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Single Dad Struggles to Build Bond with Son: Seeking Advice

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1590 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Anu ji, I am 42 yr old single parent. I have a 10 yr old son living with me. My wife and I were separated when our son was 3 yr old and we recently settled our divorce. Immediately after our divorce, my ex-wife got re-married. Her husband isn’t willing to take my son in and hence she handed over his legal custody to me. She has moved on with her life and my son doesn’t feature in her list of priorities. I am more than happy to have him. During the last 7 years of separation, she did not allow me or my parents to meet my son, so we could not build a strong bond together. Now, it has been 6 months since my son has moved in with me. Its only me and him living together ATM. My parents stay in our ancestral village and are unable to stay with me. Though its challenging for both of us to discover and understand each other, it must be tougher for my son. He understands the fact that his parents aren’t together and hence he has to stay with either of us at a time. Sometimes, he does get emotional about this situation not being normal compared to his friends / cartoons / movies etc. He also misses his mother and often keeps quoting that “My mother does it this way...”, “Me and my mum used to do this / that” etc etc and I appreciate that. I am fine with him talking to his mother through WhatsApp and meeting her whenever they wish to. He is also close to his other maternal family members, and I do not have any issues with him maintaining that bond. Now the challenge is, my ex-wife and her family abuses and shoos me away every time I try to ask them about my son such as his eating habits, likes, dislikes, vacation plans etc etc. They also bad mouth me whenever they speak to my son. That poor little soul gets influenced and feels that its punishment for him to live with me. And I feel betrayed as I too have made sacrifices / adjustments in my career, relationships etc to be able to take care of my son. I feel like stopping his communication with his mum and maternal family, but worried if that would adversely affect him. Now I have also started to get angry whenever he speaks to his mum or maternal family and try not to vent out at him, but I sometimes I do. Please guide me to navigate this delicate situation and what should I look forward to in my life.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Firstly, stop going back to your ex-wife for things that concern your son.
You have taken the responsibility of raising him, then you can surely figure out his likes and dislikes over time. Spend time bonding with him and be very patient with the outcome. Overnight, you son isn't going to love and fuss over you. So, keep raising him with a lot of love and a very supportive environment. At times, you will see him angry or stubborn bringing reference to the way his mother raised him; that is not the time to be angry but to hear him out and actually agree with him. He is a child, why are you being one? Surely, you understand that this is a very confusing and challenging time for him...why not spend time finding ways to bond rather than get angry when he speaks to his mother? That is their unique relationship; don't stand in the way as your son as he grows older will hold you responsible for keeping him away from her.
Focus on building a connection with him...and if for some reason things get distressing and even more challenging, please take the help of a professional to help the family tide over this phase...
In the meantime, let your focus be on your son, his needs, his joys and sorrows and more...let his know and feel that you as a father will protect him and be there for him at all times...that will change a lot of things for him...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1590 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2024

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Dear Anu, My son is 17years and has a affinity towards his mother it seems. Whenever i ask any questions about his studies and plans he shouts at me and misbehaves. I have stopped talking to him because of this. I don't know whether he likes me or not. He seems very content with his computer and his friends.. How can i build a relation with him. Also same with my wife. She does not talk to my parents neither to nay of my relatives. I tried on many occasions to make her realize that this is not okay. My Father is 82 and is longing to talk to her and stay with us...I do not know what is the issue with her. I do not abject to anything she does. How can i convince her...
Ans: Dear Trilok,
Why are you so intent on making people be with you or like you? If they don't see value in you, it's their misfortune maybe. This is one line of thought.
Another line of thought could be: Are there other ways of actually connecting with them? You son perhaps may bond better with you over a sport that the two of you can play BUT may connect with his mother over a conversation. Do not expect the same kind of connection...he's your son...rather than complain about what's not happening, how about trying a different approach and make things happen. See what interests him and bond with him on that!
Now with what your wife does...you really must find out what makes her not want to talk to your father. Maybe instead, you can invite your father to stay and encourage a conversation between him and your wife. And please don't form an opinion that just because your wife refuses to talk to your father, your son refuses to talk to you. It's two very different situations...

Stopping to talk to your son or wonder what's wrong with your wife only means that you have managed to externalize the issue and you will soon find reasons to blame them for a failing relationship. Instead assume charge and do what it takes to bond with your family...it works!

