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27 Year Old Married Woman Seeking Advice About Hostile Mother-in-Law

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1590 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
DD Question by DD on Nov 17, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, Im 27yrs old. I have been married for 1.5 yrs. Me and my husband live abroad. I grew up abroad for a great deal of my life and all members of my family are post graduate degree holders from renowned universities. Recently my mother-in-law came to visit us, she is staying for 6 months. My husband prior to marriage said that his mother is educated when I asked him. Post marriage I found out she studied only till 10th and married my father-in-law who is deceased. Since her arrival, my mother-in-law’s behaviour has been very weird. 1. She once told me that in their caste Kshatriyas ( we had an inter-caste marriage) its very common for the men to have 2 wives and mistresses. This was said totally out if context. Couple of days later she mentioned that her husband had a mistress. 2. She asks me questions about why things are the way they are and why are they like that. I find it very difficult to answer to her questions at the same time I don’t want to sound condescending. 3. She complained to my mother that my husband and I are using up too much ghee and oil. She blames that I made her son fat. My husband likes to have everything deep fried when I don’t do as he asks he throws a fit like a child and refuses to eat. Now I realised why, she deep fries almost everything, bhindi, potato, gobi, arvi, and even brinjal. 4. She also mentions that some relative of their was going to give then 2kg gold dowry to marry her son. I asked her why didn’t she accept it then. They she covered up saying that our engagement was already done by then. Again recently, she was talking to her sister on the phone and was saying that a girl is really beautiful and she was considering her for my husband but he liked me. All while I was literally in front of her. 5. She tries to take over the kitchen, she wants to wash dishes by hand and there is food residue all over. She doesn't want me to use the dishwasher. When I pointedly out that there is residue all dried up on the mixer blade, she covered it up saying that its powder. 6. I asked her not to put oil or ghee on the roti pan when making rotis as its ruining the pan and to ghee after the roti is cooked. She still went ahead and melted butter and poured it on the pan and made rotis. She said that they are not puffing up without the oil. I tried it out myself and I discovered that she lied. Dishonesty is my biggest peeve. I have no respect for her now. I don’t understand why she behaves the way she does. She also expects me to listen to all her stories and express interest in her superstitions. She on the other hand shows total disregard to what I say. My parents want me to be nice to her as she is a widow and has only her son and daughter. She is not nice to her daughter. My sister in law does not want to live with her in laws and my mother-in-laws laughs when she calls her crying. I have witnessed her gas lighting her daughter on many occasions. Once my husband asked her is the sister can come stay at home with her back in India and my mother-in-law said that she does not want her daughter in the house because she is a burden. My mother in law also keeps telling me that I should press her son’s legs as it will give Lakshmi. Once he took food from my plate I told him to put it back and get his own, she said its a Maha paap to snatch from husband’s mouth. She uses this Mahapaap whenever I ask my husband to help around the house. I don’t know how to communicate this with my husband and how to deal with her. He believes he needs to provide everything his mom wants and give her the world because she went thru difficulties after their dad’s passing. However my mother in law believes her life got better after her husband’s passing. She says that her husband was abusive to her physically, emotionally and financially. What do I do?

Ans: Dear DD,
Some space is necessary to be away from people who display less empathy. It keeps the relationship healthier.
You will usually find me guiding people towards one another first BUT at times maintaining a healthy distance can save relationships. Your mother-in-law can become the cause for stress within your marriage as you will have no one to take your complaints to other than your husband. He is obviously not going to take it that easily...
Also the fact that your mother-in-law herself hasn't held a steady marriage is going to be a constant source of more stresses as she is very likely to expect special treatment from her son and you.
She needs to work on her mind and that's too much to expect of her. It's wise to keep some distance and over time, she may wish to re-build relationships with everyone and live in harmony.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1590 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi
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Hi Anu...i hv been reading ur expertise to solve the issues of people and am really impressed. We have been married for 19years now and have a son and daughter .From the start of the marriage my wife have been inclined towards her mother and her family paying less or no heed to us. Circumstances were also favorable to her and she always got the opportunity to stay close and visit her parents often which i did not mind.We lived in Mumbai and she is from Chennai.After marriage my mom-in-law used to continuosly interfere into our lives by calling her and she used to act as per her suggestions only which led to problems as she was a puppet in the hands of my Mom-in-law. Moreover since my mom-in-law was not in good health my wife tried not to over rule as she did not want her mom to feel sick as she doesnt like to be over ruled or by pass failing which she goes on hunger strike and stop taking tablets spoiling her own health. Due to this reason everybody has been appeasing her.Initially i thought to ignore but slowly it started to affect my family as well as my wife started to see things thru my mom-in-laws perspective and find faults in everything. We shifted to overseas to stay away from all these and we really had a good life for 10 years there but since i lost job during covid i had to shift base to India for my son's education but she chose to stay back there with my daughter as she is working there.I too felt that let her spend some time so that i could settle things in India and call her but it is more than 2 years now and she refuses to come back and dont even care for us and neither call us as family. I tried to involve my in-laws to convince her but they are also playing a diplomatic game and doesnt want to go against their daughter's wish.Due to this attitude of my mom-in-law their own daughter-in-laws have been staying away and since my in-laws stay alone my wife feels that she is the only support system for her parents but it has come on my life's sacrifice. She has been ignoring us and even i kept moving for the sake of my family and children instead of respecting my feelings she has become more adamant now.Her brother is also seperated from her wife and he also looks forward for a support system from my daughter and my wife and they seem close ignoring myself and my son.We have been trying to convince her thru all means but she is caring. Even i feel that it is futile to force someone into relationship but she unknowingly spoiling my family and deprieve my son the mother;s love and also depreive my daughter from affection and love.Due to this my son has also stopped expecting from her and my daughter treats me as a stranger due to long distance. Pls suggest the way forward. Shud i wait for things to improve or leave as it is.I am 47 now and she is 45..told her that let us enjoy the best things in life rather than regretting later but she does not understand.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Logic does not appeal to your wife!
What can you do with someone who is adamant about ruining her own family life? It's purely clouded judgement on her part on what to do and not!
With more people dependent on your wife for support, she has found a way of moving even more away from you...what I do not understand is: how is she able to do that to your son?

