her understand that as a family the two of you and child need to have your space and privacy to bond and grow.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8858 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 15, 2025

Career
I am getting ece in nsut, i would also get cse in iiits like guwahati, sri city, kancheepuram(dual degree) and iiit naya raipur (dsai). I was leaning towards cse because I have heard that even in ece, students go towards software roles only. Is my notion correct and should i go for ece with brand value of dtu, or cse in any of the iiits. Kindly answer
Ans: Shubham, NSUT’s Electronics & Communication Engineering benefits from NAAC A++ accreditation, a robust curriculum in VLSI, signal processing, and IoT, PhD-qualified faculty, and a dedicated placement cell recording an average package of ?15 LPA and a highest of ?45 LPA for ECE graduates. Despite its strong DTU-brand value and 320+ recruiters, many NSUT ECE students transition into software roles, reflecting the sector’s hiring trends. IIIT Guwahati’s CSE offers a focused programming and systems syllabus, achieving a 62% placement rate with an average package of ?15.26 LPA. IIIT Sri City’s CSE sees an 81% placement rate and a ?14.5 LPA average, while IIITDM Kancheepuram’s CSE registers 73% placements and a ?9.6 LPA average. IIIT Naya Raipur’s DSAI dual-degree reports a ?17.13 LPA average and 83+ offers from Deloitte, TCS and Capgemini. All institutes maintain modern labs, strong industry collaborations, and rigorous academic frameworks.

Recommendation: Pursue NSUT’s ECE to leverage its renowned DTU brand, superior ECE-specific labs and high average packages if you value institutional prestige and core curriculum depth; opt for CSE at IIIT Sri City or Guwahati for early software focus, competitive placement rates and specialized programming ecosystems aligned with your software-oriented career interests. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8858 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 15, 2025

Career
Hi sir ,my son got 9300 rank in kcet he is looking for option in ece in pes electronic City campus and dsce ece which is better
Ans: Swati Madam, With a KCET rank of 9300 in the General category, admission to Electronics & Communication Engineering (ECE) at PES Electronic City Campus is highly unlikely, as ECE cutoffs at PES Electronic City typically closed around 8391 for General Merit students in the final round of 2024. Similarly, DSCE ECE had a closing rank of 7793 for General Merit students in the final round of 2024, making admission challenging with your current rank. PES Ring Road Campus ECE closed at 3045 for General Merit in Round 4 of 2024, further confirming that PES campuses maintain competitive ECE cutoffs well below your rank.

However, excellent alternatives exist for ECE admission with your rank. Based on 2024 KCET cutoffs, you have assured admission prospects at: Sir M. Visveswaraya Institute of Technology (SMVIT) - ECE closing rank around 16,500-17,700; Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology - ECE closing rank around 8800-9300; Bangalore Institute of Technology - ECE closing rank around 10,712-11,806; JSS Science and Technology University - ECE closing rank around 5900-6100; Siddaganga Institute of Technology - ECE closing rank around 17,500-18,000; BMS Institute of Technology and Management - ECE closing rank around 11,000-12,000; and NIE Mysore - ECE closing rank around 8300-8500. All these institutes are AICTE-approved, NBA-accredited, feature modern ECE labs with signal processing, VLSI, and communication equipment, experienced faculty, and placement cells recording 75-85% consistency for ECE graduates over the last three years. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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