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Anu Krishna |1418 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by Trilok on Jan 18, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Dear Anu, My son is 17years and has a affinity towards his mother it seems. Whenever i ask any questions about his studies and plans he shouts at me and misbehaves. I have stopped talking to him because of this. I don't know whether he likes me or not. He seems very content with his computer and his friends.. How can i build a relation with him. Also same with my wife. She does not talk to my parents neither to nay of my relatives. I tried on many occasions to make her realize that this is not okay. My Father is 82 and is longing to talk to her and stay with us...I do not know what is the issue with her. I do not abject to anything she does. How can i convince her...

Ans: Dear Trilok,
Why are you so intent on making people be with you or like you? If they don't see value in you, it's their misfortune maybe. This is one line of thought.
Another line of thought could be: Are there other ways of actually connecting with them? You son perhaps may bond better with you over a sport that the two of you can play BUT may connect with his mother over a conversation. Do not expect the same kind of connection...he's your son...rather than complain about what's not happening, how about trying a different approach and make things happen. See what interests him and bond with him on that!
Now with what your wife does...you really must find out what makes her not want to talk to your father. Maybe instead, you can invite your father to stay and encourage a conversation between him and your wife. And please don't form an opinion that just because your wife refuses to talk to your father, your son refuses to talk to you. It's two very different situations...

Stopping to talk to your son or wonder what's wrong with your wife only means that you have managed to externalize the issue and you will soon find reasons to blame them for a failing relationship. Instead assume charge and do what it takes to bond with your family...it works!

All the best!

RelationshipReply

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Dr Ashish Sehgal |115 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2023Hindi

Relationship

I'm 66 yrs old retired having two sons, both married according to their choice. My wife 60 going to retire in a couple of months. My elder son who is a Bank executive married since 10 years and issueless. The younger son working as an executive in KPMG married since 4 years and having a child. Due some misunderstanding with the their wives the sons are at times not in talking terms with us. My sons are also not in talking terms with each other. In the recent days the elder son directly instigated not to keep contact with the younger one because he did not like our closeness with him. We are put into dilemma and unable to convince both the children to reconcile the situation. Please advise.

Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the strained relationships between your sons and their wives, as well as the tension between your sons themselves. Here are some suggestions that may help:

Open and honest communication: Encourage open and honest communication between all family members. Try to create a safe and non-judgmental environment where everyone can express their thoughts, concerns, and feelings. Act as a mediator, actively listening to each party and facilitating productive discussions.

Family counseling: Consider seeking the help of a family counselor or therapist who specializes in resolving family conflicts. A professional can provide guidance and help navigate the complexities of the situation, facilitating healthier communication and promoting understanding among family members.

Individual conversations: Have one-on-one conversations with each of your sons to understand their perspectives and concerns. Encourage them to share their feelings openly and without interruption. This can help you gain insight into their individual experiences and provide a foundation for finding common ground.

Encourage empathy and understanding: Emphasize the importance of empathy and understanding in resolving conflicts. Help your sons and their spouses see things from each other's perspectives, fostering compassion and promoting reconciliation.

Promote shared experiences: Find opportunities for your sons and their families to spend time together in a neutral and relaxed environment. Encourage activities that promote bonding, such as family outings, celebrations, or vacations. Creating positive shared experiences can help rebuild connections and mend relationships.

Set boundaries: While it's important to encourage reconciliation, it's equally important to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Ensure that everyone understands the need for respect and mutual consideration, both within the family and between the spouses. Reinforce the importance of maintaining healthy relationships while respecting individual autonomy.

Lead by example: Show your sons and their spouses that you value and prioritize healthy relationships. Demonstrate positive communication, respect, and understanding in your own interactions with them and with your wife. Lead by example and encourage them to do the same.

Remember, resolving family conflicts takes time, effort, and understanding from all parties involved. It may be helpful to seek professional guidance from a family therapist who can provide tailored advice based on a deeper understanding of your family dynamics.

Dr Ashish Sehgal |115 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Question by R - Aug 29, 2023Hindi

Relationship

Hi sir, I am 42 years old married. Living along with father and mother. My father is retired and mother is housewife. Since long I am not speaking with father because of his rude and illogical behavior, and since mother always takes fathers side so stopped speaking with mother too. We all are living in same flat along with my wife and children. I do not know how to deal with father and mother since they do not want to live separate also. Because of behaviour of father and mother our relatives also do not come to home. Please guide us since I do not know how to behave. One side I wanted to be good son and other side not able to bear the situation.

