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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1442 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 23, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
PC Question by PC on Feb 23, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

 I'm a 31 year old male who has been looking for a matrimonial match since start of mid 2019. Have talked to many girls and nothing has materialised till now. However, I was still hopeful to find someone until this December 2021. I was talking to a girl since October and met her in December. I really liked her and was starting to get some feelings for her. She seemed like the perfect match to me from every aspect. But after couple of meeting, she decided not to proceed further. I have been trying really hard to move over but unable to since it seems like I won't be able to find anyone as perfect as her.
What is further adding to the hopelessness is that I am not able to forgive my mom and sister for not giving me the right amount of space before meeting her. Just one week before meeting her, we had shifted to our own house and lot of my energy was spent in the interior work. I wanted to relax and rejuvenate for one week before I meet her but was laden with avoidable housework. I feel like I would have still been fine with the rejection if I had felt my 100% while meeting her but now I'm filled with regret of how things might have been different if I would have got that one week of relaxation. I feel like I'm stuck in a prison at home where I just don't feel like talking to them but their face is a constant reminder of that instance.

Ans:

Dear PC, oh, so the girl rejecting you is because you weren’t relaxed and rejuvenated and that your mother and sister are responsible for that?

Obviously, I am sure you had a choice even on the day of meeting her in order to postpone the meeting with a polite reason conveyed.

How do you know that you were not your 100%? Just because you were rejected? Could it not be that she had a genuine reason to not want to proceed?

Externalising your disappointment and blaming others for it, isn’t a sign of healthy emotional maturity.

You do know that your mother and sister are not your enemies and surely have your best interests in mind. Rather than focusing on what they should have done, can you focus on what you can do next?

Crying over the past, isn’t going to change it but looking at what you can do at this very moment may help you be in a better mind space to meet your life partner.

Best wishes to you!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1442 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 20, 2021

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Relationship
My name is 'X' and I belong to a middle class family. Right now, I am 46 and my marriage was solemnised about 10 yrs back. It was a totally arranged marriage would like to state here that I didn't like the girl or her appearance right from the start. I am a teacher by profession and my mother wanted her would be daughter- in law to have a similar background that is like that of a teacher. Initially, I was hesitant to marry this girl selected by my parents, but then I consented to the marriage thinking that whatever my elders and my parents had thought about my future would be the correct decision related to my life. Moreover, everybody had started to say that the girl would suit me. But right from the 1st day of marriage, I started resenting the relationship. Nothing happened between us on the 1st night of marriage. The girl didn't have any specific faults, but somehow she didn't appear to be attractive at all for me. The colour of her skin was dark, maybe I wanted a fair skinned girl. Finally, the situation came to such an extent that she, in collusion with her family, lodged a false case of domestic violence against us because they felt that the girl was unfairly neglected by me. They also wanted to derive unfair financial gain at my parents and my cost. The case continued for 7 years and ultimately we won it. And now, after many years, I have once again started to feel that I should marry even though I am of advanced age. I want a partner who is attractive, beautiful and above all, who is so matured in her outlook that after marriage, we will not even care for any petty issues and not fight over silly matters. I am also taking the help of Shaadi.com in this matter through all the attractive membership schemes launched by them. Now, at this juncture, I really need your advice as to whether I should proceed forward and take this step at my age. This is moreso because as a life partner, I want an elite kind of girl who is far above the kind of girl which we see in most common middle-class societies. I do not want to disclose my name.
Ans: Dear KS, before you proceed on this journey of finding a life partner for yourself, it is time to rework your strong beliefs on appearance, skin colour etc.

What went wrong with your first marriage maybe anybody’s guess, but there’s no judging here!

Not that, you were coerced into it; you fully know you always had the option of saying you didn’t want to marry the girl.

Yet, you went ahead convincing yourself that your family knew what they were doing for you.

The unfair financial gain that they wanted might have been a direct result of the unfair treatment from you towards their daughter.

Did that occur to you?

You say you want a life partner who will not rake up petty issues and be matured as well, don’t you feel that is what she will expect from you as well?

Since I don’t have the details, it would be unfair of me to presume anymore on this.

It was to simply turn your head towards how your old-fashioned thinking might step into your next marriage as well?

How would you feel if on the first night in your next marriage, your wife comments on your physical appearance or your performance in bed?

