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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 20, 2021

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
TT Question by TT on Sep 20, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu, I would like to discuss about a problem in my married life with you.

Me and my husband had a love marriage 21 years ago.

Before our marriage also my husband had many relationships and affairs but since he was very true about everything and he promised to change things, we married.

Though, our family was a happy one and we have two grown up kids also, everything seems OK from outside. But actually, my husband has had many affairs after our marriage also.

He has never left his habit of impressing females around him, it may be his colleagues or some common friends etc.. and I always come across some or the other female in his life.

Some of the affairs have been so serious that they even went ahead and spent days and nights together.

Every time, I discover some affair, he admits his mistake and tells me to move on, but he never believes in correcting his mistakes and either continues with the affair or finds a new partner.

I have lost all trust in him but since I am not earning and have two grown up kids and also love him a lot, can't think of separation.

I have tried confronting him though but he gets angry always and blames me for spoiling our family life and not moving on.

Also, would like to accept that he is very supportive in family matters, loves his family a lot, is very dedicated to his work and to his kids, he is very empathetic towards people, helps everyone but needs his own space too.

I am completely confused about what should I do.

I am unable to trust him for anything and we keep arguing over smallest things.

Hope you will reply to me. Thanks.

Ans: Dear TT, I can only imagine what you must be going through.

Since you want to continue in the marriage, that choice is something I presume that has emerged after a lot of thought and I respect it.

The way this marriage will work is communicate clearly to him that his philandering ways have to stop as it is affecting you and the marriage.

If this doesn’t work, he seriously needs help in dealing with this…sometimes people don’t realise that they are jeopardizing their marriages.

I am not defending him but simply stating that sometimes people get themselves into a trap of not so useful situations and quite don’t know how to get out of it.

Also, what he might gain from so many extra marital relationships is something that he needs to find in other ways rather than swaying outside of the marriage.

This requires him to work with an expert as he will most likely not yield to your requests like in the past. Mere talking will not be enough; he possibly needs intensive therapy.

This will help him reunite with his family that he loves so much and he can be around completely without having to seek pleasure outside eroding the foundation of marriage.

As he seems to get better, it’s time for you to live your life as well, right?

What is it that you haven’t done in years? What is it that you gave up after marriage or after having kids?

What excites you enough for you to step up for yourself and create your own happiness? Simply DO THAT.

This will help you get back on your feet; who knows you might discover something that actually may end up becoming a money generator as well!