Ans: Thank you for sharing your situation. It's clear that you deeply value your role as a good son, yet you’re feeling trapped in a challenging environment. Balancing respect for your parents with your own emotional well-being requires patience and a plan. Let’s approach this step by step.

Understanding the Dynamics
Your Father’s Behavior:
His rudeness or illogical behavior may stem from age, personality, or even deeper frustrations that he hasn't expressed. Often, retired individuals struggle with feelings of lost authority or purpose, which may manifest as controlling or negative behavior.

Your Mother’s Role:
Your mother’s tendency to side with your father might not mean she agrees with him entirely but could reflect her way of maintaining peace. She might feel torn but unable to express it openly.

Your Feelings:
It’s important to acknowledge that your frustration is valid. However, remaining in silence and avoiding communication won’t resolve the underlying issues. It may actually deepen the distance.

Steps to Address the Situation
Break the Silence Gradually:
Start by speaking with your mother in a non-confrontational manner. Share how you feel without placing blame. Use “I” statements to express yourself, such as:

“I’ve been feeling very disconnected, and I miss having open communication with you and Dad. I want us to understand each other better.”

Initiate a Calm Conversation with Your Father:
Timing is key. Choose a moment when he is relaxed. Keep the focus on your desire to improve the relationship rather than pointing out his faults. For instance:

“Dad, I know we’ve had our differences, but I value our relationship. I’d like us to find ways to communicate better.”

Set Boundaries Respectfully:
If certain behaviors trigger conflict, it’s okay to set boundaries. Communicate them kindly but firmly, such as:

“I’d appreciate it if we could avoid certain topics that lead to arguments. I think it will help us get along better.”

Involve Your Wife and Children:
Encourage your wife to participate in creating a positive environment. Small gestures, like involving your parents in family activities or decisions, can help them feel included and respected.

Bridge the Gap with Relatives:
Relatives may stay away because of the tension at home. Once you begin rebuilding communication with your parents, invite close relatives for small gatherings to create a more welcoming atmosphere.

Consider Mediation or Counseling:
If direct conversations don’t lead to improvements, involving a neutral mediator, such as a family counselor, can help address issues in a structured way.

Changing Your Perspective
Your parents’ behavior may not change overnight, but your approach can influence the dynamic. Remember, it’s not about winning arguments but about fostering harmony. Small, consistent efforts to connect, like sharing meals or discussing lighter topics, can gradually ease the tension.

Taking Care of Yourself
While rebuilding family relationships, don’t forget your own mental and emotional health. Find time for activities that bring you peace and joy, whether it’s hobbies, spending time with your wife and kids, or seeking support from friends.

Relationships with parents can be complex, especially when expectations clash. However, by taking the first step and showing willingness to reconnect, you can slowly shift the situation. It’s a process, but the effort is worth it.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

Kanchan Rai |463 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Dear Madam, Iam a 45 year old woman. Ever since I was a kid I had went through lot of bullying by my rekatives for the way I look but my parents never supported me in any way instead found fault in ne for complaining but would always support my younger brother. Somewhere down the line I thought this was all I deserved and let oeople walk all over me without standing up for myself. Now that Iam a mother myself of a 15 year old kid with dyskexia, i have sacrificed my career fir his sake and still get bullied by my relatives dir being a useless house wife. I have started drawing boundaries around me to protect my mental sanity and allow only few people in it which invludes a small group of friends and my son and husband. I avoid making new friends. I have also stopped attending any social events that involves my relatives. Meanwhile I have started deeply resenting my parents who want ne to take care of them but openly favour my brother who lives abroad. I have taken care of them everytime they require neducal treatments yet my father openly says that he plans to give all his property to my brother who is never coming back. Its not about the money here but the apathy they have towards me that kills me from inside. I have tried to talk to them multiple times but each time my mother creates a scene and puts the enture blame on me. For once in my life i want my parents to love me unconditionally the way I do with my son. Am i wrong to expect that? This is causung lot of health issues in me. Please advise.

Ans: First and foremost, it's crucial to recognize that your feelings are valid. It's natural to want love and support from your parents, especially after all you've done for them. It's not wrong to expect unconditional love from your family; however, sometimes, unfortunately, families can be complex and dysfunctional, and our expectations may not always be met.

