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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Rithu Question by Rithu on Jul 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu, my fiancé ...( pov it’s a love marriage) always gets irritated when I point something wrong statement made by his mother. She is quite friendly but very cunning. He asks me not to talk casually with her.... My family is not this kind.... I’ve always talk to my mum like a chatterbox expressing all my feelings..... but by mistake I did this to my mil.... Sometimes I felt she is not much interested in my feelings..... she is talking to me as her son loves me ..... I guess I can’t never accept her as my mother..... my fiancée says I don’t know how to talk with them.... I haven’t said anything disrespectful... but yeah I do talk openly.... That’s how I talk.... That’s how I am wired..... but I feel deeply hurt as he mentioned that statement. I don’t know how should I behave and talk to them.... Can you suggest a solution for this.

Ans: Dear Rithu,
You will agree with me when I say that: No two people or families are same, let alone similar...
And you two are still not married. Isn't it a good time to actually get to know his side of the family as he gets to know yours and the two of you learn to adapt to who each one is rather than comparing and then feeling disappointed.
Why are you comparing your relationship with your mother with your relationship with your fiance's mother? Do you know find it silly? Moms and daughters have a different bond...you love, argue, quarrel, make it up and then love yet again. Can you assume the same to happen with your future mother-in-law as of now?
Maybe someday it might come close BUT never make the mistake of comparing people. You will always be left upset as it will never fulfill your expectations.
Instead, ACCEPT people for who you are. You are about to embark on a journey where different relationships will challenge you in different ways. the only way to ACE it will be to let people be and accept them wholeheartedly.
Given that your future MIL does not warm up to you like the way you want, give her some time to know you better. And to do that, just extend a warm heart and hand to her. Slowly, things fall into place.

DO NOT get into a family with preconceived notions about anyone and instead be curious and embrace relationships. And oh, complaining to your fiance will only end up in him defending his family and it will seem like he is not on your side. Why don't the two of you work together in understanding each others' family? That way things become smooth after marriage as well.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2024

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Relationship
Dear Anu, My son is 17years and has a affinity towards his mother it seems. Whenever i ask any questions about his studies and plans he shouts at me and misbehaves. I have stopped talking to him because of this. I don't know whether he likes me or not. He seems very content with his computer and his friends.. How can i build a relation with him. Also same with my wife. She does not talk to my parents neither to nay of my relatives. I tried on many occasions to make her realize that this is not okay. My Father is 82 and is longing to talk to her and stay with us...I do not know what is the issue with her. I do not abject to anything she does. How can i convince her...
Ans: Dear Trilok,
Why are you so intent on making people be with you or like you? If they don't see value in you, it's their misfortune maybe. This is one line of thought.
Another line of thought could be: Are there other ways of actually connecting with them? You son perhaps may bond better with you over a sport that the two of you can play BUT may connect with his mother over a conversation. Do not expect the same kind of connection...he's your son...rather than complain about what's not happening, how about trying a different approach and make things happen. See what interests him and bond with him on that!
Now with what your wife does...you really must find out what makes her not want to talk to your father. Maybe instead, you can invite your father to stay and encourage a conversation between him and your wife. And please don't form an opinion that just because your wife refuses to talk to your father, your son refuses to talk to you. It's two very different situations...

Stopping to talk to your son or wonder what's wrong with your wife only means that you have managed to externalize the issue and you will soon find reasons to blame them for a failing relationship. Instead assume charge and do what it takes to bond with your family...it works!

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Problem with my mother in law and her demanding behaviour in everything i used to do.. Even if i go with my husband.. She demanding me to tell where are you going.. Everything backbithches about me n my family when i was not in home to my husband He used to tell me after that... And i completely fed up... Why is she doing like this? They always make me to do work... Even her daughters are sitting peacefully with their phones.. Recently i addressed all these through my family to them... Now its became a big problem... That i told to my parents... They are blaming me now.. On this reason.. My husband supports them What to do now
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Fight your own battles; involving your family has become a family to family issue now...
Let's imagine for a moment that it's a friend's daughter who is close to you is facing the exact same thing; what would you tell her? What can she do to reclaim her rightful place among people who act selfish?
I am sure you will ask her to find her confidence within herself, right? Then, do just that...

Be clear on what duties of the house you can take on and do just that. Also, if you are a homemaker, do find time for yourself to do things that have a lot of meaning and value to you. Classes and courses that involve you stepping out of home will give a clear signal to the members back at home that they will have to pitch in and nit expect to put everything on you. Less complaints and more action in the direction of what you ultimately want. Don't ask: Why is she doing like this? You will never get an answer to this! Instead, ask: What can I do to lessen my burden and feel better?

Changing people is almost impossible, but changing the way you think and do things is always in your hands...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. How to be more respectful towards to MIL and FIL. ??? They dont like me as a DIL bcz they feel that I am trying to steal their son which is absolutely wrong. I tried to improve my relation with them but with the passage of time , its getting worst. My husband is on their side too. I have a baby girl and they threaten me to send me to my hometown with my child if I speak againt any type of dicrimination happening with me. My MIL believes in keeping Nirjala fast, eating after husband, eating left over food. I dont feel good with them so I spend time alone whenever they are home but they dont like my behaviour of getting my own time. Whenver i talk with them, they just humiliate me and my family.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Do you all live together? If YES, maybe it's time to actually live separately where there is a healthy space between both families. This may not go well with a lot of families where joint family system have ruled for a long time BUT what's the point spoiling relationships and living under one roof. Of course, your husband also needs to be in alignment with this thought.
If not and this is not going to be possible, then do approach your side of the family to intervene...now, either things may get set right OR things may get worse. It's sad that your husband is unable to see your side of things.
One things I want to ask: What makes them feel that you are trying to steal their son? Is it some behavior of yours that they are misreading? Then it's possible to set things right if this can be identified...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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