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1590 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 21, 2024Hindi
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I got married in 2008. Our son was born in 2013. My wife was doing PhD at that time and we both took good care of him as we were staying in an academic campus. Upon completion, my wife moved away from our place with her job in 2018. Initial one year, everything was fine. I used to visit them once in a month as the place was far away. Later in 2019, she moved to a better job location with our son. This place was also far from my workplace. Due to some reasons, she started avoiding me and I could hardly meet them especially my son. I could talk to my son only once/twice every month and see him on average of every 4 months. She does not allow me talk to him over video call as well. My parents who had a great memory with their grandson also cannot talk to him, except after several persuasions by me, she visits my paternal home once or twice in a year. She takes our son to my parents house for an hour and never allows to stay with them. This is happening for the last 5 years. I am clueless as any movement to court might lead us filing a divorce, which will grossly hurt my parents. Sometimes I feel that I should wait for my son until he becomes 18 (he is 11 now) and see him once he goes out of his mom's house. Requesting for your suggestion.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I truly believe that distance can drive a huge gap between two people in a relationship. Long distance relationships (LDRs) are not for everyone and if someone is into something like this, they would have or must have an honest chat about it.
Not being able to be in the company of one another, not being able to share their day with the other, not being able to communicate as often as they want can lead them to become their own person and highly independent not really missing their partner. It can also lead them to find other pair/pairs of ears almost replacing their partner at that moment. Repeating this over time can lead to romantic associations outside of the relationship as well.

Now, what could have caused your wife to take a step to be isolated from you, only you will know...and what has made you wait for 5 years to actually realize that something must be done about this?

Anyway, talk to your wife...I mean, how long can she avoid you? Meet her at a common place, like at your parents' place so that it does not flare up into a big thing. Take the opportunity to try and win your family back. Maybe it was a simple misunderstanding that caused all of this. Only when you try to find out, will you know, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1590 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 29, 2024Hindi
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Hello AnuJi I am 42 and my wife is 40 and we have an 8 year old son. We have recently been staying separately since 3 months after a lot of tensions and my wife's emotional breakdown. Our relationship has been strained since beginning. Though am very loving, caring and devoted to my wife I have possessiveness issues. My wife has been sacrificing a lot on her own accord for our marriage but during her emotional breakdown we learnt the hard way that she was feeling suffocated in all this. She even hurt herself and that is the reason I am very careful in approaching her for reconciliation. My son is with me which gives me solace but I am worried he will miss out on mother's love and holistic development this way. I am unable to create a pathway between me and my wife because she is currently very caustic, bitter, insulting towards me and my family and not willing to hear my side of the story / talk peacefully / agree for counseling etc. I considered having the child stay with her but she has a terrible temper and history of beating the child, sometimes severely and hiding this from me till I found out. I later came to know my child is developing a sulking personality because of this but being a child he is naturally affectionate towards her mother (infact he developed an attitude that he deserves to be beaten and slapped - something he is coming out of gradually now he is with me). Infact parenting style mismatch and arguments was one of the reason of our split. At this moment I want to do whatever possible to bring the family together - short of feeling humiliated / not being heard / agreeing to child being beaten. My wife and me are well educated and even nature-wise she has good qualities as well. I just don't understand how we seemed to have ended up in this mess so abruptly. I do not know whether I should adopt a conventional attitude of saving the family, compromising etc or prioritise individual happiness and adopt a more liberal approach of staying separately even if child misses out on one of our day to day love and care.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's put things into perspective.
1. You and your wife are living separately due to a few challenges
2. Your son lives with you but you feel that the family living together is the best
3. Your wife resorts to punishing your son which is impacting him
4. Counseling is not an option

Which means that you have to step in as your own Counselor. Bringing the family together has to be your journey as your wife is not a part of it as yet. A lot of empathy, patience and the challenge of understanding your wife's emotional breakdown. Obviously, there's something going on deep within her that is making her resort to hurting herself which is cause for concern indeed. Tread carefully but firmly when you speak with your wife. Let her know your genuine intent of bringing the family back together and how much you would appreciate her support in all of this. Encourage her to start working as this will offer her some respite from caring for the family and also set her up professionally.
Give a patient ear to her complaints or outbursts (a very difficult thing for you to do).

