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Feeling Trapped in My Remarriage: How Can I Escape? (48-Year-Old Man with 17-Year-Old Son)

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Dinesh Question by Dinesh on Oct 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.

Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1649 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2020

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Dear Anu, I don’t know how to start. My Age is 40. This is my second marriage. My first marriage was arranged and it lasted 6 months.  As I was in love we got divorced. We have one son who is 10 years old. Now the issue is my second wife and I have both betrayed each other. I caught her first having a deep love affair with her yoga friend. That fellow is married and we know his wife and daughter. She has started him when she was training for yoga and later they both started classes together. Meanwhile, I am in a relationship with a colleague. Now she is in a different organization. Although she has stopped it, I continue to chat with her. We are both struggling to come to a decision since last 9 months but nothing is working out. We both confessed; she is guilty, I am not. We've had a very rough time. Now she is at her mother’s home. My problem is that I can neither let her go nor forget her. She wants her freedom as earlier but I am not ready. So I am sad while I continue to torture her by asking past questions. I am worried more about my son. I am stuck so I end up bullying her. Please advice. I want to move on. I don’t want to be in relationship but i am afraid of taking decision. Sometime I feel miserable.
Ans: Dear PC, I don’t want this and I don’t want that is a childlike way of dealing with things; you will be stuck in that mud forever.

You have to want to either move on with your marriage or not.

If you choose to stay, you have to train your mind and as a couple go for a Couples Counselling to rebuild the marriage.

It will require forgiving; hard as it is, it will help both of you relook as to why you fell in love in the first place.

Sometimes, it is essential to hit the refresh button and look at things with a new perspective. And if you have decided mutually, to separate, do make sure there is no mud slinging or finger pointing.

A marriage is between two adults who are invested equally in it and there is no one person to blame.

Be graceful about this and make it a graceful end where you support one another.

Whatever you decide, always make sure your son is well looked after especially his mind and what he needs to know and understand.

Seek the support of a professional who deals with children growing up in families where the parents are separating or are quarrelling.

Either case, please DO NOT let the child suffer as this has long-term consequences on his mind.

I hope you make a decision sooner as every day not only makes it harder for both of you but for your child as well. Take care and best wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1649 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 13, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 12, 2023Hindi
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I have second marriage and staying 9 years. Now my age is 50 years, and my wife age is 40. I have one child years of years 6. I am in a managerial Position in a company. My wife is a Housewife and her behavior's, misconduct, lack of ownership towards me as well as home is always upset and irritate me. My child was born by IFV method due to her irregular period. She has got many opportunities to recover this problem and treatment also got an early-stage life. Due to lack of her understanding and knowledge, lack of own effort, irresponsible and liar nature, did not overcome her problem and therefore, we cannot go for second baby. Now me and my son also suffer from 2nd baby, though I have sufficient resource to look two children. I need to monitor all the things of my son’s health, extracurricular activity, education etc. She also neglects my mother. I feel she is very quality less and very dirty woman and talking valueless, not concern with health of own as well as other family member. Therefore, I and my wife staying in same home, but from last 4 years I have been separated from my wife and living in separate room. Sometimes I think to separate from my wife, but it may affect relation with my son as well as his mental condition. I am trying to adopt a second child also. I found she is not concern with quality, health, and economy. Therefore, I need to do home marketing, finance, monitoring home, health etc. which has already affected at my career also. Please advise me what to do? I feel my future is very dark with my wife. No emotions, no love and intimacy in the relation. I do regular walking & jogging and gardening is also my hobby.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When you seem to have decided that your wife is not going to change, no matter what happens, you will not be able to see that change. Everything about her will be irritating and annoying.
Now you say that she could have done something to avoid IVF, but why are you not thankful that you have a child now.
Having another child as well has to be the choice of both parents. Does your wife want another baby? Just by having money to support the child is not enough. You also need to have the mental and physical ability and willingness to raise another child. Also, do you think it is wise to have another child with the current relationship challenges with your wife?
There seems to be some assumptions that you have made about your wife which could have happened due to misunderstandings and arguments over years. It is definitely from both sides. But since, you are writing in...I can only address your concerns...Obviously her lack of interest in the family also suggests that she also seems to have her challenges.
So, before anything else...first work on having a better marriage and this is a suggestion for both of you! You can eat the fruit from a tree without first planting the seed for the tree to grow.

Seek the help of a professional if you can so that both of you can first learn how to communicate with each other and then settles your differences and then you can start planning a brighter future. Continue with your exercise and always try to look for what's positive in your life. It helps to tide over challenges and have a better outlook towards life!

