Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1563 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 28, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 26, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hello My husband and I took mutual divorce before 1.5 years. this was my second marriage and I married him because he assured me that he will be a father for my toddler. after 7 years of adjustments in marriage (as he was not good as a, neither emotionally nor financially) father, he filed for divorce in just 20 days of our arguments. He raised his hand so I was upset and angry so I too signed the papers. Just after filling divorce that he started asking me to come back else he will get married. I denied to go back and he started seeing girls within a week of filling divorce. With the court procedure, he used to ask me to come back but I was heart broken bcoz he was seeing bride so I denied again. This was continued and our divorce granted. Now since six months again he started approaching me by saying that I only love you and so could not get married. for your kind information, he is very impatient and aggressive by nature. Due to his nature and behaviour I and my family decided to cut him off because it is creating stress only. but till today he is trying to contact me by one or other means. I am already very stressed and emotionally broken down because this happened to me second time. Some times I feel that I should give him one more chance but when looking to my kid, who is 12 now, I am giving up on this thought. and I am not sure whether he is doing this for feelings or just because he is not getting a woman of his choice to marry. My family members are saying that he has no feelings for me and my son but he is just calling me back for his adjustments. I don't know I should trust him or not.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What sort of a game is this? Like children fighting on one day and not speaking with one another and then making up the next day only to fight again...
Why so much of vacillation on your part? When you two separated, was it a conscious move or was it on an impulse?
Also, be very cautious as to why he is insistent on getting back with you?
Also, has he changed his ways and will he be more available to the family now? Wasn't this the reason that actually things went downhill for you?
Plus, he's looking at prospective brides...and you say that he is aggressive and impatient...

So, what is your confusion here?
What will you get by getting back with him?
What will you lose or not gain by not getting back with him?
Are you willing to make compromises to be with a person that you call aggressive?
How is this going to affect your child given that your ex-husband is not emotionally or financially stable?

Weigh it all out and then make a decision that is right by you and for you and for your child.

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |560 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am single mother of 12 year old boy and got divorced last year after 7 years of living seperate from my ex husband, I got married in 2010 through matrimonial site and had very toxic and abusive relationship, so I came to my maternal home in 2016 completely. There were many occasions when he approached me and promised to behave properly but failed to do so . He only filed for divorce by making false accusations of being characterless. I gave him divorce and in return I got very less alimony or the amount which was given in cash to them in my marriage. Now I came to know that he remarried and living his life . He is still in contact with my son and sometimes he blame me and my parents for this divorce. My first question is that is he trying to manipulate my son ( he is not bearing any education expenses of my son) And when I ask my son if I can also move on in my life, he refuses and says I don't want to share you with anyone. So I am very confused.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you've been facing. It sounds like you've been through a lot and are trying to navigate a difficult situation for both yourself and your son.

Regarding your ex-husband's behavior, it's possible that he may be trying to manipulate your son, especially if he is blaming you and your parents for the divorce. Children can be susceptible to manipulation, especially when they're caught in the middle of a divorce. It's important to maintain open communication with your son and reassure him that the divorce was not his fault and that both you and your ex-husband still love him.

As for your son's reluctance to see you move on, it's not uncommon for children of divorce to struggle with the idea of one or both parents moving on and forming new relationships. Your son may fear losing the close relationship he has with you or worry about how a new relationship might change his life. It's essential to validate his feelings and reassure him that your love for him will not change, regardless of any new relationships you may have.

It might also be helpful to involve a therapist or counselor who can work with both you and your son to navigate these emotions and provide support during this challenging time. Additionally, continuing to foster a strong, positive relationship with your son and maintaining open communication will be crucial as you both move forward.

