Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Trilok Question by Trilok on Jan 18, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Dear Anu, My son is 17years and has a affinity towards his mother it seems. Whenever i ask any questions about his studies and plans he shouts at me and misbehaves. I have stopped talking to him because of this. I don't know whether he likes me or not. He seems very content with his computer and his friends.. How can i build a relation with him. Also same with my wife. She does not talk to my parents neither to nay of my relatives. I tried on many occasions to make her realize that this is not okay. My Father is 82 and is longing to talk to her and stay with us...I do not know what is the issue with her. I do not abject to anything she does. How can i convince her...

Ans: Dear Trilok,
Why are you so intent on making people be with you or like you? If they don't see value in you, it's their misfortune maybe. This is one line of thought.
Another line of thought could be: Are there other ways of actually connecting with them? You son perhaps may bond better with you over a sport that the two of you can play BUT may connect with his mother over a conversation. Do not expect the same kind of connection...he's your son...rather than complain about what's not happening, how about trying a different approach and make things happen. See what interests him and bond with him on that!
Now with what your wife does...you really must find out what makes her not want to talk to your father. Maybe instead, you can invite your father to stay and encourage a conversation between him and your wife. And please don't form an opinion that just because your wife refuses to talk to your father, your son refuses to talk to you. It's two very different situations...

Stopping to talk to your son or wonder what's wrong with your wife only means that you have managed to externalize the issue and you will soon find reasons to blame them for a failing relationship. Instead assume charge and do what it takes to bond with your family...it works!

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Dr Aarti

Dr Aarti Bakshi  |40 Answers  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Feb 09, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023Hindi
Listen
Health
Hello, I am Arvind aged 55, I have 2 kids, elder one is son ( age 26 yrs ) and is already in good job at IT sector in south India, Myself and my wife are raising our daughter who is 8 yrs younger to my son in North India. Our problem/Expectations: My son will not call any of us at his own, He hardly wants to share any part of his routine life, whats going on, untill we will ask him specifics. However, he prefers to just respond only when we initiate the call, txt etc. he would talk as much we asked in limited sentences, bare min txt like OK/Yes. Sometimes, many days would pass even without exchanging any call/txt/msgs- but it does not make him bother to know-hope everything is fine from his side. I mean we are not finding the warmth of son-parent relationship despite the fact that we are not keeping any expectation in terms of money, responsibilities etc. I have tried once/twice to explain that such behaviour hurts all of us. Do not know how to change such behaviour of ignorance, carelessness/avoidance. Pls advice.
Ans: Dear Arvind,
the most fantastic thing of having grown-up children is the world that they can show. Their world is the same as yours, just a different lens. Young adults when guilty shy away/keep to themselves/ or talk in few words. to bridge the conversations my suggestion is talking on neutral grounds. Both you and your child are viewing the world with different perspectives. A few questions that may start a conversation, on your next call, could be:
1.What is that fun app that I don’t have on my phone?
2. What music bands are you listening to these days?
3.Can you send me the link/ play me one of their best songs?
4.Who is your best friend right now? Which activity do you enjoy doing together?
5.Where would be an awesome place to go for a family vacation? Let me know your next break.
6.Did I ever tell you about how I met your (mother)?
Being a loving parent takes sacrifice, but he is an individual. sometimes inspite of being an adult he may not know how to bridge the gap. Do revert, I wish you and your family laughter and conversations.

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Relationship
Hi sir, I am 42 years old married. Living along with father and mother. My father is retired and mother is housewife. Since long I am not speaking with father because of his rude and illogical behavior, and since mother always takes fathers side so stopped speaking with mother too. We all are living in same flat along with my wife and children. I do not know how to deal with father and mother since they do not want to live separate also. Because of behaviour of father and mother our relatives also do not come to home. Please guide us since I do not know how to behave. One side I wanted to be good son and other side not able to bear the situation.
Ans: Thank you for sharing your situation. It's clear that you deeply value your role as a good son, yet you’re feeling trapped in a challenging environment. Balancing respect for your parents with your own emotional well-being requires patience and a plan. Let’s approach this step by step.

