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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 05, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I am 42 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 12yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some compulsion they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She told me that she loves me a lot is still waiting for me and doesn’t feel complete without me. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she dont want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a conditon to give our relationship a NAME in society. Everytimes she told me that she love me a lot and says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well. We shares everything with each other like husband-wife. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
She is married and not happy and loves you BUT will not recognize your relationship in public!
You are unmarried and want to wait for someone who won't give you the presence that you deserve!
Do the right thing...allow her to be committed to her marriage rather than be her emotional crutch...in the long run, you will be left high and dry after investing a lot of emotions into her...
Shift focus onto your life and building it the way that you want. When you put your life and emotions into someone else's hands, you end up becoming a puppet swaying about with no stability whatsoever. Put more energies into yourself instead...

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 07, 2023

Listen
Relationship
I am 42 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 12yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some compulsion they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She told me that she loves me a lot is still waiting for me and doesn’t feel complete without me. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she dont want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a conditon to give our relationship a NAME in society. Everytimes she told me that she love me a lot and says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well. We shares everything with each other like husband-wife. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide.
Ans: Dear P,
This is a confused and confusing situation that you are in. Kindly do not confuse yourself any further. She might never be able to step out of her marriage and be with you. So, are you some kind of a 'spare' person? Are you willing to play a secondary role in someone's life when you have the chance to be the primary person in a well-defined relationship?
Being friends and supporting one another is one thing; but being in a relationship that has no structure invariably causes misunderstandings, anger, disappointments and more confusion.
When she is clear that she will stick by her marriage, let this be...why wouldn't you simply be a friend who also wants to create his own life.
It's nice to live in a fantasy world and assume that this kind of an engagement will work; it's far from the truth...You are worried about destroying her disturbed life; do look into what you are doing to your life as well. Chasing behind someone who is married and intends to be in it is like chasing a ghost that will never be seen or heard but will certainly cause anguish in some form to you.
Be wise, at 42, you still can build your life that is not dependent on someone else's emotions and boundaries. You deserve a good life; so create it.

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |589 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 30, 2024

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Relationship
I am 43 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 12yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some reason they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She told me that she loves me a lot and doesn’t feel complete without me. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she dont want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a conditon to give our relationship a NAME in society. Everytimes she told me that she love me a lot and says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well. We shares everything with each other like husband-wife. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It is refreshing to see someone so selfless as you. I understand and appreciate your love and how much you are ready to sacrifice for her. However, I would like to offer a suggestion – it's crucial to prioritize your own mental and emotional health in this situation. While it's unfortunate that she is dealing with challenges in her marriage, resorting to having an affair might not be the most constructive way to cope.

I suggest that she and her husband explore the option of seeking professional help through a marriage counselor. This could help them navigate the complexities of their relationship and make an informed decision about whether to continue their marriage or part ways. In case they decide to separate, it would be valid for you two to start a relationship and pursue a happy life together. But if they decide to remain married, I fear that you might end up sacrificing your own chance at a fulfilling love life. I realize that you might be okay with it, but it isn't fair to you.

I encourage you to have an open and honest discussion with her before committing to anything, ensuring that your feelings and well-being are also taken into account.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2023

Listen
Relationship
I am 43 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 12yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some reason they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She told me that she loves me a lot and doesn’t feel complete without me. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she dont want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a conditon to give our relationship a NAME in society. Everytimes she told me that she love me a lot and says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well. We shares everything with each other like husband-wife. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide
Ans: Dear P,
This is undoubtedly a complex and emotionally challenging situation. It's important to approach it with care and consideration for both your feelings and hers. Reflect on your own feelings and desires. Consider what you want in a relationship and whether you can realistically achieve those goals in this situation Talk to her about your concerns, fears, and the impact this situation has on both of you. Discuss the future and what you both want. Ensure that you're on the same page about your expectations and the potential challenges that may arise Understand the potential consequences of continuing this relationship. Consider the impact on her family, your own well-being, and the well-being of any children involved. Be realistic about the challenges you may face. Consider the long-term implications of the relationship. If there is no possibility of it evolving into a more conventional partnership and that is something you desire, you may need to evaluate whether continuing the relationship is in your best interest Ultimately, the decision you make should align with your values, desires, and what you believe is best for your overall well-being. It may be a difficult decision to make, but taking the time to reflect, communicate, and seek guidance can help you navigate this challenging situation.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ashwini

Ashwini Dasgupta  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Personality Development Expert, Career Coach - Answered on May 16, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8459 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 16, 2025

Money
I have a Home Loan of Rs. 75 lakh outstanding and being a banker I get the Home Loan at concessional rate of 6% on simple interest basis. I have certain disposable income every month. Is it advisable to prepay the loans on monthly basis or utilize the disposable income towards other investment options?
Ans: You have a Rs. 75 lakh home loan.
You pay only 6% simple interest as a banker.
You also have disposable income each month.
Let’s now assess your situation from all angles.