Either the two of you talk this out and take firm decisions OR accept that this is how it's going to be...sooner or later, she will realize what is happening and will become more aware of her priorities. But, being where you are is painful and it will stress you even more...So, find a way to talk things out is a step that you can take NOW!

Impress upon her as to how important it is keep the family together as a unit for the children to grow in a healthy manner and also how much this time investment will help the two of you as a couple.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1590 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 07, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am 31 years old.. married for one and a half year, it was an arranged marriage, when my father came he was well and clear that my daughter studies or works for long hours she don’t like household chores but she earns well so can pay for help.. that time my mother in law was all happy and said I will help her, she’ll be like my child and all that... my husband also used to assure me that you will be treated really well, if you are working no body gonna point out, we are very modern. My mother in law is very modern she used to wear jeans and shorts and her Devrani lived in ghunghat... My mother in law hates everyone in her family, devarani, jethani, nanad, her own late mother in law father in law, her own mother, father, brothers, sisters, their spouses, their children... everyone. Yet my husband doesn’t understand she is doing wrong, I come from a big family... people fight and next day come back together... here it’s very very hard to survive in this negativity. Once I went home, because here I wasn’t getting enough time to study due to household chores... then behind me she created scenes telling .. your wife has disrespected me, didn’t eat anything for 15-20 days then my husband got angry on me... we fought and he blocked me, no contact between us for months. My parents came once to talk but she was too loud and insulting that they got sure we are NOT sending back our daughter to such house. Then our relatives interfered, sat together and found out there was no major problem everybody laughed.. saying we are not able to find any issue, but my mother in law still kept on complaining for continuously 4 hours... she was all negative.. I can back home, I know all I have to do is ignore her rest everything is okay to live by.. But I have lost trust on my husband,I know if he left me once, he can leave me again....living here is very difficult with all the hate, nobody comes to house for dinners.. it’s alone and hateful. I don’t say anything because that will only elevate the problem. It’s hell living here.. they all sit together and talk and when I go everyone shuts.. although I don’t care what that are talking about, I don’t give a rat’s ass even if they’re bitching about me. It’s just all negative and I wanna run away from here.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is your question for me here?
I have got the point that there is a lot of hate and negativity at your in-laws place and that it is far different from how you were raised. Also, that your husband blindly sides with his mother bothers you. But I will try and put things in perspective and make suggestions here.

Now, understand that certain families are the way that they are and unfortunately you have come into a place where people are isolated from one another and talk behind each other's backs.
Are you in a position to change all of this especially when you have realized that your husband isn't someone who is on your side?
So, when you can't change something, the only way to get through all of this peacefully is to accept it. But, that is the things that you are struggling with already and yes, it is understandable from your point of view.
Have an honest conversation with your husband; I am sure he is interested in making his marriage work too. That's the first step to actually make him aware that all this is affecting you.
Let's say, he is not bothered by it all and continues to go about all of this without realizing that he has a wife and he is also responsible towards the marriage, try and suggest getting to a professional (But do realize that the professional will not be able to change the way your husband's home functions). This is only getting the bond between you and your husband stronger so that you can be on the same side weathering the environment around you.
Now, if he refuses this intervention...then the onus is on you...what and how you see your life is totally a choice that you must make.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1590 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