Understanding the Dynamics
Your Father’s Behavior:
His rudeness or illogical behavior may stem from age, personality, or even deeper frustrations that he hasn't expressed. Often, retired individuals struggle with feelings of lost authority or purpose, which may manifest as controlling or negative behavior.

Your Mother’s Role:
Your mother’s tendency to side with your father might not mean she agrees with him entirely but could reflect her way of maintaining peace. She might feel torn but unable to express it openly.

Your Feelings:
It’s important to acknowledge that your frustration is valid. However, remaining in silence and avoiding communication won’t resolve the underlying issues. It may actually deepen the distance.

Steps to Address the Situation
Break the Silence Gradually:
Start by speaking with your mother in a non-confrontational manner. Share how you feel without placing blame. Use “I” statements to express yourself, such as:

“I’ve been feeling very disconnected, and I miss having open communication with you and Dad. I want us to understand each other better.”

Initiate a Calm Conversation with Your Father:
Timing is key. Choose a moment when he is relaxed. Keep the focus on your desire to improve the relationship rather than pointing out his faults. For instance:

“Dad, I know we’ve had our differences, but I value our relationship. I’d like us to find ways to communicate better.”

Set Boundaries Respectfully:
If certain behaviors trigger conflict, it’s okay to set boundaries. Communicate them kindly but firmly, such as:

“I’d appreciate it if we could avoid certain topics that lead to arguments. I think it will help us get along better.”

Involve Your Wife and Children:
Encourage your wife to participate in creating a positive environment. Small gestures, like involving your parents in family activities or decisions, can help them feel included and respected.

Bridge the Gap with Relatives:
Relatives may stay away because of the tension at home. Once you begin rebuilding communication with your parents, invite close relatives for small gatherings to create a more welcoming atmosphere.

Consider Mediation or Counseling:
If direct conversations don’t lead to improvements, involving a neutral mediator, such as a family counselor, can help address issues in a structured way.

Changing Your Perspective
Your parents’ behavior may not change overnight, but your approach can influence the dynamic. Remember, it’s not about winning arguments but about fostering harmony. Small, consistent efforts to connect, like sharing meals or discussing lighter topics, can gradually ease the tension.

Taking Care of Yourself
While rebuilding family relationships, don’t forget your own mental and emotional health. Find time for activities that bring you peace and joy, whether it’s hobbies, spending time with your wife and kids, or seeking support from friends.

