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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |281 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 20, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I am 40 yr old woman. I am staying with my husband who always doubt me without any reason. As he is dependent on me. He is jobless from last 5 yr. I am the only earning person I don't have any type of attitude. While balancing professional as well as personal life I use to listen his bitter words every day. Not only that he started beating me like anything Just coz of so-called reputation I tolerate him. But 7 months back I came across with a man in my life we both started liking each other, I shared everything with him. But he left his job due to some issues with manager and started working somewhere else. He started ignoring me. Please help me out to understand what is right and wrong in this?

Ans: Balancing the pressures of professional life with the strain of an abusive marriage is a heavy burden, and you deserve to feel safe, respected, and valued.

Your husband's behavior—doubting you without cause, subjecting you to daily verbal abuse, and physically harming you—is deeply troubling and completely unacceptable. It's important to acknowledge that no matter the circumstances, you do not deserve to be treated this way. The fear of societal judgment and concerns about reputation are common reasons people stay in harmful relationships, but your well-being and safety are far more important than maintaining appearances.

Meeting someone who offers emotional support when you’re in such a painful situation is understandable. It’s natural to seek comfort and a connection when you're feeling isolated and mistreated. However, the new man's recent behavior, where he started ignoring you after changing jobs, might feel like another layer of abandonment. This is especially tough because you opened up and shared your struggles with him, hoping for understanding and companionship.

In terms of what’s right and wrong, it's essential to focus on your needs and well-being. Staying in an abusive relationship is harmful to your physical and emotional health. You have the right to seek safety and happiness. The relationship with the new man might have provided temporary emotional relief, but it seems he's not able to be the supportive presence you hoped for, especially now when he’s pulling away.
Right now, focus on what you need to feel safe and supported. Consider reaching out to trusted friends, family, or professional services who can help you navigate this challenging time. You deserve a life free from fear and filled with respect and care. Prioritizing your own happiness and safety is the most important step forward.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1040 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2023

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Relationship
Hi I am 38 year married woman with one 12yr boy and living in joint family. I am doing everything very honestly and sincerely as a lady does as housewife but I never got love, respect as wife from my husband and few years after our marriage I had seen changes in his behavior and day by day he is getting very rude towards me. So I decided to enquire the reason behind these and came to know that he is having affairs with someone whom he is treating as his wife and giving everything to her as his wife and also wants to marry her. I told these to our parents and after talking with him he assured of not continuing the affair. But after that incident I had not seen any change in his behavior and still acting in the same way. I told these to my parents but because of some compulsion I decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is but these is very difficult for me to accept these and continue these relationship. In my schooldays I likes a boy, we love each other but after my marriage we had never been in contact with each other and he also not contacted me respecting my decision.But after these incident I contacted him to know how he is and came to know that he is still unmarried and waiting for me and I told him about my married life.As he loves me very much and still wants me as his wife and told me that he will accept me as I am. As I also loves him a lot and after knowing that he is still waiting for me its become very difficult for me live without him . I remain honest in my married life but after these incident I dont want to live here and also unable to leave because of family condition and also because of the society we lived in but now its became very difficult for me to continue these married life. We shares everything with each other . He respects me and my feelings and loves me a lot and I feel that he is always there for me and will support me in all respect. Kindly guide me what shall I do.
Ans: Dear P.
Never use a current situation to justify a new relationship. You are simply using the new relationship as a distraction from the old unsuccessful one.
Any reason why you had decided to accept your husband's affair?

You have not moved past your marriage to be able to handle another relationship. First things first...
1. What happens to your son in this confusion?
2. Have you decided to separate/divorce your husband before pursuing the new person?
3. Is the new person willing to accept your son and understand that he is a part of all this?
4. Are you living some unfulfilled dream with this man from your past?
5. Are you running away from the pain of your marriage and seeking solace in the new person?

Kindly answer these questions before you jump from one relationship to another. It will save you a lot of heartache and trouble.
Relationships are not something to be used to escape from and into BUT something to be grown into and grown from.

