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Trapped in an Arranged Marriage: Can He Trust His Husband?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 08, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello, I am 31 years old.. married for one and a half year, it was an arranged marriage, when my father came he was well and clear that my daughter studies or works for long hours she don’t like household chores but she earns well so can pay for help.. that time my mother in law was all happy and said I will help her, she’ll be like my child and all that... my husband also used to assure me that you will be treated really well, if you are working no body gonna point out, we are very modern. My mother in law is very modern she used to wear jeans and shorts and her Devrani lived in ghunghat... My mother in law hates everyone in her family, devarani, jethani, nanad, her own late mother in law father in law, her own mother, father, brothers, sisters, their spouses, their children... everyone. Yet my husband doesn’t understand she is doing wrong, I come from a big family... people fight and next day come back together... here it’s very very hard to survive in this negativity. Once I went home, because here I wasn’t getting enough time to study due to household chores... then behind me she created scenes telling .. your wife has disrespected me, didn’t eat anything for 15-20 days then my husband got angry on me... we fought and he blocked me, no contact between us for months. My parents came once to talk but she was too loud and insulting that they got sure we are NOT sending back our daughter to such house. Then our relatives interfered, sat together and found out there was no major problem everybody laughed.. saying we are not able to find any issue, but my mother in law still kept on complaining for continuously 4 hours... she was all negative.. I can back home, I know all I have to do is ignore her rest everything is okay to live by.. But I have lost trust on my husband,I know if he left me once, he can leave me again....living here is very difficult with all the hate, nobody comes to house for dinners.. it’s alone and hateful. I don’t say anything because that will only elevate the problem. It’s hell living here.. they all sit together and talk and when I go everyone shuts.. although I don’t care what that are talking about, I don’t give a rat’s ass even if they’re bitching about me. It’s just all negative and I wanna run away from here.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is your question for me here?
I have got the point that there is a lot of hate and negativity at your in-laws place and that it is far different from how you were raised. Also, that your husband blindly sides with his mother bothers you. But I will try and put things in perspective and make suggestions here.

Now, understand that certain families are the way that they are and unfortunately you have come into a place where people are isolated from one another and talk behind each other's backs.
Are you in a position to change all of this especially when you have realized that your husband isn't someone who is on your side?
So, when you can't change something, the only way to get through all of this peacefully is to accept it. But, that is the things that you are struggling with already and yes, it is understandable from your point of view.
Have an honest conversation with your husband; I am sure he is interested in making his marriage work too. That's the first step to actually make him aware that all this is affecting you.
Let's say, he is not bothered by it all and continues to go about all of this without realizing that he has a wife and he is also responsible towards the marriage, try and suggest getting to a professional (But do realize that the professional will not be able to change the way your husband's home functions). This is only getting the bond between you and your husband stronger so that you can be on the same side weathering the environment around you.
Now, if he refuses this intervention...then the onus is on you...what and how you see your life is totally a choice that you must make.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu...i hv been reading ur expertise to solve the issues of people and am really impressed. We have been married for 19years now and have a son and daughter .From the start of the marriage my wife have been inclined towards her mother and her family paying less or no heed to us. Circumstances were also favorable to her and she always got the opportunity to stay close and visit her parents often which i did not mind.We lived in Mumbai and she is from Chennai.After marriage my mom-in-law used to continuosly interfere into our lives by calling her and she used to act as per her suggestions only which led to problems as she was a puppet in the hands of my Mom-in-law. Moreover since my mom-in-law was not in good health my wife tried not to over rule as she did not want her mom to feel sick as she doesnt like to be over ruled or by pass failing which she goes on hunger strike and stop taking tablets spoiling her own health. Due to this reason everybody has been appeasing her.Initially i thought to ignore but slowly it started to affect my family as well as my wife started to see things thru my mom-in-laws perspective and find faults in everything. We shifted to overseas to stay away from all these and we really had a good life for 10 years there but since i lost job during covid i had to shift base to India for my son's education but she chose to stay back there with my daughter as she is working there.I too felt that let her spend some time so that i could settle things in India and call her but it is more than 2 years now and she refuses to come back and dont even care for us and neither call us as family. I tried to involve my in-laws to convince her but they are also playing a diplomatic game and doesnt want to go against their daughter's wish.Due to this attitude of my mom-in-law their own daughter-in-laws have been staying away and since my in-laws stay alone my wife feels that she is the only support system for her parents but it has come on my life's sacrifice. She has been ignoring us and even i kept moving for the sake of my family and children instead of respecting my feelings she has become more adamant now.Her brother is also seperated from her wife and he also looks forward for a support system from my daughter and my wife and they seem close ignoring myself and my son.We have been trying to convince her thru all means but she is caring. Even i feel that it is futile to force someone into relationship but she unknowingly spoiling my family and deprieve my son the mother;s love and also depreive my daughter from affection and love.Due to this my son has also stopped expecting from her and my daughter treats me as a stranger due to long distance. Pls suggest the way forward. Shud i wait for things to improve or leave as it is.I am 47 now and she is 45..told her that let us enjoy the best things in life rather than regretting later but she does not understand.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Logic does not appeal to your wife!
What can you do with someone who is adamant about ruining her own family life? It's purely clouded judgement on her part on what to do and not!
With more people dependent on your wife for support, she has found a way of moving even more away from you...what I do not understand is: how is she able to do that to your son?

