Hi Anu, After reading a lot of your responses I started to believe that you probably have a solution to my complex problem I am 42 yr old and wife 40 and we live in AUS. We have 2 beautiful, smart kids 11 and 7. She is a nice person but not very smart to think what should we care and what not care and live a happy life. A few years ago my mom from India used to visit how used to complain about my in-laws about how rude they are how they not keep in touch at all and all that. This is absolutely true because I saw that myself. But my wife being a loving daughter thinks none of that is true and my mom is lying. 10 years ago my dad passed away after 2 months of lot of suffering from cancer, my wife was pregnant here at the same time in AUS. I had to go to India to spend with time with my dad during his last days.One unbelievable truth is when I was performing funeral rituals on on side my father in law was telling all my close visitors that I am not talking/calling much to my wife during these days to AUS. All those guests told me about it. But my father-in-law says that he never said those things to visitors and they are all lying. My wife firmly believes that they are all lying. When I talked to him in person he agreed that he said those things. He is never nice to our family. He never even offered help to my family when my dad was suffering. All that a side, realizing that me and my family is disturbed a lot, none of my family members are saying anything to her just so that we are happy and nothing bothers us. It's been 2 1/2 years like that. But she is not ready for forget what happened in the past and live a happy family life. Despite suffering I myself tell her to forget all that happened and I never talk about past things. But she still clings on to those thoughts. My kids are suffering now. To keep my family happy, I try to make fun , talk to her, go places and all that. But with those past thoughts she turned into a heartless person. Please help. Tell me where, what and how can I/we fix this.
Ans: Dear Harsha,
Thank you for the acknowledgement.
My suggestion to you: Start afresh!
Digging what happened only puts your wife in the spotlight...maybe she wasn't at her best and things went downhill, but it will not give her the chance to rework things and integrate back into the family.
So, press the RESET button and along with the kids, focus on your family...what her father said or not, what someone should have done or not; let it be done and dusted.
For relationships to work and move, both parties involved, must make that choice to leave the past behind, else the shadows keep growing and casting a cloud over something that is healthy and has a chance to grow beautifully.
Does this make sense here? If I tell you to go down the path and confront her about her father, she will get defensive and this thing will get ugly and perhaps backfire.
Are you willing to start afresh is the question here? If YES, what will this do for you? Now, you know what to do...
All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
