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27-Year-Old Separated Woman with Child Seeks Advice on Marrying a 33-Year-Old Caste Man

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Anu Mam Im 27 yrs old ( married) and 10 yrs old daughter. Im seperated from my husband since 2 yrs due to several reasons like he is drinking and Totally addicted to it. And he is totally dependent and now today also roaming on the roads of some streets of hyd. I belongs to an orthdox family. Now the question is one backward caste man who is married age : 33 he is interested in me and proposed me to a marriage after knowing all my past and saying that he accepts my child too. And the thing is he said a lie to me at first that he is unmarried and even though i had a good impression on him about the way he behaves with me he even treat me in a very polite manner. He says he loves me even though i too had a good impression but the things are the castes and can we both settle down with a marriage can we be happy or he is only trying to convince me to get him a wife to care care of him or only for his parents, he always talks about his own sister and also the office colleagues calls them sister and get emotional about them those who left the office. And he cries a lot which i dont trust on him and the face i see him that was not an real cry that looks like an act which i dont like in him. May he is acting ? Or really loving me, ge cares alot i feel like he is over reacting

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are in doubt, then it's highly likely that he is putting on an act. Go with your intuition and hey hey, you said that he is married and so are you...You do realize that you just can't go ahead and marry while you are already to other people, right?
Focus on what's happening in your life; you obviously have to do something about it...Other relationships can wait!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 20, 2024Hindi
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Hello..I am 36 hrs old, a doctor, got married for 2nd time in Apr 2022. My 1st marriage was with a doctor in 2011 but we hardly stayed together for 1 month since he was away in another state for higher education. Indifference arose and we got separated soon after 6 months and got divorced 5 yrs later. Then i did job on off and finally finished my post graduation in 2024. During my post graduation i wanted to desperately get married for 2nd time as my age was increasing and i was feeling very lonely and wanted to settle down n have kids. I met a guy (he too a doctor and divorced) on matrimony. He approached me. We started talking, meeting. Everything was going good. But his mother was against our relationship. In between the guy too cut the contact with me. But i was wo trully in love with him that I wanted to marry him only. Somehow we got connected again. He came to my place and we lived together. He said he can't get married so soon. He said he would marry me only of i wl get pregnant.then i got pregnant and finally he married me in temple. Soon i delivered our child and his parent's accepted me n i went to his house to stay. There we used to have lots of fights as he revealed his true nature of being extremely KANJUS. his whole family was extremely kanjus. My husbnd doesn't like to spend a single Rs too and he doesn't like it if i spend my money too. We used to have frequent fights. Then hardly after 2 months, his mother called my parents and she told them that their sje could not tolerate me and i should leave tbeor house ASAP! I became very furious as my baby was jst 4 months old. Where would i stay alone with my child as i was studying. I called police to intervene and my mother in law got very angry, she cursed me in front of police- she called me a pros***ute. (This was her thinking- any woman who marries for 2nd time is a pros***ute!!!) Finally that night around 10pm i left her house with my child and some essentials. My parents stayed with me to look after my child. My husbnd kept visiting me on weekends. But my husbnd used to avoid me, block my calls. He never paid for my daughter's expenses too. A year have been passed. I have sent my baby to my parents house 6 months back as they wanted to go back as they stay in different state. Now my husbnd has cut all the ties, he has blocked me everywhere and he never called to enquire about our child in last 8-9 months. Last time when my father called him- he said he didn't wanna stay with me and I either can keep our child with me or i can give the child to him for rest of the life. I slipped into depression after all these. I messed up in my exams. I'm so disturbed that i had thought of ending my life many times but i reminded myself about my child. Now I don't know what to do. I talked him about divorce but he said he won't give me a single Rs aftr divorce since i am also earning. My parents too don't want me to go for a divorce 2nd time in my life as they are worried- our relatives and society will shame them. I want to bring my child back but i am worried- how will i take care of my baby since i am working. Please help. Keep me anonymous please.
Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing. It sounds like you're in a very difficult situation, but please know that there are options available to you and support systems that can help you through this.

Firstly, it's important to prioritize your and your child's safety and well-being. Given the circumstances, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice from a lawyer who specializes in family law. They can help you understand your rights and options regarding custody, child support, and divorce.

Regarding your depression, it's crucial to seek professional help. Depression is a serious condition that requires treatment, and there are therapists, counselors, and support groups available to provide you with the support you need.