Either the two of you talk this out and take firm decisions OR accept that this is how it's going to be...sooner or later, she will realize what is happening and will become more aware of her priorities. But, being where you are is painful and it will stress you even more...So, find a way to talk things out is a step that you can take NOW!

Impress upon her as to how important it is keep the family together as a unit for the children to grow in a healthy manner and also how much this time investment will help the two of you as a couple.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I got married to the person who was behind me for years. I always considered him as my friend and supporter even after knowing his intention. My mom kept advising me we should go behind that person who cares and loves us. I obeyed her. Soon after things went into proposal mode his family started demanding for dowry and other stuffs. My friend was not from a well fed family which I was not aware. They lied to is they are very rich, hence they need what the demanded since the marriage news was widw spread wit no options we arranged and gave. My friend and his mother brain washed and convinced us to agree for this marriage. Even since I got married my husband and his mother is ruling on me and family. It was late when we got to know that they have been lying to is on their assets. Now when we ask them they deny and keep harassing me. My family got fed up of these fights started maitaining distance and since I Don want to trouble my divorced mother I stop complaining about the issues I am facing. My in-laws demand increases day by day. My mother-in-law is a mother of two kids a son and a daughter but everytime she tortures me and her son is quiet most of the time. When responsibility comes she supports her daughter and makes us to take responsibility which is not fair. Responsibiloty is parallel and must be shared. I am not well, my husband doesn't even give me money or take me to doctor. I am been told marriage means providing food and shelter. Please advise me what shud I do I am fed up
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Basically you have been cheated; period!
What do you with even a basic thing like being cheated at a shop? Do you actually keep the product OR return it?
Yes, relationships are not like that BUT do understand that your marriage has been nothing but a transaction with mean minded people out to destroy you and your peace of mind.
There are no children in the equation so far...so do know you are free to take a decision. Today, it's harassment and giving you no money, tomorrow who knows what else!
Do you not see that they have begun to make you depend on them for the basic things? This is how it all begins before it gets into other shades of harassment which I do not want to speculate.
Put yourself first; be selfish and think about what to do next to actually live a peaceful and carefree life like the way it was before marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi sir, I am 34 year women with 2 girl kids. I m working in IT and I earn good amount of livelihood. Sir I hv been married for 6 years and after 1 year of marriage me and my husband understanding issue started where he wants to dominate on me in all senses including financial stuff. But I was okay n in 1 year my 1st daughter born then serious issue started I had rejoined job n discontinued giving all my salary to him. I started savings for my kid where he was nt happy he indirectly demanded my complete salary to be given to him as I did before issue start. Bt in 2020 as lockdown happened he moved to his village where It was very difficult for me to work bt demanded to come to his place. I denied and concentrate my career. So he left us 2 years he did call n check how is kid. Then again he came back 2022 with elders we moved to together to city and again asked money as my sal was increased if nt asked me to barrow 50-60lac as loan n give to him for property which he agreed to make it my name in his place. Bt I denied bc I couldn't trust him meanwhile 2nd daughter born. I came for mother place n he started doing backstabbing abt me n my family within relatives. When I asked he stopped coming visiting me n my daughter and he turn up for 2 baby also it's been year now. Sir my question is ..I m fed up of his behaviour n I dont trust him. As I hv two kids is it really difficult to live without him in this society. As many of my relatives are suggesting go and call ur him how can you live alone with 2 daughter. Sir pls guide me what should I do now ..I tolerate him all these years for kids and society. Now I m done n scared as will I be able to handle all alone. My parents are big support and now I m nt in condition where I go legally against him. Is my decision of living by myself with my daughters and parents is correct or wrong decision or I should go with him.
Ans: Your situation is indeed complex and emotionally taxing. It's important to approach this with both clarity and compassion for yourself and your daughters. Here are some steps and considerations to help you navigate this:

Self-Reflection and Clarity
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s essential to recognize your feelings of frustration, fear, and exhaustion. These emotions are valid and need to be addressed.
Define Your Priorities: What are your primary concerns? Your children’s well-being, your financial independence, your personal peace, and safety are likely at the top of this list.
Evaluating Your Relationship
Assess Trust and Respect: Trust and mutual respect are fundamental to any relationship. If these are missing, it is challenging to maintain a healthy partnership.
Past Behaviors as Indicators: Look at the past behavior of your husband. Consistent demands for money, lack of support, and absence during critical times can be telling signs of his priorities and commitment.
Support System
Lean on Your Parents: Having your parents’ support is a significant advantage. They can provide emotional, physical, and perhaps even financial support as you navigate this period.
Professional Help: Consider seeking counseling or support groups for single mothers. These resources can provide guidance, emotional support, and practical advice.
Societal Pressure
Redefine Norms: Society often has rigid expectations, but your well-being and that of your children come first. Living according to societal norms at the cost of your mental peace and safety is not sustainable.
Role Models: Look for examples of other women who have successfully managed similar situations. Their stories can offer inspiration and practical advice.
Legal and Financial Considerations
Know Your Rights: Even if you’re not in a position to take legal action now, it’s essential to be informed about your rights regarding child support and alimony.
Financial Independence: Continue to safeguard your financial independence. This will provide security and stability for you and your daughters.
Decision Making
Short-Term vs. Long-Term: Think about both immediate needs and long-term goals. What decision will bring peace and stability now, and what will be beneficial in the future?
Children’s Well-Being: Consider the environment your children will grow up in. A peaceful, loving environment, even if it’s without their father, might be more beneficial than a toxic, conflict-ridden one.
Practical Steps
Document Everything: Keep records of communications and financial transactions. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to pursue legal action in the future.
Plan for Independence: Create a plan for your independent living situation, including budgeting, childcare, and career progression.
Final Thoughts
Choosing to live independently with your daughters is a courageous and often necessary step for many women in similar situations. Trust in your strength and the support of your parents. It’s important to remember that living a life of peace and dignity, even if it means being a single parent, is a powerful and positive example for your children.

You are not alone in this journey. Seek the support you need, trust your instincts, and prioritize your and your children’s well-being above all.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I married four years back. I born broughtup in metrocity but i respect n follow my village roots n relatives. Now my MIL, Fil sil joint fmly. In taluka place. My mil second wifeof my fil. The problem started after my baby arrived. My MIL is very possessive to my husband, he has to follow her words. No cinema, hotel no new cloths even kirchief. He has to take her permission or inform her. Never went to outing as mil against everything. Problem started seriously when my started behaving negative towards me n my fathers family. Getting angry, throwing things, using absurd words , keeping recorder in my office bag, etc. I hv to cook food items for all before going to office. Never asked me to eat food. When i told this to my aunties n uncles n mamas, they confirmed my mil is controlling my husband through black magic, vamaachara pratice. When things got worst, i was forced to leave my in laws house, by my sil, mil. I am trying my best to keep in touch wd my hubby. But it is not going well. He takes sis n mom side. Now my baby is 2 yr old. All my relatives tried to make them understand but they are very rude, abuses everyone. Husband never spent or gave any money to me. Mil says no to do so. Sil not married, hv serious health issue. Says i dont marry, i will stay here only. Hubby not takling to me now. Please suggest how to solve this problem
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am unaware or have no knowledge of the practices that you have mentioned, so I would not like to comment on those.
As far as where you are seems like a very toxic environment and it requires your husband to be receptive to listen to what is bothering you. Try yet again asking the elder family members to talk to his family and see what happens. If nothing changes and your husband still continues this drama, then you might have to think of how much longer you want to put up with this toxicity?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |75 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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I am married for 17 years. Since ours was a arranged marriage we had many ups and downs but slowly we have settled all our matters. We have three kids. Elder one is 16yrs, 11yrs and 3yr. I am having a guilt feeling that we have not been a good parent to our 16yr old. When he was born I was young and inexperienced and was always settling my difference with my husband and was not taking good care of my son. Now he is in college he is not performing well in his studies. And has become very aggressive. I am very much worried about his future. Now I want to repair the damages I have done to him and I am very much feeling guilty and blaming myself that it was all because of me and my husband's misunderstanding his life is affected. My other two kids are doing good in everything they do. I cry every day that I have done mistake with my son and pray for his successful life. Now what can I do to improve my son's overall wellbeing. Please suggest.
Ans: Dear Mom,