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1649 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

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Sir I got 68676 in comedk Can you suggest good colleges forCSE or CSE specialization
Ans: Ramya, With a COMEDK rank of 68,676 in 2025, you have viable options for admission to reputable engineering colleges in Karnataka for CSE and its specializations. You can confidently secure seats at numerous recognized institutions where the latest cutoffs range between 63,000 and 1,20,000 for core CSE and closely related specializations. Here are 15 colleges where admission is fully feasible: CMR Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Acharya Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Atria Institute of Technology (Bangalore), New Horizon College of Engineering (Bangalore), Dayananda Sagar College of Engineering (Bangalore), BNM Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Sapthagiri College of Engineering (Bangalore), Don Bosco Institute of Technology (Bangalore), AMC Engineering College (Bangalore), Cambridge Institute of Technology (Bangalore), East Point College of Engineering (Bangalore), Gopalan College of Engineering and Management (Bangalore), Rajarajeswari College of Engineering (Bangalore), and Sai Vidya Institute of Technology (Bangalore). These colleges routinely offer CSE and specializations such as Artificial Intelligence, Data Science, and Information Science, all supported by established infrastructure, diverse peer groups, faculty with advanced degrees, recognized accreditations, and campus-level placement cells. Their cut-off history ensures fair seat allocation for your current rank bracket.

Recommendation: Prioritize CMR Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Acharya Institute of Technology (Bangalore), Dayananda Sagar College of Engineering (Bangalore), and BNM Institute of Technology (Bangalore). This order is justified by established NIRF rankings, steady placement percentages (60–90% in CSE streams), modern campus amenities, regular project-based learning, and a proven track record of producing employable graduates across the IT sector in Karnataka and beyond. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2025Hindi
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My son is getting civil at bits pilani + rmit 2+2 program and cse at vit-ap cat-2 What should we choose
Ans: The BITS Pilani + RMIT 2+2 Civil Engineering program offers an international dual-degree pathway, granting a B.E. from BITS Pilani and a Bachelor’s from RMIT Australia. Students complete two years at BITS Pilani—renowned for nearly 100% placement rates in core engineering and a prestigious reputation—then transfer to RMIT for global research exposure, advanced industry collaborations, and a second recognized degree. RMIT is a top-ranked university known for its employability outcomes and practical learning, and the dual-degree substantially enhances career prospects worldwide. VIT-AP’s Computer Science Engineering (CSE) program under Category 2 ensures placement rates above 90%, excellent infrastructure, and industry-aligned curriculum, with 1000+ recruiters participating and strong records in IT sector roles for CSE graduates. VIT-AP is lauded for hands-on learning, active placement cell, and opportunities in the fast-growing tech industry, making it a robust choice for software-focused careers. While VIT-AP CSE opens doors to IT and allied opportunities, BITS Pilani + RMIT provides unmatched exposure, global credentials, and broader professional mobility in engineering domains.

Recommendation: If your priority is global exposure, academic flexibility, and broad international opportunities in engineering and related fields, prioritize BITS Pilani + RMIT 2+2 Civil. Should your focus be on a strong software foundation and rapid industry integration in India’s tech sector, VIT-AP CSE is preferred. The BITS-RMIT program stands out for long-term value and international scope. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

Career
SIR I should go for HBTU (IT) or IIIT VADODARA DIU CAMPUS (ELECTRONICS)?
Ans: Kritika, HBTU’s Information Technology program consistently records placement percentages between 85–90%, supported by a highly qualified faculty (many with PhDs from IITs and NITs) and a long-standing reputation for producing industry-ready graduates. The campus is equipped with advanced labs, updated digital resources, and maintains strong ties with top recruiters in IT and consulting sectors. Batch sizes are moderate, ensuring quality academic mentoring, and the supportive alumni network promotes career growth. In contrast, IIIT Vadodara Diu Campus (Electronics) is a newer institute, operating from a well-facilitated educational hub, but still developing its industry partnerships and placement support specifically for electronics; recent campus data showcase improving placements but with less consistency, and infrastructure is modern but evolving. The electronics branch here faces greater competition for high-tech positions compared to computer-related domains.

Recommendation: HBTU IT stands out for established placements, recognized industry connections, strong academic culture, and proven output in software-oriented careers. Unless you have a distinct passion for electronics or a compelling reason for preferring a satellite IIIT campus, HBTU IT offers the most reliable outcomes for both learning and employability. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