Relationships with parents can be complex, especially when expectations clash. However, by taking the first step and showing willingness to reconnect, you can slowly shift the situation. It’s a process, but the effort is worth it.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 14, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello This is Mr kumar S/o Smt Rani, I need advise for My mother, she get angry often, she don't speak out with us openly what is going in her mind but she burst out once in a week or somtimes after two weeks, one thing that i know is that she is obsessed with child from me and my wife, one day She burst on my mother-in-law for us not having child. She is very obsessed with kitchen as well if my grandmother try to cook something in the kitchen she will come in between and start verbal fight with her sometimes they both get physical as well, If i say that lets go to doctor she denies. She says she is alright, she just need love. She is very competitive with my siblings, she says she want child before my cousin. Me and my wife are not ready for that yet can you suggest some solution. Should we take some doctors
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The choice of when you want to have a child must be left to you and your wife. The rest of the parade can have their own dreams around it, drama around it and add characters to that drama as well.
You choose if wish to be part of that drama or not...If NO< then IGNORE what's happening...And wll, your mother's temper tantrums can also be hers alone...It's like you ignore a child for throwing a tantrum in public, after a few times, the child learns that it has no effect on the parent!
Do the same with your mother...Her anger is only her way of complaining about something that she is unhappy about! You will have to teach her to express herself better and in a calm manner but the start step is to ignore, so that she stops and notices something different and then she may be willing to look within and change...
So, IGNORE the drama for a while...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu ji, I am 42 yr old single parent. I have a 10 yr old son living with me. My wife and I were separated when our son was 3 yr old and we recently settled our divorce. Immediately after our divorce, my ex-wife got re-married. Her husband isn’t willing to take my son in and hence she handed over his legal custody to me. She has moved on with her life and my son doesn’t feature in her list of priorities. I am more than happy to have him. During the last 7 years of separation, she did not allow me or my parents to meet my son, so we could not build a strong bond together. Now, it has been 6 months since my son has moved in with me. Its only me and him living together ATM. My parents stay in our ancestral village and are unable to stay with me. Though its challenging for both of us to discover and understand each other, it must be tougher for my son. He understands the fact that his parents aren’t together and hence he has to stay with either of us at a time. Sometimes, he does get emotional about this situation not being normal compared to his friends / cartoons / movies etc. He also misses his mother and often keeps quoting that “My mother does it this way...”, “Me and my mum used to do this / that” etc etc and I appreciate that. I am fine with him talking to his mother through WhatsApp and meeting her whenever they wish to. He is also close to his other maternal family members, and I do not have any issues with him maintaining that bond. Now the challenge is, my ex-wife and her family abuses and shoos me away every time I try to ask them about my son such as his eating habits, likes, dislikes, vacation plans etc etc. They also bad mouth me whenever they speak to my son. That poor little soul gets influenced and feels that its punishment for him to live with me. And I feel betrayed as I too have made sacrifices / adjustments in my career, relationships etc to be able to take care of my son. I feel like stopping his communication with his mum and maternal family, but worried if that would adversely affect him. Now I have also started to get angry whenever he speaks to his mum or maternal family and try not to vent out at him, but I sometimes I do. Please guide me to navigate this delicate situation and what should I look forward to in my life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Firstly, stop going back to your ex-wife for things that concern your son.
You have taken the responsibility of raising him, then you can surely figure out his likes and dislikes over time. Spend time bonding with him and be very patient with the outcome. Overnight, you son isn't going to love and fuss over you. So, keep raising him with a lot of love and a very supportive environment. At times, you will see him angry or stubborn bringing reference to the way his mother raised him; that is not the time to be angry but to hear him out and actually agree with him. He is a child, why are you being one? Surely, you understand that this is a very confusing and challenging time for him...why not spend time finding ways to bond rather than get angry when he speaks to his mother? That is their unique relationship; don't stand in the way as your son as he grows older will hold you responsible for keeping him away from her.
Focus on building a connection with him...and if for some reason things get distressing and even more challenging, please take the help of a professional to help the family tide over this phase...
In the meantime, let your focus be on your son, his needs, his joys and sorrows and more...let his know and feel that you as a father will protect him and be there for him at all times...that will change a lot of things for him...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

Latest Questions
Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |702 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Jun 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 05, 2025
Career
I'm scoring 601 in NEET 2025. A lot of rank predictors are showing my rank to be less than 10000. Should I believe them? Will i get a government college? Please let me know if i should keep hoping or not
Ans: HI
The NTA has not yet declared the results and rankings for NEET2025. Generally, predictions are based on probabilities, and many factors are involved in determining the exact rank.

For example, you have only shared your marks, but not other important details such as category and domicile. If your category changes, it can significantly affect your predicted rank. To get a more accurate prediction regarding availability, you need to provide comprehensive details, including expected marks, category, gender, whether you are physically challenged, and relevant details..

With your score, changing parameters such as your category can lead to significant changes in predictions. The purpose of these predictions is to help you prepare for what comes next, especially before you appear for counseling. This process is crucial for your future. It is important to accept guidance—even if it’s virtual—because there are lakhs of candidates appearing and numerous seats available across the country, and seat allocation must be done fairly.

Since the information provided is freely available, it is not good to simply ignore or question it. A positive attitude is essential.

If you haven't shared the proper information with the predictor and gathered the necessary details, please do so.