I can totally empathise with you...so here is what I am going to tell you out of my own experience and what I did to overcome this mom guilt and seeking forgiveness. It's good that you are have worked on your marriage and have 3 kids, pat yourself on the back for it. And it's normal in any marriage for these kind of ups and downs and then attaining peace and love, so good going for having found them!!And remember marriage is continuous work.

The solution I am going to give, I am going to divide it into two parts..

1. Forgiving yourself first..be kind to yourself, you were young, you were inexperienced, the mom you are to your 3 yr old is not the same person who brought up your first child, so quit being guilty! Every soul has a journey to take, your son chose you as a mother so that he could take that journey with you...you both had to take this journey together in order to evolve and grow into the people you are today. So, FORGIVE YOURSELF AND QUIT FEELING GUILTY, it's not easy but you have to start doing it. Be kind to the old you... and embrace the new you!! You are not the same person and so is your first born, this continuous evolving as a human being and becoming better is called life, rt?

2. Your SON is 16yrs old, the aggression that he has may not be because of what you did to him... it may be the changing hormones? When you are a guilty mother, you tend to blame yourself for all the wrongs that happen in your child's life, so quit being guilty.
Talk to him about how young you were when he was born and how guilty you feel about some things( be careful about what you say, kids are very resilient, they know how to protect themselves , so maybe how you remember things may not be the same way that he remembers), say sorry and seek his forgiveness. Check if you can have this conversation with him, don't give him the power to make you feel further more guilty. I leave this decision to you.

Don't cry dear mom, forgive yourself, heal and see what best you can do from now on with your first born...just move on from the past... be there for him, cherish him, love him and be there for him, help him navigate through life with compassion and understanding. It might take time, but it's all doable. Take care of him.. and a mother truly knows what is best for her child, trust your instincts, the mother's instincts are far too powerful, take back your power from the "guilty mother" and nourish your bond.

What "I do' and also advice all parents is to spend excusive time with each child, scheduling time with each child and doing something which they like takes the bond to new levels!! Try this out...

All the best... and wishing happy times ahead for you and your beautiful family!!

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7078 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 11, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello sir, hope you’re doing well. My age is 33. I am investing 40K via SIP in MF in 5 different funds, 20K per month as EPF, 50K NPS annually, 28K EMI - 20 years for 2nd flat for investment, 1st flat home loan completed, 9K car loan for 5 years, also doing SIP 5K in momentum ETF on my own, health insurance from company side(5L) plus additional 5L but no term or life insurance yet. How am I doing financially? Scope of improvement? Please let me know
Ans: You are making commendable progress in financial planning at the age of 33. Your diversified investments and insurance indicate a proactive approach. Let us evaluate your situation and identify areas for improvement.

Current Financial Highlights
SIP in Mutual Funds (Rs. 40,000): This is a disciplined step towards wealth creation.

EPF Contribution (Rs. 20,000): Provides a stable retirement base.

NPS Contribution (Rs. 50,000 Annually): Strengthens retirement planning with tax benefits.

EMI for Second Flat (Rs. 28,000): Shows commitment to asset building.

Car Loan EMI (Rs. 9,000): Necessary, but car loans are liabilities, not assets.

Momentum ETF SIP (Rs. 5,000): Innovative but high-risk strategy.

Health Insurance (Rs. 10 Lakh): A good backup for emergencies.

No Term or Life Insurance: This is a critical gap that needs immediate attention.

