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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1587 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 22, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi ! 20 years ago, I was under a lot of stress raising my two kids while my husband worked abroad. I didnt realise that I was being terribly insensitive to my teenage son's need for attention and understanding. I did not understand at that time that his stubborn behavior and desire to be alone and the visible signs of hatred towards me were due to lack of outward expression of love from me. I used to think that I had to be even more strict with him to correct him and to bring him up well, not by being soft or kind. I also beat him at times and compared him with others with the intention of making him improve in his performance. All mistakes on my part which he has made me realise now . Today he is married and has a child. He showers her with affection. He hates the sight of me and doesnt want to talk with me saying I am the worst mother any child could ever have. I know I must suffer for my earlier behaviour. Just sharing.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Since you haven't asked me a question, I can't suggest much.
But can say only this: You son's behavior towards you is only a CRY for your attention. He does not hate you; he just wants you around but does not know how to tell you.
Be patient and show him love even if he does not accept it initially. Things will change slowly but surely.
And oh, you did what you thought was right at the time when you did it. So, don't blame yourself; instead focus on how to win his affection back and how to give him the attention that he has wanted...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1587 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello AnuJi I am 42 and my wife is 40 and we have an 8 year old son. We have recently been staying separately since 3 months after a lot of tensions and my wife's emotional breakdown. Our relationship has been strained since beginning. Though am very loving, caring and devoted to my wife I have possessiveness issues. My wife has been sacrificing a lot on her own accord for our marriage but during her emotional breakdown we learnt the hard way that she was feeling suffocated in all this. She even hurt herself and that is the reason I am very careful in approaching her for reconciliation. My son is with me which gives me solace but I am worried he will miss out on mother's love and holistic development this way. I am unable to create a pathway between me and my wife because she is currently very caustic, bitter, insulting towards me and my family and not willing to hear my side of the story / talk peacefully / agree for counseling etc. I considered having the child stay with her but she has a terrible temper and history of beating the child, sometimes severely and hiding this from me till I found out. I later came to know my child is developing a sulking personality because of this but being a child he is naturally affectionate towards her mother (infact he developed an attitude that he deserves to be beaten and slapped - something he is coming out of gradually now he is with me). Infact parenting style mismatch and arguments was one of the reason of our split. At this moment I want to do whatever possible to bring the family together - short of feeling humiliated / not being heard / agreeing to child being beaten. My wife and me are well educated and even nature-wise she has good qualities as well. I just don't understand how we seemed to have ended up in this mess so abruptly. I do not know whether I should adopt a conventional attitude of saving the family, compromising etc or prioritise individual happiness and adopt a more liberal approach of staying separately even if child misses out on one of our day to day love and care.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's put things into perspective.
1. You and your wife are living separately due to a few challenges
2. Your son lives with you but you feel that the family living together is the best
3. Your wife resorts to punishing your son which is impacting him
4. Counseling is not an option

Which means that you have to step in as your own Counselor. Bringing the family together has to be your journey as your wife is not a part of it as yet. A lot of empathy, patience and the challenge of understanding your wife's emotional breakdown. Obviously, there's something going on deep within her that is making her resort to hurting herself which is cause for concern indeed. Tread carefully but firmly when you speak with your wife. Let her know your genuine intent of bringing the family back together and how much you would appreciate her support in all of this. Encourage her to start working as this will offer her some respite from caring for the family and also set her up professionally.
Give a patient ear to her complaints or outbursts (a very difficult thing for you to do).