Understanding the Advantage of Low Interest

Your loan is at just 6% simple interest.

This is a rare and low-cost loan benefit.

The interest amount does not compound yearly.

So your interest cost stays predictable and steady.

You already save more compared to normal borrowers.

Regular loans are at 9% to 11% with compound interest.

Let Your Money Work Harder Through Investing

Good mutual fund investments give 11% to 13% average return long term.

This return is higher than your 6% loan cost.

So your surplus funds can grow faster if invested.

This strategy builds your wealth efficiently over time.

Compounding in mutual funds works in your favour.

Reviewing Tax Savings from Loan Interest

Your loan interest gives you tax benefit under Section 24.

You can claim up to Rs. 2 lakh deduction yearly.

This lowers your income tax burden.

Prepaying the loan reduces future tax savings.

Investments like ELSS and PPF also save taxes separately.

Liquidity Is Key for Financial Confidence

Prepaying a loan reduces your cash flexibility.

But investments offer you liquidity when needed.

Financial emergencies need access to cash fast.

Mutual funds can be redeemed when required.

Don’t put all your surplus in loan prepayment.

Peace of Mind vs. Smart Wealth Building

Some people feel peace when loans are closed early.

It reduces psychological burden and improves sleep.

But low-interest loans are better kept and managed.

You can earn more on surplus money through investing.

Debt is not always bad when it’s manageable.

Balanced Strategy Is the Best Choice

Don’t choose only one route—balance is better.

Split your monthly surplus into two parts.

Use one part to invest in long-term growth plans.

Use the other part for partial prepayments once in a while.

This approach reduces debt and builds wealth together.

What You Should Do Now

Make sure you keep emergency savings of at least 6 months’ expenses.

Review your insurance and make sure your family is protected.

If you have LIC, ULIP or insurance-based investments, assess if they are worth holding.

If they underperform, consider surrendering and reinvesting into mutual funds.

Choose actively managed mutual funds via a Certified Financial Planner.

Avoid direct mutual funds if you are not monitoring regularly.

Regular mutual funds via a qualified CFP give you guidance and support.

Avoiding Common Mistakes

Don’t rush to become loan-free if loan is cheap.

Don’t ignore inflation and real return comparisons.

Don’t ignore wealth-building just to avoid loan.

Don’t stop investing for the sake of loan closure.

Don’t go for low-return instruments only for safety.

Other Pointers to Remember

Make sure your investments match your goals.

Consider children’s education and retirement goals.

Equity mutual funds are good for goals beyond 7 years.

Hybrid mutual funds suit medium-term goals like 3 to 5 years.

For short-term use, opt for liquid or ultra short-term funds.

Track your goals and adjust asset allocation regularly.

Taxation of Mutual Fund Gains

Long-term capital gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

For debt funds, both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your tax slab.

These taxes are payable only when you sell the units.

So your money grows without yearly tax deductions.

Avoid Index Funds and Direct Plans

Index funds don’t give alpha or outperformance.

They follow the market but don’t beat it.

In tough markets, they fall without support.

Active funds are managed by experienced fund managers.

Direct plans lack professional support and review.

With regular plans through a CFP, you get full handholding.

Finally

Your concessional loan is a blessing. Keep using it.

Use your disposable income to create long-term wealth.

A good plan includes both investment and prepayment.

Invest for your future. Don’t just avoid loans.

Stay liquid, stay insured, and invest smartly with professional help.

Review this plan every 6 to 12 months with a Certified Financial Planner.

Build a clear plan for family goals and retirement readiness.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8459 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2025
Money
Hi Sir, I am 47 year old with 3 kids aged 11 yr dayghter and twin sons aged 6 years. I have around. I want to retire in 3 years due to health issues. After retirement me and wife will work part time and around monthly 1 lakh combined. I have monthly expenses if around 2 lakhs now. Please advise what corpus i should have to able to retire in 3 years
Ans: You are 47 years old. You have a daughter aged 11 and twin sons aged 6. You plan to retire in 3 years due to health issues. After retirement, you and your wife will earn around Rs. 1 lakh per month from part-time work. Your current family monthly expense is around Rs. 2 lakhs.