What I have stated above is what works much better with a professional as you will have his/her guidance through the process. But give this a shot by yourself and see where it leads you to. Who knows, after a while, she might agree to see a professional...Give this a shot...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 07, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hello Mentors, I'm 38 year old women, facing a toxic married life from past 10 years. I have a son who is 8 years old. I have lost my mom 8 years back n my dad 5 years back.I m d only child of my parents. I have done my MBA in HR n Marketing. Have done work before marriage, but after marriage things changes, my husband refused to allow me to work along with my in laws n he always behaves very badly with me insults me all time in front of my in laws too. He beats me every month still now also.I lost my mom she was suffering from cancer. Her cancer got detected when I was just 1 month pregnant, i m d one who takes care of her treatment taking her to chemo therapy n follow up with doctor, yes my dad was their with me, but he was also broke down as my mom was d back bone of my family. Inspite of my pregnancy I ran door to door of hospitals n doctors till I was stepped into 9 month of my pregnancy. My husband never supported me at that time too..Infact he n my mother in law's stated that if I'm enough for taking care of my mom then I must go to my doctor for my own check ups too...Yes I went for my usgs alone only at first time he went with me.. Now the main problem is he didn't changed at all he is repeating all his deeds infront of my child n my child is also following him from last 1 years, My son also said, if I scold him for his studies or food, he said what papa did is correct, it's good that he beats you, you leave our home this is not your home... My son loves me a lot that I know but he is just 8 n getting confused whom to follow...many a times he came to n said sorry for his bad behaviour but again if such incidents happens in front of him by his father again he changes his mind . My husband didn't give me a single penny, I take care of my own expenses from my house rent..( parental home as their is no one to stay now)..n it's d only source of income..though it's a very small amount.Even though he never helps me to take care of my baby ..He said if you want to work then put ur child into a hostel.. I took care of my home n child all alone..infact my in-laws are less bother about my child too... My son is deprived with every relationship of grand parents uncles n aunts.. My husband always demotivates me, mentally n physically abuse me n he also states that I'm an not an eligible person to became a good mom or even to get any job n all this infront of my child. I really want to get rid of him for d sake of my child n me too..I m totally into depression n lost all my confidence, I want to be financially free, when ever I want to file a divorce my son said no as he want both of us..for him only m dragging this bull shit relationship... N side by I'm looking for a job, but I have a big gap of almost 11 years now...M confused where to approach..n what should I tell to the employers if they ask for my career gap .m looking for a WFH as I dnt have any trust worthy person to take care of my baby...But m failed to find such. Please suggest me what should I do, how to take call on each of my problems.. I know d post is long...10 years is not a short time though..there is many many more to tell but I tried to keep it Short as much as i can . Thanks a lot ...
Ans: Your husband’s behavior is not just emotionally damaging—it is abusive. No one deserves to be insulted, beaten, or made to feel worthless, especially not in their own home. The fact that this is happening in front of your son makes it even more urgent to take action because, over time, he will normalize this behavior. Right now, he is torn between what he sees and what he feels for you, and that confusion is not his fault. But staying in this environment will only make it harder for him to understand what a loving and respectful relationship truly looks like.

You are already doing everything on your own. You are raising your child, managing expenses, and surviving in an environment that is breaking you down emotionally. Imagine if you put that same energy into building a life where you are free, at peace, and in control. I know the thought of divorce scares you because of your son, but think about what staying is teaching him. Children don’t just listen to words—they absorb actions. If he continues to see his father abuse you, he may grow up thinking that this is how men should treat women, or that love means suffering. You have the power to break this cycle for him.

Financial independence is your key to freedom, and I know the career gap makes you anxious, but don’t let it stop you. Employers today understand career breaks, especially when they are due to family responsibilities. Be honest but strategic—frame your gap as a time spent managing responsibilities, developing resilience, and handling real-life challenges. Highlight your past experience and any skills you’ve kept up with. Since you have an MBA in HR and Marketing, consider remote jobs in HR, digital marketing, content writing, or even customer support. Many women restart their careers through work-from-home opportunities, and platforms like LinkedIn, Naukri, and Remote.co have job listings specifically for career returnees.

You don’t have to do everything at once. Start with small steps. Reach out to women’s support groups or NGOs that help survivors of domestic abuse. Look for job training programs that help women restart their careers. If possible, find legal advice on your rights regarding divorce, alimony, and child custody. You are not alone in this, even though it may feel like it right now.