Areas of Concern
1. High Loan Commitments
EMI for the second flat and car loan may strain cash flow.
The second flat as an investment can yield lower returns than mutual funds.
2. Lack of Term Insurance
Your dependents would face financial insecurity in your absence.
A term plan with at least 15 times your annual income is essential.
3. Momentum ETF Investment
ETFs are passive investments and lack active fund management benefits.
High volatility can lead to inconsistent returns.
4. Diversification of Investments
While your mutual fund SIPs are good, ensure they cover all categories: large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and hybrid.
Overconcentration in one type of fund or asset class can impact returns.
5. Insufficient Emergency Fund
Emergency savings for 6-12 months of expenses is crucial.
6. Tax Efficiency
Your investments and loan repayments must be optimised for tax savings.
Leverage Section 80C and 80D benefits effectively.
Recommendations for Improvement
1. Review Loan Strategy
Focus on prepaying the car loan as it carries no wealth-building advantage.
Reassess the investment potential of the second flat. If returns are poor, consider selling it and reinvesting in mutual funds.
2. Purchase Term Insurance
Opt for a term plan with Rs. 2 crore coverage.
Term insurance is cost-effective and ensures family security.
3. Optimise Mutual Fund Investments
Diversify across actively managed funds, avoiding over-reliance on ETFs.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner to refine your portfolio.
4. Enhance Emergency Fund
Save Rs. 2-3 lakh in liquid funds or high-interest savings accounts.
Use this only for unforeseen expenses.
5. Increase Health Insurance
Add a top-up plan of Rs. 10-15 lakh for better coverage.
6. Avoid Momentum ETFs
ETFs do not benefit from active management.
Actively managed funds outperform in volatile markets.
7. Plan Tax Efficiency
Invest up to Rs. 1.5 lakh under Section 80C in ELSS funds.
Claim additional tax benefits under Section 80D for health insurance premiums.
Retirement Planning
Increase your NPS contribution to Rs. 1 lakh annually.
Diversify retirement planning by investing in hybrid funds for stability.
Children’s Education and Marriage
If you have or plan to have children, start early with SIPs in child-specific funds.
These investments should align with the time horizon for each goal.
Actionable Steps
Prepay the car loan at the earliest.
Reevaluate the second flat for potential sale and reinvestment.
Start a term insurance policy immediately.
Build a robust emergency fund.
Review and diversify your mutual fund portfolio with expert guidance.
Increase health insurance coverage for better security.
Avoid ETFs and shift focus to actively managed mutual funds.
Final Insights
You are on the right path but need adjustments for financial security and growth. Address the gaps in insurance and diversify your investments further. By following these steps, you can achieve financial freedom with better peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7078 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 10, 2024Hindi
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Money
My age is 47 and I have invested 7.75 lakh in multiple stock and its grow arround 10 lakh from the past 2.5 years. I have 5.5 lakh home loan remaining . Should I withdraw these money and repay the home loan first and after that increase the SIP of that amount of mf .my current mf sip amount is 30k pm. Please suggest
Ans: Your query reflects careful consideration of financial priorities. Let's analyse whether using your stock investments to repay the home loan is the right step.

Evaluate the Existing Stock Portfolio
Your stock portfolio has grown from Rs 7.75 lakhs to Rs 10 lakhs in 2.5 years.

This indicates a strong return of approximately 29%. If these stocks have long-term growth potential, continuing to hold them might be advantageous.

Consider whether these stocks align with your risk tolerance and long-term financial goals.

Impact of Repaying the Home Loan
Your remaining home loan is Rs 5.5 lakhs. Paying this off will eliminate your EMI burden.

Repaying the loan early saves on interest costs, but assess the prepayment charges, if any.

Compare the effective interest rate on your home loan with the expected annualised return from your stock portfolio.

Home loan interest rates are usually lower compared to stock market returns over the long term.

Increasing SIP After Loan Repayment
Repaying the loan frees up EMI money that can be channelled into mutual fund SIPs.

By increasing SIPs, you benefit from disciplined investing and rupee cost averaging.

Use the additional SIPs to diversify into funds aligned with your risk profile and financial goals.

Considerations for Long-Term Wealth Creation
Mutual funds, especially actively managed ones, provide better diversification than direct stocks.

Your current SIP of Rs 30,000 per month is a good start. Increasing this amount post-loan repayment accelerates wealth creation.

Actively managed funds can outperform index funds through skilled fund management. Avoid direct funds unless you have deep knowledge and time to manage investments.

Evaluating Stock Liquidation
Selling your stocks could trigger capital gains tax. For gains above Rs 1.25 lakh, you will pay LTCG tax at 12.5%.

Factor in transaction costs and tax implications before selling.

Retain stocks that have strong fundamentals and growth prospects. Sell only non-performing or high-risk holdings.

Holistic Financial Planning
Build an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses if you don’t already have one.

Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage for your family’s security.

Maintain a balanced portfolio with exposure to equity, debt, and alternative assets.

Monitor your investments regularly and rebalance them to align with changing goals and risk tolerance.

Final Insights
If your home loan interest is significantly higher than potential stock returns, repayment is wise.

