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Should I leave my husband after 28 years? I'm 54 and diabetic.

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1424 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am 54+ and got married 28 years ago with a schizophrenic. I have a 27 years old son. He is working with a MNC away from home. I tolerated a lot but now I feel quite tension with her. Because of tensions I got diabetic and other problems with my family. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is difficult to live with anyone who has a mental health issue.
But since this happens to be your spouse one of your core relationships), I am going to request you to push your threshold a little more.
- make sure that she gets the necessary treatment and is taking her medications regularly
- take care of your health and mind and if needed reach out to a professional to guide you

Yes, at times things can get very tough and perhaps even frustrating BUT don't give up...your life needs to be managed around the situation that you are in.
Along with the suggestions made above, make sure that you have a life out of this as well...which means, indulge in hobbies, travel, have a large social circle...this will give you the much needed respite from the challenges that you are facing at home. Life is about navigating around these challenges and yes, they are not easy BUT with a few coping strategies, it is possible to bring some calmness around and with you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1424 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2022

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I am 53 and my wife is 45. I never felt happy with my marriage.She suffers from OCD but is very intelligent. She has never done any cooking in these 23 years of our marriage. I cook and do household chores in case domestic help does not turn up. She brings me to suicidal tendency blaming my mother, my brother etc...She has never allowed my mother to stay with me, and also makes me lose interest in her. But her father is a very good man. I love him and feel like having sex with him though I am also a male. How much ever I ask her to come back to normalcy she does not. I am confused. My only son is 23 years old. I do not want him to think that he is disturbed. She does not understand others' state of mind. Please help me.
Ans:

Dear S,

Your situation is a bit complicated as I don’t have enough information to build on.

  • How do you know that she suffers from OCD? Has an expert diagnosed this?
  • Is the trouble in your marriage because of your confused sexual orientation?
  • Have you felt attracted to your wife at some point as well?

To me, it seems like both of you need to visit an expert who will not just help you deal with your marriage but also guide you to work on your sexual orientation which could also have led to matters going sour between you and your wife.

Like I said, things don’t add up much to me and I have tried to point you in a direction that might help you move into a solution space.

For more clarity, I do suggest getting in touch with an expert who can guide you ably and help get your life back on track.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1424 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 27, 2023

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Relationship
My wife has schizophernia and mood disorder, married in 2008 we dont know about this and in laws didnt tell us too. I have 2 children 12 and 5. She is sitting all day in room and doing nothing. Eating in odd hours no hygeine My mother looking after the kids. Socially we cannot go anywhere as 1 person need to look after her. We are ging her medicine for last 12 years but nothing happenin What should i do, i am working in private sector and worried about kids
Ans: Dear Verma,
I assume that she has been clinically diagnosed as having schizophrenia. And if yes, it entails a lot of lifestyle changes for the family member/s. I have seen close family friends go through a lot of adjustments when one of their own has been clinically diagnosed. Here is a list that might help you get a grip of the situation:
1. Educate yourself completely on the condition, so you approach the situation not out of worry but with care and caution. You can safely rely on books available on this rather than search the Internet
2. Sit the family down (includes your parents and her parents and siblings if any). Appraise them of the diagnosis, educating them on what you already know
3. Bringing yourself to the understanding that life maybe a bit different in your home in terms of managing your spouse, but with the right care and love, this isn't impossible
4. Talk to your children separately and tell them that no matter what, they are always loved by you and their Mother
5. Involve the families not to come and mope around cursing their luck, but to be of help and support to you and the children
6. Make sure that the medications prescribed by the doctor are been regularly taken by your wife
7. Accept the fact that you may not always be able to take her into social events and gatherings. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
If anyone asks you, just tell them. Own the truth, it will shut many mouths. After all, you are her biggest support.
Lastly and most importantly, take care of yourself as well. Most often caregivers forget that they exist. Create a strong circle of friends and meet up as often as you can. Develop a new hobby that can help de-stress and calm you to deal with what's at hand.