I wish you the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 48 year old mature,responsible and independent working lady. Married to the person whom i loved. 7 years of relationship before marriage and now 20 years of married relationship. My husband is very egoistic and irresponsible about our relationship but at the same time very helpful towards others. He lacks emotional intelligence between us. He lacks to understand my feeling which was never his priority. Due to this attitude after 6 years of marriage i got involved with one of my office colleagues wherein i use to consider him as a big supporter who is beside me whenever i feel depressed or want to express. Since my husband did had such understanding of spending quality time with me. However i was caught by my husband after few month since he had recorded few of my conversation. That chapter got closed as i sincerely apologize by husband and made him understand why was i in to that situation, which he also realized and accepted his mistake. We started a fresh journey as husband and wife. After 13 years post 2009, my husband was cheating on me which i discovered with the help of one agency. He was going around with one married lady. Luckily i cud figure this out in time with proofs and informed that ladies husband also. Post this revelation my husband has changed. He was not feeling guilty at all of what he did as he had lot of plans of leaving me and my 2 kids. He wanted to get separate and stay with his parents only, he was not interested in our family anymore and did not wanted to take any responsibility of our 2 kids, he started playing victim card that when my wife had an affair i did not revealed to anyone,then why is that she has revealed. Its now more than 6 months he is still not back on track, neither he feels guilty nor talk with me. Manipulate the conversation and his action every time. Not able to understand his behavior and this behavior is affecting my daily life. He doesn't update where.does he go, what is he doing. He is jobless since last 7 years. Hence i am only the earning member staying with i laws and kids. Day by day my patience are getting over. Please advise should i get separated from him and stay.with my kids only. Pls suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, it's classic behavior when there is no emotional bond within a marriage; seeking that outside of marriage...Now, with both of you having stepped out of it, it's going to take not just your efforts to put things together BUT a discussion on whether you two want this marriage to work. If YES, then work at it...
You will need to together work at dropping past baggage and starting on a clean slate.
But if NO, that's a decision that also needs a lot of deliberation. Are you willing to get out of the marriage as over time we get habituated with a person even with all they are and they are not. Think of how your life will pan out with your husband in it and not in it? Weigh this carefully and then decide what must be done next. This becomes important as there are children involved and it impacts them in a big way as well.
Take some time, confide in a trusted person and go into the depths of the pros and cons which will enable you take a step and move ahead...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |599 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 26, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hello Anu, I am married for 14 yrs. I have 5 yrs old twins. Currently I am dealing with my husband's extra marital affair with his ex colleague. In 2022 we went to abroad with my husband. But I found it very difficult to adjust with 2 3.5 yrs kids with my son diagnosed with ASD. I came back to India in 6 months.In April 2024 I came to know that my husband went on vacation with his ex colleague in abroad. He even sponsored her flight ticket and entire vacation. They spent 3 nights in a single hotel room. In 14 yrs old marriage despite being love marriage, I had to sponsor my honeymoon and first anniversary. With me he is always on savings mode where as with this woman he does not even care about money. When I confronted, he and his family blamed everything on me. They said it was my fault that I came back to India. Also as per him and his family it is nothing. Friends can travel like that. They pointed everything on my trust issues. He came back to India but he did not even contact me. He just wanted to meet kids. He never accepted his affair. As per him she is just a friend. I wanted divorce first but I asked him whether he wants to marry that woman he said NO. So we started couple therapy. During therapy he accepted his mistakes and said he was alone. That woman was going through her second divorce. And they started chatting on what's app frequently. Then calls and video calls. That woman was in India. He said he wants his family. But he never gave me any details about his affair. I came to know that when he was in India during holiday they went to pune , he lied to me and went to pune to be with her. There also they spent night in 5 star hotel room. I was devasted. This also he did not tell me. Going on vacation, sharing a hotel room , sharing a bed is nothing for them. I am also BE but I feel like he has crossed all boundaries. I was devasted. I felt so much betrayed that I was getting thoughts of suicide but looking at my kids I decided to work on our marriage. In diwali he gifted me a saree, we spent quality time as family. I said let's forget all and start a new life in our new house but please leave that affair. He said ok. But again he cheated. He booked 5 star resort room for her. He even sponsored her flight ticket. I was genuinely trying to save my marriage, to build our bond but he messed it. Even after that he wants to be with me. Recently I lost my job as well. Counselor told me to ignore his affair. But my husband wants me to pay half EMI, half of everything even though he has onsite money. I feel stuck in this marriage now. This man has always neglected my needs.He never respected me, he never valued me the way he is treating that woman. He wants me to perform all wifely duties but also wants to enjoy his time with that woman. Now he is saying he has stopped contact with her. But in Diwali he said the same in temple .when I am asking for divorce he is saying I want his money. He has zero regrets , no remorse of his actions. I am mentally very much disturbed now. I feel worthless and hopeless because of all these things. Now he wants to live with me but he wants me to share all the expenses. I don't trust him now and I don't want to invest my money in this marriage as there is no transparency. He has also disrespected my parents when they went to ask him about his affair. If he loves that woman this much why can't he accept that and leave me? He wants me to take a call. He leaving me would have helped me to move on. Is it worth saving such marriage where there are insecurities, no trust , no transparency, no respect? I put my ego aside for many times but should I also loose my self respect? I have decided to protect myself now.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Clearly your therapy didn't take you anywhere and your counselor telling you to forget the affair makes it even more clear that he/she was leading you into a space of impossibility. If it's so easy to forget, why haven't you? Because it is not possible to forget what impacts you the most...
It has to be worked upon and skimmed over. What I could gather from what you have shared is that you seem to be waiting for your husband to decide the fate of your marriage!
What's your thought on it? What makes you wait for his approval or decision on it? If after repeated attempts, the marriage does not seem like a priority to him, how can you expect him to make a decision about it?
He's a pretty cat sitting on a fence playing both fields and wishing that he can be the best player on both sides of the field...You get the depth of this? He's never going to decide and this will constantly keep you on the edge not letting you move on anything.
I am sure you will be relieved knowing that the decision when in your court can help you accelerate things and it will be clear how and when you wish to move on...
The decision must be yours NOW!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8864 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2025