What I have stated above is what works much better with a professional as you will have his/her guidance through the process. But give this a shot by yourself and see where it leads you to. Who knows, after a while, she might agree to see a professional...Give this a shot...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1587 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu ji, I am 42 yr old single parent. I have a 10 yr old son living with me. My wife and I were separated when our son was 3 yr old and we recently settled our divorce. Immediately after our divorce, my ex-wife got re-married. Her husband isn’t willing to take my son in and hence she handed over his legal custody to me. She has moved on with her life and my son doesn’t feature in her list of priorities. I am more than happy to have him. During the last 7 years of separation, she did not allow me or my parents to meet my son, so we could not build a strong bond together. Now, it has been 6 months since my son has moved in with me. Its only me and him living together ATM. My parents stay in our ancestral village and are unable to stay with me. Though its challenging for both of us to discover and understand each other, it must be tougher for my son. He understands the fact that his parents aren’t together and hence he has to stay with either of us at a time. Sometimes, he does get emotional about this situation not being normal compared to his friends / cartoons / movies etc. He also misses his mother and often keeps quoting that “My mother does it this way...”, “Me and my mum used to do this / that” etc etc and I appreciate that. I am fine with him talking to his mother through WhatsApp and meeting her whenever they wish to. He is also close to his other maternal family members, and I do not have any issues with him maintaining that bond. Now the challenge is, my ex-wife and her family abuses and shoos me away every time I try to ask them about my son such as his eating habits, likes, dislikes, vacation plans etc etc. They also bad mouth me whenever they speak to my son. That poor little soul gets influenced and feels that its punishment for him to live with me. And I feel betrayed as I too have made sacrifices / adjustments in my career, relationships etc to be able to take care of my son. I feel like stopping his communication with his mum and maternal family, but worried if that would adversely affect him. Now I have also started to get angry whenever he speaks to his mum or maternal family and try not to vent out at him, but I sometimes I do. Please guide me to navigate this delicate situation and what should I look forward to in my life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Firstly, stop going back to your ex-wife for things that concern your son.
You have taken the responsibility of raising him, then you can surely figure out his likes and dislikes over time. Spend time bonding with him and be very patient with the outcome. Overnight, you son isn't going to love and fuss over you. So, keep raising him with a lot of love and a very supportive environment. At times, you will see him angry or stubborn bringing reference to the way his mother raised him; that is not the time to be angry but to hear him out and actually agree with him. He is a child, why are you being one? Surely, you understand that this is a very confusing and challenging time for him...why not spend time finding ways to bond rather than get angry when he speaks to his mother? That is their unique relationship; don't stand in the way as your son as he grows older will hold you responsible for keeping him away from her.
Focus on building a connection with him...and if for some reason things get distressing and even more challenging, please take the help of a professional to help the family tide over this phase...
In the meantime, let your focus be on your son, his needs, his joys and sorrows and more...let his know and feel that you as a father will protect him and be there for him at all times...that will change a lot of things for him...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |104 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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Career
I am married for 17 years. Since ours was a arranged marriage we had many ups and downs but slowly we have settled all our matters. We have three kids. Elder one is 16yrs, 11yrs and 3yr. I am having a guilt feeling that we have not been a good parent to our 16yr old. When he was born I was young and inexperienced and was always settling my difference with my husband and was not taking good care of my son. Now he is in college he is not performing well in his studies. And has become very aggressive. I am very much worried about his future. Now I want to repair the damages I have done to him and I am very much feeling guilty and blaming myself that it was all because of me and my husband's misunderstanding his life is affected. My other two kids are doing good in everything they do. I cry every day that I have done mistake with my son and pray for his successful life. Now what can I do to improve my son's overall wellbeing. Please suggest.
Ans: Dear Mom,

I can totally empathise with you...so here is what I am going to tell you out of my own experience and what I did to overcome this mom guilt and seeking forgiveness. It's good that you are have worked on your marriage and have 3 kids, pat yourself on the back for it. And it's normal in any marriage for these kind of ups and downs and then attaining peace and love, so good going for having found them!!And remember marriage is continuous work.

The solution I am going to give, I am going to divide it into two parts..

1. Forgiving yourself first..be kind to yourself, you were young, you were inexperienced, the mom you are to your 3 yr old is not the same person who brought up your first child, so quit being guilty! Every soul has a journey to take, your son chose you as a mother so that he could take that journey with you...you both had to take this journey together in order to evolve and grow into the people you are today. So, FORGIVE YOURSELF AND QUIT FEELING GUILTY, it's not easy but you have to start doing it. Be kind to the old you... and embrace the new you!! You are not the same person and so is your first born, this continuous evolving as a human being and becoming better is called life, rt?

2. Your SON is 16yrs old, the aggression that he has may not be because of what you did to him... it may be the changing hormones? When you are a guilty mother, you tend to blame yourself for all the wrongs that happen in your child's life, so quit being guilty.
Talk to him about how young you were when he was born and how guilty you feel about some things( be careful about what you say, kids are very resilient, they know how to protect themselves , so maybe how you remember things may not be the same way that he remembers), say sorry and seek his forgiveness. Check if you can have this conversation with him, don't give him the power to make you feel further more guilty. I leave this decision to you.

Don't cry dear mom, forgive yourself, heal and see what best you can do from now on with your first born...just move on from the past... be there for him, cherish him, love him and be there for him, help him navigate through life with compassion and understanding. It might take time, but it's all doable. Take care of him.. and a mother truly knows what is best for her child, trust your instincts, the mother's instincts are far too powerful, take back your power from the "guilty mother" and nourish your bond.