In terms of bringing your child back, you may need to explore options for childcare that accommodate your work schedule. This could include hiring a nanny, enrolling your child in daycare, or seeking help from family members or friends.

As for the societal pressure and fear of judgment from relatives, remember that your well-being and your child's well-being are the most important considerations. It's essential to prioritize your own happiness and safety rather than worrying about the opinions of others.

Please don't hesitate to reach out to support services such as hotlines, counseling services, or support groups for assistance and guidance. You're not alone, and there are people who can help you navigate through this challenging time.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

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Hi, I am not yet mairred. I used to like a man and after a month we decided to get married. He was of my caste so I thought my parents won't deny this mairrage. I used to talk to and wanted to let him know everything about my past so that we can built a strong root of our relationship. I spoke every detail of my past life to him. Then before he proposed me for mairrage I went for a vacation with my male friend to dehradun. I didn't tell him that day as he didn't proposed me till that day then why would I tell everything about me to anyone. He was noone to me at that time. After that he came to visit me in Delhi and on the same when he was on train a friend of mine along with his fiance came to meet me after a very long time. I asked him and he didn't denied. After returning home he blocked me. I cried and cried, called multiple times but he didn't received my call. Even I went to his location and waited for almost 3 hr but he didn't came. Then I asked my sister to call him. Then he talked to me but he said me so much of harsh and vulgar words that I went in shock. I cried a lot but he went on humiliating me. But somehow I convinced him to stay with me. I never talked to that friend ever. Then I told my parents about him that I want to get married with this men. Being a girl's father my father enquired about him by being annonymous. And trust me noone has said anything good about him. Later on we get to know that his father has a murder case on him of his brother in law. But then I wanted to get married. Finally my parents agreed only for my happines. Meanwhile I was never being respected by him. He always doubt me, humiliate me, abuse me mentally and physically, and when I was like I don't want to be with you he used to say sorry and begged me to be with him. He even used to restrict to visit my uncle aunty. His mother wants used to defend him and never used to make him realise that he was wrong. Then before engagement we went to Kolkata to buy dress. Yes one more thing I have informed him on the very first day that I used to drink and smoke occassionally. So whenever he used to visit me he always wanted to drink with me whether I want it or not. He always used to abuse me and humiliate me in front of everyone after drinking, so after a period of time I used to avoid drinking. Then he used to fight with me for that also that why will you not drink. In kolkata the same thing happen. We stayed there for 3 days and he was convincing to go to club from the very first day but I refused. On 3rd he hit me. After engagement his family asked for dowry. After a lot of dealing my parents agreed for an amount. But I felt betrayed. I stopped talking. After after when I initiated the conversation he picked up a fight and said he won't marry. I tried to convince. But when everyone was blaming me then I broke my silence and said everything about him to my parent. But he manipulated everything and made me villain. My parents want me to get married What should I do
Ans: Dear Akriti,
After reading your question I can only give you one advice, please do not marry him no matter what people say. Even if we overlook every other red flag that he has exhibited, abuse of any form is unacceptable. Why are you trying to convince your parents to marry a guy who hits you? Do you think you deserve it or anyone, for that matter, deserves that?
Now, no matter who tries to manipulate you, or however much they try to convince you, get out of the relationship for the love and self-respect you have for yourself. It is a big decision but in your case, it is worth making that big decision. I'd normally never tell people they should this or they shouldn't do that, but in your case, no sane person would ever suggest you marry this man and be subjected to abuse for the rest of your life.

Please make the right choice.