Your situation is serious and needs careful planning. I appreciate that you are thinking well in advance. Let us look at your situation in full detail now.

Assessing Your Retirement Timeline
You want to retire at 50. That’s 3 years from now.

That gives limited time to build a full retirement corpus.

After that, you and your wife plan to earn Rs. 1 lakh per month together.

Your expenses are Rs. 2 lakh per month now. This will rise with inflation.

So, you need to fill the gap of at least Rs. 1 lakh per month post-retirement.

That gap will also grow each year due to inflation.

You also have three children. Their education and future needs must be planned.

With three young kids, your financial responsibility will last for the next 15 to 20 years.

Understanding the Expense Gap
Your expenses are Rs. 2 lakh monthly now. This is Rs. 24 lakh annually.

After retirement, part-time income will cover Rs. 1 lakh monthly.

You need Rs. 1 lakh more every month from your savings.

That’s Rs. 12 lakh per year. But this amount will grow with inflation.

In 10 years, this could easily be around Rs. 20 lakh a year or more.

In 20 years, it can be around Rs. 35 lakh or more annually.

So, your retirement corpus must be big enough to cover this rising gap.

It should also last at least 30 years, as both you and your wife may live till 80 or more.

What Should Be Your Retirement Corpus
To cover Rs. 1 lakh monthly shortfall, you need a strong investment base.

That base should grow and generate income for 30 years.

You also need to plan for children’s schooling, college, and marriage.

So, your total retirement corpus should be built with multiple goals in mind.

You may need at least Rs. 6 crore to Rs. 7 crore total corpus by age 50.

This will help you cover your lifestyle gap and also children’s future needs.

The final amount will depend on inflation, market returns, and disciplined investing.

Breaking Down Your Future Expenses
1. Lifestyle Needs

You need Rs. 2 lakh monthly today. This will rise.

After retirement, inflation will push this to Rs. 3.5 lakh to Rs. 4 lakh in 15 years.

That means higher withdrawals every year.

2. Children’s Education

Your daughter will go to college in 6 years.

Your twin sons will go to college in 11 to 12 years.

Education inflation is very high, around 8% to 10% yearly.

Private college and higher studies can cost Rs. 50 lakh to Rs. 1 crore in future.

3. Health and Medical Needs

Health issues are already a concern. Medical costs rise fast.

A single hospitalisation in the future can cost Rs. 15 lakh or more.

You must keep a separate medical emergency fund.

4. Travel, Leisure, and Emergencies

Retirement is not just about needs. It should also include wants.

You may want to travel or support family in emergencies.

Keep a buffer for these lifestyle goals.

Creating a 3-Bucket Investment Strategy
Bucket 1: Emergency and Medical Fund

Keep 12 to 18 months of expenses in this bucket.

That means Rs. 25 lakh to Rs. 30 lakh in liquid funds.

This bucket should not be touched for regular income.

Use it for medical, health, and sudden family needs.

Bucket 2: Income and Safety Bucket

This gives regular income after retirement.

Invest here in low-risk and balanced funds.

This bucket must cover 8 to 10 years of shortfall.

It must be reviewed every year and rebalanced.

Withdraw monthly through SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan).

Bucket 3: Growth Bucket

This is for long-term income.

It must stay invested for the next 10 to 15 years.

Use only actively managed equity mutual funds.

Don’t invest in index funds. They follow the market and offer no safety in a fall.

Actively managed funds are better for retirement. They reduce risk and give better return with guidance.

This bucket will support your income in the later years of retirement.

Additional Planning Tips for a Complete Strategy
1. Insurance Review

Check your health insurance. Buy a super top-up if possible.

If you have any traditional policies like LIC endowments or ULIPs, evaluate surrendering them.

Reinvest that money in mutual funds via Certified Financial Planner.

2. Avoid Index and Direct Funds

Index funds are unmanaged. They don’t protect you in a downturn.

Direct funds have no advisor support. You may exit at the wrong time.

Invest through regular mutual funds with Certified Financial Planner.

You get discipline, emotional support, and regular reviews.

3. Tax Planning

After retirement, plan all withdrawals smartly.

Equity mutual fund LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG is taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual fund gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan withdrawals in phases to manage tax.

Use SWP instead of lump sum withdrawal.

4. Estate Planning

Write a clear Will. Register it if possible.