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Hi Anu, After reading a lot of your responses I started to believe that you probably have a solution to my complex problem I am 42 yr old and wife 40 and we live in AUS. We have 2 beautiful, smart kids 11 and 7. She is a nice person but not very smart to think what should we care and what not care and live a happy life. A few years ago my mom from India used to visit how used to complain about my in-laws about how rude they are how they not keep in touch at all and all that. This is absolutely true because I saw that myself. But my wife being a loving daughter thinks none of that is true and my mom is lying. 10 years ago my dad passed away after 2 months of lot of suffering from cancer, my wife was pregnant here at the same time in AUS. I had to go to India to spend with time with my dad during his last days.One unbelievable truth is when I was performing funeral rituals on on side my father in law was telling all my close visitors that I am not talking/calling much to my wife during these days to AUS. All those guests told me about it. But my father-in-law says that he never said those things to visitors and they are all lying. My wife firmly believes that they are all lying. When I talked to him in person he agreed that he said those things. He is never nice to our family. He never even offered help to my family when my dad was suffering. All that a side, realizing that me and my family is disturbed a lot, none of my family members are saying anything to her just so that we are happy and nothing bothers us. It's been 2 1/2 years like that. But she is not ready for forget what happened in the past and live a happy family life. Despite suffering I myself tell her to forget all that happened and I never talk about past things. But she still clings on to those thoughts. My kids are suffering now. To keep my family happy, I try to make fun , talk to her, go places and all that. But with those past thoughts she turned into a heartless person. Please help. Tell me where, what and how can I/we fix this.
Ans: Dear Harsha,
Thank you for the acknowledgement.
My suggestion to you: Start afresh!
Digging what happened only puts your wife in the spotlight...maybe she wasn't at her best and things went downhill, but it will not give her the chance to rework things and integrate back into the family.
So, press the RESET button and along with the kids, focus on your family...what her father said or not, what someone should have done or not; let it be done and dusted.
For relationships to work and move, both parties involved, must make that choice to leave the past behind, else the shadows keep growing and casting a cloud over something that is healthy and has a chance to grow beautifully.
Does this make sense here? If I tell you to go down the path and confront her about her father, she will get defensive and this thing will get ugly and perhaps backfire.
Are you willing to start afresh is the question here? If YES, what will this do for you? Now, you know what to do...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I need advice from anyone here. I am 34 years old woman and married. I have 10 year old daughter. I am also working in MNC.I got married 12 years back. I am seeing lot of challenges in my home. I am living with my in laws from the day one. They were lot of issues going on from the starting. I faced lot of issue during my pregnancy due to this. Here giving just an example, My MIL condition is I was not allowed to drink milk more than one small glass for a day and allowed to eat rice only one rice spatula for afternoon and night, no veggies and no fruits during pregnancy. Due to this My health got deteriorated and I had gone through surgery in my 6th month and was in bed rest till the delivery. My FIL used to bring some fruits to me, and she scolded him very badly. After that he stopped to bring anything. Like this lot of things keep on happening till date. She doesn't allow me to cook, and she only prepare lunch. Tells everyone in the family and neighbourhood that I won't cook. Lot of times I asked her I will cook. She says she doesn’t like if others cook. So, she allows me to chop the veggies or grating coconut like that. She gives very less amount of food for my daughter. sometimes even my daughter is hungry, she scolds her saying don't eat too much. For 10 years old kid, she weighs 24. To her school lunch bag and snacks, I fought with my MIL and prepare food for her box and give. She eats happily. Sometimes my husband and myself tried to tell her and she goes on like I changed her son and He doesn't love her anymore because of me etc., Now a days, I feel relationship between my husband and me is going down. He only listens to her. Sometimes my MIL scolds my daughter unnecessarily Infront of my husband and he we will scold my daughter for this again. Due to this, my husband and my daughter relationship is also getting worst. He keeps on scolding her, My daughter is average in her academics, she doesn't study properly after coming home due to lot distractions and mood swings at home. One more reason is TV. At home My MIL watches the TV from the morning. We are not allowed to watch but that’s ok I don’t have time for that anyway. While my daughter is studying in the evening, my MIL watches some serials. My daughter's whole concentration is on the voices coming from TV. She will keep on getting distracted and make excuses for something to watch TV like drinking water,etc. We tried to tell my MIL, but it didn’t go well. Most of the times, I feel like me and my daughter are outsiders and whatever we do they doesn't like it. I like to pray by singing one song at least once a day. She doesn't like it. Whatever food I prepare to my daughter my MIL complains it to my husband as junk. I normally prepare her rice with lot of veggies, parathas with veggies and sandwich. After I started preparing these, my daughter started eating veggies, otherwise there was big no from her. I don't know how to handle all those things . Also recently during Dusshera, due to one of the situation like this, my husband is not talking properly with me and my daughter. I am an introvert, and I don’t have any friends. I don’t know with whom to seek advice.
Ans: Twelve years of this? You’re a financially independent, capable woman. Why in God’s name are you tolerating this absurd woman and her absolute BS? Move out. NOW. If your husband has any sense, he’ll join you. If not, let him live under his mother’s skirt for the rest of his life, but don’t destroy your own any more than you already have. Take your daughter and LEAVE!

..Read more

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Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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Hello I am 41 years old but due to careless in life I can't take decision for marriage but now I am realising something wrong happened i started searching alliance but didn't get I want to be relation soon. Please guide me
Ans: It’s completely okay to have taken time figuring out what you wanted in life. Sometimes we don’t move forward simply because we weren’t ready, or we lacked the clarity or emotional support needed at the time. But that doesn't mean you're behind. Everyone’s timeline is different, and yours is still very much unfolding.

Now that you're feeling ready for a serious relationship, here are a few steps you can take to approach this new chapter with confidence and self-awareness.

Start with clarity. Reflect on what kind of partner you're looking for—not just in terms of age or background, but emotionally and mentally. What values matter to you? What kind of connection are you seeking? Are you open to someone who has been married before? Children? When you’re clear, it becomes easier to recognize the right person when they appear.