All the best!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

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Relationship
Hi I am 39 year married woman with one 13yr boy and living in joint family. I am doing everything very honestly and sincerely as housewife but I never got love respect as wife from my husband and few years after our marriage I had seen changes in his behavior and day by day he is getting very rude towards me. So I decided to enquire the reason behind these and came to know that he is having affair with someone whom he is treating as his wife and giving everything to her as his wife and also wants to marry her. I told these to both of our parents and after talking with him he assured of not continuing the affair. But after that incident I had not seen any change in his behavior and still acting in the same way. I told these to my parents but because of some compulsion we both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is but these is very difficult for me to accept these and continue these relationship. In my schooldays I likes a boy, we love each other but after my marriage we had never been in contact with each other and he also not contacted me .But after these incident and during Corona I contacted him to know how he is and came to know that he is still unmarried and waiting for me and I told him about my married life.As he loves me very much and still wants me as his wife and told me that he will accept me as I am. As I also loves him a lot and after knowing that he is still waiting for me its become very difficult for me live without him as now i doesn’t feel complete without him. I remain honest in my married life but after these incident I dont want to live here and also unable to leave because of family condition and also because of the society we lived in. We shares everything with each other . He respects me and my feelings and loves me a lot and I feel that he is always there for me and will support me in all respect. Kindly guide
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. It sounds like you're in a very complex situation, and I'm not qualified to give you advice on personal or emotional matters. However, I can offer some general information that may be helpful.

It's important to remember that you're not alone in this. Many people go through difficult times in their marriages, and there are resources available to help you cope. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with support and guidance as you work through your challenges.

If you're thinking about leaving your marriage, it's important to weigh all of your options carefully and consider the potential consequences of your decision. You may want to talk to a lawyer or financial advisor to get advice on what your rights and options are.

Ultimately, the decision of what to do is up to you. There is no right or wrong answer, and what works for one person may not work for another. However, it's important to make your decision based on what is best for you and your family.

I hope this information is helpful. Please remember that you're not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1040 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed. But i dont love him. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022 i had communication with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him about my marriage, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me doing wrong, told me to not do. But still i want to continue and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. I am doing correct or not please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The fact that you are asking me whether it is correct or not shows that you are absolutely questioning yourself...
You yourself said that your husband loves you more than anything...then what makes you go around in circles searching for love and attention outside? Obviously you are unable to appreciate what you have...when you can't see that you have a stable life, all you think of doing is thinking of the boyfriend who did not accept you and the young boy who all of 23 is immature and financially unstable with who you want to live with!
Are things described in a nutshell now? You are free to make your choices but also know that you will have to bear the consequences.
At 23,
What sort of a life ahead he visualized for himself?
Does it include you?
What is the guarantee that he will not meet younger women later on?
And if you wish to start a family considering that he is already 23, does he have the capability to support you and the baby?
- Have you considered all of this?
Kindly step up for yourself and start thinking rather than running around in a scattered way looking for someone else to make you happy...

All the best!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love me more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed also. We dont have kids because i never loved my husband. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured me that he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022, i used to communicate with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately, in Sept 2023, i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him, told i am not married, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me cheating with him in whatsapp messages, told me to not do. But still i went ahead to continue my relationship with this young guy and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. My parents and family love and respect my husband like their own son. I am doing correct or not please suggest me.
Ans: No you certainly are not “doing correct”! Here’s a good man who loves you and treats you well and has forgiven your indiscretions and still you want someone else? You agreed to marry, right - no one put a gun to your head. Now honour that commitment and stop being so fickle-minded. At 23, your boyfriend is really young and immature. Right now you’re all hot and heavy, but give it a minute; realistically your relationship is unlikely to survive in the long run. And you want to hurt your husband and walk out on your marriage for nothing…he’s only ever treated you right. Don’t be a fool!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4830 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4830 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

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Money
I am a salaried person My take home earning is 39.5K I have two daughter out of which elder one has completed teenage and second is teenager now. I am living on rent Please Suggest Some SIP funds name along with amount suggestion so that I can make my own home in next 10 years along with family liabilities. MY savings would be about 10 L - 11 L within six months.
Ans: You earn Rs. 39,500 per month. You have two daughters, one in her teens and the other has completed her teenage years. You live on rent and aim to buy a home in the next 10 years. Your savings will be about Rs. 10-11 lakhs within six months.