It may seem like a lot, but I am sure it will give you a start point to taking charge rather than staying muddled.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1424 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 13, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 12, 2023Hindi
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I have second marriage and staying 9 years. Now my age is 50 years, and my wife age is 40. I have one child years of years 6. I am in a managerial Position in a company. My wife is a Housewife and her behavior's, misconduct, lack of ownership towards me as well as home is always upset and irritate me. My child was born by IFV method due to her irregular period. She has got many opportunities to recover this problem and treatment also got an early-stage life. Due to lack of her understanding and knowledge, lack of own effort, irresponsible and liar nature, did not overcome her problem and therefore, we cannot go for second baby. Now me and my son also suffer from 2nd baby, though I have sufficient resource to look two children. I need to monitor all the things of my son’s health, extracurricular activity, education etc. She also neglects my mother. I feel she is very quality less and very dirty woman and talking valueless, not concern with health of own as well as other family member. Therefore, I and my wife staying in same home, but from last 4 years I have been separated from my wife and living in separate room. Sometimes I think to separate from my wife, but it may affect relation with my son as well as his mental condition. I am trying to adopt a second child also. I found she is not concern with quality, health, and economy. Therefore, I need to do home marketing, finance, monitoring home, health etc. which has already affected at my career also. Please advise me what to do? I feel my future is very dark with my wife. No emotions, no love and intimacy in the relation. I do regular walking & jogging and gardening is also my hobby.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When you seem to have decided that your wife is not going to change, no matter what happens, you will not be able to see that change. Everything about her will be irritating and annoying.
Now you say that she could have done something to avoid IVF, but why are you not thankful that you have a child now.
Having another child as well has to be the choice of both parents. Does your wife want another baby? Just by having money to support the child is not enough. You also need to have the mental and physical ability and willingness to raise another child. Also, do you think it is wise to have another child with the current relationship challenges with your wife?
There seems to be some assumptions that you have made about your wife which could have happened due to misunderstandings and arguments over years. It is definitely from both sides. But since, you are writing in...I can only address your concerns...Obviously her lack of interest in the family also suggests that she also seems to have her challenges.
So, before anything else...first work on having a better marriage and this is a suggestion for both of you! You can eat the fruit from a tree without first planting the seed for the tree to grow.

Seek the help of a professional if you can so that both of you can first learn how to communicate with each other and then settles your differences and then you can start planning a brighter future. Continue with your exercise and always try to look for what's positive in your life. It helps to tide over challenges and have a better outlook towards life!

All the best!

..Read more

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Ans: To rebuild your career after completing an MBA, identify transferable skills such as management, communication, leadership, and problem-solving, and match them with job roles beyond just calling and backend work. Revamp your resume by highlighting your educational qualifications and skills, and showcase internships, projects, or certifications completed during your MBA. Upskill strategically by considering short-term certifications relevant to your MBA specialization, such as digital marketing, project management, or data analytics.

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Emotional healing is essential, and it's important to acknowledge the pain of the loss of a relationship. Focus on self-care activities that uplift you, such as journaling, exercising, reading, or joining support groups. Practice mindfulness or meditation to reduce anxiety. Seek professional support if feelings of sadness or self-doubt persist.

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Me and my boyfriend in a relationship from 5 years. My parents are happy with our relationship, but not his. I am Christian and he is Hindu. He tried to run away a few months ago to another state but his father spoke to authorities and caught him at an airport. He is now being monitored and has no way to escape. We want to seek legal help to get married but not sure where to look. We tried to look into special marriage act, but it requires 30 days notice meaning, his parents might find out and things get worse. Any advise is much appreciated on what help we can get legally.
Ans: First, it's essential to acknowledge the emotional strain this situation may be putting on both of you. It's okay to feel overwhelmed or uncertain, but your commitment to each other is a strong foundation to build upon. It's crucial to support each other emotionally through this process, as it will require patience, resilience, and understanding.

Additionally, you might consider looking into organizations or NGOs that support interfaith or inter-caste couples. These groups often have experience dealing with similar situations and can offer both legal advice and emotional support. They can also help navigate the legal process in a way that minimizes risk and ensures your rights are protected.

It's important to stay connected with people who support you both emotionally, whether it's friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your burden can lighten the emotional load and provide you with a network of allies who can help you through the process.

Remember, the love and commitment you share are powerful. While the road may be difficult, focusing on your shared goals and supporting each other through these challenges will strengthen your bond. Stay hopeful, seek the right help, and trust that you're making the best decisions for your future together.

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