Best Wishes

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I am not yet mairred. I used to like a man and after a month we decided to get married. He was of my caste so I thought my parents won't deny this mairrage. I used to talk to and wanted to let him know everything about my past so that we can built a strong root of our relationship. I spoke every detail of my past life to him. Then before he proposed me for mairrage I went for a vacation with my male friend to dehradun. I didn't tell him that day as he didn't proposed me till that day then why would I tell everything about me to anyone. He was noone to me at that time. After that he came to visit me in Delhi and on the same when he was on train a friend of mine along with his fiance came to meet me after a very long time. I asked him and he didn't denied. After returning home he blocked me. I cried and cried, called multiple times but he didn't received my call. Even I went to his location and waited for almost 3 hr but he didn't came. Then I asked my sister to call him. Then he talked to me but he said me so much of harsh and vulgar words that I went in shock. I cried a lot but he went on humiliating me. But somehow I convinced him to stay with me. I never talked to that friend ever. Then I told my parents about him that I want to get married with this men. Being a girl's father my father enquired about him by being annonymous. And trust me noone has said anything good about him. Later on we get to know that his father has a murder case on him of his brother in law. But then I wanted to get married. Finally my parents agreed only for my happines. Meanwhile I was never being respected by him. He always doubt me, humiliate me, abuse me mentally and physically, and when I was like I don't want to be with you he used to say sorry and begged me to be with him. He even used to restrict to visit my uncle aunty. His mother wants used to defend him and never used to make him realise that he was wrong. Then before engagement we went to Kolkata to buy dress. Yes one more thing I have informed him on the very first day that I used to drink and smoke occassionally. So whenever he used to visit me he always wanted to drink with me whether I want it or not. He always used to abuse me and humiliate me in front of everyone after drinking, so after a period of time I used to avoid drinking. Then he used to fight with me for that also that why will you not drink. In kolkata the same thing happen. We stayed there for 3 days and he was convincing to go to club from the very first day but I refused. On 3rd he hit me. After engagement his family asked for dowry. After a lot of dealing my parents agreed for an amount. But I felt betrayed. I stopped talking. After after when I initiated the conversation he picked up a fight and said he won't marry. I tried to convince. But when everyone was blaming me then I broke my silence and said everything about him to my parent. But he manipulated everything and made me villain. My parents want me to get married What should I do
Ans: Dear Akriti,
After reading your question I can only give you one advice, please do not marry him no matter what people say. Even if we overlook every other red flag that he has exhibited, abuse of any form is unacceptable. Why are you trying to convince your parents to marry a guy who hits you? Do you think you deserve it or anyone, for that matter, deserves that?

Now, no matter who tries to manipulate you, or however much they try to convince you, get out of the relationship for the love and self-respect you have for yourself. It is a big decision but in your case, it is worth making that big decision. I'd normally never tell people they should this or they shouldn't do that, but in your case, no sane person would ever suggest you marry this man and be subjected to abuse for the rest of your life.
Please make the right choice.

Best Wishes

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 08, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10874 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 08, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 08, 2025Hindi
Money
Hi i am 40M. would request your help to understand what should be the corpus required for retirement as i want to get retired in next 3-5yrs. currently my take home is 2.3L monthly & my wife also works but leaving the job in next 2-3 months. we have a daughter 10yrs, currently i stay on rent and total monthly expense is 1.1L month. once i will retire we will shift in our own parental flat, where hopefully there will be no rent. current Investments 1. 50L in REC bonds getting matured in 2029 2. 42L in stocks 3. 17L in MF 4. 16L FD 5. 15L in PPF 6. 1.3L SIP monthly i do My Wife Investments 1. 30L corpus 2. flat with current value 40L and we get rental of 10K monthly. Please guide what should be the retirement corpus required combined to retire, assuming i need 75L for my daughter post grad and marriage and we would be requiring 75K monthly for our expenses after retiring
Ans: You have explained your income, goals, current assets, and future plans with great clarity. Your early planning spirit is strong. This gives a very good base. You can reach a peaceful retirement with smart steps in the next few years.

» Your Current Position

You are 40 years old. You plan to retire in 3 to 5 years. You earn Rs 2.3 lakh per month. Your wife also works but will stop working soon. You have one daughter aged 10. Your current monthly cost is around Rs 1.1 lakh. This cost will reduce after retirement because you will shift to your parental flat.

Your investment base is already good. You have saved in bonds, stocks, mutual funds, PPF, FD, and SIP. Your wife also has her own savings and rental income from a flat. All these create a good starting point.

This early base helps you plan stronger. It also gives room for more shaping. You are on the right road.

» Your Family Goals

You need Rs 75 lakh for your daughter’s higher education and marriage.

You want Rs 75,000 per month for family living after retirement.

You want to retire in 3 to 5 years.

You will shift to your parental flat after retirement.

You will have rental income of Rs 10,000 from your wife’s flat.

These goals are clear. They give direction. They allow a strong plan.

» Your Present Investments

Your investments include:

Rs 50 lakh in REC bonds maturing in 2029.

Rs 42 lakh in stocks.