Investment Strategy
Monthly SIP Allocation
Given your goal of buying a home in 10 years, consider the following SIP allocations:

Large-Cap Funds: Allocate Rs. 5,000 monthly. These funds provide stability and steady returns.

Multi-Cap Funds: Allocate Rs. 5,000 monthly. These funds balance investments across different market capitalizations.

Hybrid Funds: Allocate Rs. 5,000 monthly. These funds mix equity and debt, balancing risk and return.

Mid-Cap Funds: Allocate Rs. 2,000 monthly. These funds offer higher growth potential with moderate risk.

Small-Cap Funds: Allocate Rs. 2,000 monthly. These funds can yield high returns but are riskier.

Lump Sum Investment
When your savings reach Rs. 10-11 lakhs, invest a portion in mutual funds and keep some as an emergency fund.

Emergency Fund: Keep Rs. 2-3 lakhs in a high-interest savings account or liquid fund.

Equity Mutual Funds: Invest Rs. 5 lakhs in a combination of large-cap, multi-cap, and mid-cap funds.

Debt Funds: Invest Rs. 2-3 lakhs in short-term debt funds for stability and moderate returns.

Diversification and Risk Management
Diversify Investments: Ensure your investments are spread across different asset classes to reduce risk.

Regular Monitoring: Review your investments periodically to ensure they are aligned with your goals.

Professional Advice
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner. They can help tailor a plan to your specific needs and risk tolerance.

Final Insights
Start monthly SIPs in a diversified portfolio.

Allocate lump sum savings wisely.

Diversify investments to manage risk.

Regularly monitor your investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4830 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 41 single female ,no kids, no dependents with no ancestral/ property for self. Just started MF 13k a month (in axis small cap 5k, axis flexi cap 5k & axis bluchip 3k) , PPF has 5L , NPS(T1) has 3L balance.PPF 8.5k a month & 6K in NPS are monthly investments apart from SIP. I m living on rent 21k a month . no EPF balance . Monthly fixed expenses are 70k , car loan & card emi 40k .I make about 1.4L a month. Have health insurance for 1cr . How much more should I invest on monthly basis to have a good retirement? Also the dilema of buying a house flat is always, as there are no dependents/ don't see any in future..no marriage plans in future too. So is it okay to stay on rent ? I have no other savings from the one mentioned above. I have utilised 80 C & 80 D investments completely car insurance & health insurance is about 60k a year
Ans: Current Financial Position

You have a well-structured investment plan with mutual funds, PPF, and NPS. Your monthly investments are focused on SIPs and contributions to PPF and NPS.

Investment Goals

Retirement Planning: Building a comfortable retirement corpus.

Debt Management: Paying off your car loan and credit card EMIs.

Housing Decision: Deciding between renting and buying a house.

Assessment of Current Investments

Mutual Funds (Rs 13,000 per month): You are investing in small cap, flexi cap, and bluechip funds. This provides a mix of high growth potential and stability.

PPF (Rs 5 lakhs): Offers safety and tax benefits. Your monthly contribution is Rs 8,500, which is good for long-term growth.

NPS (Rs 3 lakhs): Provides an additional retirement corpus with tax benefits. Your monthly contribution is Rs 6,000.

Recommendations

1. Increase Monthly Investments

To achieve a good retirement corpus, increase your monthly investments. Aim to save and invest at least 30% of your income. This means increasing your monthly investments to around Rs 42,000.

