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Anu Krishna  |1057 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 13, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 12, 2023Hindi
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I have second marriage and staying 9 years. Now my age is 50 years, and my wife age is 40. I have one child years of years 6. I am in a managerial Position in a company. My wife is a Housewife and her behavior's, misconduct, lack of ownership towards me as well as home is always upset and irritate me. My child was born by IFV method due to her irregular period. She has got many opportunities to recover this problem and treatment also got an early-stage life. Due to lack of her understanding and knowledge, lack of own effort, irresponsible and liar nature, did not overcome her problem and therefore, we cannot go for second baby. Now me and my son also suffer from 2nd baby, though I have sufficient resource to look two children. I need to monitor all the things of my son’s health, extracurricular activity, education etc. She also neglects my mother. I feel she is very quality less and very dirty woman and talking valueless, not concern with health of own as well as other family member. Therefore, I and my wife staying in same home, but from last 4 years I have been separated from my wife and living in separate room. Sometimes I think to separate from my wife, but it may affect relation with my son as well as his mental condition. I am trying to adopt a second child also. I found she is not concern with quality, health, and economy. Therefore, I need to do home marketing, finance, monitoring home, health etc. which has already affected at my career also. Please advise me what to do? I feel my future is very dark with my wife. No emotions, no love and intimacy in the relation. I do regular walking & jogging and gardening is also my hobby.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When you seem to have decided that your wife is not going to change, no matter what happens, you will not be able to see that change. Everything about her will be irritating and annoying.
Now you say that she could have done something to avoid IVF, but why are you not thankful that you have a child now.
Having another child as well has to be the choice of both parents. Does your wife want another baby? Just by having money to support the child is not enough. You also need to have the mental and physical ability and willingness to raise another child. Also, do you think it is wise to have another child with the current relationship challenges with your wife?
There seems to be some assumptions that you have made about your wife which could have happened due to misunderstandings and arguments over years. It is definitely from both sides. But since, you are writing in...I can only address your concerns...Obviously her lack of interest in the family also suggests that she also seems to have her challenges.
So, before anything else...first work on having a better marriage and this is a suggestion for both of you! You can eat the fruit from a tree without first planting the seed for the tree to grow.

Seek the help of a professional if you can so that both of you can first learn how to communicate with each other and then settles your differences and then you can start planning a brighter future. Continue with your exercise and always try to look for what's positive in your life. It helps to tide over challenges and have a better outlook towards life!

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1057 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I have second marriage and staying 9 years. Now my age is 50 years, and my wife age is 40. We have a 6-year-old son. Me working in a managerial position in an industry, and she is a houses wife. During our married life I have been noticed that no interest in married life. She has no expectation from married life, no responsibility and duty performed towards married life. Always avoid from responsibility and duty. Through the married life she has been found liar in nature and dirty woman very much. Now our son also tells lie and his mother provoke it. I and very much upset for this liar nature. At the time of she tells false about her educational qualification. Though we are staying in a home but staying separate room. My wife nature and behaviour are completely different from her sibling. Now I suspect that she may be illegal issue of her mother. I have maintained the married life only because of considering son future and not find any matching partner. Please advise me how to grow up my son and how to take care him. If I go for divorce what problem, son may face and how to take care him.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are upset with your wife and that is evident. Leave it at that...there is no need to justify this thought by imagining that she might be an illegal child of her mother etc...it does not help you or your case!
Stick to what is bothering you...Ask yourself if you want to continue in the marriage or not...if you are holding back because of your son, then be prepared to accept your wife as she is OR tell her what it is that you do not like about her as qualities. You say that she lies; state clearly what she is lying about...State that you are upset that she lied about her educational qualifications...
State clearly what responsibilities towards married life she hasn't yet fulfilled.
Without this communication, your dislike for her will only increase and you will find more reasons to justify this dislike. Instead, find a way to make things better...I am sure that she will also want this for the sake of your 6-year old son...

All the best!

..Read more

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