At the same time, look inward. Do some emotional housekeeping. Ask yourself: What kind of partner do I want to be? Am I emotionally available? Am I still carrying regret, fear, or pressure about being “late” to marriage? Because entering a relationship out of guilt or urgency often leads to settling. But entering it from a place of self-respect and genuine desire creates something meaningful.

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Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025Hindi
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I have strict parents. I had a boyfriend for about 5 years, but my parents made me to break up with him because we belonged to different castes. I moved on from it somehow. and now i have another boyfriend (who is of the same caste), and he loves me truly, but now my parents are making me to lose all sort of contact with him and break up, in order to study. this has become a routine now, as soon as they get to know abt me being in a relationship, they make me breakup with the guy. and i am left to chose between the guy and my parents. what do i do?
Ans: From what you’ve shared, this isn’t just a one-time struggle. It’s a pattern where your desires and emotional connections are consistently overruled by parental control. That doesn’t just impact your relationships—it chips away at your autonomy, your confidence in making life decisions, and ultimately, your sense of self.

Let’s take a step back. It sounds like your parents operate from a space of fear, control, or perhaps even cultural conditioning—believing they know what’s “best” for you, even when that means disregarding your emotions. But here’s the truth: you are the one who has to live with the choices made in your life. Not them. You’re not doing something wrong by loving someone. You’re not “disobedient” because you want a say in your own future.

That being said, when you’ve grown up in a strict household, especially where obedience is confused with love, it can be incredibly hard to assert your independence without feeling crushing guilt or fear. But you need to ask yourself: What kind of life will I have if I continue to silence my heart to please others?

This doesn’t mean you need to make a drastic decision right away. But you do need to begin slowly reclaiming your emotional power. Start by asking: do I want to live in a way that makes others comfortable but leaves me emotionally unfulfilled? Or do I want to begin building the courage to live life on my own terms, even if it means disappointing people?

Your education is important, yes—but love and education are not mutually exclusive. Healthy relationships can actually support your growth, help you manage stress, and increase your emotional resilience. If your boyfriend is kind, supportive, and genuinely wants to see you thrive, that’s a blessing, not a burden.

One path you might consider is gradually building emotional boundaries with your parents—not out of rebellion, but from a place of self-respect. That might look like choosing not to share every personal detail with them, or gently but firmly asserting that your relationship is your private choice. It might mean seeking financial or emotional independence so that your choices aren't controlled by fear of what they’ll do or say.

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Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025
Relationship
My husband and I have been married for 9 years. There is no love or attraction between us. It was an arranged marriage. We have a 6 year old son but he never plays with my son or takes interest in his affairs. Yes, he pays his school fees, buys him clothes during festivals but that's about it. He expects me to be a dutiful wife and daughter-in-law, cook and clean up, take care of his parents etc. But there is no appreciation or romance. I used to be depressed all the time. A year ago, I decided to start taking care of myself and joined a gym. There, I met a guy, who is divorced and has a 9 year old daughter. We instantly got along and started talking about our boring lives. We have a few things in common and I feel happy in his company. He once invited me and introduced me to his parents as well. My son is fond of him as well and his daughter adores me as we have spent a lot of good times together. He has now expressed his desire to marry me. What should I do? I am not happy in my current marriage and this seems like a perfect way out.
Ans: The answer isn’t as simple as leaving one life and stepping into another. It’s about honoring your truth while being mindful of the emotional ripple effect, especially on your child. But you also must ask: Can I keep living this way, feeling disconnected and emotionally starved, simply because it’s what’s expected of me? More importantly, what kind of life do I want my son to see me living?

Children are incredibly perceptive. They learn what love looks like not just by how they are treated, but by observing how love is modeled around them. Growing up in a house where emotional distance is the norm can quietly shape their beliefs about relationships. On the flip side, seeing you pursue emotional fulfillment and healthy love can show him that joy, mutual respect, and connection matter—and that it’s okay to change paths when something isn’t working.

Before making any life-altering decisions, it’s crucial to explore your options with clarity. Counseling can be immensely helpful—not necessarily couples counseling, but individual therapy to work through the emotional layers of guilt, confusion, and pressure. It can also prepare you emotionally if you decide to move forward with ending your marriage.

It’s also essential to understand the potential legal, familial, and cultural implications if you choose separation or divorce. Seek guidance not just from an emotional well-being perspective, but also from a legal standpoint. Surround yourself with people who support your healing and growth, whether that’s friends, a therapist, or a coach.

Ultimately, you deserve a life where you feel seen, valued, and emotionally safe. You deserve to model happiness, not sacrifice, for your child. And you deserve to make choices not out of fear, but out of love—for yourself, and for the life you wish to create.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8257 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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Money
How to earn monyfr
Ans: Earning money is a very important goal for everyone. Let’s look at some clear and easy-to-understand ways.

I will keep each point simple, short, and useful.

 

 

1. Earn Through Job or Profession

This is the first and most common way.

 

Study well or learn a skill.

 

Get a job or start a service.

 

Work regularly. Get monthly salary or fees.

 

 

2. Earn From Business

If you don’t want a job, you can start a small business.

