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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1651 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 28, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 26, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello My husband and I took mutual divorce before 1.5 years. this was my second marriage and I married him because he assured me that he will be a father for my toddler. after 7 years of adjustments in marriage (as he was not good as a, neither emotionally nor financially) father, he filed for divorce in just 20 days of our arguments. He raised his hand so I was upset and angry so I too signed the papers. Just after filling divorce that he started asking me to come back else he will get married. I denied to go back and he started seeing girls within a week of filling divorce. With the court procedure, he used to ask me to come back but I was heart broken bcoz he was seeing bride so I denied again. This was continued and our divorce granted. Now since six months again he started approaching me by saying that I only love you and so could not get married. for your kind information, he is very impatient and aggressive by nature. Due to his nature and behaviour I and my family decided to cut him off because it is creating stress only. but till today he is trying to contact me by one or other means. I am already very stressed and emotionally broken down because this happened to me second time. Some times I feel that I should give him one more chance but when looking to my kid, who is 12 now, I am giving up on this thought. and I am not sure whether he is doing this for feelings or just because he is not getting a woman of his choice to marry. My family members are saying that he has no feelings for me and my son but he is just calling me back for his adjustments. I don't know I should trust him or not.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What sort of a game is this? Like children fighting on one day and not speaking with one another and then making up the next day only to fight again...
Why so much of vacillation on your part? When you two separated, was it a conscious move or was it on an impulse?
Also, be very cautious as to why he is insistent on getting back with you?
Also, has he changed his ways and will he be more available to the family now? Wasn't this the reason that actually things went downhill for you?
Plus, he's looking at prospective brides...and you say that he is aggressive and impatient...

So, what is your confusion here?
What will you get by getting back with him?
What will you lose or not gain by not getting back with him?
Are you willing to make compromises to be with a person that you call aggressive?
How is this going to affect your child given that your ex-husband is not emotionally or financially stable?

Weigh it all out and then make a decision that is right by you and for you and for your child.

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am single mother of 12 year old boy and got divorced last year after 7 years of living seperate from my ex husband, I got married in 2010 through matrimonial site and had very toxic and abusive relationship, so I came to my maternal home in 2016 completely. There were many occasions when he approached me and promised to behave properly but failed to do so . He only filed for divorce by making false accusations of being characterless. I gave him divorce and in return I got very less alimony or the amount which was given in cash to them in my marriage. Now I came to know that he remarried and living his life . He is still in contact with my son and sometimes he blame me and my parents for this divorce. My first question is that is he trying to manipulate my son ( he is not bearing any education expenses of my son) And when I ask my son if I can also move on in my life, he refuses and says I don't want to share you with anyone. So I am very confused.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you've been facing. It sounds like you've been through a lot and are trying to navigate a difficult situation for both yourself and your son.

Regarding your ex-husband's behavior, it's possible that he may be trying to manipulate your son, especially if he is blaming you and your parents for the divorce. Children can be susceptible to manipulation, especially when they're caught in the middle of a divorce. It's important to maintain open communication with your son and reassure him that the divorce was not his fault and that both you and your ex-husband still love him.

As for your son's reluctance to see you move on, it's not uncommon for children of divorce to struggle with the idea of one or both parents moving on and forming new relationships. Your son may fear losing the close relationship he has with you or worry about how a new relationship might change his life. It's essential to validate his feelings and reassure him that your love for him will not change, regardless of any new relationships you may have.

It might also be helpful to involve a therapist or counselor who can work with both you and your son to navigate these emotions and provide support during this challenging time. Additionally, continuing to foster a strong, positive relationship with your son and maintaining open communication will be crucial as you both move forward.