BEST WISHES.
POOCHO. LIFE CHANGE KARO!

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8866 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2025

Money
Dear Sir I am now 60 yrs and retiring next month. By god's grace I have no EMI, Loan and any liability. My present expenses is around 200,000 Rs/month. I have EPF of 85 lacs, PPF of 17 lacs, FD in Bank of 2 Cr and MFs of 85 Lac so far. I will get 3000 INR as Pension per month. I wish to understand if all this is sufficient corpus down the line for 10 yrs. Please advice how one can manage in this much for a couple.
Ans: You are entering retirement with zero loans, a high monthly budget, and a solid asset base. That is a great position. You now need a very simple, tax-efficient, and low-stress plan to manage this wealth for the next 10 years and beyond.

Let us break this into key sections to plan from every angle.

Your Financial Snapshot at Retirement

You are retiring next month at age 60.

You have no liabilities, which is excellent.

Your monthly household expense is around Rs. 2 lakh.

You have Rs. 85 lakh in EPF, which will now be withdrawn.

You have Rs. 17 lakh in PPF, which is maturing soon or can be extended.

You have Rs. 2 crore in bank fixed deposits already.

You also have Rs. 85 lakh in mutual funds.

Your monthly pension is Rs. 3,000, which is too small to count.

Retirement Corpus Total and Its Strength

Your combined corpus today is about Rs. 3.87 crore.

At 2 lakh monthly expense, your annual expense is Rs. 24 lakh.

You need Rs. 2.4 crore just to cover 10 years without interest.

But your funds will earn income also.

So your present corpus is strong enough for 10 years and more.

With proper planning, this can last 20 years or more.

Expected Inflation and Expense Growth

Inflation is likely to be 6% to 7% yearly on average.

So your Rs. 2 lakh monthly expense may rise to Rs. 3.5 lakh in 10 years.

Your plan should therefore give both income now and growth later.

Your Goals in Retirement

Have monthly income of Rs. 2 lakh that grows over time.

Keep taxes as low as possible.

Maintain full liquidity for any medical or family needs.

Grow part of the corpus for long-term safety.

Leave behind wealth for your spouse or children, if possible.

Problems to Avoid in Retirement

Do not put all money in FDs. Inflation will eat the value.

Do not depend only on interest. It will not grow with expenses.

Do not keep too much in savings accounts. Returns are too low.

Do not chase direct stocks or risky options. You are not working anymore.

Asset Allocation for Next 10 Years

Divide the Rs. 3.87 crore into 3 buckets.

Bucket 1: Income Bucket – For first 5 years of income

This should be around Rs. 1.25 crore.

Use this for immediate monthly income and any emergency needs.

Keep it in laddered fixed deposits (of 1-5 years) and bank RDs.

Also use ultra-short duration debt mutual funds through MFD with CFP support.

Ensure liquidity and steady income.

Bucket 2: Growth + Safety Bucket – For years 6 to 10

Allocate around Rs. 1.25 crore here.

Invest in hybrid mutual funds and short-term debt funds.

Rebalance every 2 years with help of a CFP.

This gives balance of safety and slow growth.

Bucket 3: Long-Term Growth Bucket – For after 10 years

Keep the remaining Rs. 1.37 crore here.

Invest in actively managed mutual funds only, not index funds.

Choose multi-cap, large-cap, and flexi-cap categories.

Do not choose direct mutual funds yourself.

Invest through MFD linked with a Certified Financial Planner.

This will grow money for medical costs, spouse’s future, or legacy.

Your Monthly Income Strategy

From Bucket 1, start a monthly SWP (systematic withdrawal plan) from debt funds.

You can also break small FDs monthly or quarterly to support income.

Refill Bucket 1 every 3 years by transferring from Bucket 2.

From age 70 onward, draw from Bucket 3 if needed.

Always keep 6 months’ expenses in bank savings for liquidity.

Cash Flow and Tax Management

FD interest is taxable at slab rate. So spread FDs between yourself and spouse.