Are you going to walk around with a high self-esteem even after that?

Let’s now lead you to a place that can make it a beautiful experience for you…

So much has changed and I truly wish that you look at your spouse for what she can add into your life instead of harping on what she doesn’t possess?

I mean, as humans the flaws that we walk around, if it were pointed to us on a daily basis, it would depress us to a point that we may end up feeling that we are not good enough.

What I would suggest after having worked with couples over years helping them rebuild their marriages is to change your way of thinking and embrace the next person for who she is once you know your initial check boxes have been ticked that might involve matching value systems.

This helps in rooting your marriage on a strong foundation; rain or storm, the two of you will be smiling and holding hands to walk the journey together.

Wishing you a beautiful life!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |505 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 13, 2023

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Relationship
I started a relationship with a girl. First we thought it just a relationship no marriage. But as days going we fell deep into each other that we cant live without each other. I found one thing that she loving more than needed. Im so scared of her, what will she do if i run out of her life for my marriage. This thought killed me. So I decided to leave her without telling a reason. I left her with a small issue. I really dont want to loose but i had to. I just said good bye, she also said good bye. Later i never texted her. She too never texted me. But after 2 months i felt guilty of leaving so i came back to her. Previously her parents decided to marry her to their son in law. I know this when were in relationship. So after our breakup i came back to her. But she said no to me because she is committed with her brother in law. I cant take this. Its killing me. After i said good bye she never tried to contact me for patch-up. Even no texts. Her brother in law told her that im ready to marry you. So she too said i too like you and im also ready to marry you. But their marriage will happen in 2026. I told her that untill marriage please be with me and this is our deal when we started our relationship. But she said no. I begged her many times but she always said no to me. And still now i cant believe that she said no to me. All this happened 3 months ago but still i cant forget her. Recently she deleted my number also. Everything making me feel low. What should i do now?
Ans: Dear Srikanth,

To me, it sounds like you broke up with her. No, you ghosted her. How you put her on trial isn't clear to me, given the fact that you stopped contacting her after a mere goodbye and no proper explanation. Why did she not try to contact you? Maybe she has enough self-respect to restrain herself from doing so; I cannot speak for her but judging the events, you were the one who broke up and you need to own up to it.

Moving on to her deciding to get married- I am assuming she told you she's happy to marry her intended; if so, please accept the reality and move on. Next, why is she not agreeing to be in a relationship with you till the time she gets married? To expect otherwise from any sane, self-respecting person is delusional.

You knew that the two of you could not end up together and took a decision; immature as it was, your intentions were good. Similarly, your ex chose to move on. I don't see either of you making any considerable mistakes here. Both were right in their ways, except for the "you leaving her without a word" part. It is time you move on, and let her live her life in peace. You might feel low for a while, but nothing feels worse than hurting the people you once loved, and compelling your ex to commit to you when she doesn't want to is the same as hurting her. Make the right choices.