Otherwise, consider maintaining the stock portfolio and continuing your SIPs.

A mix of both strategies—partial loan repayment and increased SIPs—may offer balanced benefits.

Engage a Certified Financial Planner for a tailored strategy that ensures long-term financial success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7078 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 38 years old and i wanted to take the retirement at the age of 45. I need to understand whether i have enough money to handle my monthly expenses after retirement. These are the details of my Assests :- a) Flat - 03 Cr. b) Flat where i am staying - 2.5 Cr. c) Working space - 40 Lakhs d) Ancestral Home - 2 Cr. e) Shop - 30 Lakhs f) FD - 50 Lakhs g) PF - 32 Lakhs h) MF = 10 Lakhs Expenses a) Health Insurance - 20Lakh (Premium around 35,000/year ) b) LIC Premium - 78,000 / Year (running for last 08 years) c) Monthly expenditure – maintenance , grocery , petrol , car insurance etc , school fees = 85,000 INR d) Monthly Electricity Bill , water , etc = 12000 INR e) Unforeseen expenditure = 10000 INR /Month h) SIP = 65,000 Per Month I) Foreign Trip – 02 times a year = 4.5 Lakhs Overall Expenses/Monthly = 35000+78000+85000*12+12000*12+10000*12+65000*12+450000 = 2,627,000 = 218,000 /Month Current Monthly Salary -03 Lakhs/month Keeping in mind that I need at least 70-80 Lakh for my daughter higher studies . Seeing the inflation of 7% -- Shall I ok to take the retirement at 45 and pursue my dream . If yes then please suggest whether i can sustain for my remaining life .
Ans: Your goal of retiring early at 45 is ambitious yet achievable with careful planning and realistic adjustments. Let us evaluate your situation step-by-step.

Key Highlights of Your Assets and Liabilities
Real Estate Portfolio:

Two flats (Rs 3 Cr + Rs 2.5 Cr = Rs 5.5 Cr).
Working space: Rs 40 Lakhs.
Ancestral home: Rs 2 Cr.
Shop: Rs 30 Lakhs.
Total Real Estate Value: Rs 8.2 Cr.
Financial Assets:

Fixed Deposit (FD): Rs 50 Lakhs.
Provident Fund (PF): Rs 32 Lakhs.
Mutual Funds (MF): Rs 10 Lakhs.
Total Financial Assets: Rs 92 Lakhs.
Breakdown of Your Expenses
Annual Fixed Costs:

Health Insurance Premium: Rs 35,000.
LIC Premium: Rs 78,000.
Monthly Expenditures (groceries, utilities, etc.): Rs 1,07,000 x 12 = Rs 12,84,000.
SIP Contributions: Rs 65,000 x 12 = Rs 7,80,000.
Foreign Trips: Rs 4.5 Lakhs.
Total Annual Expenses: Rs 26,27,000.
Monthly Equivalent: Approximately Rs 2.18 Lakhs.

Future Commitments
Daughter’s Education: Rs 70-80 Lakhs (10-12 years away).
Inflation Impact: Annual expenses will grow at 7%.
Longevity Considerations: Plan for at least 40 years post-retirement.
Evaluation of Current Wealth vs Retirement Needs
Sustainability of Expenses:
Post-retirement, monthly expenses of Rs 2.18 Lakhs will rise significantly due to inflation. At 7%, expenses may double every 10 years.

Income from Assets:

Real estate offers limited liquidity unless sold or rented out.
FD, PF, and MF will serve as primary sources of income.
Relying only on Rs 92 Lakhs of liquid assets may not be sustainable for 40 years.
Suggestions for Financial Alignment
1. Liquidity Planning

Convert some real estate into liquid assets.
Sell non-productive properties like the shop or working space.
Invest proceeds in actively managed mutual funds for better inflation-adjusted growth.
2. Expense Management

Evaluate reducing foreign trips to once a year post-retirement.
Assess if LIC policies are yielding good returns. If not, surrender and redirect funds to mutual funds.
3. Investments for Inflation-Adjusted Growth

Increase investments in mutual funds.
Consider balanced and hybrid funds to balance growth and stability.
Allocate funds in a diversified manner across equity, debt, and international mutual funds.
4. Contingency and Health Coverage

Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 12 months' expenses.
Review health insurance coverage to ensure it meets future medical needs.
5. Daughter’s Education Fund

Set up a dedicated portfolio with Rs 50-60 Lakhs for her education.
Invest in diversified equity mutual funds to achieve the target in 10-12 years.
Can You Retire at 45?
With your current savings and lifestyle, early retirement is challenging unless you:

Monetise part of your real estate portfolio.
Reduce discretionary expenses like frequent foreign trips.
Invest aggressively for inflation-adjusted returns.
Ensure a retirement corpus of at least Rs 8-10 Crores by 45.
What to Do Next?
Consult a Certified Financial Planner to design a personalised strategy.