 

Sell products or services.

 

Begin with small investment. Grow step by step.

 

Keep costs low. Serve customers well.

 

 

3. Earn Through Freelancing

If you have a skill, work online.

 

Offer writing, coding, design, or editing.

 

Use platforms like Upwork, Fiverr, Freelancer.

 

Earn in rupees or dollars from home.

 

 

4. Earn Through Investments

Invest money in mutual funds or deposits.

 

Get monthly income through SWP.

 

Let your money work and grow.

 

Start with safe funds. Take help of a Certified Financial Planner.

 

 

5. Earn From YouTube or Social Media

Make videos or posts on what you know.

 

Teach, entertain or share ideas.

 

Build an audience. Earn from ads, sponsors, and products.

 

Takes time. Needs patience and good content.

 

 

6. Earn By Renting Assets

If you have a house or shop, you can rent it.

 

Earn monthly rental income.

 

If you have tools, car, or camera, rent them too.

 

Use safely. Maintain everything well.

 

 

7. Earn By Selling Items Online

Make or collect items to sell.

 

Use Amazon, Flipkart, or your own website.

 

Sell clothes, toys, food, crafts, or books.

 

Keep prices fair. Deliver on time.

 

 

8. Earn From Teaching or Coaching

If you are good at something, teach others.

 

Conduct online or offline classes.

 

Teach school subjects, yoga, music, cooking or language.

 

Charge fees for each session or month.

 

 

9. Earn Through Writing or Blogging

Start a blog on what you love.

 

Write clearly. Help readers.

 

Monetise using ads or sponsored posts.

 

Publish eBooks. Earn royalty.

 

 

10. Earn From Long-Term Investments

Invest for long-term in mutual funds.

 

Over time, get wealth and income both.

 

Avoid gambling, trading, or quick money schemes.

 

Always plan with a Certified Financial Planner.

 

 

Finally

There are many ways to earn. You need time, effort and planning. Choose what suits you best. Use your skills, money, and energy wisely.

Keep learning. Stay honest. Be patient.

That is the secret to steady and strong income.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8257 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Money
How the SWP works? Is it safe to invest in SWP for 20 lakhs, please help me to understand and what are risk involved.
Ans: Wanting regular income from investments is a practical and necessary goal. A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) is one powerful option. It helps you withdraw money monthly from your mutual fund investments. But before you commit Rs. 20 lakhs to SWP, let’s study it from every angle.

Let us understand how SWP works, its safety, usefulness, and risks—clearly and completely.

 

 

What is SWP in Simple Words?

SWP is a feature in mutual funds.

 

It allows you to withdraw a fixed amount every month.

 

The money comes from your own investment in the fund.

 

The remaining amount stays invested in the fund.

 

That balance keeps growing with market performance.

 

It is the opposite of SIP. SIP adds money. SWP gives money back to you.

 

 

How Does It Work in Practice?

Suppose you invest Rs. 20 lakhs in a mutual fund.

 

You set up a SWP of Rs. 25,000 per month.

 

Every month, Rs. 25,000 is credited to your bank account.

 

This continues until you stop or your investment runs out.

 

The remaining capital continues to earn market returns.

 

If the fund performs well, your capital may grow despite withdrawals.

 

If the fund performs poorly, your capital may reduce faster.

 

 

Where Should You Invest for SWP?

Choose equity-oriented hybrid or balanced mutual funds.

 

These funds aim for stable and moderate growth.

 

Avoid high-risk funds like small-cap for SWP needs.

 

Avoid pure debt funds too. They may not beat inflation.

 

Select actively managed funds only.

 

Index funds are not suitable here.

 

Index funds have no human control. They just copy markets.

 

In falling markets, they provide no cushion.

 

Actively managed funds adjust risk and protect capital better.

 

A Certified Financial Planner can help choose suitable funds.

 

 

Is SWP Safe for Rs. 20 Lakhs?

SWP is not a separate product. It is a feature.

 

The safety depends on where your money is invested.

 

The fund's performance decides the return and capital safety.

 

If you choose well-managed funds, SWP becomes more reliable.

 

If you withdraw too much too soon, it becomes risky.

 

So, withdrawal amount must match the fund’s return capacity.

 

A Certified Financial Planner will help you set the right withdrawal rate.

 

 

What Are the Benefits of SWP?

You get regular income every month.

 

This is useful for retired people or families needing cash flow.

 

It is more tax-efficient than FD interest.

 

In equity funds, after one year, gains up to Rs. 1.25 lakh are tax-free.

 

Gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5% only.

 

In FDs, the full interest is taxed as per your slab.

 

SWP gives better control over taxation.

 

You also decide how much and when to withdraw.

 

It does not lock your capital like annuities.

 

You can stop or change the amount anytime.

 

Your remaining capital still grows.

 

 

What Are the Risks Involved in SWP?

The biggest risk is market performance.

 

If the fund performs poorly for long, capital may reduce faster.

 

Withdrawing more than the return rate leads to capital erosion.

 

In early years, if there is a market crash, returns can fall.

 

This is called sequence of return risk.

 

If you panic and stop the SWP, you may lose long-term gains.