Add nominations to all financial accounts and investments.

Discuss with your wife about all assets and accounts.

Educate your children slowly about financial basics.

5. Spending Discipline

After retirement, control lifestyle inflation.

Avoid overspending in early years.

Keep budgets for kids' education, personal care, and travel.

Review expenses every quarter.

Talk to your wife and plan joint financial goals.

How to Reach Rs. 6–7 Crore in 3 Years
This is a very short time.

You must save aggressively now.

Cut all unwanted expenses.

Increase monthly investments to the maximum.

Invest only in actively managed equity mutual funds through regular route.

Don’t keep too much in savings or FDs.

Avoid real estate as it is illiquid and low-return.

Rebalance investments every year with the help of Certified Financial Planner.

Finally
You have only 3 years to build your corpus.

You also have a big responsibility of three children.

You will work part time after retirement, which gives some cash flow.

But you must plan very carefully and very thoroughly.

Create three investment buckets to manage needs properly.

Use only actively managed mutual funds, not index or direct funds.

Avoid risky shortcuts and always review plans every year.

With health concerns and young kids, long-term planning is critical.

Your retirement is not the end of income. It is the beginning of financial wisdom.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1236 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on May 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 15, 2025
Money
Sir , i am 29 year old male currently earning 1.4 lakh per month in hand salary and 60 thousands per month (side income which is temporary for few more years may be 2 years). I have 31.5 lakhs home loan with 9.5 % floating interest for 18 years. Personal loan of 1.4 lakh with 11% interest 7 months remaining. Gold loan of 2 lakh with due date in 10 months. Every month i am paying emis of 31000 home loan 21000 personal loan (7 more months) 23000 chit fund(6 more months) I have 4.5 lakh mutual/stocks investments. Gold worth 1 lakh and no Fixed deposits. I have Chit fund ( with friends ) which expires in 6 months with 5 lakhs amount. I have an Term policy of 1 crore for which i pay premium of 35k annually for 5 more years. I had planned a wedding in one year with 10 lakh expenditure. I have zero emergency fund like fd or any other savings Please guide me best option for better investment ,emergency fund and to have a comfortable corpus till i retire by the year 2040. Till now i have no savings in whatever form it is Iam unmarried
Ans: Hello;

You need to put aside amount worth 6-8 months regular expense coverage and keep it aside in a liquid fund or a savings account.

Do invest in NPS for your retirement planning. It is the best tool available from cost, returns, tax point of view.

Only thing to be borne in mind is NPS allows very restricted withdrawals over its entire span, subject to T&C, because it's a product meant for retirement.

Except home loan all your loans are getting settled in less than a year so it's okay but never ever use loan as source of funds for personal needs.

Also avoid investing in chit funds because they have a high risk and hence promise of higher returns.

Also start systematic investments in mutual funds through monthly sip's as per your goals and risk appetite.

The MF/stock holding and chit fund money return(5 L) will take care of your marital expenses.

Happy Investing;

...Read more

Ashwini

Ashwini Dasgupta  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Personality Development Expert, Career Coach - Answered on May 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2025
Career
Hi Ashwini, I am a 29 yr old marketing executive, and I tend to take negative feedback very personally, even when it's constructive. For example, last month, my manager said my presentation was all over the place and lacked clarity. Though she meant it to help me improve, I kept replaying it in my mind for days and started doubting my abilities.
Ans: Dear Sir/ Madam,

As humans we bound to overthink and question back and self-doubt. It's important to process the emotions then accumulating.

Try this the next time you feel negative-

Firstly, negativity or any feeling is just an emotion and every emotion is giving you feedback so that you can take can action. So, it works like a feedback mechanism.
Now, in the above situation where your manager said the presentation was all over the place or lacked clarity- it meant you should present the same from his perspective or from the audience’s perspective. As the person who is going to see the presentation should be able to understand and be in the same alignment as you are.

Have a discussion with your manager and ask where all did, he/she feels the presentation lacked clarity, ask what else you should have looked at to make it more valuable etc.

Once you get the feedback go back to the presentation and relook from his/ her perspective now then possibly that would make sense to you.

Idea is to process the information and see how you can make it better. Self-doubt is ok to have as it will help you relook but if you are sulking in that emotion, it will spiral down which is what happens most often. So, the next time when you get negative feedback look at from a perspective of working on yourself to be even better.

If you were not good then you wouldn't be in that job in first place. Remember that.

Thanks
Ashwini
Maverick Minds
www.ashwinidasgupta.com

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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