Use a systematic withdrawal plan (SWP) post-retirement for regular income.

Periodically review investments to ensure they are aligned with inflation and market dynamics.

Final Insights
Early retirement requires careful planning, disciplined investing, and realistic expense management. Your current assets are a strong foundation, but adjustments are needed for long-term sustainability. With proper strategy and prudent financial decisions, you can achieve your dream of retiring at 45.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7078 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Listen
Money
I was doing monthly SIP to Axis small cap fund and UTI Flexicap fund for last 4 years. But these 2 funds are not performing well. I want to switch to other funds of same category and I'm thinking of Quant Small cap and HDFC Flexicap. Are these good funds for long term (5-6 years)? Do you have any other fund in mind for suggestion?
Ans: Your decision to invest through SIPs is praiseworthy. It builds disciplined savings and offers rupee cost averaging. Your concern about performance shows an active approach towards wealth creation.

The Axis Small Cap Fund and UTI Flexicap Fund may not be delivering as expected. This could be due to market cycles, sectoral exposure, or fund management changes. Evaluating alternatives is a proactive step.

However, switching funds requires careful assessment to ensure alignment with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Let’s explore this from multiple perspectives.

Evaluating Fund Performance
1. Small-Cap Funds:

Small-cap funds are highly volatile but can deliver excellent returns over time.
Quant Small Cap Fund has been a top performer in recent years.
However, it follows an aggressive strategy, which may not suit every investor.
2. Flexicap Funds:

Flexicap funds are versatile as they invest across market capitalisation.
HDFC Flexicap Fund is a consistent performer with experienced fund management.
It provides a balanced approach to growth and stability.
Challenges of Direct Plans
Direct funds save on distributor commissions but come with their challenges:

You need in-depth research to choose and monitor funds.
Regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offer professional guidance.
CFPs ensure your investments align with your financial goals.
It’s advisable to use a regular plan with the support of a CFP.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds outperform index funds in volatile markets.

Fund managers use insights to identify growth opportunities.
Active funds offer better returns during market corrections or specific sector trends.
Switching to actively managed funds is a sound decision.

Taxation Considerations
Switching funds involves redemption, triggering taxes.

For equity mutual funds, LTCG over Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG is taxed at 20%.
Redeem strategically to optimise tax liability. Consult a CFP for effective tax planning.

Recommendations for a 360-Degree Solution
1. Assess Your Risk Appetite:

Small-cap funds are suitable for aggressive investors with a high risk tolerance.
Flexicap funds offer a safer option for moderate risk-takers.
2. Long-Term Perspective:

Ensure the selected funds align with your 5-6 years horizon.
Small-cap funds may need a longer timeframe to realise potential.
3. Diversify Investments:

Avoid concentrating in one category. Combine large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds.
Diversification reduces risk and ensures balanced growth.
4. Periodic Review:

Evaluate fund performance every six months.
Replace funds only when underperformance persists across multiple market cycles.
5. Consult a CFP:

A CFP will help you design a portfolio that matches your goals.
They offer personalised advice and save you from unnecessary churn.
Funds to Explore
Although specific fund suggestions are avoided, ensure these criteria when selecting:

Consistent performance over 3-5 years.
Low expense ratio in regular plans.
Experienced fund management and strong parentage.
Final Insights
Switching to Quant Small Cap and HDFC Flexicap can be considered. However, evaluate them alongside other funds with similar objectives. Maintain a diversified portfolio and consult a CFP for tailored guidance.