You deserve a life where you are respected, valued, and safe. You deserve to wake up without fear, to build a future where your son sees you as a strong and independent woman. Take this one step at a time, but take that first step. You have already survived the worst—now, it’s time to live.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8254 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2025

Money
I am retiring from my Job. I have only 50 lakhs corpus to run my family.Can you please advise where to invest 50 lakh money to get 50000/m monthly income.
Ans: You’ve taken the right first step. With Rs 50 lakhs and a goal of Rs 50,000 monthly income, it is critical to design a well-planned investment strategy.

Understanding the Income Need
You want Rs 50,000 per month, which means Rs 6 lakhs per year.

This works out to about 12% per year of your Rs 50 lakh corpus.

Expecting a 12% withdrawal yearly is risky. The corpus can get exhausted early.

A sustainable withdrawal rate is around 6-8% per year only.

This means Rs 25,000 to Rs 33,000 per month is safer long-term.

So first we need to decide: do we want high income now or stable income for life?

Retirement Stage Planning
At retirement, preservation of money is top priority.

Income generation comes second. Growth comes third.

But inflation will reduce purchasing power. So growth cannot be ignored.

Your portfolio must balance growth, safety and liquidity.

So we use a “bucket strategy”. Let us see what that means.

Bucket-Based Investment Planning
Bucket 1: 2 Years of Expenses
This is for monthly income now. Very low risk.

Keep Rs 12 lakhs in this bucket (Rs 6 lakhs per year × 2 years).

Put it in ultra-short debt funds or senior citizen savings scheme.

This will give you predictable cash flow.

You can set up monthly SWP (systematic withdrawal plan) from this.

Bucket 2: Next 3 to 5 Years
This is for income after 2 years.

Slightly higher return potential. Still low to moderate risk.

Invest Rs 15-20 lakhs in hybrid funds or conservative balanced funds.

These funds have 20-30% equity and rest in bonds.

They aim to beat FD returns, without too much fluctuation.

Bucket 3: Long-Term Growth
Remaining Rs 18-23 lakhs can be invested in pure equity mutual funds.

Choose large and flexi cap funds with regular plans via Certified Financial Planner.

This helps protect your lifestyle 10-15 years from now.

This part grows slowly now, but helps fight inflation later.

How SWP Can Help
SWP means you get monthly income from mutual funds.

You can set a fixed monthly amount like Rs 50,000.

Only the withdrawn amount is taxed, not entire profit.

For equity funds: STCG is taxed at 20%, LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

For debt funds: All gains are taxed as per your tax slab.

So plan your SWP smartly, and avoid early redemption from long-term buckets.

Avoid These Mistakes
Don’t invest everything in FD or debt. It won’t beat inflation.

Don’t rely on dividend plans. They are not predictable.

Don’t go for annuities. They lock your capital and give low returns.

Don’t go for direct plans unless you are a full-time expert.

Always go via regular plans with a CFP for advice and monitoring.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds copy the market. No active research is done.

In falling markets, they also fall badly.

They can’t protect you during market shocks.

Actively managed funds give you better risk-adjusted returns over time.

Certified Financial Planners monitor fund quality and help you exit poor performers.

Direct vs Regular Plans
Direct plans have lower cost but no guidance.

You end up making emotional decisions.

Regular plans come with expert advice from Certified Financial Planner.

CFPs give behavioural control, tax planning and fund monitoring.

For retirement, discipline and peace of mind matter more than saving 0.5%.

Inflation and Longevity Risk
Today Rs 50,000 is enough. In 10 years, you may need Rs 90,000.

Life expectancy can go up to 85-90 years.

So your corpus must keep growing even during retirement.

That is why some part must always remain in equity.

Your goal should be to never touch the principal fully.

Rebalancing Every 2 Years
Every 2 years, shift money from Bucket 2 and 3 into Bucket 1.

This way, you refill the income bucket.

Review fund performance, tax laws and personal needs with your CFP.

Don’t withdraw from equity bucket in a bad market year.

Keep 1 year of expenses always safe and liquid.

Emotional Peace is Priority
Retired life should be relaxed. You should not worry every month.

That is why a structured plan works better than ad-hoc FD or real estate.

You get monthly income, principal protection and long-term growth.

Your wife also feels secure with a system in place.

You can focus on health, hobbies and family—not markets.