Ultimately, while it's important to consider your son's feelings, it's also essential for you to take care of yourself and pursue your own happiness. Balancing your needs with those of your son can be challenging, but with time, patience, and support, you can find a way forward that works for both of you.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1563 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am single mother of 12 year old boy and got divorced last year after 7 years of living seperate from my ex husband, I got married in 2010 through matrimonial site and had very toxic and abusive relationship, so I came to my maternal home in 2016 completely. There were many occasions when he approached me and promised to behave properly but failed to do so . He only filed for divorce by making false accusations of being characterless. I gave him divorce and in return I got very less alimony or the amount which was given in cash to them in my marriage. Now I came to know that he remarried and living his life . He is still in contact with my son and sometimes he blame me and my parents for this divorce. My first question is that is he trying to manipulate my son ( he is not bearing any education expenses of my son) And when I ask my son if I can also move on in my life, he refuses and says I don't want to share you with anyone. So I am very confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your first question is something that you have already answered yourself. Since you said that you got very less in alimony, obviously it suggests that the terms of separation of assets and monetary compensation and support for you and the child was not drawn up by your lawyer. (if you had a lawyer or was it a mutual consent divorce?) I am unaware if things can be changed through legal means demanding more compensation now; you can check with a legal expert.
But I don't understand the manipulation part. What does he do to manipulate your son?

Secondly when your son says that he does not want to share you with anyone, he is just confused and scared. He has lost his father in this divorce and does not want to lose you as well. At 12, they go through a lot of hormonal changes and it can be a confusing time. Also it is possible that he has not yet processed this separation. Sit him down and explain what has just happened. He needs to first feel safe before he is in a place of accepting another person as a part of your life and his. Address all his concerns gently and provide him with all the reassurance that he seeks to feel stable and safe. On your part, are you looking for a partner only because your ex-husband has moved on? Something to ponder over...

All the best!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi sir, I am 34 year women with 2 girl kids. I m working in IT and I earn good amount of livelihood. Sir I hv been married for 6 years and after 1 year of marriage me and my husband understanding issue started where he wants to dominate on me in all senses including financial stuff. But I was okay n in 1 year my 1st daughter born then serious issue started I had rejoined job n discontinued giving all my salary to him. I started savings for my kid where he was nt happy he indirectly demanded my complete salary to be given to him as I did before issue start. Bt in 2020 as lockdown happened he moved to his village where It was very difficult for me to work bt demanded to come to his place. I denied and concentrate my career. So he left us 2 years he did call n check how is kid. Then again he came back 2022 with elders we moved to together to city and again asked money as my sal was increased if nt asked me to barrow 50-60lac as loan n give to him for property which he agreed to make it my name in his place. Bt I denied bc I couldn't trust him meanwhile 2nd daughter born. I came for mother place n he started doing backstabbing abt me n my family within relatives. When I asked he stopped coming visiting me n my daughter and he turn up for 2 baby also it's been year now. Sir my question is ..I m fed up of his behaviour n I dont trust him. As I hv two kids is it really difficult to live without him in this society. As many of my relatives are suggesting go and call ur him how can you live alone with 2 daughter. Sir pls guide me what should I do now ..I tolerate him all these years for kids and society. Now I m done n scared as will I be able to handle all alone. My parents are big support and now I m nt in condition where I go legally against him. Is my decision of living by myself with my daughters and parents is correct or wrong decision or I should go with him.
Ans: Your situation is indeed complex and emotionally taxing. It's important to approach this with both clarity and compassion for yourself and your daughters. Here are some steps and considerations to help you navigate this:

Self-Reflection and Clarity
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s essential to recognize your feelings of frustration, fear, and exhaustion. These emotions are valid and need to be addressed.
Define Your Priorities: What are your primary concerns? Your children’s well-being, your financial independence, your personal peace, and safety are likely at the top of this list.
Evaluating Your Relationship
Assess Trust and Respect: Trust and mutual respect are fundamental to any relationship. If these are missing, it is challenging to maintain a healthy partnership.
Past Behaviors as Indicators: Look at the past behavior of your husband. Consistent demands for money, lack of support, and absence during critical times can be telling signs of his priorities and commitment.
Support System
Lean on Your Parents: Having your parents’ support is a significant advantage. They can provide emotional, physical, and perhaps even financial support as you navigate this period.
Professional Help: Consider seeking counseling or support groups for single mothers. These resources can provide guidance, emotional support, and practical advice.
Societal Pressure
Redefine Norms: Society often has rigid expectations, but your well-being and that of your children come first. Living according to societal norms at the cost of your mental peace and safety is not sustainable.
Role Models: Look for examples of other women who have successfully managed similar situations. Their stories can offer inspiration and practical advice.
Legal and Financial Considerations
Know Your Rights: Even if you’re not in a position to take legal action now, it’s essential to be informed about your rights regarding child support and alimony.
Financial Independence: Continue to safeguard your financial independence. This will provide security and stability for you and your daughters.
Decision Making
Short-Term vs. Long-Term: Think about both immediate needs and long-term goals. What decision will bring peace and stability now, and what will be beneficial in the future?
Children’s Well-Being: Consider the environment your children will grow up in. A peaceful, loving environment, even if it’s without their father, might be more beneficial than a toxic, conflict-ridden one.
Practical Steps
Document Everything: Keep records of communications and financial transactions. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to pursue legal action in the future.
Plan for Independence: Create a plan for your independent living situation, including budgeting, childcare, and career progression.
Final Thoughts
Choosing to live independently with your daughters is a courageous and often necessary step for many women in similar situations. Trust in your strength and the support of your parents. It’s important to remember that living a life of peace and dignity, even if it means being a single parent, is a powerful and positive example for your children.