Drawing boundaries and prioritizing your mental health and well-being is a positive step. It's essential to protect yourself from toxic relationships and environments, even if it means distancing yourself from certain family members. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and loved ones, like your son and husband, is vital for your emotional health.

Regarding your parents, it's clear that their behavior is hurtful and unjust. It's understandable that you would feel hurt and resentful toward them, given their favoritism towards your brother and lack of appreciation
for your sacrifices and care. However, it's also essential to recognize that you cannot control their actions or attitudes. You can only control how you respond to them.

While it's challenging, try to approach conversations with your parents from a place of empathy and understanding. Express your feelings calmly and assertively, focusing on how their actions make you feel rather than blaming them. It's possible that they may not even realize the extent of the hurt they're causing you. However, it's also essential to set realistic expectations. If your parents continue to be unsupportive or dismissive, it may be necessary to limit your interactions with them for the sake of your own well-being.

Remember to prioritize self-care and seek support from a therapist or counselor if you're struggling with your mental health. It's okay to seek professional help to navigate through these difficult emotions and experiences. You deserve love, respect, and validation, and it's essential to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.

Lastly, continue to cherish the love and bond you have with your son and husband. They are your pillars of support, and together, you can navigate through these challenges. You're stronger than you realize, and you have the power to create a fulfilling and loving life for yourself, regardless of the negativity from others.

Anu Krishna |1418 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi Anu ji, I am 42 yr old single parent. I have a 10 yr old son living with me. My wife and I were separated when our son was 3 yr old and we recently settled our divorce. Immediately after our divorce, my ex-wife got re-married. Her husband isn’t willing to take my son in and hence she handed over his legal custody to me. She has moved on with her life and my son doesn’t feature in her list of priorities. I am more than happy to have him. During the last 7 years of separation, she did not allow me or my parents to meet my son, so we could not build a strong bond together. Now, it has been 6 months since my son has moved in with me. Its only me and him living together ATM. My parents stay in our ancestral village and are unable to stay with me. Though its challenging for both of us to discover and understand each other, it must be tougher for my son. He understands the fact that his parents aren’t together and hence he has to stay with either of us at a time. Sometimes, he does get emotional about this situation not being normal compared to his friends / cartoons / movies etc. He also misses his mother and often keeps quoting that “My mother does it this way...”, “Me and my mum used to do this / that” etc etc and I appreciate that. I am fine with him talking to his mother through WhatsApp and meeting her whenever they wish to. He is also close to his other maternal family members, and I do not have any issues with him maintaining that bond. Now the challenge is, my ex-wife and her family abuses and shoos me away every time I try to ask them about my son such as his eating habits, likes, dislikes, vacation plans etc etc. They also bad mouth me whenever they speak to my son. That poor little soul gets influenced and feels that its punishment for him to live with me. And I feel betrayed as I too have made sacrifices / adjustments in my career, relationships etc to be able to take care of my son. I feel like stopping his communication with his mum and maternal family, but worried if that would adversely affect him. Now I have also started to get angry whenever he speaks to his mum or maternal family and try not to vent out at him, but I sometimes I do. Please guide me to navigate this delicate situation and what should I look forward to in my life.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Firstly, stop going back to your ex-wife for things that concern your son.
You have taken the responsibility of raising him, then you can surely figure out his likes and dislikes over time. Spend time bonding with him and be very patient with the outcome. Overnight, you son isn't going to love and fuss over you. So, keep raising him with a lot of love and a very supportive environment. At times, you will see him angry or stubborn bringing reference to the way his mother raised him; that is not the time to be angry but to hear him out and actually agree with him. He is a child, why are you being one? Surely, you understand that this is a very confusing and challenging time for him...why not spend time finding ways to bond rather than get angry when he speaks to his mother? That is their unique relationship; don't stand in the way as your son as he grows older will hold you responsible for keeping him away from her.
Focus on building a connection with him...and if for some reason things get distressing and even more challenging, please take the help of a professional to help the family tide over this phase...
In the meantime, let your focus be on your son, his needs, his joys and sorrows and more...let his know and feel that you as a father will protect him and be there for him at all times...that will change a lot of things for him...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Latest Questions

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7376 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 30, 2024Hindi

Money

Best investment option ULIP or Mutual Fund

Ans: Understanding the differences between ULIPs (Unit Linked Insurance Plans) and mutual funds is essential to make an informed choice. Below is a detailed explanation from a Certified Financial Planner's perspective.