Do You Hold LIC, ULIP or Insurance-Based Investments?
If yes, surrender them now. These do not give good returns.

Redeem them and reinvest into mutual funds.

Keep term insurance if needed, but no savings-insurance mix.

Review all old products with a Certified Financial Planner.

Final Insights
Rs 50,000 income is possible, but you must plan carefully.

Aim for 6-8% withdrawal rate for long-lasting corpus.

Use 3 buckets for income now, income later, and growth forever.

Avoid annuities, index funds, and direct plans.

Take help from a Certified Financial Planner who understands your retirement dreams.

Review every 2 years and adjust based on expenses and market.

Retirement is not an end. It is a new phase that deserves full financial attention.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8254 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2025

Money
Hi sir. I am 65 yrs old with wife, Sir just to get approx 1 lakh per month for my further life for surviving how much money i required to invest in mutual fund etc . Having own house no rent. Pls advise. Regards
Ans: It is thoughtful to plan for peaceful retirement life.

You have already built a strong foundation. You own a house and have no rent burden. That’s a major relief. Now, your goal is simple and clear—receive about Rs 1 lakh per month to cover expenses for yourself and your wife.

Let me now explain your options and investment plan in a detailed and practical way.

Understanding Your Income Need
Your monthly income requirement is Rs 1 lakh

That is Rs 12 lakhs yearly, for living and medical care

You also want to ensure the money lasts lifelong for you and your wife

This means your investment must give steady monthly income and beat inflation slowly

You will also need some growth, not just fixed income, to maintain purchasing power

Estimating the Ideal Corpus
You are 65 years old. Your financial plan must cover 25 years or more

This is because medical support and expenses increase from 70 years onward

With inflation considered, your Rs 1 lakh monthly need will rise in the future

So, the investment corpus should be large enough to:

Give you Rs 1 lakh per month now

Increase income over time, through partial growth-based funds

Stay safe and not run out before your lifetime

Based on current conditions and long-term returns of mutual funds, you may need Rs 2.1 crores to Rs 2.4 crores approx.

This amount will be divided into different types of funds for safety, income, and growth

If you already have some existing investments, that will reduce the gap

How to Structure the Investment
To ensure income and safety, you need a three-part approach.

Each part has a clear role. This is known as a bucket approach.

Bucket 1: Income Now – High Stability

This bucket gives monthly cash flow from safe and stable sources

Use debt mutual funds (regular plan), which suit retired investors

Only select high-quality, low-risk funds. Do not chase returns here

Choose regular plan and invest through a Certified Financial Planner for tracking and rebalancing

This bucket will cover 3 to 5 years of income, approx. Rs 40 to 60 lakhs

Withdraw monthly from here

Refill this bucket every few years using growth from other buckets

Bucket 2: Income Later – Conservative Growth

This gives returns better than FDs, with moderate risk

Invest in hybrid mutual funds, which balance equity and debt

Prefer regular funds with a Certified Financial Planner for guidance

SIPs are not needed here. Use lump sum with gradual SWP later

This portion may be Rs 60 to 80 lakhs, depending on your comfort

It helps maintain the next 6 to 10 years of income

Bucket 3: Long-Term – Growth and Inflation Protection

Invest in carefully selected diversified equity mutual funds

Choose active funds with experienced fund managers

Do not use direct funds. Use regular plan via a CFP for right entry, exit and strategy

This bucket keeps growing silently and will beat inflation

Withdraw only after 7 to 10 years, in parts, to refill Bucket 1

Allocate Rs 70 lakhs to Rs 90 lakhs here

This part ensures your funds don’t run out at 80 or 85 years

This three-bucket structure keeps your income stable. It also grows your money silently. You don’t have to sell equity in a bad year.

Why Mutual Funds and Not Fixed Deposits?
FDs give low returns. They do not beat inflation

FDs are fully taxable as per slab, unlike mutual funds

FDs do not allow gradual withdrawal (SWP)

In FDs, once you exhaust the amount, there's no backup

Debt mutual funds in regular plan allow you to withdraw monthly, and rebalance annually

Long-term capital gains tax on equity mutual funds is only 12.5% after Rs 1.25 lakh gain, which is efficient

Tax is only paid when gains are withdrawn

Debt mutual fund gains are taxed as per your slab, but only on redemption

All this makes mutual funds more flexible and tax-smart than FDs

Why Not Index Funds or Direct Funds?
Index funds are passive. They don’t adapt to market risk or sector weakness