What "I do' and also advice all parents is to spend excusive time with each child, scheduling time with each child and doing something which they like takes the bond to new levels!! Try this out...

All the best... and wishing happy times ahead for you and your beautiful family!!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8234 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2025Hindi
Money
I have sip of 15k in mutual fund & 5k in stock also 1.5k rd, 1k sukanya samriddhi nps 18k pf 7k how much can be amount after 20 years.
Ans: You are already on a steady path.

Your monthly investments are spread across mutual funds, stocks, RD, NPS, PF and Sukanya Samriddhi. A well-diversified structure like this can give strong long-term results.

Let us now look at each part closely.

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Mutual Fund SIP – Rs 15,000 per month

This is the core of your long-term wealth growth.

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Equity mutual funds can give higher returns than FDs or RDs.

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Actively managed funds are better than index funds in many ways.

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Fund managers adjust the portfolio as per market conditions.

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Index funds follow the market blindly without any strategy.

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Your Rs 15,000 SIP for 20 years can become a big amount.

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Discipline is the key. Keep investing without stopping during market falls.

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Use regular plans through MFDs guided by a Certified Financial Planner.

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Direct plans may look cheaper but come with zero guidance or monitoring.

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A regular plan gives long-term relationship-based advice from a certified expert.

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A well-managed SIP for 20 years can build wealth over Rs 1 crore.

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Keep reviewing SIP performance every year with your planner.

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Make changes only if fund consistently underperforms for 2-3 years.

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Stock Investment – Rs 5,000 per month

Investing in stocks shows good risk-taking ability.

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Stock investment can give higher growth than other options.

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But it needs more knowledge and time to track companies.

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Stocks can be volatile. So, stay calm during market ups and downs.

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Avoid panic selling when markets crash.

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Long holding gives the best results in stocks.

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After 20 years, even this Rs 5,000 per month can become a sizeable amount.

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Prefer quality businesses with strong track record and future potential.

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If unsure, shift this to mutual funds under expert guidance.

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Recurring Deposit – Rs 1,500 per month

RD is safe, but returns are low compared to other options.

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RD interest is fully taxable as per your income tax slab.

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Over 20 years, RD will give lowest return in your portfolio.

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You can keep it only for short-term goals or emergency reserve.

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For long-term, shift this to equity mutual funds.

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Or you can put in hybrid mutual funds for slightly lower risk.

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Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana – Rs 1,000 per month

This is a very good scheme for girl child.

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It is safe and backed by the government.

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Interest is tax-free. Maturity is also tax-free.

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Lock-in until 21 years, so it suits long-term education/marriage goal.

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Keep contributing regularly to get maximum maturity benefit.

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You can expect a large corpus after 21 years with steady investment.

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Ideal for disciplined investors who want safe and tax-free returns.

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NPS – Rs 18,000 per month

NPS helps to build retirement corpus over long term.

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Investment is split between equity and debt automatically.

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You can also choose allocation yourself with active choice.

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Equity part can grow well in long term.

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Returns are market-linked, but more stable than pure equity.

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There is lock-in till age 60, so ideal for retirement goal only.

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After retirement, partial amount is tax-free.

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Some part must be used to buy pension (annuity), which is taxable.

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Although annuity is compulsory in NPS, you can plan withdrawals smartly.

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NPS of Rs 18,000 monthly can build a large retirement fund.

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Keep track of performance every year and rebalance if needed.

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Provident Fund – Rs 7,000 per month

EPF or PPF is a low-risk long-term savings tool.

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Interest is tax-free and withdrawal is also tax-free.

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Suits conservative investors looking for safe capital.

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PF works well with equity for balanced growth.

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You already have good exposure across products, which is positive.

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Over 20 years, this amount grows slowly but steadily.

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Don’t stop contributions. It’s your retirement backup.

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You can also open Voluntary PF to increase savings.

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Expected Total Value After 20 Years

Your total monthly savings is Rs 47,500.

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This is very strong commitment for your future.

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With average returns, you may build Rs 2.5 crore to Rs 3 crore.

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If equity performs well, you may reach Rs 3.5 crore or more.

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This depends on discipline, patience and smart review every year.

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Market ups and downs are normal. Stay focused on the 20-year goal.

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Avoid stopping SIPs during crisis. That’s when real wealth is built.

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Diversification helps to reduce risk and increase stability.

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Your current portfolio is well-diversified across equity, debt, and government schemes.

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It is the right balance for long-term investors.

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360 Degree Suggestions for Better Results

Do annual review of all investments with a Certified Financial Planner.