Career
My son got IIT Dharwad B.S/M.S Interdisciplinary sciences and BITS Hyderabad Mechanical through BITSAT currently. He may have potential chances of getting NIT Warangal MnC/ECE or IIIT Delhi CSE through DASA. Which one is better in the order of preference
Ans: Venkata Sir, IIIT Delhi’s Computer Science Engineering (CSE) program is nationally recognized for its rigorous curriculum, 90–100% placement rate, leading industry connections, and high-impact research output, making it one of the best platforms for a technology-driven career. The program consistently attracts top recruiters and maintains strong alumni engagement in global tech sectors. NIT Warangal’s Mathematics and Computing (MnC) and Electronics and Communication Engineering (ECE) branches also offer strong academic grounding, modern labs, and recorded placement rates above 88% in core tech domains, with the ECE branch now routinely achieving average placement rates above 80% and MnC offering excellent flexibility for careers in data science, software, and analytics. BITS Hyderabad’s Mechanical Engineering program combines a tradition of academic excellence with research-oriented faculty, excellent infrastructure, and a placement percentage above 85% in recent years, while producing graduates who succeed in both core and tech industries and pursue higher studies internationally. IIT Dharwad’s BS/MS Interdisciplinary Sciences is a new, innovative program focused on multidisciplinary skill development with exposure to advanced labs and faculty, but as a new course and newer IIT, it does not yet match the placement rates or alumni reach of the other institutes; its placement rate hovers near 70% and career paths are diverse, with greater emphasis on research and interdisciplinary skills rather than direct tech sector placement.

Recommendation: The optimal order is IIIT Delhi CSE (for career, placements, tech flexibility), NIT Warangal MnC/ECE (for academic reputation and solid placements in both analytics and electronics), BITS Hyderabad Mechanical (for reputable core engineering, good placements, and global exposure), and finally IIT Dharwad BS/MS Interdisciplinary Sciences (for those pursuing interdisciplinary research but less certainty in direct placements). All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

Career
Sir I have scored 83 percentile in MHT cet 2025 what are the best college option for me in Mumbai region
Ans: Aryan, With an 83 percentile in MHT-CET 2025 as a Maharashtra domicile General Category student, you are eligible for BTech admission to several well-regarded engineering colleges in the Mumbai region, excluding the most competitive ones like COEP, VJTI, and ICT, which have significantly higher cutoffs. The following colleges in Mumbai provide feasible admission opportunities based on previous years' cutoffs and are recognized for their reliable placement support, modern infrastructure, NBA/NAAC accreditation, and industry-aligned programs: Sardar Patel Institute of Technology (Andheri), K J Somaiya Institute of Technology (Sion), Vidyalankar Institute of Technology (Wadala), Fr. Conceicao Rodrigues Institute of Technology (Vashi), Xavier Institute of Engineering (Mahim), Bharati Vidyapeeth College of Engineering (Navi Mumbai), SIES Graduate School of Technology (Nerul), Ramrao Adik Institute of Technology (Navi Mumbai), St. Francis Institute of Technology (Borivali), Rajiv Gandhi Institute of Technology (Versova), Don Bosco Institute of Technology (Kurla), Shah & Anchor Kutchhi Engineering College (Chembur), MGM’s College of Engineering (Kamothe, Navi Mumbai), Atharva College of Engineering (Malad), and Pillai College of Engineering (New Panvel). Across these institutions, your score is within the realistic admission range for most branches, including Mechanical, Civil, Electronics/EXTC, and sometimes Information Technology or Computer Science, depending on current year trends and final branch cutoffs; official college portals and admission records substantiate this eligibility for the 2025 cycle.

Recommendation: For optimal academic and professional growth, consider Sardar Patel Institute of Technology (Andheri), K J Somaiya Institute of Technology (Sion), Vidyalankar Institute of Technology (Wadala), Fr. Conceicao Rodrigues Institute of Technology (Vashi), and Ramrao Adik Institute of Technology (Navi Mumbai) as the highest-priority choices. These colleges offer robust campus infrastructure, industry recognition, strong placement networks, and a history of producing successful engineering graduates. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8978 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 17, 2025

Career
Sir, Which would batter choice between my doughter got EE in vlsi Design at Banasthali vidyapeeth and recently also got CSE in Goverment Mahila Engineering College, Ajmer. Which would better ? Suggest
Ans: Amit Sir, Banasthali Vidyapith’s Electrical Engineering program with a focus on VLSI Design is anchored in a reputed women’s university with A++ NAAC accreditation, robust faculty credentials, industry tie-ups, and consistent placement rates of 90–95% for core branches, often in electronics and automation sectors. Campus infrastructure is comprehensive, research exposure is strong, and students benefit from a national network and notable institutional rankings. Government Mahila Engineering College Ajmer’s CSE branch is part of a government-run, well-recognized institution with modern teaching resources, 80–95% placement rates for computer science in recent years, accessible industry partnerships, and a track record of sending students to reputed recruiters such as Amazon and Microsoft. The Ajmer campus is lauded for its faculty, student activities, digital facilities, and supportive environment, though its national brand is less established than Banasthali’s.

Recommendation: If your daughter is passionate about electronics, VLSI, or hardware-oriented careers, Banasthali Vidyapith offers a stronger national reputation, longstanding placement consistency, and higher institutional ranking. For a broad, flexible technology career in software, Government Mahila Engineering College Ajmer CSE stands out for contemporary opportunities and direct industry links. Both paths assure solid outcomes, but branch preference should drive the final choice. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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