In retirement, you need funds that protect capital, not just follow markets

Index funds cannot avoid bad sectors or weak companies

Active mutual funds managed by experienced fund managers give more stability in volatile years

Direct funds have lower expense ratio, but no advisor or help when markets fall

At your age, you need review, support, and guidance, not DIY investing

A Certified Financial Planner will help you adjust your SWP, rebalance funds, and guide redemptions

So, prefer regular plans via a CFP who understands retirement planning

Do not take risk with direct funds or online platforms without guidance

How Much to Withdraw?
Use Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) instead of withdrawing full amounts

Withdraw Rs 1 lakh monthly from debt bucket for 3 to 4 years

After that, shift matured growth from hybrid and equity funds to refill Bucket 1

This way, you are not touching equity money during market lows

Your capital remains safe, and money flows monthly like a pension

Withdraw only what you need, not extra

What If You Live Longer?
This is the most important concern in retirement planning

Your corpus must last at least 25 to 30 years

That’s why we kept a large equity portion to grow with time

Medical inflation, caregiving, and lifestyle will change in 15 to 20 years

You must prepare now, not later

This structure ensures you never run out of money, and your capital can outlive you

What About Health Emergencies?
Keep a separate emergency fund of Rs 5 to 7 lakhs for medical support

Do not mix it with mutual fund buckets

Prefer senior citizen health plans, even if costly. Premium is worth it

If you already have a plan, great. But renew carefully each year

Medical inflation is nearly 10% per year now

Avoid depending on children or borrowing for health care

Tax-Efficient Withdrawals
Equity mutual fund gains beyond Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at only 12.5%

If you withdraw in small parts, tax is reduced

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per slab, but only when you redeem

Use SWP to keep yearly gains below threshold

Regular plan through CFP ensures you plan withdrawals and avoid heavy tax in one year

Do not redeem all at once. That will trigger higher tax

Review and Rebalance Every Year
Sit with your Certified Financial Planner once a year

Review performance of each bucket

Shift from growth to income bucket as needed

Reduce exposure to equity slowly after 75 years, if required

You can also leave extra funds as inheritance for spouse or children

This review ensures discipline, control, and peace of mind

Final Insights
To get Rs 1 lakh monthly, you may need Rs 2.1 to Rs 2.4 crore corpus

Divide this wisely into three buckets for income, safety, and growth

Avoid FDs, index funds, and direct funds. They may hurt your long-term financial safety

Regular mutual funds via a Certified Financial Planner give support, safety, and flexibility

Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans to create a pension-like flow

Keep an emergency fund for medical expenses separately

Review portfolio yearly and adjust slowly. Don’t panic in market changes

Your wife’s future must be protected even after you. This structure ensures that too

You have lived wisely. Now, invest wisely to live peacefully

If you share the exact amount available for investing, I can show the exact plan in numbers. You may also explore a written financial plan with a Certified Financial Planner for even more clarity.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8254 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2025

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Money
Hi , Need help , my brother in law has decesed and left shares in USA which is he got as part of his compensation and benefits , the broking firm says that they dont have beneficiary process , hw do get that transffered to my sister who is legal hire
Ans: I’m very sorry to hear about your brother-in-law’s passing. In such times, handling legal and financial formalities can feel overwhelming. But don’t worry—we’ll walk through this step by step in a clear and practical way.

Let’s now see how to help your sister claim those US shares in a structured and smooth process.

Step 1: Understand the Account Type
First, confirm if the shares were held in a brokerage account (like E*TRADE, Schwab, Fidelity, etc.)

If it's an individual account, and there is no named beneficiary, then it becomes part of the estate

If it’s a joint account or transfer-on-death (TOD) account, transfer may be easier. But as you said, no beneficiary process, so likely an individual account

Step 2: Contact the Brokerage Firm
Your sister (as legal heir) must inform the broker of the death, in writing

Include death certificate copy and ask them for their formal estate transmission process

Every broker has a survivor claim or estate settlement team—you must reach them

Even if they don't have a "beneficiary form", they will have a probate transfer process

Step 3: Probate and Court Documents
Since there is no beneficiary, the assets will be distributed based on:

Will, if your brother-in-law made one, or

US State intestacy laws, if there was no Will

So:

Your sister needs to check which US state the brokerage account was in (where it was opened or where he worked/lived)