Best Wishes!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |505 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
A bit long story I'm 21 student preparing for medical competative entrance exam for past 3 years (21-24).2 year ago this phase I was in a long distance relationship for 4 months with a girl I met in my class .But it didn't last long due to the problems created due to distance as she couldn't understand myself and I couldn't understand herself.so there was a misunderstanding and I couldn't hold on as I was in heavy pressure by exams and financial problems.so I couldn't handle and I felt like too early and broke up with her by losing my mind.she was completely disappointed as I didn't speak to her for more than an year due to one more year preparation.i missed her very much but I didnt tell her.I missed govt seat in border mark and the same year she got into a relationship with another guy in her class.i don't blame her. But I feel like my entire life is shattered and I couldn't move on from that girl till now.I couldn't concentrate on my career too.im kind of person who is always confident in all aspects but I have totally lost my mind .I can see that in an danger situation as age is running and family pressure, everyone of my classmates are far ahead of me I couldn't withstand this situation and couldn't make proper decision in any aspect. Mam please help me out.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concerns. The first step is to focus on moving on; she has, and you should too. Prioritize your career, your family, and your future. Next, what has happened to your career progress has already happened. It's unfortunate, but there's no way to change that. But give yourself a second chance; work harder and achieve greater things than you even imagined before. Trust me, you are not the only person who is standing in a situation like this. Many have, and many more will. But the ones who have passed this time will give you the same advice that I did.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1442 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello..I met him on Jan 4 th of 2024.. this year he is not with me. We were in a relationship for almost 8 months. Everything was fine and blissful. Last December he told me he needs some time to decide about our relationship. First of all it was a blow to my confidence..I thought he will stay by my side no matter what it is. After a few days he told me he wants to move on. I was in no contact for 10 days. After I went back and called him..he told me he is talking with another girl and he likes her and going to marry her. My world was broken. The reason for this? Our horoscopes doesn't match also he brings up caste differences even though there is not much difference. We were each other's best friends cared and loved each other so much. Stood by eachother's tough times..I begged him I cried d...I lost all my self respect..I somehow wanted to keep him with me...but he threw me away. It pains a lot. I haven't recovered yet..but he is going to marry her very soon...the toughest part here is I have to see him everyday atleast for the next 6 months. How will I handle if he gets engaged? How will I handle when he gives out his wedding cards? I have big goals in life I want to achieve them. But I am terrified what if it all crumbles because of my inability to handle this pain and suffering? What should I do? Your suggestion is very much needed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You did invest too much of yourself in him; but who can stop the way feelings move, right?
As hard as it maybe to accept this reality, move on...initially, it will be painful, but it's not worth losing yourself to anyone. Protect your identity and know that it does not stem from anyone or anything BUT it's YOU who defines it.
Maybe the past year that you lost time and could not focus on your goals, this year can be your year. Let him do what he needs to; why focus on someone who did not have the decency or courage to tell you things on your face. What will you gain by actually being with a person like that? I am sure you deserve much more...
Your goals and aspirations need you; go for it!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1442 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2025

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Relationship
The seconds of time during taking action..I get into the overthinking/over-analysing thoughts... 1. Imaginative: Where I becom's the character & live life(see images, speak..) in those..like being rich,powerfull,disciplined,wife,kids....things which I want/perceive from social media...+ memos of past also.. 2. Stuck: Where I becom's a "OBJECT" & voices + images of brain guides me to quit task's when doing things/challenging...by saying.. *What this thing(task/book..) gonna benefit you? *Don't do it, you will do worse/fail..people gonna judge/laugh to you...look yourself!!..no good face, no good dress, u don't hv courage/skill to do that thing. 3. Coping: "Quit it" & use Mobile(songs,reels,yt videos..) to stop/distract myself from those dark clouds. i) What/How [solution] to don't get stuck in those next time. ii) How to use that overthinking for my advantage.. with hving control. iii) I tried to fill the possible voids by dress/looks but things were same..so it's internal.. What to do for that?
Ans: Dear Work,
Overthinking and over processing never helped anyone. Focus on your self-talk and change that.
- Journaling
- Sports
- Art work
- Meditation
- Breathwork
These are a few ways in which you can attempt to slow down the mind from racing thoughts. Once that happens, work on your self-talk to make it more useful where you start to direct yourself towards what you want to do.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7550 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 19, 2025

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Money
Hello Sir. I have Rs1,00,000 that I want to invest as a lump sum in SBI Mutual Funds for the long term (15+ years). Considering that SBI has one of the largest Asset Management Companies (AMCs), could you please recommend which SBI Mutual Funds would be suitable for such an investment and have the potential to deliver good returns over this period? I am doing this investment for my daughter's education.
Ans: Your decision to invest Rs 1,00,000 for your daughter's education is commendable. A long-term horizon of 15+ years offers significant growth potential through mutual funds. Below are insights and recommendations to guide your investment.

Why SBI Mutual Funds?

SBI is one of India’s largest and most trusted AMCs.

They offer a wide range of funds suitable for different goals and risk levels.

Their consistent performance track record reflects sound fund management.

Key Factors to Consider for Long-Term Investments

Investment Objective:

Education is a critical financial goal.

Focus on wealth accumulation through equity-oriented funds.

Risk Appetite:

Equity funds involve volatility but offer high growth.

Ensure alignment with your risk tolerance.

Fund Type Selection:

Choose funds based on asset allocation and diversification.

Evaluate the performance of large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds.

Tax Implications:

LTCG over Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Understand taxation for equity and debt funds.

Suggested Fund Categories for Your Investment

1. Large-Cap Funds

Invest in funds focusing on well-established companies.

They offer stability and moderate risk.

Suitable for conservative investors.