Money
I have 10lakh rupees with me which I want to use for my new flat interiors in 6months. Every month I am planning to add 1lakh rupees to this. Please let me know the right place to park the money with no risk. Currently I am keeping this in idfc savings account which gives better returns when compared to my icici Salary account
Ans: Since your requirement is for using the money in six months and you are looking for zero-risk options, your money must be kept in safe, liquid, and interest-earning instruments. You are currently keeping the amount in IDFC First Bank’s savings account, which is already better than regular savings accounts. But there are even better options for this short-term goal.

Your Situation and Goal

You have Rs. 10 lakh now.
You will add Rs. 1 lakh every month for 6 months.
You want to use this for interior work.
You want full safety for your money.
You want better returns than a regular savings account.
You do not want to take any market risk.

What You Must Avoid

Do not invest in mutual funds.
Even liquid funds are not 100% safe.
They are market-linked.
Their returns are not fixed.
They also have tax on gains.
Avoid shares, ULIPs, real estate, or corporate bonds.
Avoid any product with lock-in or price fluctuation.

Best Options for You

1. Auto Sweep Fixed Deposit

Your IDFC First Bank offers auto sweep FD.
Extra money in savings goes to FD automatically.
This earns better interest than savings account.
If you need money, it auto-breaks the FD.
This gives both safety and liquidity.
Keep Rs. 2 lakh in savings account.
Put Rs. 8 lakh in auto sweep FD.

2. Recurring Deposit for Monthly Additions

You plan to add Rs. 1 lakh every month.
Start a new 6-month RD every month.
This earns fixed interest and is fully safe.
Each RD will mature when your payments begin.
This matches your need for funds gradually.
Interest rate can be 6.5% to 7% per annum.

3. Fixed Deposits for 180 Days

If auto sweep is not available, use short-term FDs.
Place Rs. 8 lakh in three or four small FDs.
Each FD can be for Rs. 2 lakh.
Tenure can be 180 days.
If you need money, break one FD only.
Keep Rs. 2 lakh in savings for emergency.

What Not to Use

Don’t use mutual funds.
Even liquid or arbitrage funds can fluctuate.
They also have new tax rules.
Short-term gains are taxed at slab rate.
Also, there is no guarantee of returns.
Don’t use T-bills or government bonds.
They are not flexible for 6-month use.

Step-by-Step Execution

Step 1: Keep Rs. 2 lakh in IDFC savings account.
This gives quick access for small payments.

Step 2: Put Rs. 8 lakh in 180-day FD or auto sweep FD.
Check which gives higher interest.

Step 3: Start one RD every month with Rs. 1 lakh.
Total six RDs, each for 6 months.

After 6 months, your total money will be Rs. 16 lakh.
Your RDs will start maturing one by one.
Use the money for each phase of interior work.

Expected Earnings

FD of Rs. 10 lakh at 7% for 6 months gives about Rs. 35,000.
Six RDs of Rs. 1 lakh each may give Rs. 11,000 in total interest.
So, total interest you can expect is around Rs. 46,000.
This is better than a savings account and is risk-free.

Tax Points to Remember

Interest on FD and RD is taxable.
It is added to your income.
You must pay tax as per your slab.
Bank will deduct TDS if total interest is above Rs. 40,000.
Still, you must show all interest in your ITR.
If your spouse is in lower tax slab, invest in their name.
This reduces overall tax on interest earned.

Extra Safety Tips

Keep all deposits below Rs. 5 lakh per person per bank.
This keeps your money insured under DICGC.
Use your spouse’s name if you need more FD space.
Use scheduled banks only.
Avoid small NBFCs or unknown finance companies.
Always choose capital safety first.

Final Insights

You are on the right track.
Your decision to avoid risky products is wise.
Stick to FDs, RDs, and auto sweep for short-term goals.
This gives you guaranteed returns and easy access.
Do not be tempted by higher returns from market products.
Stay focused on safety and capital protection.
By following this plan, you will have Rs. 16 lakh ready in 6 months.
You will also earn around Rs. 46,000 extra without any risk.
This is the best balance between safety, liquidity, and returns for now.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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