She needs to apply for probate in that US state or seek a court order to declare her as legal representative of the estate

This will likely need:

Death certificate (with apostille, if required)

Proof of relation (marriage certificate, if she is wife, or legal heirship certificate)

No objection from other legal heirs (if needed)

A US-based probate attorney can help if it's complex

Step 4: Prepare Essential Documents
Usually, the brokerage will ask for:

Original or notarized copy of the Death Certificate

Court-certified documents showing your sister as the executor or legal heir

Letter of Testamentary or Letter of Administration from US court

ID proof and address proof of the claimant

W-8BEN form, if she is not a US citizen/resident (this is for non-resident tax purposes)

Step 5: Tax Withholding and Reporting
US stocks may have capital gains or dividends subject to US tax rules

If the shares are transferred or sold later, the IRS may withhold tax for non-resident heirs

Your sister should consult a tax advisor in India for Indian tax obligations on these shares (especially if sold and proceeds brought to India)

Step 6: Receiving the Shares or Funds
Once the brokerage accepts all documents, she has two options:

Transfer shares to her own brokerage account (in USA or India, depending on broker’s policy)

Or, sell the shares and get proceeds wired to her bank account in India (this may take 4–6 weeks)

She must keep:

Copies of all forms submitted

Tax statements and brokerage letters

Confirmation of transfer/sale, for her own IT return in India

Final Insights
The process may take 2 to 4 months, depending on state laws and document completeness

Please avoid any panic sales or agents who promise shortcuts

Stick to the official channel of the brokerage firm and US court for a smooth, legal transmission

A probate attorney in the US may be required if the estate is large or complex

A Certified Financial Planner in India can help with reinvesting those proceeds wisely after they are received

Helping your sister through this legal maze is a powerful support. She needs clarity and calm guidance, and you’re doing the right thing by seeking this advice.

If you need help connecting with US-based estate attorneys or structuring her future investment in India post-transfer, I’ll be happy to help.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8254 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2025

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Dear Sir / Madam, I purchased a flat for Rs 29.3L on Sept 2013. The registration cost was Rs 1,46,500/-. I sold the flat for Rs 89L on Feb 2025. The brokerage fees was Rs 1.5L. How much would be the capital gains amount that I need to invest in Capital gains bonds ? Which tax regime would result in lesser tax, the earlier tax regime or the revised tax regime of last year Thanks Jay
Ans: You’ve clearly explained the purchase cost, sale value, and related expenses. That helps a lot in giving an accurate and comprehensive answer.

Let us now assess your capital gains liability, step by step, and guide you on how much to invest in capital gains bonds, along with which tax regime may benefit you more.

Understanding Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG)
Since you purchased the flat in September 2013 and sold it in February 2025, the holding period is more than 24 months.

So this is classified as a long-term capital asset.

Therefore, the profit from this sale is considered as Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG) and taxed accordingly.

Indexed Cost of Acquisition
To calculate LTCG, we must use the Indexed Cost of Acquisition, as per the Cost Inflation Index (CII).

Let’s now list down the known values:

Purchase Price = Rs 29.3 lakhs

Registration Charges = Rs 1.465 lakhs

Total Purchase Cost = Rs 30.765 lakhs

Year of Purchase = FY 2013-14 → CII = 220

Year of Sale = FY 2024-25 → CII = 363

Now apply indexation:

Indexed Purchase Cost = (Original Cost × CII in year of sale) ÷ CII in year of purchase

So:

Indexed Cost = (30.765 × 363) ÷ 220 = approx Rs 50.79 lakhs

Net Sale Proceeds
Sale Price = Rs 89 lakhs

Brokerage paid = Rs 1.5 lakhs

Net Sale Consideration = Rs 87.5 lakhs

Long-Term Capital Gain
Now compute the LTCG:

LTCG = Net Sale Value – Indexed Purchase Cost

= Rs 87.5 lakhs – Rs 50.79 lakhs = Rs 36.71 lakhs (approx)

This is your taxable long-term capital gain.

Exemption via Capital Gains Bonds (Section 54EC)
You can invest in capital gains bonds under Section 54EC to save tax.

Eligible bonds are from REC, NHAI, etc.