 

Therefore, fund selection and amount choice must be done carefully.

 

Do not withdraw too much from equity funds.

 

Stick to 5% to 7% withdrawal of the corpus per year.

 

Rebalance the portfolio annually with the help of a Certified Financial Planner.

 

 

How is Tax Calculated on SWP Withdrawals?

Tax is only on the gain portion, not the full withdrawal.

 

For equity funds, if held more than one year:

 

    • Gains up to Rs. 1.25 lakh in a year are tax-free.

    • Gains above that are taxed at 12.5%.

 

For withdrawals within 1 year, 20% tax on short-term gains.

 

For debt funds, entire gain is taxed as per your income slab.

 

Tax is deducted only on capital gain, not total SWP amount.

 

This makes SWP more tax-friendly than FD interest.

 

 

How Does SWP Compare With FD Interest?

FD interest is fixed but fully taxable.

 

SWP offers flexibility, better post-tax returns, and capital appreciation.

 

FD interest stays flat. SWP can grow if fund performs well.

 

FD locks your capital. SWP keeps your capital liquid.

 

FD maturity must be renewed. SWP can continue for years.

 

FD income stops when capital ends. SWP may continue even longer.

 

In inflation terms, FD income loses value. SWP may protect against inflation.

 

 

Should You Invest Rs. 20 Lakhs in SWP?

Yes, if you want steady monthly income.

 

Yes, if you don’t need the whole amount immediately.

 

Yes, if you invest in the right mutual fund category.

 

No, if you expect guaranteed income like FD.

 

No, if you cannot handle short-term fund fluctuations.

 

No, if you plan to withdraw high amounts monthly.

 

 

Tips to Make Your SWP Investment Strong

Choose hybrid equity funds, not pure equity or debt funds.

 

Use regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner.

 

Direct plans lack personalised advice and regular review.

 

MFDs with CFP credentials track markets and help in changes.

 

Avoid index funds. They don’t protect during market falls.

 

Active funds give better control and management.

 

Start small SWP first. Increase later if fund performs well.

 

Monitor performance every year with your planner.

 

Avoid withdrawing during deep market crashes.

 

Let the capital stay longer to recover and grow.

 

Rebalance every year. Shift gains to safe funds when needed.

 

 

Can SWP Be a Retirement Plan?

Yes, many retired investors use SWP.

 

It is a flexible, tax-efficient income source.

 

SWP protects principal if managed properly.

 

It also adjusts to your changing cash needs.

 

Unlike pension plans, you keep full control.

 

You can stop or increase SWP anytime.

 

You can leave the remaining amount for your family.

 

 

What Happens to Remaining Amount After SWP?

The remaining money stays in the mutual fund.

 

It continues to earn returns from the market.

 

You or your nominee can redeem the balance any time.

 

It is not locked. It stays liquid.

 

Capital not used becomes part of your legacy.

 

You can also use it to increase monthly SWP later.

 

Or withdraw lump sum for emergencies.

 

 

Finally

SWP is a very smart tool. It gives you peace, flexibility and tax benefits. But it needs careful planning. It is not risk-free. But with right fund, right amount and right advice, the risks reduce.

Use actively managed mutual funds. Avoid index funds. Avoid direct plans. Work with a Certified Financial Planner. They will guide, monitor and adjust when needed.

SWP is not just about monthly income. It is about freedom, control and dignity in retirement. Rs. 20 lakhs can give strong support for your goals.

Choose wisely. Plan clearly. Review regularly.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8257 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, I am 51 years old. I have 2Cr in PPF, 4Cr in Deposits and 1Cr in MF. I have recently sold property and have accquired 15Cr. Given how volatile the financial landscape is, where should I invest the 15Cr looking at a horizon of next 20 years for self and family. Besides this I also own 2 other properties totaling 5 Cr.
Ans: You have managed your money with maturity. The assets you’ve built show your disciplined approach. Now, with Rs. 15 Cr in hand, decisions must be thoughtful. Your focus on the next 20 years is correct and forward-thinking.

Let us now assess this with a 360-degree view. This is important for long-term clarity. Let us structure your Rs. 15 Cr for wealth safety, regular income, tax-efficiency and family needs.

Let’s look at each important area.

 

 

Understanding Your Current Asset Allocation

You have Rs. 2 Cr in PPF. This is long-term, safe and tax-free.

 

You have Rs. 4 Cr in deposits. These offer safety but may lag inflation.

 

You have Rs. 1 Cr in mutual funds. This shows some market participation.

 

You have Rs. 15 Cr in liquid form from recent sale.

 

You have Rs. 5 Cr in property. These are non-liquid, and for wealth holding.

 

Your overall wealth is Rs. 27 Cr. That is impressive. But over-dependence on fixed income can hurt wealth growth. Your PPF and deposits together form Rs. 6 Cr. These do not beat long-term inflation. That is a risk to family security.

 

 

Create Clear Financial Buckets for Purpose

Divide your Rs. 15 Cr into three buckets. Each has a different goal.

 

Bucket 1: For Emergency, Stability and Safety.

 

Bucket 2: For Medium-Term Needs in 5 to 10 years.