You are not alone in this journey. Seek the support you need, trust your instincts, and prioritize your and your children’s well-being above all.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4361 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Mar 21, 2025

Listen
Career
My son got 91 percentile in jee mains session 1, category- GEN EWS Is he eligible for jee advanced and which colleges can he get with this percentile
Ans: Aaditya Sir, He will be eligible for JEE Advanced. As far as the Colleges he will be eligible to get, here is, How to Predict Your Son's Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Once the January JEE Main session results was declared, many students and JEE applicants started asking common questions about eligibility for specific institutes (NITs, IIITs, GFTIs, etc.) based on their percentile, category, preferred branch, and home state.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your son's admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Son's Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile (Convert your percentile into All India Rank with the help of a formula available in Google).
Your son's category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If he is open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches your son is interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates Option also and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your son's expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your Son's admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8124 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 28, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
I have invested in NPS (60000 per year) & PPF (125000 per year) UTI Index funds (50000 per year) emergency funds (75000 per year) after excluding all my expenses i can save 10k more. Which mutual funds i should invest?
Ans: Your existing investments are well-structured across different asset classes.

You are contributing Rs. 60,000 annually to NPS, ensuring retirement security.

Your PPF contribution of Rs. 1,25,000 provides tax-free growth and stability.

Your emergency fund of Rs. 75,000 annually ensures financial security.

However, index fund investment needs reconsideration for better growth potential.

Limitations of Index Funds
Index funds only replicate market performance and do not offer active management benefits.

Actively managed funds have a chance to outperform benchmarks over time.

Professional fund managers adjust portfolios based on market trends.

Index funds provide no flexibility during market downturns.

Market-cap-weighted indices allocate more to overvalued stocks, increasing risk.

Maximizing the Additional Rs. 10,000 Savings
Your Rs. 10,000 monthly surplus can enhance long-term wealth creation.

Investing in actively managed funds can provide higher potential returns.

Diversifying into growth-oriented equity mutual funds can be beneficial.

Sectoral and thematic funds can be explored for strategic allocation.

Avoiding overlapping funds ensures better risk-adjusted returns.

Choosing the Right Mutual Funds
Flexi-Cap Funds
Suitable for long-term growth and diversification.

Fund managers allocate across large, mid, and small-cap stocks.

Adaptability to market conditions enhances return potential.

Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds
Higher risk but potential for superior returns over 10-15 years.

Ideal for investors with long investment horizons.

Helps in wealth accumulation with disciplined SIPs.

Focused Funds
Invest in a limited number of high-potential stocks.

Better risk-adjusted returns with concentrated allocation.

Suitable for investors who can handle market fluctuations.

Sectoral and Thematic Funds
Focus on industries like manufacturing, technology, or consumption.

Good for long-term investment based on economic trends.

Requires careful selection to align with market cycles.

Ensuring Tax Efficiency
Long-term capital gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Selecting funds with a long-term view minimizes tax impact.

Avoid frequent withdrawals to preserve compounding benefits.

Final Insights
Your financial planning is strong with disciplined investments.

Redirecting index fund investments to actively managed funds can improve growth.

Your additional Rs. 10,000 savings should be allocated strategically.

A mix of flexi-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and focused funds ensures diversification.

Reviewing your portfolio periodically ensures alignment with financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4361 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Mar 21, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x