2. Mid-Cap Funds

These funds focus on medium-sized companies with high growth potential.

They are riskier than large-cap funds but offer higher returns.

Suitable for investors willing to take calculated risks.

3. Flexi-Cap Funds

Invest across large, mid, and small-cap companies.

They offer diversification and the flexibility to adapt to market conditions.

Ideal for investors seeking balanced growth.

4. Equity-Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS)

ELSS funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C.

They have a lock-in period of three years.

Suitable for investors aiming for tax-efficient long-term growth.

5. Hybrid Funds

Invest in a mix of equity and debt instruments.

They offer stability through debt and growth through equity.

Suitable for moderate-risk investors.

Benefits of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)

CFPs offer expert guidance tailored to your goals.

They help monitor fund performance regularly.

They ensure optimal fund selection and rebalancing.

Regular plans through CFPs provide dedicated service and support.

Why Choose Actively Managed Funds?

Active funds aim to outperform benchmarks through expert fund management.

They offer higher potential returns compared to index funds.

Fund managers actively adjust portfolios based on market trends.

Ideal for long-term investors seeking growth.

Key Steps to Start Your Investment

Define your financial goal clearly.

Consult with a CFP for fund selection.

Review the chosen fund’s historical performance and portfolio composition.

Use SIPs for additional investments to benefit from rupee cost averaging.

Monitor your portfolio periodically to ensure alignment with your goals.

Final Insights

Investing in SBI Mutual Funds is a smart choice for your daughter’s education. Selecting the right fund category ensures growth and stability over 15+ years. Partnering with a Certified Financial Planner ensures professional guidance and optimal returns. Stay committed to your goal, review your investments regularly, and focus on long-term growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7550 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
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Money
I am an NRI with an NRO trading account through Zerodha, but I cannot trade in F&O and Intraday. I have been filing my returns consistently though I have had no income in India in the last 10 years. But I have investments in MF, PPF, NPS, Medical and Life Insurances, ULIPs which were initiated while working in India and had tax saving options and it is being continued. I would like to trade in F&O and Intraday. My wife is not employed till date and has a regular savings account with the Bank which is Resident Indian normal account. She has never filed any IT returns since as there was no income and transactions from my side were only for family maintenance. My question is, can I open a regular trading account in her name so that we can do trading in F&O and Intraday? What are the necessary things which I need to follow for filing IT returns and how my investments can be helpful to file returns through her account. She doesn't have any investments except LIC & Health Insurance policies in her name for which I pay from myside.
Ans: Yes, you can open a trading account in your wife's name to trade in F&O and intraday; however, there are a few important considerations:

Steps to Open a Trading Account:
Convert Savings Account to a Trading-Compatible Account: Ensure her existing bank account supports trading transactions. If not, convert it to a trading-compatible savings account.
KYC Compliance: Complete her KYC process with updated details, including PAN, Aadhaar, and a valid address proof.
Link Demat and Trading Account: Open a Demat and trading account in her name with a broker that supports F&O and intraday trading for resident individuals.
Nominate a Separate Source of Funds: Ensure the funds transferred to her account are not directly linked to your NRI account to avoid legal and taxation issues.
Tax Implications:
Income from Trading: Any income generated from trading in her account will be considered her income. Since she has no other sources of income, her income from trading may be taxed as per the slab rate applicable to her.
Gift Declarations: Funds transferred to her account can be considered a gift. Gifts from a spouse are exempt from tax, but the income generated (through trading) will be clubbed with your income under Section 64 of the Income Tax Act.
Filing IT Returns:
She will need to file her own ITR if her total income (including trading profits) exceeds the taxable limit (Rs. 2.5 lakhs for individuals below 60).
Any clubbed income will still require an ITR to declare the source and details.
Investments for IT Filing:
Investments in her name (e.g., LIC and health insurance) can help:

Claim deductions under Section 80C for LIC premiums.
Claim deductions under Section 80D for health insurance premiums.
Alternative Suggestions:
Joint Investments: Instead of opening an account in her name, consider using investments in her name (LIC, insurance, etc.) to improve her financial standing without additional compliance.
Professional Advice: Engage a CA familiar with NRI taxation and clubbing provisions to ensure full compliance and proper structuring.
If you'd like detailed help with tax planning, compliance, or investment strategies, let me know!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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