Maximum investment allowed = Rs 50 lakhs per financial year

Minimum lock-in period = 5 years

Interest = around 5.25% p.a. (taxable)

In your case:

LTCG is approx Rs 36.71 lakhs

So, invest Rs 36.71 lakhs in Section 54EC bonds before 6 months from date of sale (i.e., by August 2025)

This will give you 100% LTCG exemption

Earlier vs Revised Tax Regime
Here is how to think about it:

Earlier Regime:
Allows deductions like Section 80C, 80D, HRA, LTA, and home loan interest.

LTCG tax on property is 20% after indexation. This applies in both regimes.

However, if you have many deductions, earlier regime may reduce total tax.

New Regime (as per Budget 2023-24 onwards):
Lower slab rates but no major deductions allowed

LTCG tax on property remains the same – no extra benefit here

So the decision depends on your other income and deductions

In most cases:

If you claim 80C, 80D, housing loan, etc., then earlier regime is better

If your income is purely salary, and you don’t claim deductions, then new regime may help

But in your case, LTCG tax remains same in both

Additional Tips
Capital Gains Bonds must be held for 5 years. Premature exit is not allowed.

Interest is taxable every year. So factor that into your ITR.

Keep bank receipts, bond certificates, and sale documents safely for 6+ years.

File Schedule CG in ITR-2 next year (AY 2025–26)

What If You Don’t Want to Invest in Bonds?
You can also save LTCG tax by buying a new residential property under Section 54

Property must be bought within 2 years (or constructed within 3 years)

If planning to reinvest in property, do it within deadline

If not, 54EC bonds are simpler, more flexible

Final Insights
Your capital gain is around Rs 36.71 lakhs

Invest that amount in 54EC bonds before August 2025

You can save 100% capital gains tax legally

Choose earlier tax regime if you have deductions like 80C, housing loan, etc.

Keep proofs for cost, sale, brokerage, and 54EC investment for future tax queries

Plan carefully. This one-time decision affects your long-term finances

If you want help calculating future taxes or planning retirement income from property sales, always consult a Certified Financial Planner. It’s not just about tax-saving—it’s about protecting your wealth over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8254 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 13, 2025Hindi
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Eps. Calculate. Pension. Up to. 58. Yr. but. I. Contribute. Upstox. 60. Yers. Deferred. What. Should. I. Do
Ans: You are asking about EPS (Employee Pension Scheme) and contributing till age 60, while pension is allowed only up to age 58.

This is a very common confusion.

Pension Under EPS Is Payable From 58 Years
EPS gives monthly pension after 58 years.

You must have completed at least 10 years of service.

From 58 years, you can start monthly pension under EPS.

This is not automatic. You have to apply through your employer or EPFO.

What Happens If You Work Till Age 60?
EPS allows voluntary contribution up to age 60.

This is called deferred pension.

If you delay pension from age 58 to 60, you get a bonus.

Bonus is 4% extra pension for each deferred year.

So, 8% more pension if you start at 60 instead of 58.

What You Should Do
If you plan to work till 60, you can continue EPS till then.

You will contribute 12% EPF as usual. Employer’s share will go to EPF + EPS.

When you retire at 60, apply for Form 10D to start pension.

You will get 8% higher pension than normal.

If You Don’t Want to Wait Till 60
You can still start pension at 58.

Just inform EPFO that you want to begin EPS from 58.

No bonus in that case. But you get pension earlier.

Important Reminders
EPS amount is fixed, based on salary and service years.

EPS is not linked to EPF balance or mutual fund returns.

Maximum EPS pension is usually around Rs 7,500/month, unless you opted for higher pension.

You cannot withdraw EPS corpus — only monthly pension allowed.

What Is “Higher Pension”?
EPFO recently gave an option to opt for higher pension.

That means, full employer contribution (8.33%) goes to EPS, not capped at Rs 15,000 salary.

You must apply before the deadline.

It gives more pension, but reduces EPF balance.

If you haven’t applied for higher pension, your EPS will be based on Rs 15,000 salary cap.

Final Insights
EPS pension starts from 58 years, not automatically. You must apply.

You can defer to 60 for 8% extra pension.

Contribution can continue till 60 if you keep working.

Higher pension option may be useful if your salary was above Rs 15,000 for long.

Talk to your employer’s HR or visit EPFO portal to check your service record and eligibility.

Your next step should be to decide whether you want to defer EPS or not.

Then, plan how to combine EPF, EPS, and other investments for retirement income.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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