Dear Anu, I don’t know how to start. My Age is 40.
This is my second marriage. My first marriage was arranged and it lasted 6 months.
As I was in love we got divorced. We have one son who is 10 years old.
Now the issue is my second wife and I have both betrayed each other.
I caught her first having a deep love affair with her yoga friend. That fellow is married and we know his wife and daughter.
She has started him when she was training for yoga and later they both started classes together.
Meanwhile, I am in a relationship with a colleague. Now she is in a different organization.
Although she has stopped it, I continue to chat with her.
We are both struggling to come to a decision since last 9 months but nothing is working out. We both confessed; she is guilty, I am not.
We've had a very rough time. Now she is at her mother’s home.
My problem is that I can neither let her go nor forget her. She wants her freedom as earlier but I am not ready. So I am sad while I continue to torture her by asking past questions.
I am worried more about my son. I am stuck so I end up bullying her. Please advice.
I want to move on. I don’t want to be in relationship but i am afraid of taking decision. Sometime I feel miserable.
Ans: Dear PC, I don’t want this and I don’t want that is a childlike way of dealing with things; you will be stuck in that mud forever.
You have to want to either move on with your marriage or not.
If you choose to stay, you have to train your mind and as a couple go for a Couples Counselling to rebuild the marriage.
It will require forgiving; hard as it is, it will help both of you relook as to why you fell in love in the first place.
Sometimes, it is essential to hit the refresh button and look at things with a new perspective. And if you have decided mutually, to separate, do make sure there is no mud slinging or finger pointing.
A marriage is between two adults who are invested equally in it and there is no one person to blame.
Be graceful about this and make it a graceful end where you support one another.
Whatever you decide, always make sure your son is well looked after especially his mind and what he needs to know and understand.
Seek the support of a professional who deals with children growing up in families where the parents are separating or are quarrelling.
Either case, please DO NOT let the child suffer as this has long-term consequences on his mind.
I hope you make a decision sooner as every day not only makes it harder for both of you but for your child as well. Take care and best wishes.