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Check if asset allocation needs to be changed based on your age and goals.

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Increase SIP amount every year as income grows.

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Shift RD money to mutual funds or hybrid funds for better returns.

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Continue Sukanya Samriddhi regularly for daughter’s future.

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Monitor NPS and PF for performance and tax efficiency.

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Avoid direct stocks if you don’t have time or expertise.

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Do not invest in index funds or ETFs.

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Index funds give average returns without any flexibility.

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Active mutual funds have skilled fund managers who track markets better.

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Use regular mutual fund plans through a CFP and MFD channel.

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Direct plans look cheaper but offer no advice or monitoring.

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Regular plan ensures review and goal tracking with expert help.

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Do not invest in real estate unless for own use. It gives low rental returns.

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No need for annuities. They lock your money with low returns.

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Focus on growth-oriented, flexible investment tools like mutual funds.

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Create an emergency fund with at least 6 months’ expenses.

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Take term insurance to protect your family financially.

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Health insurance should also cover family members adequately.

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Tax Rules to Remember

Mutual Fund LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

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STCG in mutual funds is taxed at 20%.

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RD interest is taxed as per your income slab.

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Sukanya Samriddhi, NPS (partial), PF – tax-free on maturity.

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Plan withdrawals smartly to save taxes in future.

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Finally

You are doing a great job by saving across different tools.

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This structure can give you financial freedom and peace of mind.

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With smart review and regular investing, your 20-year goals can be fulfilled easily.

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Stay committed. Be patient. Don’t chase quick profits.

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Keep it simple. Focus on goals and expert-guided investment.

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Best Regards,
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K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
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Chief Financial Planner,
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www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8234 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 15, 2025

Money
I want to invest in my childs education born in 2023. What is the best thing in the market?
Ans: Absolutely appreciate your intention to invest early for your child’s education.

This is a thoughtful and wise move.

Your child born in 2023 will likely need funds for college around 2040.

That gives you a long investment horizon of 15+ years.

This gives enough time for compounding to work well.

Let me share a 360-degree investment roadmap for this goal.

This plan is written in a simple tone but with professional depth.

Let us now explore the best available options in the market today.

Understand the Nature of the Goal
Education is a non-negotiable goal.

You cannot postpone or compromise it easily.

It is a high-cost goal due to inflation in education fees.

Hence, your investment must beat education inflation.

Regular savings in a bank will not be enough.

You need growth assets with better long-term returns.

Also, safety and discipline are important.

Tax efficiency matters because the goal is long-term.

You must track progress regularly and adjust if needed.

You must not withdraw before maturity, even during emergencies.

Begin with a Clear Goal Plan
Estimate the year your child will need funds.

For UG courses, it could be in 2040.

For PG, it may be 2043 or later.

Estimate cost of education in today’s value.

Then adjust for education inflation.

Usually, education inflation is around 8–10%.

Do not ignore living costs, books, and hostel fees.

Add buffer for foreign education or special courses.

Split the goal into 2 phases: UG and PG.

Assign different timelines and amounts to each.

Then plan SIPs or lump sums accordingly.

Why Fixed Deposits Are Not Suitable
FD returns are lower than education inflation.

Tax on FD interest reduces actual returns.

Compounding works poorly in FDs.

FDs do not allow automatic step-up in investment.

They also don’t offer any growth during long tenure.

Reinvesting maturity amount each time is inefficient.

Your long-term wealth will remain stagnant.

They are only okay for short-term parking.

Not ideal for a 15 to 20-year education goal.

Avoiding Index Funds for Education Planning
Index funds only copy the market.

They lack human intelligence and decision-making.

They do not outperform in volatile markets.

They carry full market risk without active adjustment.

In falling markets, they fall fully with no defense.

Index funds cannot shift from poor sectors.

Actively managed funds can change strategy mid-way.

Fund managers can shift to better sectors.

Hence, for education goals, prefer active mutual funds.

Debt Mutual Funds: Use Them Carefully
Debt funds are useful for short-term education goals.

Also useful 2-3 years before goal maturity.

They reduce risk from sudden equity fall.

But returns are not high for long-term.

Tax treatment is as per income tax slab.

You may pay more tax if in higher slab.

So use debt funds only during last few years.

Do not start education investing with them.

Gold ETFs or Sovereign Gold Bonds: Limited Use
Gold may give inflation-like returns over time.

But it is not consistent year after year.

No dividend or income from gold investment.

Gold prices can stay flat for years.

SGBs are tax-free after 8 years, but lack flexibility.

Hence, use only 5–10% of corpus in gold.