 

Bucket 3: For Long-Term Wealth Creation.

 

Let us now explore these buckets.

 

 

Bucket 1: Safety and Liquidity (Rs. 1.5 Cr)

This is to protect against sudden health or family emergencies.

 

Keep Rs. 75 lakhs in liquid funds or ultra-short-term funds.

 

These provide better returns than savings account. Still safe.

 

Rs. 75 lakhs can go to laddered fixed deposits.

 

Split this into 1-year, 2-year and 3-year ladders. Renew based on rates.

 

This bucket is not for growth. Only for comfort and liquidity.

 

 

Bucket 2: Medium-Term Stability (Rs. 3.5 Cr)

This money is not needed now. But may be required in 5 to 10 years.

 

Here, consider hybrid mutual funds.

 

Choose a mix of aggressive hybrid and balanced advantage funds.

 

These offer steady returns with lower volatility.

 

They shift between equity and debt. This reduces downside.

 

Choose actively managed funds. Avoid index funds.

 

Index funds copy the market. In falling markets, they give no protection.

 

A skilled fund manager in active funds can protect downside better.

 

Also, invest these in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

 

Regular plans offer expert reviews and advice.

 

Direct funds lack this. Mistakes can cost more than small commission.

 

A CFP can rebalance when needed. Direct plan holders often ignore this.

 

This medium-term bucket protects you from inflation with lower risk.

 

 

Bucket 3: Long-Term Growth and Wealth Building (Rs. 10 Cr)

This is your most powerful wealth creation engine.

 

Equity mutual funds are the ideal choice.

 

Choose from flexi-cap, large and mid-cap and small-cap funds.

 

Diversify across 6-8 funds. Avoid fund duplication.

 

Avoid index funds here too. They follow the market blindly.

 

Active funds can outperform with right strategy.

 

Fund managers in active funds research deeply before investing.

 

Index funds don’t do that. In volatile markets, they may lag behind.

 

Active funds also book profits smartly. Index funds don’t do this.

 

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner in regular plans.

 

A CFP monitors performance and does course correction.

 

Direct funds don’t give that support. You may miss key changes.

 

CFPs also help with capital gain planning and tax harvesting.

 

Do not invest this money at once.

 

Use Systematic Transfer Plan (STP).

 

Start by parking Rs. 10 Cr in liquid funds.

 

Gradually shift to equity over 18-24 months.

 

This reduces entry risk due to market timing.

 

This is your family’s future security. Plan this layer with care.

 

 

Tax Planning and Capital Gains Efficiency

Your existing PPF is already tax-free. Keep it intact.

 

The Rs. 4 Cr in fixed deposits may be fully taxable.

 

Spread maturities to reduce tax burdens in one year.

 

Invest new money via mutual funds to lower taxation.

 

Equity mutual funds have better post-tax returns than FDs.

 

After the new rule, LTCG over Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

 

This is still better than FD interest taxed as per slab.

 

Also, mutual funds offer more control over tax timings.

 

Stay invested for over one year to qualify for LTCG in equity mutual funds.

 

Debt mutual funds are now taxed as per slab for all durations.

 

So, use equity or hybrid equity-oriented funds more for tax efficiency.

 

 

Plan for Family Income Needs in Retirement

Even though you have 20 years, some income may be needed.

 

Create a passive income plan from mutual funds.

 

Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) from balanced or hybrid funds.

 

They allow tax-efficient regular cash flow.

 

Better than FD interest. FDs offer less flexibility.

 

Reinvest what you don’t spend. Let compounding work for longer.

 

Avoid annuities. They lock funds and give low returns.

 

Mutual funds give liquidity and better growth.

 

 

Protect Your Wealth with Risk Management

Recheck your term insurance cover. Ensure it’s enough for your family.

 

Medical insurance should also be reviewed. Family floater with Rs. 25 lakhs is ideal.

 

Do not mix insurance and investment.

 

If you hold LIC, ULIPs or other bundled policies, evaluate now.

 

Surrender them if they are underperforming.

 

Reinvest proceeds in mutual funds.

 

You need pure insurance and pure investment. Not a mix.

 

 

Estate Planning and Family Financial Clarity

Your wealth is large. Create a Will now. Don't delay this step.

 

Mention asset distribution clearly.

 

Assign nominees across all investments.

 

Tell your family where documents and investments are kept.

 

Add joint holders or Power of Attorney if needed.

 

Consider forming a family trust if your estate is complex.

 

Consult a lawyer for this. Your Certified Financial Planner can guide you too.

 

Estate clarity gives peace of mind to all.

 

 

Ongoing Portfolio Review and Adjustments

Markets change. Goals shift. Health changes. Family needs evolve.

 

Review your portfolio every year.

 

A Certified Financial Planner helps track progress.

 

They rebalance funds based on market and your risk.

 

They help adjust tax strategy as per rule changes.

 

They assist in aligning investments to changing family goals.

 

Avoid doing this alone. Mistakes compound over time.

 

 

Finally

You’ve built a strong financial foundation. That’s a rare achievement.

 

Now, shift focus from only capital safety to capital growth.

 

Your Rs. 15 Cr can become a family legacy. Let it grow wisely.