What Are ULIPs?
ULIPs are hybrid products offering life insurance and investment. A portion of the premium goes towards life insurance, while the rest is invested in various funds, such as equity or debt.

Key Benefits of ULIPs
Dual Purpose: Provides life insurance coverage along with potential investment growth.

Tax Savings: Premiums are eligible for tax deductions under Section 80C. Maturity proceeds may also be tax-free under Section 10(10D), subject to conditions.

Compulsory Discipline: The five-year lock-in period ensures disciplined long-term investing.

Major Drawbacks of ULIPs
High Costs: Includes multiple charges such as premium allocation, fund management, and mortality costs. These charges reduce overall returns.

Complexity: Understanding ULIP charges and performance can be confusing due to a lack of transparency.

Limited Fund Choices: Investment options are restricted to funds offered by the insurer.

Lower Returns: High costs and fund limitations may result in below-average returns compared to mutual funds.

What Are Mutual Funds?
Mutual funds are pure investment products that pool money from investors and invest in equity, debt, or a mix of both, depending on the fund type.

Key Benefits of Mutual Funds
Variety of Options: Mutual funds offer options like equity, debt, hybrid, and sector-specific funds to suit different financial goals and risk profiles.

Transparency: Investors can track fund performance, portfolio holdings, and expense ratios.

Low Costs: Mutual funds generally have lower charges compared to ULIPs, making them more cost-effective.

Flexibility: You can switch funds, adjust SIP contributions, or redeem investments anytime (subject to exit load).

Higher Returns: Over the long term, mutual funds tend to deliver better returns due to active management and lower costs.

Major Drawbacks of Mutual Funds
No Insurance Coverage: Unlike ULIPs, mutual funds are purely for investment and do not provide life insurance.

Tax on Gains: Gains from mutual funds are taxed based on the holding period and type of fund.

Comparative Analysis of ULIPs and Mutual Funds
Objective
ULIPs aim to provide both life insurance and investment returns.
Mutual funds focus solely on investments, leading to better fund management.
Transparency
ULIPs are less transparent due to their complex fee structures and limited fund details.
Mutual funds are highly transparent, offering regular updates on performance, portfolio composition, and costs.
Costs
ULIPs have high charges, including mortality, administration, and fund management costs. These significantly reduce returns.
Mutual funds are more cost-efficient, with lower expense ratios and no hidden charges.
Returns
ULIP returns are moderate due to high costs and limited fund options.
Mutual funds offer potentially higher returns due to professional fund management and diversified investment choices.
Flexibility
ULIPs have limited flexibility, as you are restricted to funds offered by the insurer.
Mutual funds provide greater flexibility, allowing you to switch funds, adjust investments, and even redeem partially.
Lock-in Period
ULIPs have a mandatory lock-in period of five years.
Mutual funds are more flexible, with no lock-in period except for tax-saving ELSS funds, which have a three-year lock-in.
Tax Benefits
ULIP premiums qualify for tax deductions under Section 80C. The maturity proceeds are tax-free under Section 10(10D), provided conditions are met.
Mutual funds offer tax benefits only for ELSS funds under Section 80C. Gains are taxable, as per the holding period.
Why Mutual Funds Are a Better Option
Focused Investment Approach
Mutual funds concentrate solely on investments, ensuring professional management and efficient fund allocation.

Higher Returns Potential
The absence of high charges allows mutual funds to deliver better returns over the long term.

Flexibility and Control
Mutual funds allow you to choose or switch between funds based on market conditions or financial goals.

Cost-Effective
Mutual funds are more cost-efficient due to lower expense ratios compared to ULIPs.

Why ULIPs May Not Be Suitable
High Charges
ULIPs have various charges that reduce your net returns. This makes them less attractive compared to mutual funds.

Limited Fund Options
You are restricted to investing only in the funds offered by the insurance company. This limits diversification.

Complexity
The structure of ULIPs, with their multiple charges and insurance components, makes them difficult to understand and monitor.

Final Insights
Mutual funds are the better investment choice for long-term wealth creation due to their focused investment strategy, flexibility, and cost-efficiency. ULIPs, on the other hand, are best avoided unless you specifically need life insurance along with investments.