2. Focus on Debt Management

Prioritize paying off your car loan and credit card EMIs. This will free up funds for additional investments and reduce financial stress.

3. Housing Decision

Renting is a viable option if you do not have dependents and no plans to marry. It provides flexibility and avoids the long-term commitment of a home loan. Investing the funds instead of buying a house can potentially yield better returns.

4. Diversify Your Portfolio

While your mutual funds are well-chosen, consider adding a few more diversified funds to spread risk. Avoid direct funds; instead, invest through a Certified Financial Planner for better management and advice.

5. Maximize Tax Benefits

You are utilizing Section 80C and 80D benefits. Continue to do so and explore other tax-saving investments that align with your goals.

Final Insights

Your financial planning is on the right track. Focus on increasing investments and paying off debt. Renting is a practical choice given your circumstances. A diversified and well-managed investment portfolio will ensure a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4830 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello, I am 39 and I earn 1.5 lacs per month after Tax and Mandatory PF deduction. I have a total Loan EMI of around ?60,000 which will continue for the next 9 yrs. I have 38 lacs in provident Fund, 5 lacs in PPF, 5 lacs in Bank FD and 15 lacs in Equity MF(?40000/- SIP in 5 Different High Risk Portfolio). I am planning to retire at 50. Kindly guide me how to reach ?3 Crore Corpus Savings/Investment in the quickest possible way.?
Ans: Current Financial Overview
You earn Rs. 1.5 lakhs per month. You have a loan EMI of Rs. 60,000 for the next nine years. Your savings include Rs. 38 lakhs in provident fund, Rs. 5 lakhs in PPF, Rs. 5 lakhs in FD, and Rs. 15 lakhs in equity mutual funds. You invest Rs. 40,000 monthly in high-risk SIPs.

Goal Assessment
You aim to retire at 50 with a Rs. 3 crore corpus. Let's strategize to achieve this goal.

Investment Strategy
Increase SIP Contributions
To reach your goal, consider increasing your SIP contributions. Allocate more funds to a mix of mutual funds with varying risk profiles.

Large-Cap Funds: For stability and steady growth.

Multi-Cap Funds: For balanced exposure across market capitalizations.

Hybrid Funds: For a mix of equity and debt, balancing risk and return.

Increase your SIP contribution as your income grows or expenses reduce.

Optimize Current Investments
Provident Fund
Your provident fund is a strong base. Continue contributing to it for tax benefits and steady returns.

PPF and FD
PPF and FD offer safety but lower returns. Consider moving some FD funds to equity mutual funds for higher growth.

Debt Management
Loan Repayment
Prioritize repaying high-interest loans first. Consider refinancing to reduce interest rates. This will free up more funds for investment.

Diversification and Risk Management
Avoid Overconcentration
Ensure your investments are diversified. Avoid overconcentration in high-risk funds. Balance your portfolio with low and medium-risk investments.

Professional Advice
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner. They can help tailor a plan to your specific needs and risk tolerance.

Final Insights
Increase SIP contributions in a diversified portfolio.

Balance high-risk funds with stable investments.

Optimize existing investments for better returns.

Focus on debt repayment to free up funds.

Consider professional financial advice for a tailored plan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4830 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi I need advice from you. After 18.5 years of experience corporate sector, I lost my job recently. I am now in a confusion state that, should I again try for job ? or do business/ small job ? Currently my MF portfolio is 1 Cr ( Quant small 70 lakhs , HDFc mid cap 20 lakhs , Nippon small cap 8 lakhs, Canara roboco ELSS 2 lakhs) , having 10% profit as on date Also , I am planning to sell a land which is not growing as expected ( Approx 20 lakhs ) I have 2 houses , would like to sell one , ( Approx 50 lakhs ) Planning to Move all these funds into mutual funds With approx 1.7 cr, can I retire?
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
You have significant investments and assets. Your mutual fund portfolio is Rs. 1 crore with a 10% profit. You plan to sell land for Rs. 20 lakhs and a house for Rs. 50 lakhs, totaling an additional Rs. 70 lakhs. This would bring your total available funds to Rs. 1.7 crore.