Ultimately, while it's important to consider your son's feelings, it's also essential for you to take care of yourself and pursue your own happiness. Balancing your needs with those of your son can be challenging, but with time, patience, and support, you can find a way forward that works for both of you.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1651 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am single mother of 12 year old boy and got divorced last year after 7 years of living seperate from my ex husband, I got married in 2010 through matrimonial site and had very toxic and abusive relationship, so I came to my maternal home in 2016 completely. There were many occasions when he approached me and promised to behave properly but failed to do so . He only filed for divorce by making false accusations of being characterless. I gave him divorce and in return I got very less alimony or the amount which was given in cash to them in my marriage. Now I came to know that he remarried and living his life . He is still in contact with my son and sometimes he blame me and my parents for this divorce. My first question is that is he trying to manipulate my son ( he is not bearing any education expenses of my son) And when I ask my son if I can also move on in my life, he refuses and says I don't want to share you with anyone. So I am very confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your first question is something that you have already answered yourself. Since you said that you got very less in alimony, obviously it suggests that the terms of separation of assets and monetary compensation and support for you and the child was not drawn up by your lawyer. (if you had a lawyer or was it a mutual consent divorce?) I am unaware if things can be changed through legal means demanding more compensation now; you can check with a legal expert.
But I don't understand the manipulation part. What does he do to manipulate your son?

Secondly when your son says that he does not want to share you with anyone, he is just confused and scared. He has lost his father in this divorce and does not want to lose you as well. At 12, they go through a lot of hormonal changes and it can be a confusing time. Also it is possible that he has not yet processed this separation. Sit him down and explain what has just happened. He needs to first feel safe before he is in a place of accepting another person as a part of your life and his. Address all his concerns gently and provide him with all the reassurance that he seeks to feel stable and safe. On your part, are you looking for a partner only because your ex-husband has moved on? Something to ponder over...

All the best!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi sir, I am 34 year women with 2 girl kids. I m working in IT and I earn good amount of livelihood. Sir I hv been married for 6 years and after 1 year of marriage me and my husband understanding issue started where he wants to dominate on me in all senses including financial stuff. But I was okay n in 1 year my 1st daughter born then serious issue started I had rejoined job n discontinued giving all my salary to him. I started savings for my kid where he was nt happy he indirectly demanded my complete salary to be given to him as I did before issue start. Bt in 2020 as lockdown happened he moved to his village where It was very difficult for me to work bt demanded to come to his place. I denied and concentrate my career. So he left us 2 years he did call n check how is kid. Then again he came back 2022 with elders we moved to together to city and again asked money as my sal was increased if nt asked me to barrow 50-60lac as loan n give to him for property which he agreed to make it my name in his place. Bt I denied bc I couldn't trust him meanwhile 2nd daughter born. I came for mother place n he started doing backstabbing abt me n my family within relatives. When I asked he stopped coming visiting me n my daughter and he turn up for 2 baby also it's been year now. Sir my question is ..I m fed up of his behaviour n I dont trust him. As I hv two kids is it really difficult to live without him in this society. As many of my relatives are suggesting go and call ur him how can you live alone with 2 daughter. Sir pls guide me what should I do now ..I tolerate him all these years for kids and society. Now I m done n scared as will I be able to handle all alone. My parents are big support and now I m nt in condition where I go legally against him. Is my decision of living by myself with my daughters and parents is correct or wrong decision or I should go with him.
Ans: Your situation is indeed complex and emotionally taxing. It's important to approach this with both clarity and compassion for yourself and your daughters. Here are some steps and considerations to help you navigate this:

Self-Reflection and Clarity
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s essential to recognize your feelings of frustration, fear, and exhaustion. These emotions are valid and need to be addressed.
Define Your Priorities: What are your primary concerns? Your children’s well-being, your financial independence, your personal peace, and safety are likely at the top of this list.
Evaluating Your Relationship
Assess Trust and Respect: Trust and mutual respect are fundamental to any relationship. If these are missing, it is challenging to maintain a healthy partnership.
Past Behaviors as Indicators: Look at the past behavior of your husband. Consistent demands for money, lack of support, and absence during critical times can be telling signs of his priorities and commitment.
Support System
Lean on Your Parents: Having your parents’ support is a significant advantage. They can provide emotional, physical, and perhaps even financial support as you navigate this period.
Professional Help: Consider seeking counseling or support groups for single mothers. These resources can provide guidance, emotional support, and practical advice.
Societal Pressure
Redefine Norms: Society often has rigid expectations, but your well-being and that of your children come first. Living according to societal norms at the cost of your mental peace and safety is not sustainable.
Role Models: Look for examples of other women who have successfully managed similar situations. Their stories can offer inspiration and practical advice.
Legal and Financial Considerations
Know Your Rights: Even if you’re not in a position to take legal action now, it’s essential to be informed about your rights regarding child support and alimony.
Financial Independence: Continue to safeguard your financial independence. This will provide security and stability for you and your daughters.
Decision Making
Short-Term vs. Long-Term: Think about both immediate needs and long-term goals. What decision will bring peace and stability now, and what will be beneficial in the future?
Children’s Well-Being: Consider the environment your children will grow up in. A peaceful, loving environment, even if it’s without their father, might be more beneficial than a toxic, conflict-ridden one.
Practical Steps
Document Everything: Keep records of communications and financial transactions. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to pursue legal action in the future.
Plan for Independence: Create a plan for your independent living situation, including budgeting, childcare, and career progression.
Final Thoughts
Choosing to live independently with your daughters is a courageous and often necessary step for many women in similar situations. Trust in your strength and the support of your parents. It’s important to remember that living a life of peace and dignity, even if it means being a single parent, is a powerful and positive example for your children.

You are not alone in this journey. Seek the support you need, trust your instincts, and prioritize your and your children’s well-being above all.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1651 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 16, 2025
Relationship
Dear Anu, Am Shilpa,36 years old.Got married to a friend in 2015.It was a love come arranged.Initially married life was going smooth.I was working before marriage and due to marriage and relocation , discontinued the job. After marriage i started new job even though my husband was against it.Some misunderstanding started between us slowly and most of the adjustments were done by me to avoid fights.After 2 years we were blessed with a baby boy and i had to reluctantly and was also forced to quit job to take care of our kid.And i agreed and things went smoothly again for 3 more years.I got busy with my motherhood. I felt my husband was happy and was changing for the happy family. But i was wrong, he had a physical relationship with his ex college friend. They used to have sex in hotels. They even had sex chats and used to share nude pictures . This broke my heart completely and was disturbed mentally. I wanted to enquire my husband with all the proofs in my hand.without the proof he would prove me mentally retarded women. Initially he asaulted and abused me for blaming on him.But when he knew abt the proofs, he accepted and apologised for his mistake and begged me not to take divorce only for the sake of our son.Even i dropped the idea of divorce thinking the future of our son.Later few months he acted as if he changed himself completely but he always had disrespect on me and my parents. I even suffered domestic violence once which shattered me into pieces. Even then he apologised me and forced me to drop the idea of divorce. I again started to adjust and compromise with my life only because of my kid and his good future as all elders advice. This adjustments continued for few more months.But once i saw his ex girlfriend calls and daughter pics in his mobile, i was again mentally disturbed and after thinking many times, i made up my mind and left him without explanning him . I packed all my luggage and came to my parents with my kid. Now i got a job in which i opted work from home so that i can concentrate on my kid and support myself financially. Am trying to move on but my true love towards him is making it difficult. Please advice me on this Anu mam. The step which i took is right ? After seperation he is harassing me to visit son and kidnapped him 2 times. I really don't want to share my son with him.Please advice what should I do.
Ans: Dear Shilpa,
You have done what you needed to in order to protect your child and your sanity. Your husband could never get over his affair and he possibly won't. He maybe never even tried...