Remember, long-term investing is not about chasing returns but achieving your goals. Stay disciplined, and review your portfolio regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7078 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Money
Hi, I am 36 years old, married & have 1 child (3 years old). My & wife and I have combined income from a salary of 4 lakh post taxes. We are investing in the following funds & have an investment horizon of more than 15 years. Wife Aditya BSL Pure Value - 2k DSP Value Fund - 4k HDFC Small Cap - 2K JM Financial Mid Cap - 10K Kotak business cycle - 5k Kotak Emerging Equity fund - 2K Motilal Oswal large and Midcap - 10k Motila Oswal Business Cycle Fund - 10k My Self Bandhan Core Equity - 2k Baroda BNP India Consumption - 3k Franklin India Prima - 4k HDFC Mid Cap Opportunity - 2k HSBC Small Cap - 5k Kotak Special Opportunity Fund - 10K Nippon India Flexi Cap - 7.5 SBI small cap - 4k White Oak capital Large and Mid - 7.5k ICICI prudential India opportunity -10k Equity Market - 25K SGB - 10K LIC - 5.2K. I'm looking for the same investment till next 15 years. Definitely will increase the MF amount every year. I'm looking for at least 15+ Cr corpus at the age of 55. Please guide me with the existing investment
Ans: Your portfolio demonstrates impressive discipline and diversification. Your strategy aligns well with your long-term goals. Let’s evaluate your investments from different perspectives to enhance your financial journey.

Income and Savings Allocation
You and your spouse have a combined post-tax income of Rs 4 lakh monthly. This indicates a healthy cash flow for both expenses and investments.

You are currently investing a significant portion of your income. It’s commendable and reflects your commitment to wealth creation.

Ensure you have adequate emergency funds in place. Ideally, maintain 6–12 months of household expenses in liquid assets like bank deposits or liquid funds.

Regularly increase your investments in line with your income growth. This will help mitigate inflation and maintain financial discipline.

Portfolio Diversification
Your portfolio includes large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds. Let’s analyse its structure:

Equity Funds: Your portfolio has a good mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. However, there may be an overlap in holdings due to multiple funds in similar categories.

Thematic and Sectoral Funds: These add potential for higher returns but come with higher risk. Maintain their allocation within 10–15% of your portfolio.

Direct Stocks (Equity Market): A Rs 25K monthly allocation here adds direct exposure. This is suitable if you have expertise and time to track individual stocks.

Debt and Gold: Investments in Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs) and LIC provide stability. However, LIC policies may have lower returns compared to other instruments.

Steps to Optimise Your Portfolio
1. Reduce Fund Overlap
Multiple funds in similar categories can lead to duplication. Consolidate funds with similar investment styles.

For example, instead of holding several mid-cap funds, select one or two strong performers.

2. Evaluate LIC Policy
LIC is a low-return investment compared to equity funds. If you hold traditional LIC policies, consider surrendering them after a cost-benefit analysis.

Reinvest proceeds into mutual funds for better compounding over 15+ years.

3. Balance Asset Allocation
Equity investments dominate your portfolio, which is suitable for your time horizon.

Continue allocating 10–15% to debt and gold for stability. Use a debt mutual fund for better tax efficiency than LIC policies.

Keep reviewing asset allocation annually based on life events or market conditions.

4. Increase Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) Amount
Increase SIPs by at least 10–15% annually to match income growth.

This disciplined approach ensures consistent wealth accumulation.

5. Review Fund Performance Regularly
Monitor fund performance every 6–12 months. Exit funds underperforming their category for over two years.

Choose funds managed by experienced fund managers with a proven track record.

6. Tax Efficiency
LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. Keep this in mind while redeeming equity funds.

Use the tax-harvesting strategy by redeeming gains below Rs 1.25 lakh annually to minimise tax liability.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure you and your spouse have adequate term insurance covering at least 10–15 times your annual income.

A health insurance policy for the family is crucial. Consider a super top-up policy for additional coverage.

Avoid investment-linked insurance products. Term insurance is cost-effective, and mutual funds provide better returns.

Child’s Future Planning
Start a dedicated SIP for your child’s education and marriage. Allocate funds in diversified equity schemes.

Goal-based investing helps in disciplined savings and keeps you on track.

Retirement Planning
Your target corpus of Rs 15+ crore by age 55 is realistic.

Focus on equity for growth. Add balanced funds or flexi-cap funds for moderate risk-adjusted returns.

Avoid early withdrawals to benefit from compounding over 15+ years.

Thematic Investments
Funds like business cycle or thematic funds are high-risk. Keep allocation limited to avoid concentration risks.

Evaluate the suitability of these funds every three years.

Risk Management
Your equity allocation indicates a high-risk appetite. Reassess your risk profile every 3–5 years.

Avoid emotional decisions during market volatility. Stay focused on long-term goals.

Final Insights
Your financial discipline and long-term approach are excellent. Optimising your portfolio with fewer funds and higher SIP amounts will improve efficiency. Regular reviews and a clear focus on goals will ensure success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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