My name is 'X' and I belong to a middle class family.

Right now, I am 46 and my marriage was solemnised about 10 yrs back.

It was a totally arranged marriage would like to state here that I didn't like the girl or her appearance right from the start.

I am a teacher by profession and my mother wanted her would be daughter- in law to have a similar background that is like that of a teacher.

Initially, I was hesitant to marry this girl selected by my parents, but then I consented to the marriage thinking that whatever my elders and my parents had thought about my future would be the correct decision related to my life.

Moreover, everybody had started to say that the girl would suit me. But right from the 1st day of marriage, I started resenting the relationship.

Nothing happened between us on the 1st night of marriage.

The girl didn't have any specific faults, but somehow she didn't appear to be attractive at all for me.

The colour of her skin was dark, maybe I wanted a fair skinned girl.

Finally, the situation came to such an extent that she, in collusion with her family, lodged a false case of domestic violence against us because they felt that the girl was unfairly neglected by me.

They also wanted to derive unfair financial gain at my parents and my cost.

The case continued for 7 years and ultimately we won it. And now, after many years, I have once again started to feel that I should marry even though I am of advanced age.

I want a partner who is attractive, beautiful and above all, who is so matured in her outlook that after marriage, we will not even care for any petty issues and not fight over silly matters.

I am also taking the help of Shaadi.com in this matter through all the attractive membership schemes launched by them.

Now, at this juncture, I really need your advice as to whether I should proceed forward and take this step at my age.

This is moreso because as a life partner, I want an elite kind of girl who is far above the kind of girl which we see in most common middle-class societies.

I do not want to disclose my name.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At 61, you look back and reflect; what choices have you made that has led you to be where you are right now?
Have those choices robbed you of your peace of mind and a better life?
If Yes, it still isn't late to rework and revisit those choices and make better ones.

But for that, this obsession with their ghastly affair must end. The more you are focused on the past, it becomes difficult to create anything beautiful for today and tomorrow. Yes, you felt hurt and were in pain, but to continue to feel the pain is a choice and that is only going to make you more bitter. Consider what is happening with your marriage; you might have to accept that this is the way it will be. If you are not happy with this, then think of what you want to do about it.

It's a good thing that you have begun to focus on your children. They seem to be in need of focus and direction. Since they are adults, it's time you gave them an ultimatum to find a job and move out of home. It sounds cruel, but at times, as a parent you need to do the right thing for your children. So, act NOW and without hesitation.
As for you, as you decide what you want to do with your marriage, involve yourself in social circles and hobbies, travel etc. It will give you a distraction and also a way to calm your mind to take decisions.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Nice circus within the house, yeah?
How did you even agree to get yourself manipulated by your father? He's just played you and you got played...years have gone by and now you wonder where all those years have gone by...
Move out of this entire arrangement otherwise you spend the rest of your life living a life that's not yours and being a person that is not you.
Who you are is what you need to bring up for yourself and that's not to play someone's husband when you are not. And look how it has confused the children...Your father needs a lesson on taking responsibility for his actions. He's just happy with his lust getting its due without having to play the husband to the outside world. All in all, you have got the raw end of all this...
First move out of this situation so that you have the time to get back to being YOU. It will give you enough clarity on what is to be done next and it will teach your father and his wife, that they have to now look after the family that they created without using you as an 'actor'.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: You and your stepmother have lived closely for nearly 15 years. In the eyes of society and the law, you are her husband. Biologically and ethically, you are not. But even so, the psychological, emotional, and social dimensions of this relationship are not simple. If you now consider taking the relationship from a false facade to a genuine romantic partnership, you must consider the following carefully:

Have both of you truly processed the emotional weight of what that would mean—not just for yourselves, but for the two children who know her as their mother and you as their father, even if they are aware of none of this complex history? Would a shift from this protective illusion to a real romantic relationship feel emotionally clean—or does it risk carrying guilt, confusion, or emotional baggage for either of you?

The question isn’t just whether “no one will know”—it’s whether you both will be emotionally at peace with this decision for the rest of your lives. Love, affection, companionship—these are valid and beautiful needs at your age. You deserve them. But they must come without a shadow of unresolved complexity or psychological discomfort, especially when children are involved.

You also need to think carefully about legality. Though this woman is not your biological wife, official records reflect her as such. If you move forward as a real couple, you’re essentially formalizing a previously informal truth—but you’re also deepening a secret. Is that a foundation you feel secure building a life on?

Here’s a suggestion: take a pause. Sit down with her—openly, with honesty—and explore whether this desire is rooted in genuine romantic connection, or whether it’s stemming from a shared loneliness and long companionship. The difference is critical.

You are both allowed to seek love and connection. But you must do it in a way that honors truth, emotional clarity, and long-term peace. If you sense even the slightest doubt or emotional confusion from either of you, it might be better to redefine your relationship in a healthier, more truthful way—not necessarily romantic, but meaningful, supportive, and free of secrets.

You’ve already sacrificed enough of your personal life for others. Now is the time to choose a future that is deeply your own—and built on honesty, not just convenience or secrecy.