I firmly suggest you go to the cops so that he does not try to take the child away...Also, have you thought about a legal separation? That will offer you and your child enough protection and it will stop his harassment. This is not an easy decision to make BUT what choice is he leaving you with? Kidnapping the child? If by kidnapping you mean that he takes away the child without informing you, please watch out and contact a lawyer. A BIG BIG RED FLAG...Act soon...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9778 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2025

Money
I am a West Bengal State Government Employee due for retirement in August 2026. I am a divorcee who lives with an Adult Son who is not financially dependent on me in a self purchased house(Cash) and also own a flat (Cash) By the time of retirement I will have 73 lacs in GPF, 31 lacs in PPF, 20 lacs in Gratuity, 11.65 lacs in Leave encashment, 20 lacs from Pension Commutation and 6.5 lacs as maturity proceeds from Cooperative Thrift Fund. Since I will draw around 38000 OPS Pension with DA thereafter per month. Will it be beneficial to invest 30 lacs in SCSS, 18 lacs in MIS and 20 Lacs in FRSBs for a cumulative monthly interest of 45000 rupees. My monthly income will be 83000 then. I plan to actively continue subscription to my PPF post retirement and need advice on what to do with the remaining 63 lacs of my corpus??? My son advises me in investing in Kisan Vikas Patras and 5 Year PO Time Deposits as these are largely liquid. PS- I have two health insurances, one the West Bengal Health Scheme Cashless and the National Insurance Mediclaim Policy for son and me with 17 lacs sum assured.
Ans: Based on your profile as a West Bengal Government Employee retiring in August 2026, and the impressive financial preparedness you've shown, here is a detailed, 360-degree analysis of your financial situation and investment choices, written in a simple and structured format.

Let’s go step by step to help you get better clarity.

? Current Financial Picture and Retirement Readiness

– You are already well-prepared for retirement. That deserves appreciation.
– You own your house. That removes rental liabilities.
– You also have another flat, fully paid for. This adds to your asset base.
– Your son is not dependent. That reduces your future financial obligations.
– You are sitting on a strong retirement corpus of Rs. 1.62 crores.
– Your post-retirement monthly pension is expected to be Rs. 38,000 with DA.
– Proposed income from safe investment options is Rs. 45,000 per month.
– That means, total monthly income will be Rs. 83,000, which is quite healthy.
– Your current and expected lifestyle appears manageable within this budget.
– You have two health covers. That gives enough financial protection from medical emergencies.

You have set a very solid financial foundation. Now, it’s time to structure the investment allocation with care.

? Evaluating the Proposed Investment Mix

You are considering the below investment plan:

– Rs. 30 lakhs in a senior citizen savings option
– Rs. 18 lakhs in monthly interest yielding postal scheme
– Rs. 20 lakhs in government floating rate savings bonds

These offer monthly interest income around Rs. 45,000.

This plan shows great prudence and awareness. But, it’s not complete.
It ensures safety and regular cashflow. But it lacks future growth.
Your pension and these options will help for regular needs.
But what about inflation 10–15 years down the line?
That’s where your portfolio must include growth assets.

? Safe Income Assets Are Essential – But Not Sufficient

– Senior savings and monthly income options offer steady interest.
– Floating rate bonds protect somewhat against rising interest rates.
– These are great for predictable monthly inflow.

But there is one issue here:
– Interest income is taxable every year.
– Real return post tax and inflation may drop below 2% in future.
– They help with stability. But they don’t create wealth.

So, this plan is strong for the short-term.
But to stay financially secure for the next 20–25 years,
you need to add some long-term growth elements.

? Liquid and Flexible Options Your Son Suggested

You mentioned your son recommended:

– Kisan Vikas Patras
– 5-Year Post Office Term Deposits

These have some benefits:
– Safe and guaranteed returns
– Slightly more liquid than other long-term fixed income options
– No market-linked risk

But there are drawbacks too:
– Both are taxable every year
– Returns may not beat inflation in long run
– Fixed interest means less flexibility during rate changes

So, while your son’s suggestion comes from care,
these products should only take a partial share of your corpus.
You can allocate around Rs. 10–15 lakhs here, not more.