Rs 17 lakh in mutual funds.

Rs 16 lakh in fixed deposits.

Rs 15 lakh in PPF.

Rs 1.3 lakh as monthly SIP.

Your wife holds:

Rs 30 lakh corpus.

A flat worth Rs 40 lakh with rent of Rs 10,000 each month.

Your combined net worth is healthy. This gives good power to build your retirement fund in the coming years.

» Understanding Your Expense Need After Retirement

You expect Rs 75,000 per month after retirement. This includes all basic needs. You will not have rent. That reduces cost. This assumption looks fair today.

Your cost will rise with inflation. So you must plan for rising needs. A strong retirement corpus must support rising cost for 40 to 45 years because you are retiring early.

An early retirement needs a large buffer. So you need safety along with growth. Your plan must include growth assets and safety assets.

» How Much Monthly Income You Will Need Later

Rs 75,000 per month is Rs 9 lakh per year. In future years, this cost can rise. If we assume steady rise, your future cost will be much higher.

So the retirement corpus must be designed to:

Give monthly income.

Beat inflation.

Support you for 40 to 45 years.

Protect your family even in market down cycles.

Allow flexibility if your needs change.

A strong retirement fund must support both safety and long-term growth.

» How Much Corpus You Should Target

A safe target is a large and flexible corpus that can support long years without running out of money. For early retirement, the usual thumb rule suggests a very high number. This is because you need income for many decades.

You need a corpus big enough to produce rising income. You also need a cushion for unexpected health costs, lifestyle shocks, and inflation changes.

Your target retirement corpus should be in a strong range. For your needs of Rs 75,000 per month and for goals like daughter’s education and marriage, you should aim for a combined retirement readiness corpus in the higher bracket.

A safe range for your family would be a very large number crossing multiple crores. This large range gives you:

Income safety.

Inflation protection.

Peace during market cycles.

Comfort in long life.

Room for daughter’s future.

Strong backup for health.

You are already on the way due to your existing assets. You will reach close to this range with systematic building over the next 3 to 5 years.

» Why You Need This Larger Corpus

You will retire early. That means more years of living from your corpus. Your corpus must not fall early. It must grow even after retirement. It must give monthly income and long-term family protection.

This is only possible when the corpus is strong and well-structured. A weak corpus creates stress. A strong corpus creates freedom.

Also, your daughter’s future cost must be kept aside. This must be parked in a separate fund. This must not touch your retirement money.

A strong corpus makes these two worlds separate and safe.

» Your Existing Assets and Their Strength

You already have good diversification:

Bonds give safety.

Stocks give growth.

Mutual funds give managed growth.

FD gives stability.

PPF gives tax-free long-term savings.

This blend is already a good start. But you need to make the blend more structured for early retirement.

Your Rs 1.3 lakh monthly SIP is also strong. It builds your future fast. You should continue.

Your wife’s rental income is small but steady. This adds strength.

Your combined financial base can reach your retirement target if you refine your allocation now.

» Your Daughter’s Future Fund Need

You need Rs 75 lakh for your daughter’s education and marriage. You should keep this goal separate from your retirement goal.

Your current SIP and future allocations should create a dedicated fund for this goal. A long-term fund can grow well when managed actively.

Do not mix this fund with your retirement needs. Mixing leads to shortage in old age. Always keep this corpus ring-fenced.

» A Strong Asset Mix For Your Retirement Path

A balanced mix is needed. You need growth assets to beat inflation. You also need stable assets for income.

You must avoid index funds because they do not give flexibility. Index funds follow a fixed index. They cannot make active changes in different markets. They cannot move to better stocks when markets change. They force you to stay in weak sectors for long. They also do not help you in down cycles because they cannot protect you by shifting to safer options. This can hurt retirement planning.

Actively managed funds are better because:

They give active asset selection.

They give scope for better returns.

They give flexibility to change sectors.

They give downside management.

They give access to a skilled fund manager.

They support long-term planning more safely.

Direct plans also carry risk. Direct plans do not give guidance. They do not give behavioural support. They do not give market timing help. They do not give portfolio shaping. They leave all the judgement to you. One mistake can cost years of wealth.

Regular plans with guidance from a Certified Financial Planner help you shape decisions. They help you remain disciplined. They help you avoid panic. They help you decide allocation changes at the right time. This saves wealth in long-term.