Use debt mutual funds for lower taxes with STCG at 20% and LTCG as per slab.

Mutual funds are more tax-efficient than FDs over time.

Withdraw smartly using SWP to stay within low tax slabs.

You can also use PPF extension with contribution for 5 more years.

That gives tax-free growth and safety.

Emergency Medical Planning

Keep Rs. 15–20 lakh in a separate liquid FD or debt fund for medical use.

This is your health buffer. Do not touch it unless for emergency.

Keep this in joint name with spouse for easy access.

If your health insurance is low, buy a super top-up plan with Rs. 25 lakh or more.

Managing PPF and EPF Corpus

EPF of Rs. 85 lakh can be withdrawn tax-free.

Use part of it to build Bucket 1 and part for long-term Bucket 3.

PPF of Rs. 17 lakh is also tax-free.

You can keep it locked or extend for 5 years with or without contribution.

Use it as a tax-free part of your safety bucket.

Mutual Fund Strategy – What to Do Now

Rs. 85 lakh in mutual funds is a good base.

Do not sell it all suddenly. Use part for Bucket 2 and 3.

Review each fund with your Certified Financial Planner.

Shift from mid or small cap to more stable large/multi/flexi-cap mix.

Use only regular plans. Avoid direct funds.

Direct funds may look cheaper, but you miss support and rebalancing.

A good MFD with CFP helps you avoid wrong switches and panic.

Asset Rebalancing Every 2 Years

Every 2–3 years, revisit your asset buckets.

Move money from growth bucket to income bucket when needed.

Use SWP, FD breaks, and PPF maturity to refill buckets.

This keeps your income smooth and your capital growing.

Legacy and Estate Planning

Create a simple Will. It avoids confusion later.

Nominate spouse or children in all investments.

Keep a record of assets, passwords, and bank details.

Talk to your family and explain the system you have set.

Keep one person trusted for future medical or financial help.

Expenses After 10 Years

At age 70, you may need Rs. 3.5 lakh or more per month.

By that time, Bucket 3 will start giving income.

The mutual fund growth and rebalancing will support this.

If health declines, medical spending can rise. Plan accordingly.

If any lump sum is required, break long-term FDs or redeem mutual funds.

What You Should Not Do

Do not buy new insurance or annuities. You don’t need them.

Do not go for index funds. They do not protect well in falling markets.

Actively managed funds perform better with a proper planner.

Do not invest in stocks or risky bonds for extra returns.

Do not take advice from unqualified persons or relatives.

Do not keep too much idle money in savings accounts.

Use a Certified Financial Planner to Monitor

A CFP will track your income plan, tax impact, and medical reserve.

Your needs will change over 10 years. Rebalancing is a must.

Without planning, even a big corpus can shrink due to wrong choices.

With proper strategy, your corpus can last for 20+ years with growth.

Investment Monitoring Checklist

Review all FDs every year. Renew or restructure as per needs.

Check mutual fund portfolio every 6 months with MFD.

Track income, expense, and surplus monthly.

Record all redemptions and tax impact.

Make your spouse aware of all decisions.

Other Important Tips

Keep a small part in gold only if needed for future gifting.

Avoid new real estate for investment. It reduces liquidity.

Use mobile apps only for checking balances, not for investing.

Always double check SMS and emails from banks or mutual funds.

Maintain a yearly summary sheet of all investments.

Keep one trusted CA or tax expert to help during filing.

Finally

You have built your wealth with care. You can now protect it with discipline.

Rs. 3.87 crore is enough for the next 10–15 years with smart withdrawal.

But you need structure. Divide your corpus into 3 buckets as explained.

Avoid risky new products. Stick to what you understand.

Take help from a Certified Financial Planner to do annual checks.

This will keep your income steady, taxes low, and worries away.

Plan for your spouse too. Ensure she can handle money if anything happens.

With this approach, your retirement can be peaceful and financially secure.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x