Considering Retirement Feasibility
Living Expenses
To assess if you can retire, estimate your monthly living expenses. Include housing, food, healthcare, insurance, and leisure. For a comfortable retirement, consider inflation and increasing medical costs.

Withdrawal Rate
A safe withdrawal rate is around 4% per year. With Rs. 1.7 crore, you could withdraw Rs. 6.8 lakhs annually, or around Rs. 56,000 monthly. Ensure this aligns with your expected expenses.

Reinvestment Strategy
Diversified Mutual Funds
Consider reallocating your investments for diversification and risk management. Your current portfolio is heavily skewed towards small and mid-cap funds.

Large-Cap Funds: Include these for stability and steady returns.

Multi-Cap Funds: Offer exposure across market capitalizations, balancing risk and reward.

Hybrid Funds: Invest in both equity and debt for balanced growth and stability.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Consider an SWP for regular income. This will provide a steady cash flow while keeping your principal invested.

Alternative Options
Starting a Business
Starting a business can be rewarding but involves risks. Consider your interests, market demand, and initial investment. A small job could also provide income and maintain financial stability.

Seeking Employment
Returning to a corporate job can provide stability and benefits. It can also help you grow your retirement corpus further before fully retiring.

Final Insights
Evaluate your monthly expenses and future financial needs. Reallocate your portfolio for diversification. Consider an SWP for steady income. Explore small jobs or business opportunities, but weigh the risks. Returning to a corporate job can offer stability and growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4830 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hii...I am 32 and having 1 daughter of 3 years. I am currently working in a PSB with having salary of appx. 1.20 lac. My protfolios- 1. Shares- 4 lac 2. MF- 8 lacs 3. PPF- 10 lacs 4. Sukanya- 4 lacs 5. FD- 4 lacs 6. Property- 100 lacs Please suggest me for best investment plans.
Ans: Current Financial Position

You have a good salary and a well-diversified portfolio. Your investments include shares, mutual funds, PPF, Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana, FD, and property.

Investment Goals

Child’s Education and Marriage: Planning for your daughter's future.

Retirement: Building a corpus for a comfortable retirement.

Wealth Growth: Maximizing returns while managing risk.

Portfolio Assessment

Shares (Rs. 4 lakhs): Good for long-term growth but carry higher risk.

Mutual Funds (Rs. 8 lakhs): Provide diversified exposure. Consider actively managed funds for better returns.

PPF (Rs. 10 lakhs): Safe investment with tax benefits. Suitable for long-term goals.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (Rs. 4 lakhs): Excellent for your daughter’s future. Offers high interest and tax benefits.

Fixed Deposits (Rs. 4 lakhs): Safe but lower returns. Use for short-term needs and emergencies.

Property (Rs. 100 lakhs): Significant asset but consider its liquidity and maintenance costs.

Recommendations

1. Increase SIP Investments

Regularly invest in SIPs. Choose diversified equity and balanced funds. Aim to increase your SIP amount by 10% each year.

2. Child’s Education and Marriage Planning

Continue investing in Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana. Consider child-focused mutual funds. These funds align with educational goals and future expenses.

3. Retirement Planning

PPF is a good start. Supplement it with mutual funds. Consider a mix of equity and balanced funds for growth and stability.

4. Portfolio Diversification

Maintain a diversified portfolio. This spreads risk and maximizes returns. Balance between equity, debt, and government schemes.

5. Active Fund Management

Avoid direct funds. Use regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner. They offer professional management and better guidance.

6. Minimize Real Estate Investment

Real estate is illiquid and requires maintenance. Focus on more liquid investments like mutual funds and PPF.

Final Insights

You have a strong financial base. Enhance it with disciplined SIP investments and diversified funds. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice and active fund management.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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