? The Remaining Rs. 63 Lakhs – What to Do?

You are asking how to deploy the remaining Rs. 63 lakhs.

The answer depends on three important things:

– Do you have future large expenses planned?
– Are you willing to keep some money locked for 5 years+?
– Do you want your total income to grow every year?

Let us approach this wisely.

Break your Rs. 63 lakhs into 3 buckets:

1. Emergency & Short-term Reserve – Rs. 8 to 10 lakhs

– Keep this in a liquid mutual fund with low risk
– You can withdraw anytime within 24 hours
– Helps during medical needs or family emergencies
– This avoids breaking FDs or other long-term products

2. Medium-term Stability – Rs. 18 to 20 lakhs

– You can consider short duration mutual funds
– These are ideal for 3–5 year horizon
– They offer better post-tax returns than bank FDs
– Risk is moderate and suited for your age

You can invest in regular plans through a Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP qualification.
Avoid direct plans. These lack advice and long-term discipline.
Also, you may miss key portfolio reviews without a professional’s help.
Regular plans include embedded costs, but the value of guidance is much higher.

3. Long-term Growth – Rs. 33 to 35 lakhs

This is very important. Don’t ignore this section.
You will need to beat inflation for next 20 years.
This requires growth-oriented mutual funds.

– Choose hybrid mutual funds or balanced advantage mutual funds
– These reduce market risk by shifting between equity and debt
– Returns are better than fixed income in the long run
– You can withdraw anytime after one year with lower tax impact

You may go for monthly withdrawal plans if needed after 5 years.
Also, you can stay invested and let the funds grow with compounding.

Never invest in index funds.
They only track the market.
They don’t protect downside or volatility.
Also, they do not give alpha returns over time.
Actively managed funds do better in India.
Because fund managers can change portfolio during economic shifts.

Also, do not invest directly.
You will miss portfolio balancing, risk reviews, and exit timing.
Use a regular plan through a Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP credential.

? You Can Continue PPF Contributions Post Retirement

This is a good strategy. PPF gives tax-free interest.
Continue depositing Rs. 1.5 lakh per year.
You already have Rs. 31 lakhs in PPF.
This will become a strong tax-free legacy for your son.
You can extend the account in 5-year blocks after retirement.
This keeps money safe and growing slowly.

? Pension and Inflation Consideration

You will get Rs. 38,000 per month from OPS.
With current DA trends, this may increase slowly.
But inflation may outpace pension growth in 10–15 years.
So, income from investments must increase over time.
That’s why long-term mutual fund allocation is very important.

? No Need to Look at Annuities or Real Estate

Avoid locking large amounts in annuity plans.
They give low returns and no flexibility.
Also, do not buy more property now.
You already have two houses.
Real estate has low liquidity and high maintenance post-retirement.

? No Mention of LIC, ULIPs, or Endowment Policies

You haven’t mentioned having LIC policies or ULIPs.
If you do, check their surrender value.
Mostly, these give poor returns after adjusting for inflation.
You can surrender and reinvest the maturity value in mutual funds.
Only do this if lock-in period is over and charges are low.

? Final Insights

– You are financially well-prepared for retirement.
– Continue the plan of earning Rs. 45,000 monthly through fixed safe instruments.
– But allocate Rs. 30–35 lakhs to long-term mutual funds.
– This will grow your money for next 20 years.
– Have Rs. 8–10 lakhs in liquid funds for emergencies.
– Use regular mutual fund plans through an experienced CFP-led Mutual Fund Distributor.
– Avoid direct, annuity, and index-based options.
– Keep contributing to PPF and track expenses carefully post-retirement.
– With this balanced approach, you can enjoy peace and security.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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