For life insurance, consider a term plan, and for investments, focus on well-managed mutual funds. This combination will help you achieve your financial goals more effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

Mayank Chandel |1957 Answers |Ask -Follow

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Dec 31, 2024

Question by Nancy - Dec 29, 2024Hindi

Career

Sir mera naam nancy hai or mere aadhar card,obc ncl certificate and 10th certificate and birth certificate mei Mera naam nancy h but 12th certificate mei Mera naam nacny hai or maine improvement ka form bhara hua hai or 8 mahine se cbse ko name correction ka application diya hua hai but abhi tak naam shi nhi hua hai toh kya mujhe admission time koi dikkat aayegi iit mei

Ans: Hi Nancy,
You may be asked to submit an affidavit. Also keep all the documents ready with you showing you have applied for the correction of name to CBSE and it is taking time. Also pursue strong follow-ups with authorities and try to keep everything on records. Always take a receiving copy while writing any letter or application.

Mayank Chandel |1957 Answers |Ask -Follow

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Dec 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 29, 2024Hindi

Career

I have 3 gaps between 12th and btech cse as i was preparing for neet in those gap years. Unfortunately i couldn't crack neet.Will these gaps years affect during on campus placements??

Ans: Hi
Your gap years will not significantly affect your placement prospects as long as you can convincingly present your story and demonstrate that you’ve made the most of your B.Tech journey. Stay focused on building a strong profile, and you’ll have a good chance of landing desirable opportunities. Be Honest & Explain your NEET preparation journey during interviews. Emphasize the hard work, dedication, and discipline involved in preparing for such exams. You were trying for Govt. MBBS seat only.

Build a strong academic record during your B.Tech years to demonstrate your technical competence.
Work on practical skills like programming, software development, and problem-solving through internships, projects, and certifications. Participate in hackathons, coding competitions, or other extracurricular activities to showcase your proactive attitude and create a strong CV.

Dr Rajiv Kovil |18 Answers |Ask -Follow

Diabetologist - Answered on Dec 30, 2024

Question by Sumukh - Nov 07, 2024Hindi

Health

What Are ACP Guidelines for Diabetics? why aren't they accepted by Indian Medical Authorities ?

Ans: ACP is a body like many other bodies across the globe

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Diabetologist - Answered on Dec 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 16, 2024Hindi

Health

Hello I am suffering sugar since last 16 years. Earlier my fasting blood sugar was 220-230. I have taken medicine regularly. But now my fasting blood sugar is 320-350. Actually I am in more stress. How can I manage my blood sugar level.

Ans: You need a lot of evaluation

Dr Rajiv Kovil |18 Answers |Ask -Follow

Diabetologist - Answered on Dec 30, 2024

Question by Vidhya - Aug 16, 2024Hindi

Health

My mother has both blood pressure and sugar.Her sugar level before food is normal and after food it is between 120 to160.Occasionally she gets severe sweating and giddiness which improves after half an hour.Could you please tell is what might be the reason Any life style changes which you suggest

Ans: It can be low sugars she needs investigations amd a cgms

Dr Rajiv Kovil |18 Answers |Ask -Follow

Diabetologist - Answered on Dec 30, 2024

Question by Lavanya - Aug 11, 2024Hindi

Health

My age is 40, I am a female. My fasting blood sugar value is 105 and HBA1C value is 6.3 percentage so I am in a pre diabetic stage should I have to take any medication or should I have to maintain diabetic diet for this ?

Ans: You should try to get or normal with a strict lifestyle for 6.months.if it doesn't change you should start meds

Dr Rajiv Kovil |18 Answers |Ask -Follow

Diabetologist - Answered on Dec 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 30, 2023Hindi

Health

In Jan-23 I started losing weight. On blood test my HbA1C was 13%. My dietician advised me routine diet along with some exercise.Now after 10 months, I did blood test and to my surprise my HbA1C came down to 5.6%. Now tell me how I can sustain this level for a longer period?

Ans: Yes withbregukar meds and exercise and weight loss you maintain this

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Diabetologist - Answered on Dec 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 29, 2024Hindi

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Diabetologist - Answered on Dec 30, 2024

Question by Shankar - Dec 21, 2024

Health

Hello Doctor, I'm 78 my orgasm breaks and ejection is delayed. I have frequent micturition. I have Diabetes and Hypotension. I take medicines prescribed by my Physician. I have ED also Please advice me about EP.

Ans: This will require a hormonal assessment before one can prescribe any meds

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