» How Your Investment Journey Should Grow in the Next 3–5 Years

Continue your SIP.

Increase SIP when your income rises.

Shift part of your stock holding into planned long-term mutual funds to reduce concentration risk.

Build a defined daughter’s education fund.

Keep a part of your REC bond maturity amount for long-term.

Avoid locking too much into fixed deposits for long periods.

Build a safety fund for one year of expenses.

This will create a full structure.

» Your Rental Income Role

Your rental income of Rs 10,000 per month is small but steady. Over time it will rise. This income will support your monthly cash flow after retirement.

You can use this for utilities or health insurance premiums. This gives a cushion.

» Your Emergency Buffer

You should keep at least one year of essential cost in a safe place. This can be in a liquid account or short-term fund. This protects you in shocks.

Since you plan early retirement, a strong buffer is important. It gives peace even in low months.

» A Structured Retirement Approach

A complete retirement plan for you should include:

A clear monthly income plan after retirement.

A corpus that can grow and protect.

A rising income system that matches inflation.

A separate daughter’s future fund.

A health cover plan for your family.

A tax-efficient withdrawal plan.

A market cycle plan to protect you in tough times.

This holistic approach keeps your family strong for decades.

» What You Should Build by Retirement Year

Your aim should be to reach a strong multi-crore range in investments before retirement. You already hold a large amount. You will add more in the next 3 to 5 years through SIP, stock growth, bond maturity, and disciplined saving.

Once you reach your target range, you can start the shifting process:

Move a part to stable assets.

Keep a part in long-term growth assets.

Create a monthly income strategy.

Keep a reserve bucket.

Keep a child future bucket.

Keep a long-term growth bucket.

This structure protects you in all market conditions.

» Final Insights

Your financial journey is already strong. You have a good income. You have saved well. You have multiple asset types. You have a clear timeline. And you have clear goals. This foundation is solid.

In the next 3 to 5 years, your focus should be on growing your combined corpus to a strong multi-crore range, keeping a separate fund for your daughter, reducing risk in unplanned assets, and building a stable long-term structure.

With the present path and a disciplined structure, you can retire peacefully and support your family with confidence for many decades.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2499 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Dec 08, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10874 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 08, 2025

Money
Hello my name is saket, I monthly salary is 43k and my saving is zero. My Rent is 15 k and 10 k i send to my parents. How can i save money and investments.
Ans: 1. Your Current Monthly Numbers

Salary: Rs 43,000

Rent: Rs 15,000

Support to parents: Rs 10,000

Left with: Rs 18,000 for food, travel, bills, and savings

You have very little room, but saving is still possible if done smartly.

2. First Step: Build a Small Emergency Buffer

You must build Rs 10,000 to Rs 20,000 emergency money.
This protects you from taking loans for small issues.

How to build it:

Save Rs 3,000 to Rs 5,000 every month in a simple bank savings account

Do this for the next few months

Don’t touch it unless truly needed

3. Create a Mini Budget (Very Simple One)

Try this split from the remaining Rs 18,000:

Daily living (food + transport): Rs 10,000 – 11,000

Personal expenses (phone, internet, basics): Rs 3,000 – 4,000

Savings + investments: Rs 3,000 – 5,000

If this feels difficult, reduce food/transport costs by small adjustments.

4. Where to Invest Once You Have Emergency Money

(For minors: This is general education. For actual investing, get guidance from a trusted adult or family member.)

After you build emergency money, start small monthly investing.

You can begin with:

Rs 1,000 to Rs 2,000 SIP in a simple, diversified equity fund

Increase the SIP whenever salary increases or expenses reduce

Avoid complicated products.
Keep it simple.
Focus on consistency.

5. Easy Practical Ways to Increase Saving

These small moves help a lot:

Avoid food delivery

Use public transport as much as possible

Reduce subscriptions you don’t use

Fix a daily expense limit

Keep a separate bank account only for savings

Even Rs 200 saved daily = Rs 6,000 monthly.

6. Increase Income Slowly

Try small income boosters:

Weekend tutoring

Freelancing

Part-time projects

Selling old gadgets

Learning new skills for future salary growth

Even Rs 3,000 extra income changes your savings life.

7. Build the Habit First

The amount doesn’t matter in the beginning.
The habit matters more.

Even saving Rs 500 every month is better than zero.
Once salary grows, you will already know how to save.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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