 

Avoid chasing returns. Instead, follow a disciplined process.

 

Work with a Certified Financial Planner. They bring vision and discipline.

 

Keep your investments simple. Keep your goals clear.

 

Review regularly. Protect your wealth from inflation and taxes.

 

And keep your family informed at every step.

 

This is how you create wealth. And protect it for 20 years and beyond.

 

Best Regards,
 

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8257 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2025

Money
I am retiring from my Job. I have only 50 lakhs corpus to run my family.Can you please advise where to invest 50 lakh money to get 50000/m monthly income.
Ans: You’ve taken the right first step. With Rs 50 lakhs and a goal of Rs 50,000 monthly income, it is critical to design a well-planned investment strategy.

Understanding the Income Need
You want Rs 50,000 per month, which means Rs 6 lakhs per year.

This works out to about 12% per year of your Rs 50 lakh corpus.

Expecting a 12% withdrawal yearly is risky. The corpus can get exhausted early.

A sustainable withdrawal rate is around 6-8% per year only.

This means Rs 25,000 to Rs 33,000 per month is safer long-term.

So first we need to decide: do we want high income now or stable income for life?

Retirement Stage Planning
At retirement, preservation of money is top priority.

Income generation comes second. Growth comes third.

But inflation will reduce purchasing power. So growth cannot be ignored.

Your portfolio must balance growth, safety and liquidity.

So we use a “bucket strategy”. Let us see what that means.

Bucket-Based Investment Planning
Bucket 1: 2 Years of Expenses
This is for monthly income now. Very low risk.

Keep Rs 12 lakhs in this bucket (Rs 6 lakhs per year × 2 years).

Put it in ultra-short debt funds or senior citizen savings scheme.

This will give you predictable cash flow.

You can set up monthly SWP (systematic withdrawal plan) from this.

Bucket 2: Next 3 to 5 Years
This is for income after 2 years.

Slightly higher return potential. Still low to moderate risk.

Invest Rs 15-20 lakhs in hybrid funds or conservative balanced funds.

These funds have 20-30% equity and rest in bonds.

They aim to beat FD returns, without too much fluctuation.

Bucket 3: Long-Term Growth
Remaining Rs 18-23 lakhs can be invested in pure equity mutual funds.

Choose large and flexi cap funds with regular plans via Certified Financial Planner.

This helps protect your lifestyle 10-15 years from now.

This part grows slowly now, but helps fight inflation later.

How SWP Can Help
SWP means you get monthly income from mutual funds.

You can set a fixed monthly amount like Rs 50,000.

Only the withdrawn amount is taxed, not entire profit.

For equity funds: STCG is taxed at 20%, LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

For debt funds: All gains are taxed as per your tax slab.

So plan your SWP smartly, and avoid early redemption from long-term buckets.

Avoid These Mistakes
Don’t invest everything in FD or debt. It won’t beat inflation.

Don’t rely on dividend plans. They are not predictable.

Don’t go for annuities. They lock your capital and give low returns.

Don’t go for direct plans unless you are a full-time expert.

Always go via regular plans with a CFP for advice and monitoring.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds copy the market. No active research is done.

In falling markets, they also fall badly.

They can’t protect you during market shocks.

Actively managed funds give you better risk-adjusted returns over time.

Certified Financial Planners monitor fund quality and help you exit poor performers.

Direct vs Regular Plans
Direct plans have lower cost but no guidance.

You end up making emotional decisions.

Regular plans come with expert advice from Certified Financial Planner.

CFPs give behavioural control, tax planning and fund monitoring.

For retirement, discipline and peace of mind matter more than saving 0.5%.

Inflation and Longevity Risk
Today Rs 50,000 is enough. In 10 years, you may need Rs 90,000.

Life expectancy can go up to 85-90 years.

So your corpus must keep growing even during retirement.

That is why some part must always remain in equity.

Your goal should be to never touch the principal fully.

Rebalancing Every 2 Years
Every 2 years, shift money from Bucket 2 and 3 into Bucket 1.

This way, you refill the income bucket.

Review fund performance, tax laws and personal needs with your CFP.

Don’t withdraw from equity bucket in a bad market year.

Keep 1 year of expenses always safe and liquid.

Emotional Peace is Priority
Retired life should be relaxed. You should not worry every month.

That is why a structured plan works better than ad-hoc FD or real estate.

You get monthly income, principal protection and long-term growth.

Your wife also feels secure with a system in place.

You can focus on health, hobbies and family—not markets.

Do You Hold LIC, ULIP or Insurance-Based Investments?
If yes, surrender them now. These do not give good returns.

Redeem them and reinvest into mutual funds.

Keep term insurance if needed, but no savings-insurance mix.

Review all old products with a Certified Financial Planner.

Final Insights
Rs 50,000 income is possible, but you must plan carefully.

Aim for 6-8% withdrawal rate for long-lasting corpus.

Use 3 buckets for income now, income later, and growth forever.

Avoid annuities, index funds, and direct plans.

Take help from a Certified Financial Planner who understands your retirement dreams.

Review every 2 years and adjust based on expenses and market.

Retirement is not an end. It is a new phase that deserves full financial attention.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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