Do not depend only on gold for education goal.

Best Core Strategy: Active Mutual Funds
These are managed by skilled fund managers.

They aim to beat market by smart decisions.

They adjust portfolio based on market situation.

They change allocation between sectors and themes.

They select good companies and avoid weak ones.

Over long term, they can outperform passive funds.

Also, they are well-regulated and transparent.

SIP in active funds gives rupee cost averaging.

Over 15 years, this can create strong corpus.

These are ideal for long-term child education needs.

Disadvantages of Direct Plans
In direct funds, you invest without any guidance.

You need to monitor and rebalance yourself.

Most investors do not review portfolio regularly.

No help to handle underperforming funds.

No one reminds or guides you during market changes.

You may miss out on newer, better opportunities.

Wrong selection or wrong asset mix causes damage.

Instead, choose regular plans through Certified Financial Planner.

You get professional support with goal-based planning.

You stay on track and reduce mistakes.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Best Route
SIP builds habit and discipline in investing.

It removes the pressure of timing the market.

Even small amounts can become big with time.

You can increase SIP every year as income grows.

It helps in averaging cost during market ups and downs.

You remain invested even during market falls.

SIP is a good match for long-term education goals.

Use Step-up SIP for Higher Growth
Step-up SIP means increasing SIP yearly.

This matches your salary or business growth.

It helps beat inflation better over 15 years.

You invest more without much effort.

This results in higher maturity amount.

A Certified Financial Planner can help calculate ideal step-up.

Mix of Equity Mutual Funds Based on Child’s Age
When your child is 0 to 10 years old:

Allocate 90–100% to equity mutual funds.

Use a mix of large-cap, flexi-cap and mid-cap funds.

Add small-cap only if you can tolerate volatility.

Avoid thematic or sectoral funds now.

Keep it simple and diversified.

When your child turns 11–13 years:

Gradually reduce mid- and small-cap exposure.

Shift 20–30% into conservative hybrid funds.

Reduce equity to about 70–80%.

From 14–16 years onward:

Move 40–60% to short-duration debt funds.

This will protect the goal from equity volatility.

Keep rest in flexi-cap and large-cap funds.

1–2 years before goal:

Move entire corpus to liquid and short-term debt funds.

Ensure capital is safe and ready for use.

Use Goal Tracker Every Year
Track if your corpus is growing as per plan.

Review fund performance every year.

Replace underperforming funds with better ones.

Adjust SIP amount if needed.

Increase SIP if inflation rises more than expected.

Use XIRR to check overall returns.

A Certified Financial Planner will do this yearly.

Use Separate Folio for Education Goal
Don’t mix this goal with other investments.

Use one folio for this specific purpose.

This gives clear visibility and control.

You won’t accidentally withdraw for other needs.

It keeps your mental focus intact.

Insurance is Not Investment
Do not mix insurance with child education.

Avoid ULIPs, endowment plans or money-back policies.

They give poor returns and long lock-in.

Mostly 3–5% return only, after charges.

Instead, buy pure term insurance separately.

Invest remaining in good mutual funds.

If you hold any investment-cum-insurance policy:

Do a cost-benefit analysis.

If returns are low, surrender and reinvest.

Redeem carefully to avoid exit load or tax.

Emergency Fund and Term Insurance
Always keep 6–12 months expense as emergency fund.

This avoids breaking child investment during crisis.

Use liquid mutual funds or FD for this.

Also buy term insurance to protect child’s goal.

It should cover at least 15–20 times your annual income.

If anything happens to you, the child’s goal stays safe.

Tax Impact and Smart Withdrawals
Equity MF gains above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

This applies only after one year holding.

If sold within 1 year, 20% tax applies.

For debt funds, tax as per income tax slab.

Plan withdrawals over 2–3 financial years.

This reduces tax burden and keeps money liquid.

A Certified Financial Planner can guide tax-efficient exit.

Avoid Lump Sum Late Investment
Don’t wait to invest in final 3–5 years.

Lump sum at that time is risky and stressful.

It may coincide with market downturn.

Start early and do SIP consistently.

Early investment reduces pressure later.

Final Insights
Starting early is your biggest advantage.

You already made a great first step.

Continue SIPs for 15 years with discipline.

Do not panic during market fluctuations.

Review every year with a Certified Financial Planner.

Adjust based on inflation, market and child’s career path.

Keep insurance separate and invest only in mutual funds.

Never stop SIP mid-way unless emergency.

Child’s future deserves consistent planning and care.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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Radheshyam Zanwar  |1527 Answers  |Ask -

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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