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Torn between saving my family and prioritizing my son's well-being: How do I navigate this difficult situation?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello AnuJi I am 42 and my wife is 40 and we have an 8 year old son. We have recently been staying separately since 3 months after a lot of tensions and my wife's emotional breakdown. Our relationship has been strained since beginning. Though am very loving, caring and devoted to my wife I have possessiveness issues. My wife has been sacrificing a lot on her own accord for our marriage but during her emotional breakdown we learnt the hard way that she was feeling suffocated in all this. She even hurt herself and that is the reason I am very careful in approaching her for reconciliation. My son is with me which gives me solace but I am worried he will miss out on mother's love and holistic development this way. I am unable to create a pathway between me and my wife because she is currently very caustic, bitter, insulting towards me and my family and not willing to hear my side of the story / talk peacefully / agree for counseling etc. I considered having the child stay with her but she has a terrible temper and history of beating the child, sometimes severely and hiding this from me till I found out. I later came to know my child is developing a sulking personality because of this but being a child he is naturally affectionate towards her mother (infact he developed an attitude that he deserves to be beaten and slapped - something he is coming out of gradually now he is with me). Infact parenting style mismatch and arguments was one of the reason of our split. At this moment I want to do whatever possible to bring the family together - short of feeling humiliated / not being heard / agreeing to child being beaten. My wife and me are well educated and even nature-wise she has good qualities as well. I just don't understand how we seemed to have ended up in this mess so abruptly. I do not know whether I should adopt a conventional attitude of saving the family, compromising etc or prioritise individual happiness and adopt a more liberal approach of staying separately even if child misses out on one of our day to day love and care.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's put things into perspective.
1. You and your wife are living separately due to a few challenges
2. Your son lives with you but you feel that the family living together is the best
3. Your wife resorts to punishing your son which is impacting him
4. Counseling is not an option

Which means that you have to step in as your own Counselor. Bringing the family together has to be your journey as your wife is not a part of it as yet. A lot of empathy, patience and the challenge of understanding your wife's emotional breakdown. Obviously, there's something going on deep within her that is making her resort to hurting herself which is cause for concern indeed. Tread carefully but firmly when you speak with your wife. Let her know your genuine intent of bringing the family back together and how much you would appreciate her support in all of this. Encourage her to start working as this will offer her some respite from caring for the family and also set her up professionally.
Give a patient ear to her complaints or outbursts (a very difficult thing for you to do).

What I have stated above is what works much better with a professional as you will have his/her guidance through the process. But give this a shot by yourself and see where it leads you to. Who knows, after a while, she might agree to see a professional...Give this a shot...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello, I am 3 yr neet dropper.in 2025 it will be my third attempt... I'm trying my best to crack neet ...i don't know what will happen will i score good marks or not ... please help me in suggesting good career options if not crack neet .....there are many options through neet marks also like bhms , veterinary...etc. i will also give entrance exam also like cuet ,gbpuat ,....but i want that what to choose which course will be best for me ...i want to make my life good and happy... having a good degree, good job ,...
Ans: Hello.
Have you analyzed your failure in 2 successive attempts in the NEET examination? If yes, then the question is what you have done for improvement and not then again the question arises why not? Here, I would like to suggest you focus now only on the NEET examination which is your 3rd attempt. Don't think about any other options right now till May 2025. After the NEET exam is over, you have ample time to explore the options available. Depending on your score in NEET 2025, we will guide you at that time. But yet, if you are confused, then looking towards your question and anxiety, you need personal counseling where you can express yourself face-to-face. Only after the NEET exam is over, you contact a counsellor for one-to-one counseling. Till then, keep mum and focus only on NEET. Take this exam as your mission and project. Work on this project, apply forces from all sides, success is there which is waiting for you eagerly.
Best of luck for your bright future.

Some tips: (1) Analyse separately Phy, Che, Bio (2) Prepare a list of hard topics (3) First focus more on the topics which are easy for you and then try to excel in hard topics (4) Appear more and more online/offline examinations (4) Prepare your short-cut file for all subjects (5) Prepare a file for each subject having only synopsis of all chapters (6) Try to solve the problems at the lightening speed and observe the period on regular basis (7) Create your time table to revise the topics on regular basis (8) Do not hesitate to ask your difficulties to your teachers, if you have joined to offline classes (9) Keep the habit of marking the answers which you know 100%. Don't guess the answers and mark them, as there is -ve marking scheme. (10) Be calm, quite, and smiling all the time to release the tension and always have a healthy chat with your friends.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

...Read more

Pradeep

Pradeep Pramanik  |186 Answers  |Ask -

Career And Placement Consultant - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

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Career
I am looking for a job, I had uploaded my resume in job site. A consultant called me & introduced himself telling he know some of the openings. He had a detailed discussion about my job & my skills. He told need to register to his consultancy for scheduling interview. I registered with him & he got me a interview. Interview was done by the company through skype. I could not see the company persons. They told only they can see me. Interview went on well & regarding salary I told my expectation but they told it is not possible & they told their proposal. Finally I agreed to them. They gave me code & told to visit the company for next round. Consultant called me after first round & told recruiter is very happy with the interview. Regarding salary he told why I agreed for the proposal,he will discuss again & asked to pay charges for some of his services which he will refund the day I visit to the company & take the orders. I paid him. He told there is a increase in salary he has discussed with recruiter & again asked for the money I did only partial payment & further will not pay anything. Second round also happened through skype instead of in person. Interview went on well & salary offered was good comparing to before & there was a big jump. Recruiter told they have planned to give additional responsibilities so they have increased. Finally they gave me a date to visit company. I asked when will I get the order, he replied he will send to consultant as I was taken by them. Till now i did not get the orders, consultant is keep on postponing. Now he told visit to company date is also postponed, he will update in next week & not to worry as job is confirmed. Now not understanding what to do, am I been cheated or wait.
Ans: Dear Mr. Keshava ,

There are many unscruplous job agents who are fake and claim themselves to be a Placement consultant. In short You have been cheated . Before paying any fee for registration , you must ensure that the agency is genuine . If not don't even upload your resume . You may write to company , lodge a complaint against the agency. If the amount is very high , pl. take the help of police . .

...Read more

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